Entitlement Generation inspired by another thread

[AlleyKat]

I think it's that people expect everyone to love their children like they themselves do. Kids can be annoying. When my kids are annoying to me I imagine that they are even more annoying to others who do not know and love them. I also believe that many parents are afraid to parent their children because they don't want their kids to feel sad, upset, or hurt by anything. I don't believe kids are as resilient as they were in the past because parents want to shelter them from every unpleasant experience. We also give kids too many rights these days, like the right to block a grocery aisle and to not listen to anything they don't want to hear.

Good call!

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

All you have to do is go over to the thread about corporal punishment in school. You should see all the mommies screaming about how they don't spank their kids they just "talk about it". If my parents would have "talked about it with me and put me in time out" I would have laughed in their face. No on second thought if I had laughed in my parents face I would have caught a backhand. That's why I never did I respected their authority because I knew there would be consequences. Too many kids these days have no consequences because their parents are afraid to be their parents. They wanna be friends.

Really long response....

Well, I can say absolute hogwash to this. My parents never spanked me and I respected them and when I did something wrong, my punishment was swift, meaningful and carried out. I have done the same with my children. I can't even say my kids "test the limits" - they know there are behaviors that are absolutely unacceptable and they won't cross the line.

Our expectations for our children are to respect yourself, respect each other, respect other people and respect people's property, space and peace. It's how we live our lives as parents and businesspeople: giving to others, paying it forward (our family motto), doing the right thing is far better than any other alternative. These have been our rules since before we got preganant with our first.

If they do something stupid (like coloring on the walls with crayon) - what is spanking going to do? I took away the crayons, got them a magic eraser and made them get the crayon off the wall. Now that my kids are older (one, at 16 is a volunteer in our Senator's office - the other, now 21, has traveled the globe volunteering, the youngest is 11 and she's incredibly responsible and mature) - they completely understand their role in the world, understand acceptable and unacceptable behaviors, etc.

Not spanking, smacking doesn't mean no discipline. I find spanking to be the easy way out. It would be a whole heck of a lot easier to smack one of my kids on the rear rather than actually teach them what's wrong.

We thought long and hard about having children and discussed our parenting styles and beliefs before we even had children. We continued to reinforce each other as our children grew older and took each situation as it came to us.

I can tell you all, for sure, I would never, ever physically harm my child or allow anyone else too. The corporal punishment thread just blows my mind that educated people believe this is appropriate behavior.

Anyway - I own my own business, have employed dozens of teens over the years, have three of my own - I lay out what my expectations are, what will happen if those expectations are not met or are willfully ignored and I carry through - I have earned the respect of my employees (young and old) and my kids and their friends. In the end, that's all I can ask for.

I think message boards are an awful place to even have this discussion because we know what is true in our own, real lives and trying to explain nearly 22 years of raising children without ever having to resort to spanking them to make them follow the rules is impossible.

I will never, ever get past the fact that any adult could strike a child in any form. It just makes no sense to me at all. I remember my son coming home horrified that his friend was smacked across the face by his father because the kid was picking on his little sister. Rather than send the kids who were playing in their yard home and sending his son to his room and taking away the "fun time" and then giving him a tangible punishment that fit the crime - the father walked out of the house, smacked the kid in the face, humiliating him in front of his friends, went back in the house and that was that. The kid ended up punching his sister for telling on him and being all "tough guy" so he didn't look like a jerk in front of his friends. That's my son's experience with a child being "disciplined" in that manner. The good thing was my son (this was my oldest) thought my dh and I were the best parents ever because we never do that lol. He realized his life could be a much different place.

But, in the meantime, what lessons were learned there? Was he afraid of his father? You bet - he was an angel in front of his father, but a holy horror everywhere else because he compensated for it by being the tough guy. And, I know there are "snowflaky" parents who do NOTHING to teach their children about appropriate behavior.

My nephews are another example of lazy parenting - anything to shut the kids up - they kids rule the roost. It's gotten so bad, I will not attend any family events with these monsters - and the only form of discipline - smacking and spanking - and what do these boys do when their mom (my sil) loses it and hits them? They LAUGH at her. They're nightmares in stores, in restaurants. My kids don't want to be anywhere near them because they're embarassed by their behavior.

