Ever been really hurt by a 'friend' that you

[kristen821]

It's depends on what she meant by "it depends" Did she give a reason on why "it depends"

 

[Serena]

yeah, I was friends with a couple for a decade. She decided she liked my husband and encouraged the break up of my marriage. Her ex-husband, wanting revenge I suspect, decided he wanted me wouldn't take no for an answer. He turned into a stalker for a while.
So, I lost a husband and 2 friends just that fast.
Another time it was because of a difference of opinion and on how to treat people. It's terrible losing friends.

 

[nerdylightbulb]

Some girl that I knew from a different website let one of her other "friends" yell at me over something that was no big deal. Naturally, I got angry. We (my sister and I) had been text messaging her, so my sister told her how hurt I was that she let the other girl be so rude to me. The girl blamed it on me. So then, in a moment of TOTAL maturity, we decided to prank call her. We got a recording for Northwest Insurance. So we repeatedly called the number, convinced we had the wrong one. But it kept going there. we told my parents and we all came to the collective conclusion that "she" probably was an old creeper using the internet to route text messages through a call center.


As for the OP,

 

[bumbershoot]

It's depends on what she meant by "it depends" Did she give a reason on why "it depends"

That exactly.

Friend is also a coworker and so has seen more of these 'episodes' than anyone else. I really needed her to describe them to the doctor so he could figure it out. I just felt really let down.

Does she know this? Did she say that she could describe them? Maybe she can't; maybe she's not paying close enough attention to describe them.




What you've described, especially since you don't have the answer (as far as we know) to "what does it depend on" and "can you or do you want to describe what happens", is NOT worth ending a friendship over. IMO even to be a good person you have to ask her those questions, you have to give her more chances.

I've had two friends drop me for, well, reasons I'm still not totally sure of. One, I was feeling guilty about b/c it seemed I may have gotten involved wiht the guy she wanted...but she *repeatedly* insisted she wasn't interested; he used to date her sister (sis dumped him) and she said she wouldn't date someone who dated her sister or a friend (I realized later she'd dated at least TWO of my casual exes, so, whatever), that it was a non-issue for every reason. But as soon as I started dating him, boom, door closed. I talked to a mutual friend a few years later, and SHE was telling the story that...she stopped our friendship because I couldn't deal with her realizing she was gay...uh...since THAT moment was the moment I realized she was gay, I don't think that's the reason our friendship ended! And my goodness, her dropping guys would have made our relationship a million times better, since we were always interested in the same one, and it was always a competition.

The other friend...she needed more from me at a time that I had nothing to give. I laid out my ground rules of "where" I would be (email, phone, but not in a journal I had) and she COULD NOT deal with that b/c it didn't match HER ground rules. Instead of realizing that maybe we could just put things on a back burner, she called me out quite rudely. She was SO mean that I had my husband read her emails and tell me the basics, I had him write back, letting her know that HE was writing, and then she tried to start a fight between me and my husband, telling tales on what I'd written online. Well hubby has open access to whatever I write; the things I wrote about, I'd already talked to him about, it was a complete non-issue, and it was really pathetic for her to do that...but she tried all the same. This was 2 years ago, and hubby has let slip some more nasty things she said in the email, about how she felt that hubby was controlling me by answering...when I was asking him to do something outside of his comfort zone and protect me from her very mean words. It was ridiculous, and not fair, and she took 4 other friends "with" her, AND dumped a mutual friend b/c they were afraid that things would get back to me.

I tell you, we are all in our 30s, and it was so stupid.

Oh, and she was 100% sure that I was clinically depressed, but her response to that was to dump me. And take those other friends. Interesting response to someone you think is depressed! And I wasn't depressed, I was in a bummed mode for awhile, and I was taking that break from online because the stuff online was making me MORE bummed...I was taking care of my self, making sure I was OK, but it didn't mesh with HER response to people thinking she was depressed (she didn't think so, but her family did, so she drugged herself), so she dropped me.

So stupid.


Anyway, "it depends" is not worth ending a friendship. Because...it does depend! She, I'm sure, has other things going on in her life. My friend had a liver transplant back in March, and I haven't been able to drop my family to tend to her...she has a vast support network, and each person has had things that they have to attend to other than her, so someone else would step up. It doesn't mean we don't love her to pieces (though honestly it would be good if she'd become "whole" but her portal vein isn't playing well with others right now), it just means that availability for one thing does indeed depend on other things.

Get the whole answer. I hope you get this all worked out, and...tell your husband. Hubby and I would be livid with each other if we found out the other had held back scary info about our health.

 

[hulagirl87]

I have ended a friendship as well. While it was hard, I know it was the best thing. My friend was disrespectful and we always had to do things on her terms. It was frustrating and a little draining. There are times when I wish we were still friends, but remembering the way things used to be reminds me that I did the right thing.

To the OP, I'm sorry that you are going through this and hugs to you

 

[ericamanda01]

I have ended a relationship because the friend was toxic. Her constant nasty comments and negative attitude reached a boiling point and I just stopped talking to her. It was hard but it has been worth it. It's been just over a year and I have to say that I value the real friendship I now have. It's hard to see what a good friend should be when you have a bad one in the way.

