Etiquette Question regarding Housewarming

[meliss8599]

My good friend just bought her first home in a condo complex and I told her she should have a housewarming party to help her get some of the basic necessities.

She doesn't want to look presumptuous regarding gifts. How does she go about letting guests know what she could use? Does she just wait to see if anyone asks what she needs? Does she note on an invitation what colors she plans on going with?

My first home was when we got married so we registered for everything in our wedding registry so I have no clue what to tell her. I told her I'd ask the DIS, they'd know what proper etiquette is! LOL

 

[DisneyBeagle]

My good friend just bought her first home in a condo complex and I told her she should have a housewarming party to help her get some of the basic necessities.

She doesn't want to look presumptuous regarding gifts. How does she go about letting guests know what she could use? Does she just wait to see if anyone asks what she needs? Does she note on an invitation what colors she plans on going with?

My first home was when we got married so we registered for everything in our wedding registry so I have no clue what to tell her. I told her I'd ask the DIS, they'd know what proper etiquette is! LOL

Personally, I think having a housewarming party to get gifts is tacky. I would only have a housewarming party if I wanted my friends and family to come check out my new house and celebrate, not to outfit my new house. She will probably have some people bring her a small gift anyway (candles, plants, wine,etc.).

 

[Handbag Lady]

Personally, I think having a housewarming party to get gifts is tacky. I would only have a housewarming party if I wanted my friends and family to come check out my new house and celebrate, not to outfit my new house. She will probably have some people bring her a small gift anyway (candles, plants, wine,etc.).

Hey thanks! Now I don't have to write what I was going to say.

So, what DisneyBeagle said.

 

[anniemae]

If she has a housewarming party that is fine, but I think it is tacky to specify gifts. Most people will bring a small gift to a housewarming, like a , bottle of wine, plant, or picture frame. I doubt she would get sheets, towels, pots & pans etc., which it seems like what she is looking for. That is for a shower, which would be if she got married, IMO.

 

[okeydokey]

I also thought a housewarming party was a way to welcome friends and loved ones into your new home, not a shower or a gift grab. I think it's greedy and tacky. I have brought a bottle of wine to a housewarming, I have never brought a toaster or coffee maker.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Everybody else has said it so well already , but really, people bring SMALL hostess-type gifts to housewarmings, like a plant. Unless the party-giver was a VERY CLOSE relative whom I did not want to offend, I would run like the wind from a person who invited me to a housewarming to rake in the gifts. It's just not done.

 

[Scurvy]

I was going to respond, but I see as I was sitting here mulling over how to say what I wanted to say, several people beat me to it.

I agree with previous posters. A housewarming party is not supposed to be a gift grab, it's supposed to welcome people into your new home. She will not likely get the basic necessities as gifts at a housewarming party. As Annimae mentioned, traditionally the gifts are things like wine or plants. Actually, the traditional gifts for many people are bread and salt. I know one person who always gives fire extinguishers and another who always gives a folder of takeout menus for the neighborhood where the house is.

If your friend wants to throw a party to introduce people to her new home, that's a great idea. If she's doing it to get gifts, she needs to rethink the idea. And she should absolutely not say anything about colors on the invitation, or anything else for that matter that would lead people to believe that she expects gifts from them.

 

[storzo]

I don't know what the etiquette books say but here in Northern NJ you always bring a gift to a housewarming even it's something small like candles, picture frames or a bottle of liquor.

I've been to ones where the hosts registered just like for a shower with the store info card enclosed and I've been to ones where the rooms colors and other info was written on the back or a separate piece of paper.

If there is no "list" I would buy what I think they might like or need. Usually if invited to a housewarming I know the person well enough to know.

Then there is always word of mouth.

 

[mickeywho?]

From an etiquette website:

Can I throw myself a housewarming party? Do I register at a department store for it? Etc, etc. The answers lie in the purpose of the party.
Purpose: To welcome your friends and family to your new home.

So, should I host my own housewarming party?
Yes, absolutely. No one is more qualified to welcome your guests to your home than you.

Should I register?
There is a growing trend toward registering for a housewarming party the way one would for a wedding. Personally, I think it's tacky but the housewarming party etiquette experts say it's okay.

Everyone agrees, however, that you should never, ever include your registry information in the invitations. If your guests ask you what you need or about your color scheme, then tell them where you're registered. Otherwise, the flavor of the party changes from "Welcome" to "Come over and bring me presents."

As a guest, should I bring a gift?
Yes, unless the host has specified that they prefer no gifts. It's one of those things... the host must not expect a gift but the guest should bring one anyway. Housewarming party etiquette is pretty lenient here. There's always barware or the traditional houseplant, but your host may appreciate a gift card from a home improvement center even more.

A nice bottle of wine or champagne is a great gift; food and drink always make welcome gifts. In fact, an attractive serving platter or bowl, baking dish or soup tureen filled with one of your (or your host's) favorite recipes is one of the best gifts you can give. And a ribbon is all the wrapping you need, or is practical.

 

[meliss8599]

From an etiquette website:

Can I throw myself a housewarming party? Do I register at a department store for it? Etc, etc. The answers lie in the purpose of the party.
Purpose: To welcome your friends and family to your new home.

So, should I host my own housewarming party?
Yes, absolutely. No one is more qualified to welcome your guests to your home than you.

Should I register?
There is a growing trend toward registering for a housewarming party the way one would for a wedding. Personally, I think it's tacky but the housewarming party etiquette experts say it's okay.

Everyone agrees, however, that you should never, ever include your registry information in the invitations. If your guests ask you what you need or about your color scheme, then tell them where you're registered. Otherwise, the flavor of the party changes from "Welcome" to "Come over and bring me presents."