Anyway - this is one are that I am absolutely unbendable in. The proof, for me, at this point in my life, is in the pudding. My kids are dynamite - adults and kids love to be around them, they're respectful, considerate, giving human beings who have each developed into their own personalities and interests and I'm really proud of the work my husband and I have done and the young adults and adults they have become. I have my moments where I'd like to kill them (like when a paper is due and all of a sudden at 11pm on a school night it's supposed to be my problem - which I never, ever let it be - you procrastinate - you pay the price)...but, for the most part, a simple explanation on why this should be this and that should be that is enough because they have learned, over and over, that we are usually right and in the end, we let them suffer the consequences of their screw up instead of trying to fix it for them.

And, it's important to note that parenting is work. It's a JOB. One we take very seriously. I want to have a wonderful family with kids I can be proud of raised in loving home surrounded by friends and hopefully, their lives as adults will be as rich and fulfilling as mine is - in whatever they choose to do.

Anyway - it's not always black and white. And, I really get annoyed when the "spanking army" thinks those of us who don't are raising hellions. The real problem is lazy parenting - in whatever form that takes. People who pop out kids and then dump them on the world without any thought on how they're going to help shape these little human beings into productive citizens of the world.

Drives me crazy too. So, on this, we can all agree. And, if you've read this far - you deserve a medal. I've taken today off to get paperwork done and here I am futzing on the DIS. Must get focused and get to work.

And, let's just say no to bratty kids and their "oblivamoos and duds".

 

[Pixiedust34]

I agree that society in general is breeding an Entitlement Generation. Many parents are lazy and don't set rules or expectations for their kids. If the kids do a wrong, often times there is no punishment.

There are kids today with more material goods (smart phones and all kinds of electronics) than kids had in previous generations ever had and they (the kids) do little to earn what they have. Few of my kids' friends do chores, and I'm talking about tweens and teens here. Many kids lack having responsibilities even as they get older. Couple this with having little or no expectations on their behavior and with little or no consequences if they do a wrong then it's no wonder they have a sense of entitlement.

I think that many families could use a swift kick-in-the-pants visit from Nanny 911 or Super Nanny.

 

[NHdisneylover]

There has never, ever been a generation that did not complain about the younger generation.
\

True. I have told DH I feel old many times when this topic has come up. Though I am mostly complaining about the PARENTS (who are generally my age). Worse yet, I know several kids who see this and complain about their own generation. I think that is a new phenomenon.

 

[RadioNate]

I would have said "Excuse me honey but can you please move so I can get past you?".

Why are there so many "special snowflakes"?
~Parents who want to be friends rather than parents
~Many broken homes and some of those parents "give in" to many of their children's desires as a way to make up for the broken home
~Somewhere along the way we decided that children couldn't handle any disappointment, so everybody gets a trophy, everybody makes the team
~Parents who use a child's age as an excuse not to teach the child proper behavior. My crazy SIL always used the "He's only 2" (or 3 or 4 or whatever the age of the child at the time). My response whenever she used that line was "I know he's only 2 so I don't expect him to behave perfectly but when he misbehaves I expect you, as his parent, to correct him. That's your job."
~Lazy parenting. It's much easier to give in than to argue or have to forego some of the things you want to do because your child is misbehaving or whatever.

I don't have kids, but those are my observations from years of watching people raise kids. It seems like the parents who behaved like a prent rather than a friend, allowed their children to be disappointed and taught them the tools to deal with disappointment, had standards of behavior their children were expected to follow, and followed through with discipline when necessary have kids who have turned out great.

I agree to a lot of these points. With my circle of friends I see a few of them. The biggies are:
~Somewhere along the way we decided that children couldn't handle any disappointment, so everybody gets a trophy, everybody makes the team
~Lazy parenting. It's much easier to give in than to argue or have to forego some of the things you want to do because your child is misbehaving or whatever.

