Entitlement Generation inspired by another thread

[RadioNate]

I often see people bring up the "everybody gets a trophy" issue. Realistically though, I have only seen that in young kids' rec leagues. Like a 5/6 year old recreational soccer league where the kids are just learning, and the purpose is fun, not competition. All kids get a participation trophy, which makes it fun for them. I really don't think anyone thinks it is equivalent to the world cup or anything.

If a kid sticks with a sport for more than a couple of years, around here anyway, it becomes extremely competitive for the travel/club teams in every sport. I have seen plenty of kids disappointed not to make the travel team. Not to mention once they get to high school-all the sports are super competitive!! There is no such thing around here as going from a rec-level league to a high school team. Private coaches, training all year round, camps, etc. are not unusual.

In high school sports, we joke that there is the winner, and then instead of second place it is "first loser". So the kids don't really rely on that soccer trophy they got as a five year old. This doesn't really give them any illusions, ifykwim.

Of course, the kids HAVE to play high school sports along with clubs, community service, work experience and volunteering, also AP classes and superior grades, in order to get into the most competitive colleges, and many kids apply to 10 colleges! Again, this may just be in my area, everything from school to sports is much more competitive than when I was young.

That was actually a copy and paste from Disney Dolls post. My DS is 8 and he is still in the everyone plays and everyone gets a trophy leagues.

The sports things was Disney Doll's example.

I really think in my area and my group of friends though that people are worried and over concerned about disappointing their kids. Which was why I copied and pasted from her list.

Everyone is SO worried about their children's feelings and making sure they aren't sad or mad or frustrated or any range of negative normal emotions. No one is telling their kids "suck it up and deal" like my mom told me.

It really isn't them worrying about if another child hurts their child's feelings. They don't want to do it, so they don't say no. I can't tell little snowflake she can't do that because it'll hurt her feelings. That sort of thing.

It is coddling. I think that is what Disney Doll and I were really getting at.

Kids today are coddled. That is something that I think is more than when I was growing up. The whole helicopter parent thing. Parents called their kids colleges and jobs and getting into all the friend drama. That didn't happen in my family.

 

[lustergirl]

I think there are way too many spoiled brats who control their parents nowadays. I was in Target the other day and this little boy was whining about not getting a toy. His father caved in and around the corner the boy to get the toy. Parents give in too easy to their kids, creating little monsters Parenting has changed so much, now people are scared to put a hand on their children or even discipline them. I used to spank my boys when they were growing up when they acted terrible and they turned out pretty decent.

 

[rufus jones]

I think there are way too many spoiled brats who control their parents nowadays. I was in Target the other day and this little boy was whining about not getting a toy. His father caved in and around the corner the boy to get the toy. Parents give in too easy to their kids, creating little monsters Parenting has changed so much, now people are scared to put a hand on their children or even discipline them. I used to spank my boys when they were growing up when they acted terrible and they turned out pretty decent.

You barbarian! (note my sarcasm) Just wanted to get the first jab in that will be coming from the wild horde on here.

Ps- You are 100% correct.

 

[Free4Life11]

I see this differently. I think we have a "Passive Agressive Generation" of people who are too patient and too afraid to give direct commands. You just sat their waiting for the child to move and then got annoyed when the child didn't move and then still didn't say anything but stare at the mother. Why? Next time firmly say "Excuse me" and move your cart along. I'm not really sure why you would just stand there and say nothing. Maybe the child thought you were waiting to look at something, who knows, because I'm having a hard time picturing how the child was blocking the whole aisle. I know if I'm in an aisle I can easily get lost in thought and the only way I'm going to know if I'm your way is if you tell me.

And for what it's worth, I don't see how this is an example of the "entitlement generation."

