Entitlement Generation inspired by another thread

[ead79]

I'm not a parent, but I do have one other observation.

It seems to me that often the children who don't listen to their parents know that they don't really have to. For example, it amazes me when you overhear a parent telling their child a dozen times, "If you touch your sister one more time, I am going to put you in time out." Obviously, the kid is smart enough to figure out that their parent doesn't mean what they say. When I was growing up, if my mom said that I would be punished if I did something one more time, I would get punished. End of story. It almost seems like some parents don't really expect their children to obey them. I think that kids often rise to the expectations you have of them. If you don't expect enough, they are likely to fall to that lower standard.

 

[VillageMama]

The people of this country aren't in the financial mess they are in because the 10 year olds of the world lived beyond their means.

That's a really good point!

 

[Darsa]

I am my DD14's friend; I wouldn't have it any other way. That being said, she also knows right from wrong, is unfailingly polite and considerate, and could never ever be considered "spoiled" or "entitled", and knows that if she does something wrong, only the person in the mirror can be held to blame. This is because there is a CLEAR difference between being a "friend" and being a "parent who's a friend", and unfortunately a lot of parents can't be both.

NO one wants any responsibility these days.

Truer words were never spoken. Working in the legal field, hearing people CONSTANTLY looking for an attorney to find someone else to blame for their problems, this is exactly what one of the BIGGEST problems is in this day and age; people feel that there MUST be someone else to blame besides themselves. "I didn't murder that guy, the gun company that made the .22 I shot him with should be held responsible! And the NRA too, for condoning gun ownership!" WHA???

 

[NHdisneylover]

Somewhere along the way it seesm that we, as a nantion, have gotten the idea that our children are much more fragile than those in past generations and we coddle them beyond belief to keep from breaking them. Why we have chosen to view our children as incapable of mush of anythign is beyond me, but I do see that as the root probelm most of the time. Part of that is being afraid of "breaking their spirit" by enforcing any rules or providing discipline. So often parents feel the need to protect their chidlren from every possible harm including from the sting of realizing the world does not revolve around them.
Of course, I think this ultimately harms the child tremendously by denying the child the chance to learn and grow over the years (and creating a personality others abhor).
I agree that this is not something to have only happened recently--but it does seem to be happening much more frequently with each successive year.

 

[brockash]

I was just wondering what strikes you as a parent raising a child who is a card carrying member of the *entitlement generation* and what is simply normal childhood behaviour?

Example: I was in the grocery store the other day and a child was blocking the aisle as I was trying to wheel my cart by. I was patient and waited (being a parent myself), but when the child never moved even though the mother was (sweetly) calling the child's name for a very long time, I looked at the mother in disbelief. She never came to get the child!.......but instead looked at me as to say "this is my special snowflake.......she is the most important thing in the universe and it doesn't matter that you are waiting to get by......you will simply have to wait until my special snowflake decides to move". I was appalled.

Kids will be kids, but I do worry about how some parents are raising their children. These children will be in for a rude awakening when they are adults and they realize that they are no more special than the next person! How did we (as a society) get to this point? - i.e. raising the *me* generation? What has happened to common courtesy?

Thoughts?

Do you think it was an entiltement issue or just that the parent was being lazy?? I agree that some ppl. really do think that for whatever reason their child should be able to do whatever they want when they want, but I've ran into a lot more situations where it's really the parent is just lazy and doesn't want to waste the time/energy on correcting their child. In any case, it's a shame, but in your case, my first assumption would be that the parent was really just being lazy Either way, I think it's totally rediculous, and would never just "call" my child if they were in the way of someone at the grocery store

 

[SaraJayne]

You're right, I should not have made such a generalized statement.

I should have said "I don't understand "some" young parents these days."

Not all young parents are bad parents, I do know that.

But when I see misbehaving children, it is usually the child of a younger mother/parents.

Funnily enough, the worst behaved children I've seen have "older" parents.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

I'm not a parent, but I do have one other observation.

It seems to me that often the children who don't listen to their parents know that they don't really have to. For example, it amazes me when you overhear a parent telling their child a dozen times, "If you touch your sister one more time, I am going to put you in time out." Obviously, the kid is smart enough to figure out that their parent doesn't mean what they say. When I was growing up, if my mom said that I would be punished if I did something one more time, I would get punished. End of story. It almost seems like some parents don't really expect their children to obey them. I think that kids often rise to the expectations you have of them. If you don't expect enough, they are likely to fall to that lower standard.