There is a mom's group in my neighborhood. The primary purpose is for the kids to play but once a month we have a mom's night. Normally, on mom's night, the kids and dad make themselves scarce while the women drink wine and chat.

However, there is one mom with a 'tween' daughter. She's in Jr high and desperately wants to be part of the 'girl group.' The problem is that the mom lets her because she doesn't want to hurt her feelings. This kids feelings are ALWAYS being hurt. Every little thing upsets her. IF she can't go out to lunch with the adults, she cries. Throws a fit if she isn't allowed to stay up and gab with the ladies. The mom treats her more like a peer that a child. We can hardly complain about our kids and husbands with her hanging around.

Another group of friends are just lazy. They think I'm WAY over the top strict because I actually parent. Their kids run around like mad men. I posted about them in the other thread, they've broken things in my home, put holes in our walls and stolen from us. Yet there has never been any real consequences. The giant hole in the wall got nothing but lies about who did it and no apology because no one would admit to it. The breaking of my DS's baby piggy bank got me 1/2 hearted "sorry."

 

[C.Ann]

I would have said "Excuse me honey but can you please move so I can get past you?".

Why are there so many "special snowflakes"?
~Parents who want to be friends rather than parents
~Many broken homes and some of those parents "give in" to many of their children's desires as a way to make up for the broken home
~Somewhere along the way we decided that children couldn't handle any disappointment, so everybody gets a trophy, everybody makes the team
~Parents who use a child's age as an excuse not to teach the child proper behavior. My crazy SIL always used the "He's only 2" (or 3 or 4 or whatever the age of the child at the time). My response whenever she used that line was "I know he's only 2 so I don't expect him to behave perfectly but when he misbehaves I expect you, as his parent, to correct him. That's your job."
~Lazy parenting. It's much easier to give in than to argue or have to forego some of the things you want to do because your child is misbehaving or whatever.

I don't have kids, but those are my observations from years of watching people raise kids. It seems like the parents who behaved like a prent rather than a friend, allowed their children to be disappointed and taught them the tools to deal with disappointment, had standards of behavior their children were expected to follow, and followed through with discipline when necessary have kids who have turned out great.

The problem with this is that once the child gets out into life they need to handle situations in which they are sad, upset, and hurt. This over nannying of kids (and society in general really) is not preparing they for real life. Luckily most of the people in my circle are not like this. They aren't in the "everyone gets a trophy" camp that way too many people are in. Everyone doesn't get a trophy, the winners get a trophy and the losers get a lesson in how to lose gracefully.

I'm not too far out of the entitlement generation, I'm 31, but I had to work for what I had. Want to go to college, work and pay for it. Want a cell phone, go buy one and pay the bill. If more people had to work for what they have instead of have it given to them the world would be a better place IMHO.

And sadly, it's not just the kids.. Many of these children have parents with "entitlement" issues as well.. Then there are the single folks with "entitlement" issues.. Basically we're living in a "Me, me, me" society and the only way to break the cycle is for these people to fall flat on their faces - or not give in to their ridiculous "me" demands..

 

[Shutterbug]

You know what I used to hear growing up?

"You'll get nothing and LIKE it!"

Truth!

 

[Rora]

Why are there so many "special snowflakes"?
~Parents who want to be friends rather than parents
~Many broken homes and some of those parents "give in" to many of their children's desires as a way to make up for the broken home
~Somewhere along the way we decided that children couldn't handle any disappointment, so everybody gets a trophy, everybody makes the team
~Parents who use a child's age as an excuse not to teach the child proper behavior. My crazy SIL always used the "He's only 2" (or 3 or 4 or whatever the age of the child at the time). My response whenever she used that line was "I know he's only 2 so I don't expect him to behave perfectly but when he misbehaves I expect you, as his parent, to correct him. That's your job."
~Lazy parenting. It's much easier to give in than to argue or have to forego some of the things you want to do because your child is misbehaving or whatever.

I agree with this 100%.

 

[Missy1961]

All you have to do is go over to the thread about corporal punishment in school. You should see all the mommies screaming about how they don't spank their kids they just "talk about it". If my parents would have "talked about it with me and put me in time out" I would have laughed in their face. No on second thought if I had laughed in my parents face I would have caught a backhand. That's why I never did I respected their authority because I knew there would be consequences. Too many kids these days have no consequences because their parents are afraid to be their parents. They wanna be friends.