 

[BelleWDW]

Exactly. DH is aware of this particular heath problem, just not the depth of it.

To be more exact, I am having mini-seizures or anxiety attacks. Friend is also a coworker and so has seen more of these 'episodes' than anyone else. I really needed her to describe them to the doctor so he could figure it out. I just felt really let down.

Playing the Devils advocate here. I still spend more time with my DH than my coworker. My DH would know the "depth" of any illness I have.

Possibly, your coworker feels you exaggerate your condition and does not want to be put in the difficult position of disagreeing with you at the Doctor's visit.

And truthfully-how does another person describe your panic attacks???

 

[merryweather20]

I think thats a little harsh to drop her over "it depends". Because it really does.

Just because you have shared your medical issues with her doesn't mean she is as comfortable doing this with you. And that doesn't make her a bad friend. My Mom tooki casual friends and neighbours to chemo treatments and other medical appointments, but when it came to her own cancer she didn't go into very many details with even close friends.

So your friend could have already volunteered to help a friend or family member or herself for something important, even if you don't know about it.

 

[DawnCt1]

One of my very good friends divorced and remarried. She married someone with a small RV business who carried a limited amount of lines. He wanted to expand his lines and the company that my DS worked for at the time carried that line. The line would not allow her DH to carry that line because it was already available within that particular area. He wanted to know if the line was actually on the lot so he could get DS's company in "trouble". She called me and said that her husband had a customer that wanted to buy a travel trailer made by that company and he didn't carry it and so wanted to refer the customer to my son. I just had to call my son and see if they had one on the lot. I thanked her profusely. I thought it was so nice of him to refer a customer. I called DS and verified that they did indeed have the unit on the lot, called her back to ask if she wanted DS's cell number. That is when she explained the situation and said that "there was no customer. Her DH wanted to see if DSs company was in violation of XYZ's contract!! She knew that when she called me!
I was horrified. The RV business is competitive between businesses but also within each business. If the answer was "no", and it easily could have been, DS would have been fired, no 'if, ands or buts". I have never confronted her about that because it would have given her DH too much information. DS doesn't work there anymore. He is back in school so I may someday discuss it with her, if I ever hear from her again. I only hear from her when she wants something now. Very disappointing.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

I know what you mean. I was talking to an old friend on the phone about my mothers breast cancer. Then I told her they had found a lump on my breast (I'm only 28) and all of the sudden, shes like, "I'll call you back, theres another call." I couldn't believe that I was telling someone that #1 my mother (who shes known since 2nd grade) is dying of breast cancer, and #2, I may have it as well, and she just hangs up on me! She did call me back about 20-30 minutes later, but I never answered, and she never called back again. Maybe it was immature of me, but oh well, I was going through a lot, and I'm not the kind of person to tell others stuff like that.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

Yes. I was friends with someone for years who has had problems with relationships, particularly female relationships. The two women she was closest to growing up (her cousins) haven't talked to her in more than 10 years. She doesn't get along with her mother. We've been friends since we were kids, and I always defended her and her quirky ways. But through the years she's said and done some things that made me believe she was not worthy of my loyalty. The last straw was a few years ago, while I was planning my wedding. She said and did some very hurtful things. I have not spoken to her since then, except for a thank you card when my mother passed away last year.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I haven't, but I think I may be about to due to a general lack of consideration/lack of it being a reciprocal relationship (I give a lot more than they do.)

 

[KandD]

I had a very good friend at my old job. We had gotten very close and I realized that she had a severe addiction to pills and alcohol. She went into rehab quite a few times and I took care of her, her place, her pets, her finances. When she came out I always planned special "non alcohol" type events for us to do together. She always went back to drinking and using and I always cleaned up the pieces.
I started dating a guy that apparently she was interested in (she didn't tell me that, someone else in the office did). And she started talking so much stuff about me at work, of course it all got back to me. So we went out one night so we could hash things out and you know what she said to me in regards to my boyfriend, " I always get what I want.". REALLY??? I couldn't believe that someone who I had literally cleaned up after time and time again could say something like that to me.
She thought that we could still be friends but I finally told her it was over. I knew all of the things she was saying about me behind my back and I have my own life to live, I can't always be picking up after her messes.

So that was about three years ago, I am still with the guy that she "wanted". I no longer work at that office but I saw her a few weeks ago and you know what? She was wasted. Nothing has changed in her life.
OP I am sorry for what you are going through because it is tough.

 

[ajk912]

Yes, definitely. And I am still hurt by it that I keep people at arm's length because of it. I should let go, but it's hard. I have a ton of acquaintances and friendly relationships with a ton of people..but getting too close- that's not for me right now.

 

[Tink2000]

Friendships can be hard. My very best friend from highschool has just disappeared from my life. We lost contact then found each other again. We remained good friends until a few years ago. We both know where the other is but she has made it clear she does not need me. Boy that is hard to take. If I did do something I would love for her to talk to me and let me know what I did. I always tried to be a good friend but I guess I was not good enough for her. She will forever be in my heart I just wish she was in my life too.