I agree with this 100%. We don't "warn" DS, once he breaks the rules he immediately receives a consequence (time out, taking away a toy, etc). This has been very effective for us. I also try to not yell at DS because it just makes the situation worse usually. If I stay calm I can get him under control.

So many parents warn and warn and wait and wait until they just snap.

Speaking on the generation issue. Yes, there are "snowflakes" and entitled people of all ages, but there is a significant trend right now towards a very lenient type of parenting. I have heard fellow parents my age talking about how they are "never negative" with their children. There is a lot of people doing things "on demand" - as in, my child eats when they want to, not when I tell them to.

I am not an expert in this area because I disagree with this parenting style, but it is pretty prevalent right now. I hear it a lot. For example I used to post on a few different parenting sites and that type of parenting is the most popular at those sites. I wouldn't say it's "bad" per se. I would just say it's not for me and it doesn't work with my extemely strong willed boy.

 

[Nik's Mom]

I've seen "entitlement syndrome" in all age groups. It's sad. But in regards to kids and entitlement. It drives me crazy.

First off, I'm a mom to 2 autistic kids. It is a constant struggle to make sure my kids behave appropriately when in public. I work very hard at making sure that they stay right next to me while in stores. I don't allow them to run around or get really loud. If they start to have a melt down, we go home immediately. Yes, we've left a cart full of groceries in the store because we couldn't wait in line. Luckily, that has only happened a couple of times. Believe me, it is not easy to handle behavior issues with a special needs child. But as a parent, it is my job to correct inappropriate behavior.

So here is what really irks me, and this may make some of you mad. I'm sorry if it does. When we are out in public, I cannot understand why some parents of "neuro-typical kids" allow their kids to act out in public without trying to correct their behavior. Aren't parents embarassed by their kids behavior? I know when I was a kid and acted up, my Mom would show us her fist and we would stop dead in our tracks. She never had to hit us. Just the fear alone made us correct our own behavior.

Here's my theory. The same parents who raise entitled children probably suffer from the same entitlement issues.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

Though I agree with the OP, as a parent I have to point out how difficult it is for a parent to discipline a child in public today. I think entitlement is a factor, but it is also how judgemental people are today.

I think many parents are now afraid to look harsh or abusive to their children. My generation was full of adults guiding a child to be a better student, citizen, driver, friend, etc. Now anyone can be accused of crossing a line if they speak up to a child. My neighbors would tell me not to play in the street. My teacher would tell me I received a zero for missed homework. My friend would tell me she wasn't going to play with me anymore because I was being unfair.

Now the neighbor rarely sits on her front porch and she would NEVER say anything to me in fear my parents would come calling. The teacher would give me multiple opportunities to make up my missed work. Heck, there isn't any grading anymore in schools. My friend would just have to put up with my behavior because I have another scheduled playdate at Gymboree on Friday.

Yes, it's bad parenting, but we all have dropped the ball on this generation. We should let parents parent their children. Yes, in rare situations parents go too far, but it is rare. Though I don't agree with spanking, it is within a parent's rights to do it. Teachers should be able to fail kids, coach's have try-outs, and kids make their own friends, not have them created by their parents.

Quick story- our town has been polarized on an incident that happened several months ago. A retired high school coach was accused of hitting an autistic boy as he left the library. The mother said the boy was acting up and she started to take him out. The boy hit the elderly man on the way out, and the man spanked him in return. Many in the community were wanting the man jailed for his actions. There were others who supported the coach. He is respected highly here. The coach denied the accusations.

Just last week it was discovered by the coach's attorney that the library had surveillance video. The police didn't look into it, nor the district attorney. Turns out the mother was lying. The coach never touched the boy.

The police, prosecutors, and public rushed to judgement.

 

[luvmy3]

You're right, I should not have made such a generalized statement.

I should have said "I don't understand "some" young parents these days."

Not all young parents are bad parents, I do know that.

But when I see misbehaving children, it is usually the child of a younger mother/parents.

I know a few couples who became parents in their 40's and they have some of the worst behaved children that I personally know.

