Engagement issues already....

[mjkacmom]

I was going more by what the OP has said her DD has said. In the post I quoted, she says her daughter said a easy going rehearsal dinner would be fine. Perhaps I read the OP's post more as the DD and her fiance still expect the MIL to somehow help, just make it an easy going affair, not elaborate. But still expecting things from the groom's family.

Plus, I can't imagine hosting a dinner party at my home the night before my son's wedding! Now that sounds like work. Heck, I had most of my kids' parties out, because it was so much easier for me - just write the check, no cleaning before or after, no cooking...

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I was going more by what the OP has said her DD has said. In the post I quoted, she says her daughter said a easy going rehearsal dinner would be fine. Perhaps I read the OP's post more as the DD and her fiance still expect the MIL to somehow help, just make it an easy going affair, not elaborate. But still expecting things from the groom's family.

Yeah that's why I asked I was unsure if it had been mentioned or not. Thanks for the clarification.

 

[mummabear]

OP here! Wow is all I can say. Thank you to all who took their time and responded. Work has been crazy.

I will try to give a little more info. The sisters Sept wedding is in our town and sounds like it will be around 200ish people. She does not live at home any longer. She and her fiancé are living in a home they purchased. I'm not sure of the finances regarding that wedding, but I'm sure each of her parents are contributing financially in some way. I've been told that all close family is local. Sister is kind and gets along with my DD very well. They have spoken directly to each other regarding the November date. My daughter loves her and wanted to be sure there wasn't any bad feelings and to honor her wedding first and foremost.

I want to be clear. I understand MOG financial concerns. Not only finances, but time. I get that and I do see where she is coming from. I also believe she is perfectly within her right to voice those and discuss them with my DD and her son.

Here is where I think the issue lies. From the moment of engagement, she has made is clear that she is happy about the engagement, but has no time to focus on that. All of her energy will be focused on her daughters wedding. I'm a mother of the bride now also. Again, I understand.

What I don't agree with is the idea that these two adults ABSOLUTELY cannot plan their wedding until 2018. I wish that she would ask what they envision and why this is their hopeful timeline before shutting down the conversation, which is why I think she is now coming up with a multitude of things that she's concerned about.

My DD and her fiancé are planning a wedding/reception for 100. The location they put a deposit on will hold both events. They want small and intimate. Their wedding location is also in our town. 20 minutes from the sisters. Also, my DD is working around her sisters college schedule. She is at college in another state and is a college athlete. In season for her spring sport is Jan thru mid May. She graduates from college May of 2018 and will go to a job. Hopefully her career path will lead her to our state, but that is far from certain. Also, an overseas internship has been discussed and is not out of the question.

We have given daughter a monetary amount that we are contributing to the wedding. Although not overly large, it will cover everything. We are lucky to have friends that are photographers, another owns a flower shop and so on. These people work heavily in the wedding industry. Feeling very blessed! Although they are still being paid, part of their service they are giving as a wedding gift.

My DD and fiancé have also expressed that as far as the rehearsal goes, they would be happy with a dinner for the wedding party in a home. Ours, grooms, family...they don't care. It in no way needs to be an elaborate affair.

Whew! I think I answered most of the questions.

Again, I do not want to imply that I don't understand MOG financial and time concerns. But at some point as parents of adults I think you voice those concerns and the ramifications and then you step back and let them be adults.

If you made it this far, I applaud you.

OP, while it may not be ideal timing I don't see the issue with it, the sisters wedding will be over, not sure why they need to delay a year.
Neither are destination weddings and I am assuming there is no need for anyone to take time off as events (showers, stag dos etc) can be held in the weekends.

It does sound unfair that the MIL is implying that the sister is in first so she will get "everything" and your DD and her son will have to deal with the scraps of her time and finances.