I don't want to start a spanking is good/bad thread here, but spanking is really not always the answer. I was born in the 60's, when many parents spanked. My parents did not. (my dad was physically abused by his dad, so he didn't want to do that to his kids.) I was put in timeouts before they were called timeouts. But my parents were not my friends. I messed up, I got in trouble. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be the only member of the family that can't watch TV? I was sitting in the kitchen (I wasn't allowed to go to my room to hide out) & I could hear my brothers & sisters laughing at whatever show they got to watch & I didn't. I can tell you, I made sure I didn't do that again.

 

[allison443]

I work with young girls (Jrs. and seniors in H.S.) I'm always amazed at almost 99% of them have Louie vutton bags, top of the line cell phones, top of the line ipods and laptops. designer clothes. Then when they become adults every body is stunned that they have no idea how to save or that they buy a house they can't afford. and the parents always justify the excess. When did graduating from H.S. mean the kid gets brand new wheels? what ever happen to working for the beat up jalopy? When did turning 16 mean you get a birthday party that rivals Princess diana's coronation. You turned 16, you didn't find a cure for breast cancer.

It ain't the kids people.

I have seen some of those kids...they sometimes have parents who have saved nothing for their kids' college education.

 

[Missy1961]

My own children are members of this generation and I am a parent in the category of which this thread is addressed. And I get tired. Really, really tired of all of the complaining about "kids nowdays" and "parents nowdays" and all the tsk-tsk-tsking on these boards. Am I the only one who gets sooooo weary of this? Doesn't anyone realize that this is an AGE OLD complaint?. There has never, ever been a generation that did not complain about the younger generation.

Sorry, I know this doesn't make me popular, but I had to say it. Carry on - you all just sound like....well.....your parents

I think you're right. Today's kids are no better or worse than yesterday's. I think the entitlement stuff is for all ages. Because I work with a few 20 yr olds, and let me tell you, they are the hardest working people I have ever met in my 26 yrs of working. None of them comes in late, they make it back from lunch on time, they do great work, and they are fantastic co-workers.

 

[allison443]

I agree to a lot of these points. With my circle of friends I see a few of them. The biggies are:
~Somewhere along the way we decided that children couldn't handle any disappointment, so everybody gets a trophy, everybody makes the team

I often see people bring up the "everybody gets a trophy" issue. Realistically though, I have only seen that in young kids' rec leagues. Like a 5/6 year old recreational soccer league where the kids are just learning, and the purpose is fun, not competition. All kids get a participation trophy, which makes it fun for them. I really don't think anyone thinks it is equivalent to the world cup or anything.

If a kid sticks with a sport for more than a couple of years, around here anyway, it becomes extremely competitive for the travel/club teams in every sport. I have seen plenty of kids disappointed not to make the travel team. Not to mention once they get to high school-all the sports are super competitive!! There is no such thing around here as going from a rec-level league to a high school team. Private coaches, training all year round, camps, etc. are not unusual.

In high school sports, we joke that there is the winner, and then instead of second place it is "first loser". So the kids don't really rely on that soccer trophy they got as a five year old. This doesn't really give them any illusions, ifykwim.

Of course, the kids HAVE to play high school sports along with clubs, community service, work experience and volunteering, also AP classes and superior grades, in order to get into the most competitive colleges, and many kids apply to 10 colleges! Again, this may just be in my area, everything from school to sports is much more competitive than when I was young.

 

[Missy1961]

I often see people bring up the "everybody gets a trophy" issue. Realistically though, I have only seen that in young kids' rec leagues. Like a 5/6 year old recreational soccer league where the kids are just learning, and the purpose is fun, not competition. All kids get a participation trophy, which makes it fun for them. I really don't think anyone thinks it is equivalent to the world cup or anything.

