Episode III-Revenge of The Kings

[All7OfUs]

Now, normally, He would grab the instructions like Gollum grabs the ring, and squirrel them away (still unopened from he plastic bag, mind you) where I will inevitably find them in another fit of cleaning, and we will start the whole process. Again.

Why IS THAT??!! I simply can't understand why we have to endure having stacks of this crapola all around the house in piles because, "someday we may need that... blah, blah, blah." I guess we can't complain too much, we have our piles of useless kitchen gadgets- like who really (I mean really) uses their melon-baller or that turkey lacer?? Those hubbys of ours probably roll their eyes when they open up THAT kitchen drawer!

And how about our stash of underwear? I don't know about you, but I have more underwear than I could possibly wear in about 5 years! You know, you're in Target or the mall somewhere and you say, "Hmmmm.... those are awefully nice. I think I need 5 pr." Whatever.

At least it's instructions to electronics and housewares they are saving, and not something else!

Actually, we had a little incident here the other day, over "thrown away packaging". I brought a vacuum cleaner in from the States last year (the ones here are so crappy you end up using a broom and a little water anyway) and promptly threw the booklet thingy away. Then my househelper burned up my (only) belt. So, without that booklet we didn't know which new belt to buy. So, I guess those CAN come in handy once in a while. Luckily, the belt itself had a tiny (TINY) super secret code on it that helped a little.

 

[disneyaddicted]

Hi there, my name is TY. I am so totally stoked for this. I have read "A cockroach bit my butt." and I am in the middle of "Sweet Mother of Fudge." I found this pre trip on a fluke. I love potty humor, it's what keeps dinner at our house intersting. We name my DH's farts, he has everything from the silent but life threatening hiss, to the opera singer and most laughable, the sonic boom!! Although DH's favorite is the amplified fart which can only be achieved when sitting in an aluminum boat on a lake fishing after midnight.

The stories of your littles ones are the sweetest, they bring me back to the days when my teens were little and sweet and they thought I was cool... I'm still cool they just won't admit it now. (unless I give them money) anyway, I am here for the long haul.

Honestly I can't wait to see what the jiggler will bring to this pre trip and then TR.

 

[Mrs. The King]

Why IS THAT??!! I simply can't understand why we have to endure having stacks of this crapola all around the house in piles because, "someday we may need that... blah, blah, blah." I guess we can't complain too much, we have our piles of useless kitchen gadgets- like who really (I mean really) uses their melon-baller or that turkey lacer?? Those hubbys of ours probably roll their eyes when they open up THAT kitchen drawer!

And how about our stash of underwear? I don't know about you, but I have more underwear than I could possibly wear in about 5 years! You know, you're in Target or the mall somewhere and you say, "Hmmmm.... those are awefully nice. I think I need 5 pr." Whatever.

At least it's instructions to electronics and housewares they are saving, and not something else!

Actually, we had a little incident here the other day, over "thrown away packaging". I brought a vacuum cleaner in from the States last year (the ones here are so crappy you end up using a broom and a little water anyway) and promptly threw the booklet thingy away. Then my househelper burned up my (only) belt. So, without that booklet we didn't know which new belt to buy. So, I guess those CAN come in handy once in a while. Luckily, the belt itself had a tiny (TINY) super secret code on it that helped a little.

Ok. I am guilty of the mellon baller. (I would like some props for leaving this mellon baller thing alone being that I have my new problem). I bought one recently, and I don't eat mellon. I have not idea what I plan on balling Oops. I touched it. Bad Mrs. The King.

My underwear situation is awful. I hate the pairs that I am hanging onto that the jiggler fit into before the kids and all the eating. I could use those suckers like a rubber band to bundle a small bunch of asparagus.

Super secret code win for you.

Hi there, my name is TY. I am so totally stoked for this. I have read "A cockroach bit my butt." and I am in the middle of "Sweet Mother of Fudge." I found this pre trip on a fluke. I love potty humor, it's what keeps dinner at our house intersting. We name my DH's farts, he has everything from the silent but life threatening hiss, to the opera singer and most laughable, the sonic boom!! Although DH's favorite is the amplified fart which can only be achieved when sitting in an aluminum boat on a lake fishing after midnight.

