Ever been really hurt by a 'friend' that you

[HOGFAN]

discontinued the friendship? I have some health problems that I shared with this friend that even my spouse didnt know about. I made a doctors appointment and asked her to go with me. She said "it depends". It really took alot for me to ask her in the first place because I usually try to not depend on others too much. If she had asked me the same question I would have said "tell me when and where". A couple other times she has really hurt my feelings and I wonder why I stay in the friendship.

 

[autumnpalm]

Yes, absolutely.

I lost a friend of almost 20 years recently. It's one of the hardest things I've gone through, we were incredibly close. However she blamed me for situations in my life that were out of my control... and felt that I cared more about them than our friendship. It's such a painful experience.

 

[BelleWDW]

Sorry, but I would never tell a friend something about my health before my husband.Honestly, I would not want to get super involved in delicate Health issues of another person i wasn't related to. But that's just me.

 

[lustergirl]

Been there did that. I used to be close to a coworker at a previous job. I got a promotion that she thought she should of and she stopped talking to me. I was hurt.

 

[Buckalew11]

I think the issue here is more about the fact that she wasn't making time for you as a friend when you needed her. I'm dealing with it and I'll just tell you, it is a very long term freindship that is dying a slow death. I've come to terms with it and have decided not to look back too much. She took a lot and offered little. I've been really hurt byt this but I will tell you, I have true friends that really do care and once I really saw the difference in how my other friends give and take and it is all more even, it makes me relieved almost because I felt like the life was being sucked out of me.

 

[imabrat]

Sorry, but I would never tell a friend something about my health before my husband.Honestly, I would not want to get super involved in delicate Health issues of another person i wasn't related to. But that's just me.

I would. My BFFs are like sisters to me and I would tell them everything. There are certain things a spouse might not understand.

OP, yes I have and I'm sorry it's happening to you. I was diagnosed with cancer and said best friend (we'd been very close for about 3 years) went around telling everyone I was a "dumb (bleep)", I was faking the whole thing and just looking for attention. I had to stop all communication with her because I wouldn't subject myself to that negativity. She never reciprocated.
About 9 months ago, she was (fortunately) misdiagnosed with the same thing I had. I'm glad she didn't have it, but I hope she learned the pain she'd caused me. Maybe it was karma, maybe it was something else. I don't know, but I still don't talk to her.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. It sucks big time, but you will get through it.

 

[Imzadi]

A couple other times she has really hurt my feelings and I wonder why I stay in the friendship.

So why do you stay friends with her? Are you expecting her to change? There must be some payoffs to staying friends with her in spite of the times she's hurt you and let you down.

 

[HOGFAN]

I think the issue here is more about the fact that she wasn't making time for you as a friend when you needed her. I'm dealing with it and I'll just tell you, it is a very long term freindship that is dying a slow death. I've come to terms with it and have decided not to look back too much. She took a lot and offered little. I've been really hurt byt this but I will tell you, I have true friends that really do care and once I really saw the difference in how my other friends give and take and it is all more even, it makes me relieved almost because I felt like the life was being sucked out of me.

Exactly. DH is aware of this particular heath problem, just not the depth of it. To be more exact, I am having mini-seizures or anxiety attacks. Friend is also a coworker and so has seen more of these 'episodes' than anyone else. I really needed her to describe them to the doctor so he could figure it out. I just felt really let down.

 

[Inigo]

My best friend ever (or at least I thought so) and I were really close. We talked about everything, did so many things together, and promised we would always be there for each other.

Out of the blue last year, she decided she couldn't be my friend anymore because I wouldn't become a christian. Neither one of us was going through any great spiritual awakening or anything. I have always been agnostic during our entire relationship, and she has always attended church regularly. We had decided years ago that it was a non-issue for us. Let me repeat that: We have discussed religion many times over the years, and had decided it was a non-issue for our friendship.

She said what she had was so wonderful, she wanted me to have that too. I told her I researched different denominations, did a lot of soul searching, and I couldn't be anything other than agnostic. I told her I wasn't going to try to turn her into a godless heathen or anything else. She kept preaching to me, and preaching to me, and finally cut off all contact.

Yes, I miss her, but I can't lie and say I believe just to make her happy.

 

[MinnieTink]

Yes, this HAS happened to me a few times. Not with anyone I would consider my BEST friend, but a friend none-the-less. I find many people don't value friendship as much as I do. And many are so competitive that, even in adulthood, they still play one "friend" over another. So middle-schoolish. I have one friend now who I trust with all my heart, the rest I have to keep at arms length.

When you find a real friend, a true best friend, hold them tight and love them. I think it is really rare to find someone that one may call a "best friend." (a term that may be used too loosely by some people). I am 37 years old now. The best friend I will ever have died of cancer when we were 21 years old. There is not a day in the past (almost) 16 years that she doesn't enter my mind. Those are the people to care about. Don't worry about the others. "So called friends" come and go throughout your whole life.

I hope you do well with your health issue and just remember where this "friend" stands in the grand scheme of things.

 

[PaulaSue]

Someone who I thought was a Good Friend ended up Harassing me and threatening my girls. Threats both strange and sexual in nature. It took a while to figure out who it was especially since I never thought it could have been someone close to me. TG for the cops and phone records!

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

discontinued the friendship? I have some health problems that I shared with this friend that even my spouse didnt know about. I made a doctors appointment and asked her to go with me. She said "it depends". It really took alot for me to ask her in the first place because I usually try to not depend on others too much. If she had asked me the same question I would have said "tell me when and where". A couple other times she has really hurt my feelings and I wonder why I stay in the friendship.