If a kid sticks with a sport for more than a couple of years, around here anyway, it becomes extremely competitive for the travel/club teams in every sport. I have seen plenty of kids disappointed not to make the travel team. Not to mention once they get to high school-all the sports are super competitive!! There is no such thing around here as going from a rec-level league to a high school team. Private coaches, training all year round, camps, etc. are not unusual.

In high school sports, we joke that there is the winner, and then instead of second place it is "first loser". So the kids don't really rely on that soccer trophy they got as a five year old. This doesn't really give them any illusions, ifykwim.

Of course, the kids HAVE to play high school sports along with clubs, community service, work experience and volunteering, also AP classes and superior grades, in order to get into the most competitive colleges, and many kids apply to 10 colleges! Again, this may just be in my area, everything from school to sports is much more competitive than when I was young.

I always thought that's how it works. (I don't have kids, but that's what I've observed what happened to my nieces & nephews). And even in those leagues that don't keep score, the kids know.

 

[manning]

The problem....Dr. Spock

And just before he died he admitted it.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Sometimes I feel like I live in a parallel universe from the Dis.

Truthfully, I don’t notice kids behaving any better or worse than they did when I was growing up.

The kids of today do have better toys and more money to spend than they did in my generation, I’ll agree with that. It’s a different world. In general, people are having smaller families and more mothers are working with better jobs than they did back in the 60s/70s. In terms of behavior, however, I don’t see a big difference.

Fortunately, people are less inclined nowadays to spank their kids because most of us have learned that it’s not the only effective method of punishing them. When my kid does something he shouldn’t do, I correct him with the meanest voice you’ve ever heard, and you should see the look on my face! I can scare my son and any of his friends to pieces with just that--my voice and my face. And I can say proudly that my son (13 yo) conducts himself very well and always has. I have never had a problem with his behavior anywhere--at home, in public or school.

You guys must be seeing all these bratty snowflakes at Wal-Mart where I never go because I really do not encounter many children with “entitlement issues.” I work with literally hundreds of parents and children in special education, and the only time I run into entitlement issues is with parents, never the kids. Actually, I can think of exactly one kid I would say felt “entitled” in the three years I’ve worked in this job. “Entitled parents?” I couldn’t even begin to estimate how many of those I deal with.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

The entitlement problem is not unique to people under the age of 30.

When my kids were little, they were either in the cart, or standing with me holding my hand. They didn't wander like so many let their kids do today.

I really don't understand young parents these days, I really don't.

This is funny to me, because my MIL teases me about how overprotective parents are today. She was one (and my parents, too), who used to send their kids off around the store to get this item or that item, when you hardly ever see that today. I've seen the lazy inattentive parents in the stores nowadays, too, but in general, more parents have their kids right next to them, than they did when I was a kid in the 60's and 70's.

Speaking on the generation issue. Yes, there are "snowflakes" and entitled people of all ages, but there is a significant trend right now towards a very lenient type of parenting. I have heard fellow parents my age talking about how they are "never negative" with their children. There is a lot of people doing things "on demand" - as in, my child eats when they want to, not when I tell them to.

I agree that many parents are too lenient, need more follow-through, and I hate the "never negative" thing. I think some people take the feeding on demand thing too far, too, but let's not forget that it is in response to the "you will eat everything on your plate and if you don't you'll get it for every meal until it's gone" method that some older folks used, and that resulted in unhealthy food issues for many people. It's healthier to eat when you're hungry, and not eat when you're not, and I try to teach this to my kids (within reason, of course).

All you have to do is go over to the thread about corporal punishment in school. You should see all the mommies screaming about how they don't spank their kids they just "talk about it". If my parents would have "talked about it with me and put me in time out" I would have laughed in their face. No on second thought if I had laughed in my parents face I would have caught a backhand. That's why I never did I respected their authority because I knew there would be consequences. Too many kids these days have no consequences because their parents are afraid to be their parents. They wanna be friends.

I have not seen that thread, but somehow I doubt that very many "mommies are screaming" about how they just "talk about it". Most parents who don't spank use other discipline techniques like time-out, loss of privileges, etc. My brother and I weren't spanked, but we were well behaved. My dh wasn't spanked, and he is the most well-mannered, caring, unselfish person I know. Our kids aren't spanked, either, and they are well-behaved at school and at home. Why? Because we all learned to behave because it's the right thing to do. Not because we were scared of getting smacked.