 

[dismom2]

Besides all the other reasons mentioned, recent generations have gone through more changes than before. You cannot neglect to factor in more single parenting, and the fact that divorce rates have sky-rocketed. This in itself does not make anyone a bad parent at all, but it can make a difference with how SOME children are raised. Some children are raised in daycare because both parents have to work---whether by choice or out of necessity. Some children are shuffled back and forth between parents and grandparents, have to deal with step-parents (which can be a positive or negative experience), and don't have 'one' stable place to call home (again, this does make for a bad parent, and doesn't have to make for a bad situation,either---but it can and does for some). I've seen very decent divorce's where the children are very well rounded and the parents work together to raise the children in a stable, loving way. I've also seen children of divorce in difficult situations, and it affects them negatively. I've seen some children spoiled by a parent, step-parent, or both parents due to lack of time with the aforementioned; perhaps it's a way to pay off a feeling of guilt. I've seen a parent cut their daughters long hair off to upset the other parent who wanted their child to have long hair. I've seen parents pit their children against the other parent. Some teens find themselves pregnant when not ready to be a parent (this can happen at any age, really) and the child suffers when the parent wants to still live the pre-child lifestyle. A lot more children these days do not have a father living in the home, and it can be challenging for a single mother to discipline; and they can get overwhelmed and do whatever they can to keep their child(ren) happy so they can have some free time.

Again, none of this makes someone a bad parent, but it can play a factor for SOME children in the way they are raised. It's just an observation--

I do wonder how we went from respecting adults (for example: calling them Mr. and Mrs., not by their first name) and kids text messaging their friends' parents, and being included in all adult conversation(s).

It's nice to be friends with your children, but a parents first job is to parent, and that includes teaching manners and respect. It has to start from day one. I am not a perfect parent, and my children are not snowflakes. It's just an interesting question and there are many things that factor in. I just look around me and think about the people I know, and I think about what certain children have in common as related to how and in what environment they are raised, and I do see patterns.

 

[Planogirl]

Our son gets a lot and I love hanging out with him. However, he WILL be respectful and polite, it's just as simple as that.

As for the OP, didn't she say that she said excuse me a few times in a later post? I'm not sure what I would do if someone just ignored me like that.

 

[Silent1CB]

I was just wondering what strikes you as a parent raising a child who is a card carrying member of the *entitlement generation* and what is simply normal childhood behaviour?

Example: I was in the grocery store the other day and a child was blocking the aisle as I was trying to wheel my cart by. I was patient and waited (being a parent myself), but when the child never moved even though the mother was (sweetly) calling the child's name for a very long time, I looked at the mother in disbelief. She never came to get the child!.......but instead looked at me as to say "this is my special snowflake.......she is the most important thing in the universe and it doesn't matter that you are waiting to get by......you will simply have to wait until my special snowflake decides to move". I was appalled.

Kids will be kids, but I do worry about how some parents are raising their children. These children will be in for a rude awakening when they are adults and they realize that they are no more special than the next person! How did we (as a society) get to this point? - i.e. raising the *me* generation? What has happened to common courtesy?

Thoughts?

I would have given that kid a dose of reality starting today.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

You barbarian! (note my sarcasm) Just wanted to get the first jab in that will be coming from the wild horde on here.

Ps- You are 100% correct.

That's pretty funny, considering yours was the first post in this thread to take a jab at anyone (those of us who don't spank). You got, what, three people who calmly disageed with you, and you call it a "wild horde"?? Quick, call the waaaaahhbulance!

The difference between your post and the post you quoted is that lustergirl was speaking of her own kids only, not insinuating that all the horrible, "entitled" children come from the non-spankers. So I betcha she won't get those whopping three posts disagreeing with her the way you did! And if you plan to hang around here, I would suggest growing a thicker skin.

 

[hereyago]

Entitlement has always been around, but these days it has a name and it seems much more rampant.

My friend years ago, his dad was never around, well he worked in a foreign country. Made a lot of money. My friend had no guidance, the mother was out doing heaven knows what.MY friend would either wreck his sports car or run the engine out. Parents would buy him a new one. Finally, he gets into the real world thinking things are just going to be handed to him. He was shocked to learn that is not how the real world is.

My DM 76 -her parents allowed her to never have responsibility. DF continued to enable it and she thinks I am here to serve her when she is able to do things.

My friend has a 11 year old girl who asks why if she can't do anytning and the mother always explains why and then the girl pouts and her mom takes her shopping.

