Episode III-Revenge of The Kings

[GreatBiscuit]

This was truly a masterpiece in the art of porcelin planning. I am lucky in that our house has two equally appointed facilities. (Or as like to refer to them, libraries) Although my daughters get upset when I use the hallway bathroom as they have tagged it as theirs. My five year old is fond of wagging her finger and saying "Don't stink up our bathroom daddy! Go stink up your own!" Looking forward to more MTK PTR adventrues.

 

[Mrs. The King]

so funny- I love potty humor! My poor DS clogs up every turlet - just the other day he stuffed up my mom's turlet- and she was up til midnight googling Helgas Home tips- and guess what- she found out that a little bit of Dishwashing detergent and boiling hot water works Turlet Magic- just let the soap and water sit for a few- she said it went right down. OH another funny Disney Turlet story- as a matter of fact my best friend and I were just re-living/re-laughing about this one just this past weekend: We all went to Disney- her gang and mine- and were eating dinner in Mexico.... you know there has to be a turlet/flatulence story to accompany any Mexican meal- but this one is the best- so her DD who was 7 at the time and is a huge farter ( its bizarre what this teeny lil girl can produce) had to use the potty- so my friend and I join her because no woman can visit the bathroom alone- - we walk in at the first thing we notice is a man wearing socks and sandals in one of the stalls in the Ladies room speaking a foreign language- there is nothing we can do- we are already in the bathroom and cannot run out now- besides we all had to pee really bad- so we continue as only a person with a bladder about to burst should do and assume that it was possibly just a language barrier- and the fact that senor and senora signs hanging on the doors look almost identical- who are we to judge. Well of course the only 2 stalls available are on either side of sock sandal feet man- I go in mine , bf and her DD go in the other- and then it happens - a loud mexican fart- and it was all mine.... at first I was so embarrassed and mortified by this accidental and very un-ladylike event that just transpired.... but then I realized I had sock sandal man next to me so of course the assumption would be that he was the culprit. All of a sudden Best Friend's DD bursts out hysterical in an uncontrollable laugh- Best Friend is frantically shushing her ( sort of how you described Cesar Milans CH CH!) because my Best Friend is now thinking that sock sandal man must have let out the sonic boom as only a a man can and she does not want to make the man feel uncomfortable in the ladies room- after all we are all Ladies- again- who are we to judge!
I could hear the ruckus going on and knew that her DD could not stop laughing- now Im laughing to the point that I can barely stand up- I compose myself and we all meet at the sink- all of us- including the sock sandal man- and my Best Friend's face is beat red- trying to hold back the laughter- I literally have tears streaming down my face- and of course her DD is still giggling uncontrollably- there was a lot of activity going on in that bathroom but no one else seemed to be taken back by the man with socks and sandals that just farted in the Ladies bathroom . OH man that story still makes us die with laughter- that is definitely one for the books! When we got outside I finally had to tell them it was me- we were all roaring, crying, that stomach hurting laugh ! That is one of our funniest Disney stories to tell- we still cant do it without laughing!

Ok. This whole story made me pee. I loved every word. The sandals and the fart and the man. It was just spectacular.

Okay, andrews1ma, THAT was VERY fuuuuunny! My French Vanilla latte is dribbling down the side of my coffee cup...maybe next time mr. sock man will hang out in the right bathroom!

We have an old Soviet style ( ie. piece of cr-r-a-p) turlet that clogs evertime we use it- big or little. It is a pain! Most of the time a big piece of wire gets things going again, and even our little 6 year old can unclog her own little jobbies.

Well, looking forward to your next installment -I"m sure it will bring more mirth to our reading pleasure

Dear Lord! I had no idea the Soviets had cornered the market on wire flushing toilets.

Ok no comment here, I am a man and urinals are in the open.

Good choice Scott. I think men are crazy for putting up with that nonsense.
You know how they have those cute fold out chairs for soccer games? That you put in a bag? We should make urinal screens that fold into a bag!!

LMAO, we have the tiny turlet too, it's mainly used as the hair and makeup room, seldom does anyone do their duty in there, mostly because your knees touch the shower door, at least the shower has a door though, the bathroom only has a curtain, the bathroom itself is in our pantry, that's what DH calls it, it's really the collect all room. But anywhoser eh, sometimes duty calls and you have no place to do the job but the tiny turlet closet, and with a curtain as your only form of defense from intrusion any time you hear a noise ya gotta let out a little cough, just to let them know that you are busy, we all do it, we do it even though we could just say "Pay no attention to the person behind the curtain." Seriously I have a hang up about letting somebody know I am indesposed, like it's a big secret that Ty poops. I have read the book everybody poops, but still I am shy, I don't fart either

I need to know this? Please everyone be honest, who else when having to make a deposit in a public restroom does the instant flush and sprays a little perfume?