I fully support a parent's right to parent as they see fit, and I don't generally have a problem with other people spanking their kids. I do have a problem, however, with blanket generalizations like this one, that attribute bad behavior to kids who don't get hit, and a desire to parent in a more effective way as "trying to be their kids friend." My kids know I'm not their friend, but they also know I will never hurt them. The look on my 6yo's face when she saw a mother smack a kid at the store the other day, along with a very frightened questioning of why a mother would do something like that to her child, wow, it just broke my heart, and proved to me (as if I needed further proof), that I'm doing it right.

You want to generalize, but my experience is different. The spanked kids I know are the Eddie Haskells of our neighborhood. They are well-behaved around their parents but not when their parents aren't there. One is the school bully. He sucks up to me now that he knows I'll tell his parents when he does something wrong, but he's still a jerk to all the other kids. These kids may very well have turned out that way if their parents didn't spank them, too. I realize this. It's just an example of how wrong rufus is. Funny thing is, these little hellions parents are oblivious and would be on here proclaiming how wonderfully well-behaved their kids are. It would be funny if it weren't so sad.

I do not think the issue with kids is entitlement, but more of what someone else pointed out as coddling. When I was a kid we played with our friends outside until dinnertime. We did not have every waking moment scheduled by our parents. These kids are starting to come into the workplace. They are on the phone all day with their parents. Their mommy’s bring in cakes for them on their birthdays. They still live at home rent-free so they can drive nice cars. The ones I am thinking of at my workplace do not seem to be very independent.

Yes, coddling is a better word than entitled, IMO. And they've been in the workplace for a while now! I haven't seen mommy bring in a cake for them, but I have worked with some who think they should get raises and promotions just for showing up each day, and those are over 30 now, so sadly, they are probably raising their kids the same way.

My own children are members of this generation and I am a parent in the category of which this thread is addressed. And I get tired. Really, really tired of all of the complaining about "kids nowdays" and "parents nowdays" and all the tsk-tsk-tsking on these boards. Am I the only one who gets sooooo weary of this? Doesn't anyone realize that this is an AGE OLD complaint?. There has never, ever been a generation that did not complain about the younger generation.

Sorry, I know this doesn't make me popular, but I had to say it. Carry on - you all just sound like....well.....your parents

This reminds me of a quote I've read: "I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on the frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words. When I was a boy, we were taught to be discrete and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise and impatient of restraint. It's attributed to Heisod, the Greek poet, around 700 BC.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Oh, and does anyone else hate that term "entitled"? It's thrown around so much lately, and most often it's by someone who seems to think he is "entitled" to go about life in a vacuum, never to be impacted by the actions of any other person.

Now, the people described in the OP were being rude, but really, was the aisle so narrow the child blocked the whole thing? Could you not have chosen the wider side and slowly started to pass him, saying "Excuse me. Watch out, you don't want to get run over by the cart"? I've found that works well when a child doesn't realize he's in the way. Or would it have been that difficult to turn around and go to the next aisle? I do that all the time when there's a traffic jam in one aisle. It wastes less time than standing there waiting for people to clear out.

 

[Scurvy]

I started out trying to quote parts of each post I agreed with, but realized I'd have to quote almost every post in the thread! As others have posted, I think a great deal of the problem lies in the fact that parents expect the rest of the world to think their children are as perfect and wonderful as the parents themselves do, and they are afraid of saying "No" to their children because it might make the children unhappy. Which is understandable - no one enjoys making their children unhappy. But sometimes it's a necessary part of parenting.

I don't think that this is an issue that lies only with young parents, but it does seem to be a more widely accepted way to parent these days. It know I see many children (and parents) who seem to feel entitled to behave any way they choose, and I don't remember seeing that sort of thing to this extent even 10-15 years ago.

