Etiquette question?

[Magpie]

It seems a little rude. I wouldn't be bothered by it though.

How do you and BIL's wife get along?

Just fine! We're not best friends or anything, but we've never had any kind of disagreement. She comes over with my BIL every other weekend or so, and we all hang out, chatting, eating, and watching movies or TV. She doesn't ever talk about herself, so I don't actually know her all that well, but I do enjoy having her over.

And, knowing her, I'm pretty sure she'd stay home if she didn't like us. She's not a doormat!

 

[Carly_Roach]

Hmmm....is it possible that the in-laws just assumed that your DH would be bringing you along? Especially since you have a good relationship with their daughter and SIL?

 

[Disney Ella]

That is strange and rude. I'm surprised that your BIL and SIL didn't say, "Hey, you can't just invite Fred without Magpie. She is his wife and we spend a lot of time with her." At least that's what I would have said to my parents.

 

[sunnyday123]

I find it incredibly rude. And while I wouldn't make a federal case out of it and say anything to anyone except my DH, I think I'd be a little put out if he went-it kind of makes it ok that they excluded you.

 

[Scurvy]

They were very rude. They either don't know or don't care that you can't invite only half of a social unit to something like that. As a previous poster mentioned, it would be fine if it was a dinner just for the men of the family, but once you include one wife you need to include them all. I'd be irritated. I wouldn't say anything about it, but it would bug me. And though my husband might go the first time that happened, if they made a habit of it I suspect he'd be busy when they invited him in the future.

 

[Pakey]

Hmmm....is it possible that the in-laws just assumed that your DH would be bringing you along? Especially since you have a good relationship with their daughter and SIL?

This is what I'm thinking too.

 

[Sugardimples]

Hmmm....is it possible that the in-laws just assumed that your DH would be bringing you along? Especially since you have a good relationship with their daughter and SIL?

This is what I was thinking. Maybe they are assuming that an invitation to the spouse automatically includes both. Or was he specifically told that the invitation does not include you?

 

[Hannathy]

I can't believe your DH didn't say something to whoever issued the invitation. that is who I would be angry with. HE knows he is married and to accept a social invitation that isn't work related and not ask about you is very rude and wrong in my opinion.
They are family he should have said something or I would have just assumed I
WAS invited and showed up.

In this case we would both show up or neither would show up, truthfully I would go because he should be thought of as a couple and that is what is expected.

First tho are you absolutely sure they didn't invite you?I mean did they specifically say don't bring "Jane" or did the just say "we would like you to come to dinner" never thinking he wouldn't include you?

 

[MickeySP]

Definitely rude & breach of etiquette. That siad you are doing the right thing, just let it go, this once though.

I would think your SIL & BIL would say something. Do they know you aren't going?

 

[kackle]

This is what I'm thinking too.

me too

 

[lovesmurfs]

I can't believe your DH didn't say something to whoever issued the invitation. that is who I would be angry with. HE knows he is married and to accept a social invitation that isn't work related and not ask about you is very rude and wrong in my opinion.
They are family he should have said something or I would have just assumed I
WAS invited and showed up.

In this case we would both show up or neither would show up, truthfully I would go because he should be thought of as a couple and that is what is expected.

First tho are you absolutely sure they didn't invite you?I mean did they specifically say don't bring "Jane" or did the just say "we would like you to come to dinner" never thinking he wouldn't include you?

This. DH would be in the doghouse (as, rightfully, would I if I had done the same).

 

[disykat]

Hmmm....is it possible that the in-laws just assumed that your DH would be bringing you along? Especially since you have a good relationship with their daughter and SIL?

This was my first thought. If they said "will YOU come to dinner with us?" I would assume that YOU meant both of you. (especially if it is something being planned ahead, not an improptu thing) They could be surprised that you don't come.

"You" can be either plural or singular, so if that is the word that was used, you can't assume you weren't invited.