I understand why they may have discussed it with the bride's sister, its totally understandable why they would want to work around her schedule so she could be at the wedding, and I'm sure they will try to make sure she will be available for showers, bachelorette party, etc when those are planned.
What I don't understand is why the future MIL is "being difficult" because she would like the couple to consider her schedule because she will be busy with the grooms sister's wedding and the festivities that go along with that. I get that stuff isn't important to the OP's family, and that they probably feel the sister's school schedule is a bigger consideration, when making the wedding plans, but to the future MIL, it is just as important. Which is why I'm assuming she spoke to her son about it.
My feeling is that she may be getting a bum rap for essentially wanting the same thing that the OP's sister is getting, consideration of how the timing of the wedding may effect her.


I do think that the OP's dd and the groom should plan the wedding they want, when they want. I just don't think that having a parent want them to consider how all that may effect others is worthy of being labled difficult and sucking the joy out of planning.
I do realize we aren't getting all the info so I'm just going by what I read here. There is probably alot more to the story.

MIL got the consideration, what part of the Sister in laws wedding is still going 2 months after the wedding?
No one is still busy with that Wedding, MIL has no schedule conflict.

Wedding planning often has a bulk done early then nothing really until the couple of weeks before the wedding.
Maybe an event the day after the wedding, the Sister will be back from their honeymoon.

 

[Bluestars]

If the groom's mother has issues, then it's up to the groom to work it out. He obviously is fine with the wedding date, regardless of his mother's requests. It is up to him to speak up if her thinks his mother's points are valid enough to reschedule the wedding. I assume he doesn't and that maybe his mother is a bit controlling. If my son wanted to get married on a certain date, I would give him advice and then back off.

When I got married, I wanted to elope. My husband told me that his mother really wanted to attend his wedding, so that's what we did. The groom needs to speak up if he feels his mother is being mistreated. If he doesn't, then maybe she's not.

 

[Wendy31]

Plus, I can't imagine hosting a dinner party at my home the night before my son's wedding! Now that sounds like work. Heck, I had most of my kids' parties out, because it was so much easier for me - just write the check, no cleaning before or after, no cooking...

Right. And can you imagine the comments - even well-meaning comments - & how the whole situation could be construed by observers just by various comments made?

"Well, since groom's sister's wedding was in 2 months, poor groom's mother just couldn't do a big rehearsal dinner, so she just had the dinner at her home. Bless her heart."

"Well, we just felt so bad asking poor groom's mother to do more since she was so busy w/ groom's sister's wedding, so we're just having a simple rehearseal dinner & it's fine... it's just fine."

And I don't really mean to be snarky... just depending on various factors, I could see things going this way. There's absolutely NOTHING wrong w/ a simple rehearsal dinner!

OP - You are the bride's family in this situation, &, typically, right or wrong, more consideration is given to the bride & her family. Be thankful! I just feel a bit badly for the groom's mother in this situation, don't you?

I have a sister. My husband is one of 4 sons. We now have 1 daughter & 2 sons, &, since I'm now the mother of boys, I'm beginning to be much more sensitive to my mother-in-law & starting to see how, sometimes, the son's family is disregarded while the daughter's family is put first in situations like this.

Again, I realize that often times a wedding date is not going to be convenient for everyone involved, & you have to choose the date that works best for the bride & groom. But I really can see how this could be a tough spot for the groom's family.

 

[mummabear]

I was going more by what the OP has said her DD has said. In the post I quoted, she says her daughter said a easy going rehearsal dinner would be fine. Perhaps I read the OP's post more as the DD and her fiance still expect the MIL to somehow help, just make it an easy going affair, not elaborate. But still expecting things from the groom's family

And why shouldn't they expect her to help?

I feel sorry for the groom's mother.

It seems like the bride and bride's family don't consider her role or feelings as important as theirs.

I think the financial point is legitimate. That is a lot of expense in a short period of time and maybe she would like to be an important role in her son's wedding.

Maybe the mother of the groom envisioned being able to contribute more financially and be a part of the wedding and planning, not just another guest.

I imagine I would feel pretty bad if I couldn't contribute to my son's wedding the same as I could my daughters'.

