Envy/What Would You Do?-Updated: I emailed him

[honeywolf7]

I emailed my youth minister from the church that I grew up in and told her how I was doing. At the same time, I asked her if she knew how anyone that I grew up with (I went to the school connected to the parish as well) was doing. She sent me back an email telling me that one of my best friends (and a guy I went out with a couple of times in High School) had gone to seminary for a little while but had quit and returned home. She also let me know that a boy who I had had somewhat of a friendly rivalry with throughout my childhood (we were the two smartest students at our grade level so we always competed when it came to test scores, grades, etc.) and who had been my very first boyfriend and first kiss (in second grade) had married last spring and was now a student at Oxford and that he would be the one who we would be referring to in the future when we said "I knew him when...." I decided to look him up online and found this page that tells everything that he has done: http://users.ox.ac.uk/~trin0938/cv.htm I am extremely envious (and feel really, really bad) because I know that I could have made something like this out of my life if I had applied myself (like I said, we were of equal intelligence levels.) Part of me wants to email him and congratulate him on doing so well and the other part of me feels like what I've done with my life is too insignificant for him to even write back to me. What would you do? Oh, by the way, she also mentioned that he grew up to be drop dead gorgeous (as if I didn't already feel bad enough.)

 

[grinningghost]

Take the high road and e-mail him. If he's turned out to be such a great person, he won't even consider you "beneath" him, and will respond. If he doesn't, then you know that you're the one who has become the real success in life.

 

[honeywolf7]

Grinningghost, Okay.....I'll give it a shot. Roger (my fiance) is reminding me that I'm special and that I'm successful in that I have two beautiful children and I have him but I still look at everything my friend has done and feel like somewhat of a failure. On the other hand, I do have true love and I do have the kids (my friend doesn't have any of those yet.)

 

[CathyCanada]

I agree with grinningghost. As an old friend, I am sure he would be happy to hear from you. And as long as you are happy with your life, it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks.

Take the high road!
CC

 

[ChiTownZee]

but I still look at everything my friend has done and feel like somewhat of a failure.

Your life is not over yet!! Take this as a wakeup call! See his successes as something you want, and something you can have. If you start now, this minute and use each minute of each day, he can be reading about you one day. But you have to work at it. Harder than he has, because you have children, and you have catching up to do. But it CAN be done.

 

[hmp2z]

Gosh, I'm envious, too!!! I graduated from undergrad university the same year, and am only now working on my Master's! And would totally bomb if I ever took the foreign services exam. This guy sounds like a genius - one of those guys who makes a 1600 on the SATs; if you two are equally matched, kudos to you!
Cheers!
Heather W

 

[honeywolf7]

Hmp2z, we're equally matched in potential (I got a perfect score on the Verbal part of my SAT's and a little over a 700 on my Math part)....Unfortunately, we're not equally matched in what we did with that potential. I followed my heart when I should have followed my head and he obviously followed his head. Maybe, we're not equally matched in terms of common sense.

edited to add:
I emailed him and congratulated him on doing so well as well as mentioning the fact that I am a mother of two and that I have found a wonderful, supportive boyfriend after a marriage that ended because (or so I claimed) "we wanted two different things in life." I also told him that I'm a Psychology major in college (didn't mention the CNA courses because I put them off for at least a little while since I now do have Roger's support, the kids, and a job that pays me $10.40/hour which is more than I would make as a CNA) and that I am considering being a Rehabilitation Counselor.

 

[bobcat]

One of the best gifts you can give yourself in life is to be proud of who and what you are, no matter what that may be. Just because he is outwardly successful doesn't mean he is successful in his personal life. When you compare yourself with someone else you will always find someone prettier, smarter, richer, etc.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I followed my heart when I should have followed my head and he obviously followed his head. Maybe, we're not equally matched in terms of common sense.

ok Honeywolfe seriously - how can you type something like that and then also tell us this.

also told him that I'm a Psychology major in college (didn't mention the CNA courses because I put them off for at least a little while since I now do have Roger's support, the kids, and a job that pays me $10.40/hour which is more than I would make as a CNA)

Wasn't the whole point of the CNA to test Nursing which was destined to be your next career which would make you able to stand on your own 2 feet and support your kids without having to depend on Roger or Thom to support you?

Absolutely nothing has changed except the guy who is paying your bills. I dunno maybe one day you'll get tired of it and actually grow up to show some of that potential that you are always claiming to possess.

 

[DEH3rd]

ouch

 

[Trinity721]

honeywolf7, what do you have to be envious about? From what you have told us, you have SO MUCH going for you! Two wonderful kids and the love of your life, a great education and future goals... The grass is always greener on the other side, but you don't need to be looking at the other side. You are doing great with what you have and you seem to be pretty happy.

I have a husband, a daughter and yes I'm still an undergrad. Also a Psych major! AND I'm going to nursing school in the spring! (an accelerated BSN program, just one more year after I get my degree, not bad). I know what you feel like... my cousin's the same age as me and we have always competed with each other. We both started out pre-med. Now here I am about to go to nursing school, and he's applying to med school when everyone thought that I would be the family's first doctor. But do I feel like a failure? No, I have a wonderful husband and daughter and I'm happy. A doctor's life is not for me!

Hey, you are not a failure and not even close. Be happy with the blessings that you have, and from what you've told us here, you have many!

 

[Pooh93]

The one thing I have learned in my 41 years on this earth is nobody is perfect. (although, there are many that like to think they are, including myself once in awhile ) I'm sure if you talked to him there are things about his own life he would probably change. We all make choices. Some good and some not so good. The important thing is to keep moving forward and learning along the way. That is what you seem to be doing.

 

[honeywolf7]

Thank you to everyone who has responded with nice replies. They made me feel a lot better.