I'm sorry you had to experience this~
I had to end a long friendship when I was very ill.
Know it will hurt but you will be better off without this "friend".

 

[imabrat]

The best friend I will ever have died of cancer when we were 21 years old. There is not a day in the past (almost) 16 years that she doesn't enter my mind.

 

[Sparx]

i ended several friendships, very recently, for the same (albeit not word for word) causes you've mentioned in your post, op.

it will hurt now, but you will feel so much more free of their negativity once you let go of them.

good luck.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I would talk to your friend about it.

Not everyone process serious news in the same way.

I have a friend that I wonder about time. We are good friends and I often wondered if she would be there when I needed it.

One night while pregnant with my son, I had a bleed necessitating a run to the ER and my husband was out of town. I called her up--now she had been drinking....but her husband was home and I just needed help with the kids. So she decided to go with me to the hospital while her hubby watched the kids.

I did drive--and she was extremely funny and great to have around that night. Everything turned out fine.

But sometimes when I try to "plan" that I need her for something--she never seems available.

But when I need her at a moment's notice-she's there.

I'd chat with your friend.


*******
I've been dumped by a (different) friend. To this day I am confused as to why. She called me patronizing. Turns out she is one of those types who ALWAYS has people over and EXPECTS reciprocation. She was several years older than me and I was newly married and it wasn't something I was used to.

Getting dumped was completely unexpected and was done so quite harshly (she demanded maternity clothes she had loaned me back. So I promptly returned them and went shopping--only to be later told that she didn't mean immediately. However her very mean words indicated otherwise).

To this day I still mourn the loss of that friendship b/c she never bought ANY issue to my attention.

So now I tread carefully in ALL friendships.

I just wish she was enough of a friend to clue me in. What she did was callous, cold, and mean. I did learn some lessons and over 10 years later I haven't been dumped by anyone else.

Talk to your friend before your dump her. She may not have realized the impact of her words on you. Not everyone can drop everything in the name of friendship regardless of what the matter is.

for what you are going through. Give your friend another chance to help you through this difficult time.

 

[chell]

She isn't worth you wasting your time or energy on then. I'm so sorry. I understand why you would want her to go with you to the doctor, especially if she sees what happens. Even if she doesn't see it I would understand, sometimes it is helpful to have a friend by your side.

I hope when you go to the doctor it turns out to just be a little too much stress and something that will quickly go away.

You do need to let her go as a friend. Being a co-worker will make it more difficult though.

It was interesting for me to open this thread because I just read an update online from someone who spent the evening with one of my friends. Last night I had asked this friend to stop by my house for 5 minutes to see our new kitten but she couldn't because she was too busy house sitting. Come to find out she also went to a play with someone else after checking on the animals, but couldn't make 5 minutes for me. That made me feel bad and I'm starting to feel like she only has time for me when she wants to. So I was feeling down in the friend department when I got here.

 

[KirstenB]

I've been burned a few times, probably like everyone has. The other day, someone emailed me, for yet another favor. The only time I hear from her is when she needs me to watch her son. It irritated me, and I stopped a minute to think about it. There are many friends who could call me at 3 am, and I'd ask, "how can I help?" That's because it's a 2 way friendship. I'd do anything for them. I'm sorry your friend wasn't there for you.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I have to be honest and say I wouldn't write off this friend for saying depends. The reason I say this is because of an experience I had not too long ago. A DF of mine had to go through 3 knee surgeries recently. I was with her for all of them, brought her to Physical Therapy Appointments and helped nurse her back to health. No biggie, it's what people are SUPPOSED to do for each other isn't it, I even do it for strangers at Church so helping a friend was nothing. Anyway, she had a big appointment in NYC and I offered to go with he so her DH didn't need to take off of work because he had already lost way too many days for the surgery and post-op care. Well when we got there I was expecting to wait in the waiting room until she was done, because to me that is an appropriate boundary. But when the Nurse called her back DF wanted me to join her, at first I said No but then felt obligated to go in. Well, I can't tell you how uncomfortable that made me. I felt I was totally out of place, almost eaves dropping on a personal and private conversation. Then when DF started talking about the meds she was taking for Depression all I wanted to be swallowed up into the floor. It's not that I didn't know she was on the meds and all but the conversation was waaaayyyy too intimate for me. I didn't tell my friend but this is how I felt. Because of this I might be tempted to tell a friend, "Depends" in a situation like you are explaining. It might not be that she doesn't want to be there, because heaven knows I really did want to be a support for my friend, but it might be that her personal boundaries are different from yours. You said you want her to go in with you and actually talk to your DR for you. I can't say I'd be comfortable with that at all and it has nothing to do with how much I care for the other person... like I said its all about personal boundaries. The only Dr's I want to see belong to me, my DH and my kids.

Ok, that's my 2 cents even though I seem to be at odds with other people.n No matter what happens here is a because your feelings were hurt

 

[themilesfamily]

Ooops, editing because I misread your post.

Just offering some hugs for what you're going through!!!

 

[NJMomma]

I was in this situation as well....

I was friends with this person since 5th grade. Over the years, she made some choices I didn't approve of, but I stuck by her. When my son (her god son) was diagnosed with autism, her reaction was something to the effect of "Well, he wouldn't be like that if you stopped babying him"! She never understood his diagnosis, or how emotional it was for me. She always thought I could punish the autism out of him, and she encouraged corporal punishment as a solution as well. I stopped trying to maintain the friendship, because I just didn't need her negative input any more.

It got to be that we were friends more because we always had been, instead of really liking each other.

It's been years later, and I don't regret drifting apart. I don't wish her ill. It's rough at first and can be lonely, but it was the right decision for me.