It always seems that is is all about the bride and the bride's family.

This woman will be a part of the bride's life for approximately the next 40 years. I hope it all works out, but if I were the groom's mother, I, too, would be very stressed out over this.

I get that the MIL may have already made commitments to the sisters wedding, she really shouldn't have though made promises that is is unable to offer to another child.
I find it hard to believe that she didn't know her son was going to propose.

 

[Hikergirl]

OP, while it may not be ideal timing I don't see the issue with it, the sisters wedding will be over, not sure why they need to delay a year.
Neither are destination weddings and I am assuming there is no need for anyone to take time off as events (showers, stag dos etc) can be held in the weekends.

It does sound unfair that the MIL is implying that the sister is in first so she will get "everything" and your DD and her son will have to deal with the scraps of her time and finances.





MIL got the consideration, what part of the Sister in laws wedding is still going 2 months after the wedding?
No one is still busy with that Wedding, MIL has no schedule conflict.

Wedding planning often has a bulk done early then nothing really until the couple of weeks before the wedding.
Maybe an event the day after the wedding, the Sister will be back from their honeymoon.

Since the weddings are close there will most likely be overlap in the schedule of events, and then of course there is the whole finance thing. I don't think its out of line for the future MIL to have concerns about that and voice them to her son.
As far as the "scraps", isn't that the whole point the MIL is making when she told them she won't be able to give them anything more due to the timing? I guess if they want more than scraps they could push the wedding back to when the mom is able to do/give more of herself to them. I think that is more than fair, she told them before they booked the venue. They made their choice to accept the "scraps" when they did. Can't blame the mom for that now.

 

[jevs]

OP here! Wow is all I can say. Thank you to all who took their time and responded. Work has been crazy.

I will try to give a little more info. The sisters Sept wedding is in our town and sounds like it will be around 200ish people. She does not live at home any longer. She and her fiancé are living in a home they purchased. I'm not sure of the finances regarding that wedding, but I'm sure each of her parents are contributing financially in some way. I've been told that all close family is local. Sister is kind and gets along with my DD very well. They have spoken directly to each other regarding the November date. My daughter loves her and wanted to be sure there wasn't any bad feelings and to honor her wedding first and foremost.

I want to be clear. I understand MOG financial concerns. Not only finances, but time. I get that and I do see where she is coming from. I also believe she is perfectly within her right to voice those and discuss them with my DD and her son.

Here is where I think the issue lies. From the moment of engagement, she has made is clear that she is happy about the engagement, but has no time to focus on that. All of her energy will be focused on her daughters wedding. I'm a mother of the bride now also. Again, I understand.

What I don't agree with is the idea that these two adults ABSOLUTELY cannot plan their wedding until 2018. I wish that she would ask what they envision and why this is their hopeful timeline before shutting down the conversation, which is why I think she is now coming up with a multitude of things that she's concerned about.

My DD and her fiancé are planning a wedding/reception for 100. The location they put a deposit on will hold both events. They want small and intimate. Their wedding location is also in our town. 20 minutes from the sisters. Also, my DD is working around her sisters college schedule. She is at college in another state and is a college athlete. In season for her spring sport is Jan thru mid May. She graduates from college May of 2018 and will go to a job. Hopefully her career path will lead her to our state, but that is far from certain. Also, an overseas internship has been discussed and is not out of the question.

We have given daughter a monetary amount that we are contributing to the wedding. Although not overly large, it will cover everything. We are lucky to have friends that are photographers, another owns a flower shop and so on. These people work heavily in the wedding industry. Feeling very blessed! Although they are still being paid, part of their service they are giving as a wedding gift.

My DD and fiancé have also expressed that as far as the rehearsal goes, they would be happy with a dinner for the wedding party in a home. Ours, grooms, family...they don't care. It in no way needs to be an elaborate affair.

Whew! I think I answered most of the questions.