I think it comes down to a lack of discipline and following through with threats, for parents of any age. I am not perfect, but my dh and I are very strict with our discipline and so our kids are pretty well behaved. They are not perfect and they test the limits but they also know that we are not going to let them get away with things. I was raised the same and so was dh. I can say that at the time I hated it but once I was out on my own I realized just how thankful for it I was.
Unfortunately I know alot of parents who feel its just easier to not discipline their kids and just be their friend. Kids will learn early what they are *entitled* to do, have, say, etc and then it just becomes too late for them.

 

[rufus jones]

Though I agree with the OP, as a parent I have to point out how difficult it is for a parent to discipline a child in public today. I think entitlement is a factor, but it is also how judgemental people are today.

I think many parents are now afraid to look harsh or abusive to their children. My generation was full of adults guiding a child to be a better student, citizen, driver, friend, etc. Now anyone can be accused of crossing a line if they speak up to a child. My neighbors would tell me not to play in the street. My teacher would tell me I received a zero for missed homework. My friend would tell me she wasn't going to play with me anymore because I was being unfair.

Now the neighbor rarely sits on her front porch and she would NEVER say anything to me in fear my parents would come calling. The teacher would give me multiple opportunities to make up my missed work. Heck, there isn't any grading anymore in schools. My friend would just have to put up with my behavior because I have another scheduled playdate at Gymboree on Friday.

Yes, it's bad parenting, but we all have dropped the ball on this generation. We should let parents parent their children. Yes, in rare situations parents go too far, but it is rare. Though I don't agree with spanking, it is within a parent's rights to do it. Teachers should be able to fail kids, coach's have try-outs, and kids make their own friends, not have them created by their parents.

Quick story- our town has been polarized on an incident that happened several months ago. A retired high school coach was accused of hitting an autistic boy as he left the library. The mother said the boy was acting up and she started to take him out. The boy hit the elderly man on the way out, and the man spanked him in return. Many in the community were wanting the man jailed for his actions. There were others who supported the coach. He is respected highly here. The coach denied the accusations.

Just last week it was discovered by the coach's attorney that the library had surveillance video. The police didn't look into it, nor the district attorney. Turns out the mother was lying. The coach never touched the boy.

The police, prosecutors, and public rushed to judgement.

All you have to do is go over to the thread about corporal punishment in school. You should see all the mommies screaming about how they don't spank their kids they just "talk about it". If my parents would have "talked about it with me and put me in time out" I would have laughed in their face. No on second thought if I had laughed in my parents face I would have caught a backhand. That's why I never did I respected their authority because I knew there would be consequences. Too many kids these days have no consequences because their parents are afraid to be their parents. They wanna be friends.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I admit that my children are members of the entitlement generation, BUT they have also been raised with manners and consideration for others. The entitlement is inregards to items, working, etc.. But they denfinetely know right from wrong and understand that the "attitude" will only get you so far. I feel sorry for them. They live the generation. It is all around them. They are bombarded by bad examples. All we can do as parents are point it out and then point them in the right direction.

I don't think I will ever win the battle with DS14 who feels that if he wants a certain video game that there is no reason why he can't have it. He will wear down everyone around him, do odd jobs etc, until he has that game. He doesn't think about the consequences like the fact he will need that money to pay for a school function. It's a terrible cycle. No matter what I do (including taking the game away and throwing it out) changes the way he thinks in these situations.

I personally don't feel as though I am a bad parent. My children do very well in school, say please and thank you, would never act up in public, and treat their elder with respect. BUT, they also feel entitled to many things and I guess in that aspect I have failed, but I take note in the fact that so did the majority of parents we know.

 

[MinnieTink]

Although I agree with so much that is on this thread, I have to say I have run into "Special snowflakes" of every age. I don't think it's a generational thing. Ithink a percentage of every generation are a bunch of buttheads!! LOL!!

 

[LoraJ]

I do not think the issue with kids is entitlement, but more of what someone else pointed out as coddling. When I was a kid we played with our friends outside until dinnertime. We did not have every waking moment scheduled by our parents. These kids are starting to come into the workplace. They are on the phone all day with their parents. Their mommy’s bring in cakes for them on their birthdays. They still live at home rent-free so they can drive nice cars. The ones I am thinking of at my workplace do not seem to be very independent.