Ok. Curtsey Flush is a time honored tradition among men. I think it is high time to take that idea tot he bank. The perfume, I thought was a great idea., until Mr. The King told me different. I keep fumigating and he said "I walk into the bathroom and thing hmm, flowers, them the underlaying sent hits you and you go ...no, no not flowers, Poop!!" So I put the kibosh on that.

The curtain bathroom made me laugh so freaking hard! Pretend I'm not in here!!

I'm gonna stop lurking and start posting here. I guess you've never been to my Public Library. We are never quiet. Us Librarians are some of the worst offenders. You should hear us when we have a program with the Wii. The adults are worse that the kids. It cracks me up to teach the adults bowling. They get more competitive than the teens.

Ok, I had no idea you had renegade loud Librarians! But I am thrilled that you busted out of lurkdom to whoop it up here!!! I love my wii!! I bet it is great fun in a large group.

Ok I am going to jump on the band wagon and stop lurking too. My name is Emily and I have been following you since your first trip report and I just love your tales! (I have a major lurking problem btw.)

Anyway we will be in Disney the same time as you! I am taking my little sister for her 12th birthday, just the two of us. I just surprised her last month a few days before ADR-making day so she could help pick our restaurants. Last time she was in the World she was 4 and a total ride/character-phobe so I am excited to re-introduce her to the magic.

And as for the potty humor- we have a policy where before you let one "go" you casually tap your nose to warn the rest of the group. The look of terror on my sisters face when were in public is priceless and lately followed with "you better not do that in Disney!"

Anyway I'm really excited for the pre-trippy and the trip report that I hope will follow! Maybe we will even run into you!

Wow!! That would be fun for me. I can't believe you have lurked in all the trip reports That is too cute. The nose tapping is a nice discrete way of warning your party. I quietly and in a very ladylike way say to my friends and family "I just ripped one, run for your lives." Same idea, really.

Look for me, I may have Mrs. The King on my shirt one of the days we are there!!! I am thrilled you came to post.

speaking of going places- my gang leaves for Disney in 9 days!

Not sure if you have done this yet or not- but since we are driving down from NC I bought Diary of a Wimpy Kid- books 1 and 2 on CD for the ride down- I also downloaded them to DS 's IPOD in case DH and I are not in the mood. I know you said PC loved them too- just wanted to share.

Ok. You are a show off with your 9 days! The Wimpy kid books rock so hard. You will all enjoy them, let me know what you thought when you get back.

This was truly a masterpiece in the art of porcelin planning. I am lucky in that our house has two equally appointed facilities. (Or as like to refer to them, libraries) Although my daughters get upset when I use the hallway bathroom as they have tagged it as theirs. My five year old is fond of wagging her finger and saying "Don't stink up our bathroom daddy! Go stink up your own!" Looking forward to more MTK PTR adventrues.

Daughters can say anything to Daddy and it sounds cute






Ok. DrumRoll Please.....MTK is introducing the first annual Jiggler Awards. After reading so many awesome personal stories I have devised an elaborate system of honoring my readers.

I will be awarding Jigglies to posters that go above and beyond when responding to my trip report. All will be eligible (and let's face it, all will get an award, I love you all too much)

I have to work this week, so I won't update until this weekend.

 

[andrews1ma]

you crack me up!

Meanwhile I posted a quickie pre-trippie report- see link in my Siggie- cause now I have 8 days to go- nah nah nah nah nah .... and you say I am a show off!

Cant wait to hear more about the Jigglies! Love it- so clever!

Have a great rest of the week and I will stay tuned !

 

[All7OfUs]

Did you get banned or something?? I can't stand to wait any longer!!! Where are you?!

 

[scottny]

just dropping by to say hello.

 

[Mrs. The King]

Happy Memorial Day! The Kings went to a local beach and had fun in the sun. There is nothing like the feel of the sand and the sound of the water hitting the shore. It soothes the wrinkles in your soul you didn’t even know you had. Wondrous, really.


We sludged ourselves up back to our van to find a crowd of people waiting for us.
Apparently, a girl two weeks into her license backed into our van and took off.
The three(!!) witnesses took her plate number and gave us their numbers and names. Can I tell you I love this part of the country? There is no such thing as a bystander, just a friend you haven’t met yet.

One of the witnesses told me the driver had been talking to a group of teenage guys before the accident.
I walked up to them and asked,

Me~ ”Are you guys friends with the girl that hit my van?”

Them~ “Uh, well we know her. We know people that know her.”