The stories of your littles ones are the sweetest, they bring me back to the days when my teens were little and sweet and they thought I was cool... I'm still cool they just won't admit it now. (unless I give them money) anyway, I am here for the long haul.

Honestly I can't wait to see what the jiggler will bring to this pre trip and then TR.

I have never named the farts. I can't thank you enough for adding that little custom to my fart etiquette book. Honestly, it is like priceless gold and I am so doing that on the Trip

I am thrilled you are reading all about our previous adventures. The jiggler is offering an autographed copy to you (I wouldn't take it if I were you)

Let me know when you finish!!

 

[Stacybaeasm]

See how you are? Right when I think I have managed to catch up on your report all quiet like while in the office, you name a toaster William Peter heatypants, I laugh out loud and spit Diet Coke at my computer, and the boss wants to know what's funny. Luckily, he and my other boss are going to Disney on April 23 so I can call this research!

Oh, and I love the mental picture of PS and PC playing sock puppets. have them make 4 puppets, 2 girls and 2 boys, and learn all the words to Take a Chance on Me by ABBA. Classic sock puppet song!

 

[disneyaddicted]

I have never named the farts. I can't thank you enough for adding that little custom to my fart etiquette book. Honestly, it is like priceless gold and I am so doing that on the Trip

I am thrilled you are reading all about our previous adventures. The jiggler is offering an autographed copy to you (I wouldn't take it if I were you)

Let me know when you finish!!

Ya know what? I will take that autographed copy by the jiggler, Cause I'm a Dare Devil. "Feel the fear! and do it anyway!"

You are welcome for the name the fart idea. I bet the jiggler will publish a best seller for that one.

We got a new one, it's called the BEANIE BOGLEY, really the DH should stay away from Taco Bell, the stench alone was enough to rot his socks off, but I swear he let lose an acid that scorched my retinas. Even the dog dry heaved

I was such the lady before I married him, he tarnished my innocence

 

[Diamondintheruff]

Okay I have already wiped my computer screen down from my laugh reminents twice reading about the "man stick".

Even my Dh who resents all the time I spend on the boards noticed your "sweet mother of fudge" title. Your title cracked him up. Although he didn't read your report he knew I did and occasionally asked about you.

"Any thing new from that Fudge Fatale woman?" he asks.

Looking forward to the new antics from this trip. Standing by with cloths and disinfectant for my computer.

 

[GreatBiscuit]

Horray! A DIS MTK WDW PTR! Time for some multi-quoting.

That's right. The Kings are going back. I just made the reservations today. June 21-26.

I prefer Pop, but that sucker was full to the top and somehow a touch more expensive. I guess it upgraded itself to a value resort with a little extra.

Sorry, two of those POP rooms are ours! We'll be there June 19-26 and my parents will be there the 19-23.

Would you guys like a little insight into the evil I am planning this time around?

Do you even have to ask?

O'Hana for dinner
Tusker House for dinner
Chef Mickey's for breakfast
Kona for Dinner
Raglan Road for dinner
Tokyo Dining for dinner


Any recommendations on what to order?
?

Nifty Stuff - I recommend whatever order they have an opening for!

Please give me your opinion on everything I am so glad I have a trip to plan and such a great group of online friends to share it with. (Hey Lurkers! Jump on board I love to hear from new people!)

Well, since I'm researching my own trip during the same dates I can tell you this.

As of right now:

Fantasmic is currently sheduled for the 22nd, 23rd, and 25th.

Morning EMH:
21 Epcot
22 Studios formerly known as MGM
23 Magic Kingdom
24 Animal Kingdom
25 Magic Kingdom
26 Studios formerly known as MGM

Evening EMH:
21 Magic Kingdom 10:00 PM - 1:00 AM
22 Animal Kingdom 7:00 PM - 10:00 PM
23 Epcot 9:00 PM - 12:00 AM
24 Studios Formerly Known as MGM 8:00 PM - 11:00 PM
25 Epcot 9:00 PM - 12:00 AM
26 Magic Kingdom 10:00 PM - 1:00 AM

He bought a stick. An expandable stick. As I eyed him with suspicion, he clamped his beloved camera to the stick.

And that’s it.