Again, I do not want to imply that I don't understand MOG financial and time concerns. But at some point as parents of adults I think you voice those concerns and the ramifications and then you step back and let them be adults.

If you made it this far, I applaud you.

Thanks for the update OP.

I hope it all works out with minimal stress

 

[roseaster]

And why shouldn't they expect her to help?



I get that the MIL may have already made commitments to the sisters wedding, she really shouldn't have though made promises that is is unable to offer to another child.
I find it hard to believe that she didn't know her son was going to propose.

She shouldn't expect her to help because the MIL explained to her that she was financially unable to.

I am quite sure that when the sister got engaged and planned her wedding, considering her son wasn't even engaged at that point, she didn't expect that her son would suddenly get engaged and then his bride would insist on having the wedding less than 2 months after her daughter's wedding.

Again, this is the mother of the groom. Her responsibility is greater than Aunt Berta's or Uncle Norman's.

She HAS to attend the shower. She HAS to attend the wedding, and she to be appropriately dressed for both weddings.

She isn't asking them to wait a year, she is asking them to wait a few months until the next year to give them a little cushion between weddings.

Not any particularly ridiculous requests, especially since the bride can work around her sister's sports schedule.

These 2 adults are welcome to have their wedding any way they would like, but the bride's has been put on notice that with things as they are the future ILs will not be able to contribute in any meaningful financial way, and they should expect to pay for things themselves.

I've not seen any really compelling reason that the wedding has to be when it is other than the bride's preference. Just so that the 2nd married couple understands that their ILs are tapped are tapped out at the time of their wedding and don't harbor any resentment.

If I were the MIL I would still feel badly that I couldn't give as much or be as involved and that my new DIL doesn't even think enough of me to consider me as part of the wedding, but I guess things can't be helped.

 

[Bluestars]

She shouldn't expect her to help because the MIL explained to her that she was financially unable to.

I am quite sure that when the sister got engaged and planned her wedding, considering her son wasn't even engaged at that point, she didn't expect that her son would suddenly get engaged and then his bride would insist on having the wedding less than 2 months after her daughter's wedding.

Do we know that the wedding date was set because the bride insisted on it? Perhaps the groom wanted to get married before he graduated, so it was a good time for him. Maybe he has no problem about his mother not participating as much as she should in the preparations and financial responsibilities. Maybe he doesn't care that some people might not be able to attend because in the end, the date works best for him. From the OP's comments, he doesn't seem to have any issues with the wedding date or with his mother's objections.

 

[Hikergirl]

MIL got the consideration, what part of the Sister in laws wedding is still going 2 months after the wedding?
No one is still busy with that Wedding, MIL has no schedule conflict.

Wedding planning often has a bulk done early then nothing really until the couple of weeks before the wedding.
Maybe an event the day after the wedding, the Sister will be back from their honeymoon.

I think the MIL is free to decide for herself whether or not the weddings are too close for HER schedule, and again finances, which the OP did mention.

2 kids getting married 2 months apart is too close for many people. You don't have to feel that way and that is ok since you have nothing to do with this wedding. The MIL does, she feels its too close for her, then its too close for her. I don't think you or anyone else can decide on her behalf.

 

[tigercat]

My 2 older sisters got married 2 months apart. Then my 2 brothers and I had our wedding close as well. July, September and October. It worked out okay and everyone came to them all.

My 2 girls got married in May and then August. I come from a fairly large family. I have 7 siblings so it seems that everything is done in groups. Having babies, weddings ect.
tigercat

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I'm not about to read through 12 pages, but I do have to say that I do have 4 sisters. Long story, but one sister decided to get married in May of 2004, 5 months before another sister's Oct 2004 wedding, who had been planning her date for almost 2 years.

It sucked. 2 bridesmaid dresses for me, a tux for DH who was in one of the weddings, too, plus travel expenses for the Oct wedding since it was 3 hours away, and two showers, two wedding gifts, etc, etc.