Me~ “ Can you text her and tell her we are not angry, but we need her insurance information. Right now it is a hit and run, she needs to bring the truck back.”


Low and behold, the girl comes back and walks up to me, crying.
I gave her a huge hug and said, “Hey don’t worry, it happens to everyone.”
So now we have a big ol’ dent in the van, but I think the girl learned not to run from an accident.


So where am I in the planning? I am doing nothing yet!! It gives me palpitations. I have to make shirts and plan Tinkerbell presents and so, so much. The end of school is sucking the life out of me. On a totally random note, I started writing Twilight fanfiction and it is sort of blowing up, so I spend a lot of time updating that.
The only reason I have courage to do any writing at all is from these trip reports and all the wonderful Dissers that are so supportive.


Mr. The King got a long awaited promotion from Special Education teacher to Assistant Principle. We are planning on drinks out of Pineapples in Disney to celebrate!
So that’s where this trip is headed, I can’t wait to write the trip report, with this cast of characters, it should be fun.


P.S. the mentioned Twilight fanfic is not kid friendly at all, not even a little.

 

[andrews1ma]

and ooooooohhhhhhhhhh.... I had one of those fancy drinks out of Pineapples on our most recent trip while dining at 'Ohana and let me tell ya........ nuthin bothered me for the rest of the evening! We hit MK right after that and it was shoulder to sweaty unknown shoulder when we got back there after that dinner and I could care less! I just floated down Main Street- literally cause of all the food- as if my gang and I were the only ones there!

and you so need to get on those "tinkerbell farts"- the dollar store has a lot of fun stuff!

keep us posted!

 

[disneyaddicted]

Congratulations goes out to Mr.The King. Nothing says celebration like a drink ou tof a pinapple, enjoy that.

I got a story that I know you will appreciate, I even said it out loud as it happened.

My son Jim 17 got poison Ivy this past Saturday so I gave him some Benadryl to help with the itching and hopefully stop the spreading. Well Sunday he waskes up with the major runs, he and the toilet got to know eachother pretty well, this continued on through the night and into this morning, I was thinking he can't do this much longer, according to him the O ring was flaming. So any way, he goes into the cuboard this afternoon to take more Benadryl and for some reason or other decided to read the box, and then he said it, "Oh bleep." he shows me the box and here this poor kid was taking laxatives, 4 doses in 24 hours. The box is the same shape and color as the Benadryl. I felt awful for him but at the same time have never laughed harder.

 

[Mrs. The King]

There is a reason I married my husband. Maggots.
I know.

Weird.

My parents had left on an extended vacation in their R.V. and I was home alone. I took the trash out and discovered the can was full of * gulp * Maggots!

How disgusting can you get? Well, they needed to be cleaned and the very thought was making me want to hurl. When my friend Mr. The King stopped by, I mentioned my dreaded task.

He marched out to the garage and cleaned out the can for me.
Which doesn’t sound like the most romantic thing, but to me he was like a knight in shining armor. 'Cause I hate maggots.

I often wonder, what the heck my Dad was keeping in that! It is a little alarming.

Well 12 and half years later, Mr. The King still takes the tough jobs, even though I am far from a delicate flower.

Recently, Mr. The King shined up the armor again.

PS and PC love to play on the Cul De Sac we live on. Mr. The King sits in a lawn chair and monitors them.
We usually let our seven year old Spitz Mix wander around. She sticks close to Mr. The King or the kids.
But every great once in a while she gets a wild hair.

Here I will break to tell you about our neighbors.

Those poor suckers.

They have this big beautiful house that the two of them (young married couple) take care of like it is some exotic tropical flower.
Their back yard ends in the splendid view of my old shed and an entire Toys R’ Us store’s content of toys.
To try and avert their view from our hellacious nightmare yard, they have spent bucket loads of time, money and effort cultivating a Zen like retreat that almost removes our yard from view.

They were sitting on their new, sprawling deck drinking wine after a tough day of counting their grass blades and cutting them with a freaking scissor, when my Spitz mix (official name Snowy White Balls, PC named her when he was four a.k.a Snowy) sauntered onto their landscaped masterpiece.
Mr. The King was immediately in pursuit of the wayward dog.

Mr. The King makes some light, happy small talk while trying to convince Snowy to get the hell off their lawn.
Our normally obedient dog slinks sneakily away from Mr. The King and perches on a freshly mulched mound of fabulous flower garden.

Now Mr. The King doesn’t want to be a pulsating, screaming nightmare, so he starts begging her in a stern, but not too scary voice.
Snowy assumes the position. Mr. The King’s eyes go wide.