That’s all it does.

I wouldn't mind having one myself. They really come in handy with zoom lenses.

I thought of Jeff Dunham and his Jalapeño on a stick.

I LOVE Jose Jalepeno on a steeek.

What have we covered here folks? I am cursing, my husband has a stick and my mother could work for the mob when she is not sewing.

Makes for a fun family Christmas right there!

It came with instructions. You read right. I was cleaning the kitchen and came upon a set of instructions in a little plastic baggie.

Why are the instructions preserved like dried fruit anyway? Are we assembling electronics in ponds or something? I bet a man came up with that idea. They love their instructions. Which is ironic, being that they NEVER USE THEM. I have never, in almost 12 years of marriage seen this man dig into his little unholy pile of preserved for freshness instructions to solve any problem.

Don't fight it...it's the leftover "gatherer" portion of our Hunter / Gatherer genes.

I said to my son, “Are you talking to a sock?”

“No”, he scoffs. “It is talking to me.”

Awesome!

We received our Trip Planning DVD from Disney yesterday, which any true Disser knows, is really just a decoration. Just a way to get excited about the mail. Because it does not tell you a stinking thing you don’t already know.

Aint that the truth!


Can't wait to read more of your ongoing WDW adventures!

 

[scottny]

we have a drawer full of instructions. Not sure if we used them.

 

[mrsksomeday]

I am glad Bill is willing to listen! Maybe we could rig the stick with a taser and mount it for the wheelchair? Then Bill can deliver a digital denial right to the rump of the offender. I will be all business with that ridiculous stick. I would laugh and whip out the video camera! You have a mouth on you!! I would not have guessed. We should get together and curse like truckers i am so glad you are all up in this report!!

I am working on writing as much as possibleI am finding it fun and blame all of you for encouraging me!

Oh my goodness you should have heard the evil laugh that came out of Bill when I told him about your idea about mounting a taser to the wheelchair . That would be good times. I could have used that 2 years ago at Super Soap Weekend when a woman and I use the term loosely thought it was just fine to place her bottom on the edge of Bill's tray on the wheelchair. Instead of continually asking her to get off of it, I could have just given her a little shock .

It would be great to get together with you and curse like truckers, Bill says I need a cussing partner .

I am thrilled to read that you are working on your writing, you are so talented.

 

[coffeehousemom]

Ok since you haven't done a PTR update(hint hint) I went back & read the entire Twillight blog. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! More more more!!!

I tried to leave response but I need to register first.

So did you try out the camera stick yet?

 

[Mrs. The King]

The turlet is a position of power. You know it and I know it. We have all done it, used that power with reckless abandon. You are all set if you are on the pot. The person on the other side of the door is at your mercy.
Now, this is America, where we are treated to numerous decadences everyday. Washing machines, refrigerators, and whole rooms dedicated to sleeping are outrageous luxuries in most of the world. But we walk around forgetting how wondrous and spectacular a flushing toilet is, until it is clogged up with someone else’s situation.

Standing in a hallway, needing to go, and finding it locked can be a punch in the throat. Now, if you are like me, almost every house you have lived in has the pleasure of two working turlets. Butt there is always a good bathroom and a less desirable bathroom.

The less desirable bathroom is only for emergencies, though the head of said household would never admit this, ever.
“Go use the other bathroom, it is perfectly good!”

And it is.

Except.

And here is where you add why the turlet was ranked as substandard.
In my current household, our extra potty in our charming old house is the size of a small telephone booth. Remember the poopers that assumed the starfish position in my last trippie? Well their arms would bust through the drywall like Wolverine. The sink is so tiny, you wash one hand at a time. It closes with a non-locking pocket door. Who is the nudist that designed this house?

Nudist Architects. I do think there is a secret society of them. They thrived in the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s. How many times have you visited someone’s home for the first time, excused yourself to lay the law down, and found that their turlets have no locking doors?

It's is horrific. You have to assume that the people in that house have an unwritten rule; if the door is closed it’s occupied.
If the turlet is not arms length from the door, you have to make some deals with God, your modesty and your bladder.

Deal one: “Dear God, please make sure no one opens the door while I am in here.”