As a guest, should I bring a gift?
Yes, unless the host has specified that they prefer no gifts. It's one of those things... the host must not expect a gift but the guest should bring one anyway. Housewarming party etiquette is pretty lenient here. There's always barware or the traditional houseplant, but your host may appreciate a gift card from a home improvement center even more.

A nice bottle of wine or champagne is a great gift; food and drink always make welcome gifts. In fact, an attractive serving platter or bowl, baking dish or soup tureen filled with one of your (or your host's) favorite recipes is one of the best gifts you can give. And a ribbon is all the wrapping you need, or is practical.

Thank you! That was a most helpful response. I'm emailing her the link to this thread so she can see what is proper etiquette.

 

[maelstrom]

That is for a shower, which would be if she got married, IMO.

Just curious why a *married* couple moving into a new home is more worthy of gifts than a *single* person moving into a new home.

 

[Scurvy]

Just curious why a *married* couple moving into a new home is more worthy of gifts than a *single* person moving into a new home.

Showers aren't for married couples who are moving into a new home. (Though I'm sure some people probably do throw showers instead of housewarming parties, but that's tacky.) Showers are for two people who are getting married, to "shower them with gifts" as they start their new life together. And of course for people who are about to become parents.

But they are not for people who are just moving, regardless of whether they are married or single.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

If she wants to have an official "Housewarming Party," I think she should send out invitations that say that. I think most people will get the idea of the party and bring things accordingly. I think even registering is kind of tacky (just my opinion), because if someone is your close friend and wants to come over, they will prob. ask what she might need, and she can let them know. If I was invited to the party of someone I was not too close to, and received their registry info, I would also prob. not go. It just seems like a party for gifts rather than someone wanting to share their new home with friends and family.

 

[tinkntraining]

I don't mean to come off as snarky or mean, but I don't think there's anyway to do it, without it coming off as greedy or tacky.

If she wants to have a housewarming party, by all means, throw one. But, if she takes that extra step and advises where she is "registered", well, as the recipient, I might just be tempted to have "other plans" for that day.

I always take a small gift to a congratulate my friends on their new home -- usually it's a houseplant. And I always take along:
bread (that this house may never know hunger)
salt (that life may always have flavor)
wine (that joy and prosperity may reign forever).

But, for it to be mentioned that, "I could really use a blender"??? That would rub me the wrong way. But maybe that's just me.

 

[Carys]

Hi OP, it's really nice of you to want to help your friend settle into her new place, and it looks like you've already had some good advice to use. It's funny how etiquette changes from place to place. In my part of the world, a bottle of wine as a hostess gift is de riguer for house warming parties, it's not a shower-gift type situation. It sounds like registries are becoming acceptable in other parts of the world though.

Re: single people versus couples and worthiness of getting a gift, agree with the distinction Scurvy made. Wedding gifts are things that people give because they want to commemorate/celebrate a very special occasion. Buying/moving house isn't in the same league as far as I can see.

Saving, prioritizing, borrowing, or buying cheap or second hand versions are all good options when short on cash. OP, maybe you and your friend could make a fun Saturday morning mission of hitting second hand stores to have fun with the trash and maybe find the treasure? Or maybe suggest that she make a list of her bare essentials that she can't afford herself and then ask family members whether they have a spare she can borrow? Shake the family tree and she'll probably find spare toasters falling out all over the show! Good luck, how exciting to be moving into her first place

 

[teskak]

I think the whole issue of shower gifts - or as when I was a kid "kitchen teas" werei because at the time my parents grew up (Depression & war years) a woman moved from the parental home to the marital home and the 'shower' was to equip her for life as an independant adult.

Remember at that time the idea was that you were married in your early 20s and popping out the babies every year after that.

The idea of living out of home was just not considered, and even if a group of girls / guys shared house, then it would be with shared, old kitchen stuff and not starting married life with new stuff.

Super old fashioned - but that was the morality of the '30s, '40s and '50s (time before the Pill......) That is why there is the 'discrimination' between married and everybody else

 

[Mom2Nick]

She should just throw a party without expectations and be surprised

I did go to a Housewarming once where the invitte stated they were registered at a nursery. I thought that was strange but we went and bought a plant for outside anyway. The party ended up being a huge blowout so it didn't feel like a gift grab in the end. They spent FAR more than they received and we had a wonderful time. They had pitched a huge tent in the backyard - had a wine and beer bar, steamers, steamed lobster, burgers, dogs, bounce house for the kids, cotton candy machine etc. One of the best picnics I've ever been to - well worth my $40 shrub

 

[Jynohn]

I received a housewarming invitation recently for a couple that I had never even met before (it turned out to be from a guy in DH's unit that he wasn't especially friendly with). I couldn't imagine why they'd want me to come and check out their new home until I saw the insert they'd included letting us know that Home Depot gift cards would be appreciated!

Needless to say, that invitation went in the trash. I didn't even bother to RSVP.

 

[blissventure]

Welcoming your dear friends, serving snacks, drinks, great. Expecting, hinting, wanting gifts? Not nice.
These aren't the free spending days of a few years ago. Most folks are working harder, longer, and hoping to just keep their jobs. Plenty have lost them.

Having friends over is about enjoying their company.

 

[Nancyg56]

I have a problem with housewarming parties that are really gatherings to gather gifts. I tend to bring a small gift when I visit to see a new home but I am a little put off with gift grabbing events. Lately there are so many occasions where it is "acceptable" to ask for a gift and it is a little irritating.

Now people are not only sending invitations with registry advice included for weddings and babies, it is included for graduations, housewarmings, special trips, birthdays......on and on! I bring a gift when I want to, I don't like to be directed to do so and tend to avoid those events.