Snowy proceeds to have walk-around
diarrhea on the top of this mound.

Mr. The King is left with the awkward task of continuing the small talk with the neighbors while all three adults watch the dog have a bowel movement.
The kindly neighbors throw out all kinds of comforting words like, “It’s ok, it’s just more fertilizer.”
And Mr. The King thanks them but insists, “I’m glad you see it that way, but I am sure after all your hard work, the last thing you need is that” here he points to the guilty, squatting dog, “in your flower garden.”

Finally, after 100 million years of screaming weirdness, Snowy comes to Mr. the King.
I was in the house cleaning when Mr. The King lets Snowy in and says to me, “She is never going outside again, teach her to use the toilet.”
Mr. the King then has the distinct pleasure of walking over to be the second act of the disgusting show. With a bucket and shovel, he has to scoop the watery poop from their garden. While the neighbors try to enjoy their glass of wine.

So he is still doing the hard jobs. Be it maggots, spiders or horrific neighbor poop clean up.

I’m crazy about him.
And no, the dog did not learn to use the crapper.

So Disney for us is sneaking up so quickly. I was discussing the group shirts with the kids and I think we have decided on a simple Mickey head for the boys and simple Minnie for the ladies. We could write things on each with fabric paint.
I really can’t wait to eat my fudge on Main Street!!

 

[Mrs. The King]

Did you get banned or something?? I can't stand to wait any longer!!! Where are you?!

I am always surprised when my login works.

just dropping by to say hello.

Hey back

and ooooooohhhhhhhhhh.... I had one of those fancy drinks out of Pineapples on our most recent trip while dining at 'Ohana and let me tell ya........ nuthin bothered me for the rest of the evening! We hit MK right after that and it was shoulder to sweaty unknown shoulder when we got back there after that dinner and I could care less! I just floated down Main Street- literally cause of all the food- as if my gang and I were the only ones there!

and you so need to get on those "tinkerbell farts"- the dollar store has a lot of fun stuff!

keep us posted!

Thanks for the reminder, I better find that perfume! Can wait to be noodle legs and stupid on the pineapple drink!!

Congratulations goes out to Mr.The King. Nothing says celebration like a drink ou tof a pinapple, enjoy that.

I got a story that I know you will appreciate, I even said it out loud as it happened.

My son Jim 17 got poison Ivy this past Saturday so I gave him some Benadryl to help with the itching and hopefully stop the spreading. Well Sunday he waskes up with the major runs, he and the toilet got to know eachother pretty well, this continued on through the night and into this morning, I was thinking he can't do this much longer, according to him the O ring was flaming. So any way, he goes into the cuboard this afternoon to take more Benadryl and for some reason or other decided to read the box, and then he said it, "Oh bleep." he shows me the box and here this poor kid was taking laxatives, 4 doses in 24 hours. The box is the same shape and color as the Benadryl. I felt awful for him but at the same time have never laughed harder.

Ok. I loved that story so freaking much! I want to do that to someone!!

 

[oregonmommyof2]

Where is that support group you were talking about???

My husband just bought a flash, two new lenses, lens filters, and a FREAKIN MONOPOD!!! Oh, and a ball head for the monopod...

I called it a stick with a string...

Then I asked to read the instructions... He looked confused...

 

[GreatBiscuit]

Sounds like you guys had a good Memorial day. Kudos to Mr. The King for selflessly assuming dooty duty.

 

[scottny]

the poop story made me crack up.

Maggots =

I am buying a new camera tomorrow I think. I cannot wait.

 

[GreatBiscuit]

I hope the Kings have an AWESOME vacation! 4 Days to Go! If you happen to run into the Biscuit clan (look for orange T-shirts with Biscuit's Grand Adventure & a Lime-green mickey head on the front) give a shout out!

 

[Mrs. The King]

I hope the Kings have an AWESOME vacation! 4 Days to Go! If you happen to run into the Biscuit clan (look for orange T-shirts with Biscuit's Grand Adventure & a Lime-green mickey head on the front) give a shout out!

Imagine how cool that would be? I bought a new self tanner for Mr. The King and I. We are so pasty. It's is hilarious. I was at all Day CPR training, so he was the first one to use it (as I had demanded). Little did I know it contained minuscule glitter. When I got home he was shiny like a Las Vegas showgirl and piping mad. I laughed. It works really great though, so he used it again today, still muttering about how I am turning him into a girl.

Are you too excited? I can't even hold still to do my last minute preps. Have a wonderful time sweet Biscuit!

With that...later guys, I'm headed home.

 

[Mrs. The King]

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?p=32554100#post32554100

Trip report link, and it is also in my siggy...