The Oct sister was totally shafted in what our mother paid for, too. Our mom bought the May sister's wedding dress, and contributed cash toward the reception, plus hosted the rehearsal dinner, and paid for many odds and ends. She simply didn't have the money to do it for the Oct wedding. And all of our relatives who lived out of town came to the May wedding and sent regrets (we don't gift if we regret for weddings in our family), so the Oct sister missed out on that too. And above all, Oct sister just felt guilty and stupid that everyone was forced to go through the whole rigmarole twice in 5 months.

She felt stuck between and rock and a hard place when the May sister "asked" if she minded that her wedding was 5 months before, but really, the Oct sister didn't really have a choice. The "ask" was just a formality, given her constant talk about how they didn't want to wait long because they wanted to start trying for a baby right away. (she was 4 months pregnant at the Oct sister's wedding, so she got her wish!)

Oh and personally speaking, I was 8 months pregnant with DD12 in May 2004, and she was 3 months old in Oct 2004, so really, I had other things on my mind than trying to fit into TWO bridesmaid dresses during the worst times possible! And the May sister knew I was pregnant and due in June 2004 when she got engaged and planned her date!

So, my opinion is, you and your daughter are being selfish. Plan her wedding for another time, for everyone's sake. Be courteous and give your fiance's family a little time to BREATHE!!!! And imagine just for a second that someone was doing this to YOUR DD in your family - you wouldn't like it either!

 

[manning]

When we got married her parents didn't have much money nor us. One of the wedding party said "hey, what about a pizza party" That's what we did and everyone was happy. Matter of fact one of the girls said she enjoyed it more than a formal dinner. That was for the rehearsal dinner.

 

[focusondisney]

She shouldn't expect her to help because the MIL explained to her that she was financially unable to.

I am quite sure that when the sister got engaged and planned her wedding, considering her son wasn't even engaged at that point, she didn't expect that her son would suddenly get engaged and then his bride would insist on having the wedding less than 2 months after her daughter's wedding.

Again, this is the mother of the groom. Her responsibility is greater than Aunt Berta's or Uncle Norman's.

She HAS to attend the shower. She HAS to attend the wedding, and she to be appropriately dressed for both weddings.

She isn't asking them to wait a year, she is asking them to wait a few months until the next year to give them a little cushion between weddings.

Not any particularly ridiculous requests, especially since the bride can work around her sister's sports schedule.

These 2 adults are welcome to have their wedding any way they would like, but the bride's has been put on notice that with things as they are the future ILs will not be able to contribute in any meaningful financial way, and they should expect to pay for things themselves.

I've not seen any really compelling reason that the wedding has to be when it is other than the bride's preference. Just so that the 2nd married couple understands that their ILs are tapped are tapped out at the time of their wedding and don't harbor any resentment.

If I were the MIL I would still feel badly that I couldn't give as much or be as involved and that my new DIL doesn't even think enough of me to consider me as part of the wedding, but I guess things can't be helped.

Agree! And I can't help but wonder if we'll se a future thread complaining about how her DD's MIL went allll out for her own daughter, but couldn't even give a rehersal dinner for DD & SIL. Or didn't contribute to shower, or gave a lesser gift, etc.

 

[bsblady01]

Agree! And I can't help but wonder if we'll se a future thread complaining about how her DD's MIL went allll out for her own daughter, but couldn't even give a rehersal dinner for DD & SIL. Or didn't contribute to shower, or gave a lesser gift, etc.

It will happen. Why do I have a feeling that the op is pushing this wedding date I have a feeling as soon as the ring was put on they booked a wedding venue without thinking about it

 

[VandVsmama]

All of this may seem like a really big deal right now, but 20 years down the road, your DD and future SIL will look back and smile and laugh about the whole thing. What's more important is the marriage that happens after the wedding. Yes, the wedding is a big deal. But technically, all you REALLY need is 2 individuals and a minister/rabbi/imam/justice of the peace and a couple of witnesses in order to get hitched. So all of the drama is REALLY about the party. The reception.