Honestly, I'm guessing your dh's cluelessness about this is how this happened. It sounds like it was his assumption that you weren't invited because your name wasn't mentioned? I think most married people would have said "I'll check with my spouse" and it would have been clarified at that time.

If it were me, I would be coaching my spouse with an excuse to use for my absence if they were surprised I wasn't there - that way they wouldn't be thinking I was the rude one!

 

[MissUndastood]

Hmmm....is it possible that the in-laws just assumed that your DH would be bringing you along? Especially since you have a good relationship with their daughter and SIL?

That is my thought as well. I think your dh may have misunderstood the invite.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

To be frank, if I was your brother-in-law's wife's parents, I wouldn't have bothered asking your husband to dinner.

Why would I want to invite my daughter's husband's brother out to eat with my daughter and her husband? That doesn't make much sense to me.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Hmmm....is it possible that the in-laws just assumed that your DH would be bringing you along? Especially since you have a good relationship with their daughter and SIL?

Unless they specifically said "no, not your wife, just you", I would assume you were invited.

 

[Kycha]

To be frank, if I was your brother-in-law's wife's parents, I wouldn't have bothered asking your husband to dinner.

Why would I want to invite my daughter's husband's brother out to eat with my daughter and her husband? That doesn't make much sense to me.

Makes perfect sense to me. I get along great with my own Brother's in laws. They have invited us to their house many times and vice versa. We recently moved out of state and my brother's Mother-in-law sent us a care package. Her and her husband are also planning to come and visit. They are great people.

To the op, how was the invitation extended? Did the in laws actually call your DH and extend an invitation themselves? Or did the invitation come through your DH's brother or sister in law? I'm just wondering if something was "lost in translation".

 

[shortbun]

I wondered if the invite came directly excluding her or just excluded her name so DH assumed she wasn't invited. They'd have had trouble with me cause I would have simply brought my spouse, lol! However, if I were the OP, I'd stay home and do my nails, read and go to bed early.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Hmmm....is it possible that the in-laws just assumed that your DH would be bringing you along? Especially since you have a good relationship with their daughter and SIL?

This was my first thought as well. Especially if they are a bit shy or socially awkward it may be that they are assuming both of you but only mentioning your H by name (maybe because they forgot yours even). Is there a way to make sure you are not expected without risking upsetting someone?

Other than that--nice job on not making this into some big drama. I am always amazed at the relatively little things that seem to spark WWIII in families and it is refreshing to see someone who does not succumb to the "all slights are huge and intentional and should result in years of hurt feelings" mentallity

 

[lajones81]

I'd like to just preface this by say I'm not offended. I'm just curious.

My brother-in-law's wife's parents are in town and they've invited my brother-in-law, his wife (their daughter), and my husband out to dinner. But me? I'm not invited. I'll be staying home that night (which is actually fine with me ).

The only time we've had contact with these folks was at my BILs wedding eleven years ago. This is the first time they've ever invited my husband to dinner. My husband and I have been married for 16 years.

Now, I've always assumed that when you're issuing invitations for a family or social occasion and you invite one person, you routinely invite their partner as well. So for example, when we went out to celebrate my mother's birthday, we invited my brother-in-law AND his wife. They're a couple and they come together. Even though his wife has no connection to my mother (they've barely spoken), it wouldn't occur to us to leave her out of a social invite involving her husband.

So, I'm curious... When your family gets together for dinner, do you automatically invite their spouses? Or do you leave them out, because they're not technically family?

I would invite the spouse, as well!

 

[pixiewings71]

I think it's very very rude. My family would never do this to a couple. DBF's parents do this all the time tho, he's very often invited to do things with them, but just him, not me or the kids. Granted, we aren't married and they aren't "his" kids, but we've been together for 8 years so you'd think.....lol I don't care anymore, the girls and I just do something fun for us when he's doing something with them. It's weird tho, when it's something at their house we are always invited, it's just when it's something where they are going out they only ask him to go.
It's rude but I wouldn't let it bother you OP, have a nice evening at home.