Now, I do sometimes explain to my DD11 why she can't do something ie. don't touch the stove because it is hot, something she really can benefit from. But I am sorry if I say no because she wants to have a sleepover, she knows better than to ask why I say no. I am not here to be her buddy, I can be her buddy when she is an adult, but not now.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

Besides all the other reasons mentioned, recent generations have gone through more changes than before. You cannot neglect to factor in more single parenting, and the fact that divorce rates have sky-rocketed. This in itself does not make anyone a bad parent at all, but it can make a difference with how SOME children are raised. Some children are raised in daycare because both parents have to work---whether by choice or out of necessity. Some children are shuffled back and forth between parents and grandparents, have to deal with step-parents (which can be a positive or negative experience), and don't have 'one' stable place to call home (again, this does make for a bad parent, and doesn't have to make for a bad situation,either---but it can and does for some). I've seen very decent divorce's where the children are very well rounded and the parents work together to raise the children in a stable, loving way. I've also seen children of divorce in difficult situations, and it affects them negatively. I've seen some children spoiled by a parent, step-parent, or both parents due to lack of time with the aforementioned; perhaps it's a way to pay off a feeling of guilt. I've seen a parent cut their daughters long hair off to upset the other parent who wanted their child to have long hair. I've seen parents pit their children against the other parent. Some teens find themselves pregnant when not ready to be a parent (this can happen at any age, really) and the child suffers when the parent wants to still live the pre-child lifestyle. A lot more children these days do not have a father living in the home, and it can be challenging for a single mother to discipline; and they can get overwhelmed and do whatever they can to keep their child(ren) happy so they can have some free time.

Again, none of this makes someone a bad parent, but it can play a factor for SOME children in the way they are raised. It's just an observation--

.

Those problems mentioned do not only happen in divorced families. I have seen those behaviors happen in a married couples so called "stable" home.

I have seen kids that can play thier married parents like a fine tuned violin. The kids learn to play the parents against each other.

As a single mom I can tell you it is no problem to discipline my dd. I do not worry about keeping my dd happy so I can have free time.

Using divorce as an excuse for how this generation is being raised does not fly with me. Yes there are more divorced couples and single parents but why then do I see bad and sometimes worse behavior from children of married couples? Why do I see the mom with a husband and several kids give in to the kids just to keep them quiet? Using the kids against each other is not just reserved for those parent that are divorced.

 

[dismom2]

Those problems mentioned do not only happen in divorced families. I have seen those behaviors happen in a married couples so called "stable" home.

I have seen kids that can play thier married parents like a fine tuned violin. The kids learn to play the parents against each other.

As a single mom I can tell you it is no problem to discipline my dd. I do not worry about keeping my dd happy so I can have free time.

Using divorce as an excuse for how this generation is being raised does not fly with me. Yes there are more divorced couples and single parents but why then do I see bad and sometimes worse behavior from children of married couples? Why do I see the mom with a husband and several kids give in to the kids just to keep them quiet? Using the kids against each other is not just reserved for those parent that are divorced.

You are correct, and that is why I mentioned several times that those factors can play a part in SOME children's lives. Believe me, I have seen plenty of children in two parent homes that are out of control. And I've seen wonderful single parents. It's all in the way you choose to deal with your situation, and the way you choose to raise your child. Children and parents of divorce have different issues to face, but again, that can be made to be a positive experience or negative. Every parent has potential.

 

[PaddingtonBear]

Sadly, I did just that. The kid didn't move (I asked twice) and the mother did NOTHING. I feel sorry for the child as she is the one who will be going to the school of hard knocks when she realized that she is really no more special than the next person! What I think about the mother........well that is an entirely different story!

See, and at that point I'd have told the kid point blank, "Move or become asilekill" I'm nice with the first request, the second, not so much.

 

[JESW]

Entitlement is not reserved just for the young... Remember the Year of a Million Dreams promotion and all the ADULTS who came back whining on these boards because they didn't win anything??

So glad when all that was over...

Jill

 

[Disney Doll]

I admit that my children are members of the entitlement generation, BUT they have also been raised with manners and consideration for others. The entitlement is inregards to items, working, etc.. But they denfinetely know right from wrong and understand that the "attitude" will only get you so far. I feel sorry for them. They live the generation. It is all around them. They are bombarded by bad examples. All we can do as parents are point it out and then point them in the right direction.