We have become more of an entitled “me me me me” society in general. Their text to their friend is more important than someone’s life when they text and drive. Or when they swerve around the road because they just have to talk on the phone. They feel they must have that nice BMW and McMansion because they deserve it, not because they can really afford it. I could go on and on. While the children may not feel entitled yet, they are definitely learning these behaviors from their parents. It is only getting worse.

 

[ckay87]

My own children are members of this generation and I am a parent in the category of which this thread is addressed. And I get tired. Really, really tired of all of the complaining about "kids nowdays" and "parents nowdays" and all the tsk-tsk-tsking on these boards. Am I the only one who gets sooooo weary of this? Doesn't anyone realize that this is an AGE OLD complaint?. There has never, ever been a generation that did not complain about the younger generation.

Sorry, I know this doesn't make me popular, but I had to say it. Carry on - you all just sound like....well.....your parents

 

[lovetoscrap]

I am a strict but loving parent with clear rules and consequenses. My kids don't run around stores, they behave in public and always have. What is difficult for them is seeing the other snowflakes acting like terrors! There have been times that DD9 (when younger) would just stand there at the behavior of some child. She has been known to shake her head and whisper to me "Mom, why is she acting like that and why isn't that Mom telling her no?" or "Mom, you would KILL me if I acted like that!". The hardest part for my kids is that they worry about the safety of other kids and think that it is MY job to take care of them. They will say "Mom, that kid is going to fall, you need to tell them to get down!". I haven't yet been able to get them to understand that I am only there to parent them and that Darwin had it right with the theory of " survival of the fittest"!


My children know they are only entitled to a roof over their head, food to eat (not necessarily that they like!) and air to breathe! Among DD14's friends I am considered to be the meanest mom in the bunch, because I ground her for things AND I follow through. They think the absolute worst thing that I did was make her stay IN HER ROOM for an entire weekend (except for meals and chores) because she wasn't turning in homework for several classes. Yep, 2 days in her room and I am Attila the Hun. Of course she has no TV, no Computer and no phone in there so I guess that is torture, but she hasn't missed a homework assignment since! And you know what? All her friends love to see me up at the school. They love to come over to our house and hang out.

We actually did have an incident yesterday and I thought about posting about it here on the DIS for some perspective on the punishment I was considering, but didn't because past experience has shown me that I would be told I was being way to mean, it was no big deal, give her another chance etc.... Snowflake parents are alive and well on the DIS!

 

[smkiya]

Sometimes a simple, "I'm sorry." makes a world of difference. It's a shame, but it seems like parents are forgetting to teach this to their children.

OK, so you choose to allow your child to block the aisle, why not apologize to the person who wants to get through... and while you're at it, tell your child to apologize and move out of the way so other people can get through.

I know your 4 year old likes to flick purses, tell him to apologize, and maybe the crotchety old witch, won't be so crotchety.

It's fun to let your child run wild while waiting in line, but when they get in the way of the person trying to move, apologize.

Sure, teach children how to behave in public. It's one thing to tell them what they're doing is wrong, but they also need to learn how to apologize to the person they've probably affected by their behavior.

I've had kids run into me or cut me off while in the store, I have kids, I get that. It's not enough to tell them to walk not run, I want to hear "I'm sorry."

I'm sorry, but that's not too much to ask. Your child is not entitled to negatively impact my day. But, if I hear those simple 2 words, all is usually forgiven.

 

[eliza61]

I don't think there are any "magic bullets" to explain. It's a variety of different reasons. I always say children learn what they are taught or they see, so the question I always ask is how did we adults fail our children.

I work with young girls (Jrs. and seniors in H.S.) I'm always amazed at almost 99% of them have Louie vutton bags, top of the line cell phones, top of the line ipods and laptops. designer clothes. Then when they become adults every body is stunned that they have no idea how to save or that they buy a house they can't afford. and the parents always justify the excess. When did graduating from H.S. mean the kid gets brand new wheels? what ever happen to working for the beat up jalopy? When did turning 16 mean you get a birthday party that rivals Princess diana's coronation. You turned 16, you didn't find a cure for breast cancer.

It ain't the kids people.

 

[AlleyKat]

The entitlement problem is not unique to people under the age of 30.

Touche'!

 

[MIGrandma]

Funnily enough, the worst behaved children I've seen have "older" parents.

At my age, any parent who is younger than me is a "young" parent.