Haven't read all the posts, but here's my contribution:
I don't let DD run wild for the sake of my own sanity.
My parents expected excellent behavior from us, so did DH's parents, and we always expected DD to be courteous and respectful to others. But that takes work, and a lot of people just aren't willing to do the work. They like the adorable clothes, accessories and cutesy toddler stage, but the discipline thing.....not so much. I knew from teaching that if you lay the groundwork early, the later years are so much more pleasant. Let them do what they want as toddlers and the teenage years will be worse than you can imagine. Get your bluff in early. 
Heaven knows, DD is not perfect, but she certainly knows how to behave in public.
When she had just turned 2, we went to a birthday party for 2 y.o. twins. Most of the guests were 18 months to 2 years old. As you can imagine, there was a lot of toy-grabbing and potential for hurt feelings. They hadn't really mastered sharing and taking turns at that point. Anyway, DD spotted a toy she wanted to play with and headed for it. Another kid had been playing with it, but was at that time sort of just sitting with it and not doing anything. But I knew if DD snatched it up, the kid would start to bawl. So just before DD got her hands on the toy, I said something like , "No, no. Leave that toy alone. He's playing with it. We'll find another toy for you." (DD toddled off to get a different toy, not bothered at all.) The important thing is.....I said no. Not harshly, but I spoke the word "no."
Another mother looked at me as if I had just backhanded DD and sent her flying across the room.
Seriously, the look she gave me was the same look you'd give a person you had seen beating their child. I looked at her and said, "What?" 
She said, "You said NO to her!" I explained that I had indeed said no, because DD was about to snag another kid's toy and she needed to be stopped before she did so.
Still looking shocked and sickened, she said, "But you used the word no. We never use that word with our children." She went into some speech about it affecting their self esteem or some crap like that. She further yakked that they instead explained to the child what they were doing wrong and discussed things, but never used the word no.
I said, "Good luck with that. All I know is, if I had gone into an explanation with DD about how it's wrong to take another child's toy because it will hurt them and upset them, by the time I got that speech out, she would have already had the toy in her hot little hands and the other kid would be having a meltdown. By using the word 'no' at the beginning of my sentence, I stopped her in her tracks and THEN I had the chance to tell her she needed to leave the kid's toy alone. I haven't crushed her self-esteem yet by using the word 'no.' She's turned out just fine AND she knows how to behave."
Later, I told my friend (the mother of the birthday twins) about the encounter and she rolled her eyes and said, "Let me tell you, it's OBVIOUS that she never tells those kids no. You don't have to be around them for 5 minutes to figure that out."
Poor DD. I'm still abusing her by telling her "no."
I don't let DD run wild for the sake of my own sanity.
My parents expected excellent behavior from us, so did DH's parents, and we always expected DD to be courteous and respectful to others. But that takes work, and a lot of people just aren't willing to do the work. They like the adorable clothes, accessories and cutesy toddler stage, but the discipline thing.....not so much. I knew from teaching that if you lay the groundwork early, the later years are so much more pleasant. Let them do what they want as toddlers and the teenage years will be worse than you can imagine. Get your bluff in early. Heaven knows, DD is not perfect, but she certainly knows how to behave in public. When she had just turned 2, we went to a birthday party for 2 y.o. twins. Most of the guests were 18 months to 2 years old. As you can imagine, there was a lot of toy-grabbing and potential for hurt feelings. They hadn't really mastered sharing and taking turns at that point. Anyway, DD spotted a toy she wanted to play with and headed for it. Another kid had been playing with it, but was at that time sort of just sitting with it and not doing anything. But I knew if DD snatched it up, the kid would start to bawl. So just before DD got her hands on the toy, I said something like , "No, no. Leave that toy alone. He's playing with it. We'll find another toy for you." (DD toddled off to get a different toy, not bothered at all.) The important thing is.....I said no. Not harshly, but I spoke the word "no."
Another mother looked at me as if I had just backhanded DD and sent her flying across the room.
Seriously, the look she gave me was the same look you'd give a person you had seen beating their child. I looked at her and said, "What?" She said, "You said NO to her!" I explained that I had indeed said no, because DD was about to snag another kid's toy and she needed to be stopped before she did so. Still looking shocked and sickened, she said, "But you used the word no. We never use that word with our children." She went into some speech about it affecting their self esteem or some crap like that. She further yakked that they instead explained to the child what they were doing wrong and discussed things, but never used the word no.
I said, "Good luck with that. All I know is, if I had gone into an explanation with DD about how it's wrong to take another child's toy because it will hurt them and upset them, by the time I got that speech out, she would have already had the toy in her hot little hands and the other kid would be having a meltdown. By using the word 'no' at the beginning of my sentence, I stopped her in her tracks and THEN I had the chance to tell her she needed to leave the kid's toy alone. I haven't crushed her self-esteem yet by using the word 'no.' She's turned out just fine AND she knows how to behave." Later, I told my friend (the mother of the birthday twins) about the encounter and she rolled her eyes and said, "Let me tell you, it's OBVIOUS that she never tells those kids no. You don't have to be around them for 5 minutes to figure that out."
Poor DD. I'm still abusing her by telling her "no."
DD practices it, having been told by me she will need to use it someday as a mother. 
She is fully aware of and frozen by.....the look. Why yell at a kid when you can just employ the look? 