Deal Two: “Dear my private parts, I am not ashamed of you, although I never planned on going public with you, having the door open would not be the end of the world.”

Deal Three: “Dear Bladder, if you promise to empty quickly, I will not drink another thing until I get home. And use the good bathroom. You Bladder, deserve the good bathroom for all your hard work.”

So people with non-locking house bathrooms, (this includes me) get a lock for Pete’s sake. You are creeping your visitors out.

Let’s pretend our sibling is getting out of cleaning the kitchen by locking themselves in the good bathroom with a well-thumbed copy of War and Peace, and enter the less desirable bathroom for a moment.

What are some other reasons it is oft rejected?

Well, there are the buggy ones.

Being that humans avoid it, spiders will move in. Now, you are never as trapped as you are on the toilet. It can be worse then handcuffs when there is a pudgy spider sitting on the toile paper dispenser. Not that I have any comparison. It’s not like I have been arrested. Much.

There is the far away bathroom. It is located in the creepy basement. People avoid that one like the plague after seeing the commercials for “Psycho”, they won’t even use that one for serious games of hide and seek.

Ok. Another topic that belongs in the turlet chapter came to me in Target.
I was in a stall and my next door-stall -neighbor was elaborate in her distress. It was over the top and ridiculous. It was like an exorcism.
The huffing and puffing and moaning she produced just closing the door told me I was in for an audible show. Because I couldn’t, in good conscious, air my grievances through the thickly painted metal wall, I will do it here, where she is sure to see it.

Dear Loud Chick,
You were only taking off your pants, not amputating your own leg. Keep the vocalizing to a minimum for the comfort of others. Lord help the people that have to hear you put on a bra.

Yours truly,
MTK

So she was a grunter. Some people are talkers, which is bizarre. I will talk through anything, giving the opportunity, just take a look at my report cards. But the bathroom is a sacred place of quiet. Like a monk’s house or a library. Don’t talk on your cell phone next to me. It is weird. I will always flush a few times and turn into a grunter if I hear you whispering sweet nothings to your boyfriend. I am not trying to be mean. It is a lesson you need.

54 days until Disney! What have I done to plan lately, being that pre trip reports should be about your trip? Well ,we took PC and PS to the public pool to let them swim. PS gave up her swimmies, so she needed the practice. They were a crutch really, she could already swim underwater. The public pool here is huge and very, very public. So public, people were getting their wallets and cell phones stolen. So public, it might have been the only water some of the bodies had seen in month. So public, you really took a good look at all the band-aids at the bottom of the pool to make sure it wasn’t just a sinker, if you know what I mean.

So public, we are never going back. I will rename the tub “the pool”. It serves one person at a time, in the good bathroom, with the door locked.

 

[Mrs. The King]

we have a drawer full of instructions. Not sure if we used them.

I know Scott. You didn't even have to say it out loud. Men.

Oh my goodness you should have heard the evil laugh that came out of Bill when I told him about your idea about mounting a taser to the wheelchair . That would be good times. I could have used that 2 years ago at Super Soap Weekend when a woman and I use the term loosely thought it was just fine to place her bottom on the edge of Bill's tray on the wheelchair. Instead of continually asking her to get off of it, I could have just given her a little shock .

It would be great to get together with you and curse like truckers, Bill says I need a cussing partner .

I am thrilled to read that you are working on your writing, you are so talented.

So Bill might like what Mr. The King did when we were still dating. He took me to my favorite Chinese restaurant, and it was a little fancy. A dude came over to talk to the people at the table next to us. The dude bent over and basically put his butt on our table. It was awkward.

Mr. the King (who is comic genius and makes me pee my pants all the time) starts talking to the butt.
Him~"Well, hello butt. It's nice to see you, can I offer you an appetizer?" which is funny, but he did it in a loud, convincing voice. Me and the tables surround us busted out The man turned and looked and seemed to get it. I still love that moment. So next time, maybe offer the but some popcorn.

A curse fest!! Tale of the two cursers. We will curse a blue streak. Thanks for the complements on my writing, I appreciate it so much.

Ok since you haven't done a PTR update(hint hint) I went back & read the entire Twillight blog. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! More more more!!!

I tried to leave response but I need to register first.

So did you try out the camera stick yet?