I think what many parents don't understand is that children are a work in progress. You can't let a child behave any way she wants to "because she's just a child" and then expect to have the child wake up one day as a well behaved teenager. It doesn't work that way - you have to guide the child's development into a well behaved teen or you'll end up with a teen who doesn't understand why all those things they've grown up doing are suddenly not acceptable. Just because a behavior is normal for children doesn't mean that it's acceptable for a child to behave that way. A two year old (or 4 year old, or 6. . .) isn't old enough to have perfect self control, or to completely grasp all the things they should or shouldn't do in different situations. So some parents throw up their hands and excuse bad behavior as acceptable because the child is "only 2" (or 4, etc). But the problem is that the child is learning during this time, and when the parents don't attempt to stop the bad behavior they are basically teaching their children that it's acceptable to behave that way.

And of course some people take their children into situations where it's almost impossible for the child to behave appropriately - like the parents who take their loud two year old to see a movie, or their overly tired and cranky child to library story time. It's normal that those children will be too loud or disruptive in those situations. It's the parents' responsibility to avoid putting their child into a situation that the child isn't ready to handle yet. But lately it seems some parents aren't willing to go anywhere without their child, or to "deprive their child" by making the child wait until she is ready to handle a situation before putting the child in that situation, and so they expose the child to a situation where they are doomed to failure. Then they blame the people who are annoyed by it because after all, she's "just a child".

 

[blissventure]

I started out trying to quote parts of each post I agreed with, but realized I'd have to quote almost every post in the thread! As others have posted, I think a great deal of the problem lies in the fact that parents expect the rest of the world to think their children are as perfect and wonderful as the parents themselves do, and they are afraid of saying "No" to their children because it might make the children unhappy. Which is understandable - no one enjoys making their children unhappy. But sometimes it's a necessary part of parenting.

I don't think that this is an issue that lies only with young parents, but it does seem to be a more widely accepted way to parent these days. It know I see many children (and parents) who seem to feel entitled to behave any way they choose, and I don't remember seeing that sort of thing to this extent even 10-15 years ago.

I think what many parents don't understand is that children are a work in progress. You can't let a child behave any way she wants to "because she's just a child" and then expect to have the child wake up one day as a well behaved teenager. It doesn't work that way - you have to guide the child's development into a well behaved teen or you'll end up with a teen who doesn't understand why all those things they've grown up doing are suddenly not acceptable. Just because a behavior is normal for children doesn't mean that it's acceptable for a child to behave that way. A two year old (or 4 year old, or 6. . .) isn't old enough to have perfect self control, or to completely grasp all the things they should or shouldn't do in different situations. So some parents throw up their hands and excuse bad behavior as acceptable because the child is "only 2" (or 4, etc). But the problem is that the child is learning during this time, and when the parents don't attempt to stop the bad behavior they are basically teaching their children that it's acceptable to behave that way.

And of course some people take their children into situations where it's almost impossible for the child to behave appropriately - like the parents who take their loud two year old to see a movie, or their overly tired and cranky child to library story time. It's normal that those children will be too loud or disruptive in those situations. It's the parents' responsibility to avoid putting their child into a situation that the child isn't ready to handle yet. But lately it seems some parents aren't willing to go anywhere without their child, or to "deprive their child" by making the child wait until she is ready to handle a situation before putting the child in that situation, and so they expose the child to a situation where they are doomed to failure. Then they blame the people who are annoyed by it because after all, she's "just a child".

ITA. Fantastic post!

 

[DWGal210]

My own children are members of this generation and I am a parent in the category of which this thread is addressed. And I get tired. Really, really tired of all of the complaining about "kids nowdays" and "parents nowdays" and all the tsk-tsk-tsking on these boards. Am I the only one who gets sooooo weary of this? Doesn't anyone realize that this is an AGE OLD complaint?. There has never, ever been a generation that did not complain about the younger generation.

Sorry, I know this doesn't make me popular, but I had to say it. Carry on - you all just sound like....well.....your parents

I had to chuckle at your post...I know exactly what you mean.

My mom and I were discussing the other day the "teenagers and sex" debate, spurned on by an interview we saw on TV. According to my mom, every generation thinks they invented it and it never happened before. Same kind of idea as you're talking about.