I don't think I will ever win the battle with DS14 who feels that if he wants a certain video game that there is no reason why he can't have it. He will wear down everyone around him, do odd jobs etc, until he has that game. He doesn't think about the consequences like the fact he will need that money to pay for a school function. It's a terrible cycle. No matter what I do (including taking the game away and throwing it out) changes the way he thinks in these situations.

I personally don't feel as though I am a bad parent. My children do very well in school, say please and thank you, would never act up in public, and treat their elder with respect. BUT, they also feel entitled to many things and I guess in that aspect I have failed, but I take note in the fact that so did the majority of parents we know.

I would think the sentence "No you cannot have the video game" would work very well in this instance, followed by "Stop asking me about it because I said no, end of discussion".

 

[Disney Doll]

Sometimes I feel like I live in a parallel universe from the Dis.

Truthfully, I don’t notice kids behaving any better or worse than they did when I was growing up.

The kids of today do have better toys and more money to spend than they did in my generation, I’ll agree with that. It’s a different world. In general, people are having smaller families and more mothers are working with better jobs than they did back in the 60s/70s. In terms of behavior, however, I don’t see a big difference.

Fortunately, people are less inclined nowadays to spank their kids because most of us have learned that it’s not the only effective method of punishing them. When my kid does something he shouldn’t do, I correct him with the meanest voice you’ve ever heard, and you should see the look on my face! I can scare my son and any of his friends to pieces with just that--my voice and my face. And I can say proudly that my son (13 yo) conducts himself very well and always has. I have never had a problem with his behavior anywhere--at home, in public or school.

You guys must be seeing all these bratty snowflakes at Wal-Mart where I never go because I really do not encounter many children with “entitlement issues.” I work with literally hundreds of parents and children in special education, and the only time I run into entitlement issues is with parents, never the kids. Actually, I can think of exactly one kid I would say felt “entitled” in the three years I’ve worked in this job. “Entitled parents?” I couldn’t even begin to estimate how many of those I deal with.

I live in a fairly affluent area (how I got her I have no idea because I am about as far from affluent as someone can get!), so believe me when I tell you, around here, there are TONS of snowflakes.

 

[Disney Doll]

That was actually a copy and paste from Disney Dolls post. My DS is 8 and he is still in the everyone plays and everyone gets a trophy leagues.

The sports things was Disney Doll's example.

I really think in my area and my group of friends though that people are worried and over concerned about disappointing their kids. Which was why I copied and pasted from her list.

Everyone is SO worried about their children's feelings and making sure they aren't sad or mad or frustrated or any range of negative normal emotions. No one is telling their kids "suck it up and deal" like my mom told me.

It really isn't them worrying about if another child hurts their child's feelings. They don't want to do it, so they don't say no. I can't tell little snowflake she can't do that because it'll hurt her feelings. That sort of thing.

It is coddling. I think that is what Disney Doll and I were really getting at.

Kids today are coddled. That is something that I think is more than when I was growing up. The whole helicopter parent thing. Parents called their kids colleges and jobs and getting into all the friend drama. That didn't happen in my family.

Oh dear God no! The LAST thing my parents did was get into my friend drama as a kid!!!!!

I recall my friends' mothers and my mother talking one day...the mothers used to hang out together and wait fir us to come home from school...we walked home. Anyhow, they were in the midst of a conversaiton when we arrived and one of the mothers was commenting about how her daughter (age 13) was her "best friend". My mother looked at her and said "What on earth would you ever want with a 13 year old friend???". I can recall being mortified at the time, but when I think about it now, my mother was right...shhh, don't tell her ...ridiculous for a grown woman to have her 13 year odl daugter as her "best friend".

 

[MrsPete]

I know you didn't mean it that way, but some "young" parents still do a good job of parenting.

I have no problems parenting my children and saying "no" to them. I also don't let them wander around stores. At 8 and 12, it's been drilled into them they stay by me.

And some "old parents" have waited so long to have that one precious child that they have trouble accepting that he's not the center of the universe to everyone else.

This entitlement-inducing parenting style isn't regulated to any one age.

 

[MrsPete]

I'm not a parent, but I do have one other observation.