Thank you so much for reading I wrote this next installment for you. I think it is the post most likely to get me banned Thank heavens for the curse filters. I need them like a seatbelt.
I think you do have to be registered to reply at Twilighted. (I would totally love to see you over there)

 

[andrews1ma]

so funny- I love potty humor! My poor DS clogs up every turlet - just the other day he stuffed up my mom's turlet- and she was up til midnight googling Helgas Home tips- and guess what- she found out that a little bit of Dishwashing detergent and boiling hot water works Turlet Magic- just let the soap and water sit for a few- she said it went right down. OH another funny Disney Turlet story- as a matter of fact my best friend and I were just re-living/re-laughing about this one just this past weekend: We all went to Disney- her gang and mine- and were eating dinner in Mexico.... you know there has to be a turlet/flatulence story to accompany any Mexican meal- but this one is the best- so her DD who was 7 at the time and is a huge farter ( its bizarre what this teeny lil girl can produce) had to use the potty- so my friend and I join her because no woman can visit the bathroom alone- - we walk in at the first thing we notice is a man wearing socks and sandals in one of the stalls in the Ladies room speaking a foreign language- there is nothing we can do- we are already in the bathroom and cannot run out now- besides we all had to pee really bad- so we continue as only a person with a bladder about to burst should do and assume that it was possibly just a language barrier- and the fact that senor and senora signs hanging on the doors look almost identical- who are we to judge. Well of course the only 2 stalls available are on either side of sock sandal feet man- I go in mine , bf and her DD go in the other- and then it happens - a loud mexican fart- and it was all mine.... at first I was so embarrassed and mortified by this accidental and very un-ladylike event that just transpired.... but then I realized I had sock sandal man next to me so of course the assumption would be that he was the culprit. All of a sudden Best Friend's DD bursts out hysterical in an uncontrollable laugh- Best Friend is frantically shushing her ( sort of how you described Cesar Milans CH CH!) because my Best Friend is now thinking that sock sandal man must have let out the sonic boom as only a a man can and she does not want to make the man feel uncomfortable in the ladies room- after all we are all Ladies- again- who are we to judge!
I could hear the ruckus going on and knew that her DD could not stop laughing- now Im laughing to the point that I can barely stand up- I compose myself and we all meet at the sink- all of us- including the sock sandal man- and my Best Friend's face is beat red- trying to hold back the laughter- I literally have tears streaming down my face- and of course her DD is still giggling uncontrollably- there was a lot of activity going on in that bathroom but no one else seemed to be taken back by the man with socks and sandals that just farted in the Ladies bathroom . OH man that story still makes us die with laughter- that is definitely one for the books! When we got outside I finally had to tell them it was me- we were all roaring, crying, that stomach hurting laugh ! That is one of our funniest Disney stories to tell- we still cant do it without laughing!

 

[All7OfUs]

Okay, andrews1ma, THAT was VERY fuuuuunny! My French Vanilla latte is dribbling down the side of my coffee cup...maybe next time mr. sock man will hang out in the right bathroom!

We have an old Soviet style ( ie. piece of cr-r-a-p) turlet that clogs evertime we use it- big or little. It is a pain! Most of the time a big piece of wire gets things going again, and even our little 6 year old can unclog her own little jobbies.

Well, looking forward to your next installment -I"m sure it will bring more mirth to our reading pleasure

 

[scottny]

Ok no comment here, I am a man and urinals are in the open.

 

[disneyaddicted]

LMAO, we have the tiny turlet too, it's mainly used as the hair and makeup room, seldom does anyone do their duty in there, mostly because your knees touch the shower door, at least the shower has a door though, the bathroom only has a curtain, the bathroom itself is in our pantry, that's what DH calls it, it's really the collect all room. But anywhoser eh, sometimes duty calls and you have no place to do the job but the tiny turlet closet, and with a curtain as your only form of defense from intrusion any time you hear a noise ya gotta let out a little cough, just to let them know that you are busy, we all do it, we do it even though we could just say "Pay no attention to the person behind the curtain." Seriously I have a hang up about letting somebody know I am indesposed, like it's a big secret that Ty poops. I have read the book everybody poops, but still I am shy, I don't fart either

I need to know this? Please everyone be honest, who else when having to make a deposit in a public restroom does the instant flush and sprays a little perfume?