It seems to me that often the children who don't listen to their parents know that they don't really have to. For example, it amazes me when you overhear a parent telling their child a dozen times, "If you touch your sister one more time, I am going to put you in time out." Obviously, the kid is smart enough to figure out that their parent doesn't mean what they say. When I was growing up, if my mom said that I would be punished if I did something one more time, I would get punished. End of story. It almost seems like some parents don't really expect their children to obey them. I think that kids often rise to the expectations you have of them. If you don't expect enough, they are likely to fall to that lower standard.

Here's a similar one:

How many mothers -- this seems to be a mother thing, not a father thing -- ASK their children if they want to do something? Examples: Are you ready for bed yet? Do you want to finish up that math homework? Shall we go run errands now?

These mothers DON'T mean these things as questions -- they mean them as commands. Instead, they mean to be nice about thing that the child isn't going to particularly enjoy, but that's NOT appropriate parent-talk. It probably ties into the "wanna be a friend" thing, but it definitely implies to the child that there's an option, though the parent doesn't intend that meaning.

 

[klacey1]

I understand that no child or parent is perfect, or constantly on their game. But come on people!
I was at the zoo the other day (a friend of mine docents there, so I decided to visit) and they were doing something special with the elephants-- pumpkins were hidden all around their area, and they were to find them and eat them.
First issue-- I got there about 20 minutes early, as I wanted a good spot. A little girl pushed past me and then climbed up on the fence to see even better. Now, I have no problem with one child standing in front of me-- that won't affect my view. However, this children literally PUSHED me. Didn't say excuse me. Didn't politely ask me if she could stand in front of me.
Next rude child. This mother placed her stroller next to me and started yakking to her friend. The child (had to be at least 5 or 6) had a baggie of tortilla chips with them and then dropped them next to the stroller. Instead of reaching over himself (which he easily could have done. The child was huge and the stroller was a fold up and low to the ground) or even nicely asking me or his mother, he pointed to me and then to the bag. When I looked at him, he let out a cry and then his mother finally noticed and picked up the bag, and the son took it back without thanking her. (I know some of you may be thinking he was developmentally delayed, but I overheard him talking to his mother. He was mentally fine, he was just a little jerk!) I cannot BELIEVE he pointed at me and then the bag!! Clearly, he never does anything for himself.
Third rude child (keep in mind, this is all in a span of 20 minutes). This little girl who had foreign parents (I think Eastern European, not too sure what language they were speaking) pushed past me, stepped on the feet of the little girl who had initially pushed past me, and then STEPPED ON THE LAP of the boy in the stroller! The boy surprisingly didn't do anything, but his mom looked at me and was like "Can you believe what some parents let their kids do??" Yeah, you're living proof!
I blame the parents. Solely. I believe some people are born bad, no matter what their parents do. HOWEVER, the grand majority of "entitled" children are products of bad parenting. Not sure if these parents grew up in looser homes than the past, and are continuing the trend...Wish I knew!

 

[scottishduffy]

I am always amazed by some things I see parents do. When I was nanny some of thr mothers of their friends thouhg I was evil for giving the little one (age 5) a time out in public. It was a birthday party in a public place. I had warned her not to do XYZ and she looked right at me and proceeding to do XYZ. So i gave her a timeout right there. The other mom were all astounded and harped on me for being mean. They could never *embarass* their children by giving them a time out in public. Yes.... and that is why *your* kid is on top of a 5 foot tall mechanical mouse riding it like rodeo while throwing party hats at a poor employee.


My favorite recent one is an examply of how some parents are afraid to force their kid to anything. I know some parents who believe that every single thing should be completely consensual. The kid is never forced to do anything. I saw a 2 yr old outside as I was coming home one day. He was standing outside the car door with his mom several feet away saying "Ok Sammy! Lets go upstairs! Do you wantt og o upstairs, momma is in a very big hurry and would like for you to come upstairs". No big deal here.

Literally 30-40 minutes later I had to get something from my car, as I walked across the parking lot the 3 yr old was still staning id front of car shaking his head No. Mom was pleading "Please Sammy? Mommy is tired and needs to make dinner. Do you want to walk upstairs yet?" WHAT?!?! Ask the kid once to come, then go grab his little hand and make him walk. Or pick him up, he was 2!

I guess she say me look at her because she looked over and just said "He can be so stubborn sometimes." Sure, whatever.