 

[baz212]

But the bathroom is a sacred place of quiet. Like a monk’s house or a library. SIZE]

I'm gonna stop lurking and start posting here. I guess you've never been to my Public Library. We are never quiet. Us Librarians are some of the worst offenders. You should hear us when we have a program with the Wii. The adults are worse that the kids. It cracks me up to teach the adults bowling. They get more competitive than the teens.

 

[wisnieea]

Ok I am going to jump on the band wagon and stop lurking too. My name is Emily and I have been following you since your first trip report and I just love your tales! (I have a major lurking problem btw.)

Anyway we will be in Disney the same time as you! I am taking my little sister for her 12th birthday, just the two of us. I just surprised her last month a few days before ADR-making day so she could help pick our restaurants. Last time she was in the World she was 4 and a total ride/character-phobe so I am excited to re-introduce her to the magic.

And as for the potty humor- we have a policy where before you let one "go" you casually tap your nose to warn the rest of the group. The look of terror on my sisters face when were in public is priceless and lately followed with "you better not do that in Disney!"

Anyway I'm really excited for the pre-trippy and the trip report that I hope will follow! Maybe we will even run into you!

 

[Mrs. The King]

so funny- I love potty humor! My poor DS clogs up every turlet - just the other day he stuffed up my mom's turlet- and she was up til midnight googling Helgas Home tips- and guess what- she found out that a little bit of Dishwashing detergent and boiling hot water works Turlet Magic- just let the soap and water sit for a few- she said it went right down. OH another funny Disney Turlet story- as a matter of fact my best friend and I were just re-living/re-laughing about this one just this past weekend: We all went to Disney- her gang and mine- and were eating dinner in Mexico.... you know there has to be a turlet/flatulence story to accompany any Mexican meal- but this one is the best- so her DD who was 7 at the time and is a huge farter ( its bizarre what this teeny lil girl can produce) had to use the potty- so my friend and I join her because no woman can visit the bathroom alone- - we walk in at the first thing we notice is a man wearing socks and sandals in one of the stalls in the Ladies room speaking a foreign language- there is nothing we can do- we are already in the bathroom and cannot run out now- besides we all had to pee really bad- so we continue as only a person with a bladder about to burst should do and assume that it was possibly just a language barrier- and the fact that senor and senora signs hanging on the doors look almost identical- who are we to judge. Well of course the only 2 stalls available are on either side of sock sandal feet man- I go in mine , bf and her DD go in the other- and then it happens - a loud mexican fart- and it was all mine.... at first I was so embarrassed and mortified by this accidental and very un-ladylike event that just transpired.... but then I realized I had sock sandal man next to me so of course the assumption would be that he was the culprit. All of a sudden Best Friend's DD bursts out hysterical in an uncontrollable laugh- Best Friend is frantically shushing her ( sort of how you described Cesar Milans CH CH!) because my Best Friend is now thinking that sock sandal man must have let out the sonic boom as only a a man can and she does not want to make the man feel uncomfortable in the ladies room- after all we are all Ladies- again- who are we to judge!
I could hear the ruckus going on and knew that her DD could not stop laughing- now Im laughing to the point that I can barely stand up- I compose myself and we all meet at the sink- all of us- including the sock sandal man- and my Best Friend's face is beat red- trying to hold back the laughter- I literally have tears streaming down my face- and of course her DD is still giggling uncontrollably- there was a lot of activity going on in that bathroom but no one else seemed to be taken back by the man with socks and sandals that just farted in the Ladies bathroom . OH man that story still makes us die with laughter- that is definitely one for the books! When we got outside I finally had to tell them it was me- we were all roaring, crying, that stomach hurting laugh ! That is one of our funniest Disney stories to tell- we still cant do it without laughing!

 

[andrews1ma]

speaking of going places- my gang leaves for Disney in 9 days!

Not sure if you have done this yet or not- but since we are driving down from NC I bought Diary of a Wimpy Kid- books 1 and 2 on CD for the ride down- I also downloaded them to DS 's IPOD in case DH and I are not in the mood. I know you said PC loved them too- just wanted to share.