It's all going to be ok. I'm betting that your DD and FSIL have good heads on their shoulders. They are going to be just fine.

FWIW, I got married 2 weeks after college graduation and it was an out of town wedding (out of town from where I was living at the time) in the town where I grew up. I planned the wedding remotely while I was still in college. It was NOT a big deal. Everything turned out ok. My mom was way more stressed out about the whole thing than I was, to be perfectly honest. All of those little details that seemed so important at the time? Nobody cares about it but the bride and mother-of-the bride. Seriously. For example, 1 groomsman's cumberbund was not quite the same color as it was for the rest of DH's groomsmen. Nobody noticed...not even me! My bridesmaids did not wear shoes that were dyed to match the dress. Nobody cared about that either.

May your DD and FSIL have a happy and fulfilling life together!

 

[kaytieeldr]

That is way to close to each other with parents having to pay for showers and other wedding events. I would have your dd move her wedding back a year, What is the big deal you have a year longer to save and plan.

Parents don't pay for showers. They're guests. Hosting a shower for your own child or child's future spouse is poor etiquette http://www.topweddingquestions.com/...iquette-top-10-rules-bridal-shower-etiquette/

I've not seen any really compelling reason that the wedding has to be when it is other than the bride's preference.

Bride's and groom's. Several posters have blamed the bride and her mother, but everything appears to be the couple's decisions.

It will happen. Why do I have a feeling that the op is pushing this wedding date I have a feeling as soon as the ring was put on they booked a wedding venue without thinking about it

Because you didn't read the original post correctly? The OP did.not.book.the.wedding.venue. The couple did. And the OP explained that yes, they did "think about it":
After the bride's graduation (five months)
After the future sister-in-law's wedding (two months)
Prior to th groom's graduation (one month)
Before bride's sister's sports season starts (two months)
Before they will live together (15 months)

 

[mummabear]

Since the weddings are close there will most likely be overlap in the schedule of events, and then of course there is the whole finance thing. I don't think its out of line for the future MIL to have concerns about that and voice them to her son.
As far as the "scraps", isn't that the whole point the MIL is making when she told them she won't be able to give them anything more due to the timing? I guess if they want more than scraps they could push the wedding back to when the mom is able to do/give more of herself to them. I think that is more than fair, she told them before they booked the venue. They made their choice to accept the "scraps" when they did. Can't blame the mom for that now.

What wedding has events that are running two months after the fact or 2 months before?
The financial consideration for the grooms family is understandable but to say they can't fit it in the schedule, that the MIL can't possibly hear about flowers from 2 weddings in the same year.

As far as the scraps, how long has the sister been planning her wedding? The Ops DD wedding is 15 months away, and the SIL is 13 months away, how many solid financial commitments could the MIL have made at this point? As far as things like shower gifts there is no reason for them to not be of an even value.

She shouldn't expect her to help because the MIL explained to her that she was financially unable to.

I am quite sure that when the sister got engaged and planned her wedding, considering her son wasn't even engaged at that point, she didn't expect that her son would suddenly get engaged and then his bride would insist on having the wedding less than 2 months after her daughter's wedding.

Again, this is the mother of the groom. Her responsibility is greater than Aunt Berta's or Uncle Norman's.

She HAS to attend the shower. She HAS to attend the wedding, and she to be appropriately dressed for both weddings.

She isn't asking them to wait a year, she is asking them to wait a few months until the next year to give them a little cushion between weddings.

Not any particularly ridiculous requests, especially since the bride can work around her sister's sports schedule.

These 2 adults are welcome to have their wedding any way they would like, but the bride's has been put on notice that with things as they are the future ILs will not be able to contribute in any meaningful financial way, and they should expect to pay for things themselves.

I've not seen any really compelling reason that the wedding has to be when it is other than the bride's preference. Just so that the 2nd married couple understands that their ILs are tapped are tapped out at the time of their wedding and don't harbor any resentment.

If I were the MIL I would still feel badly that I couldn't give as much or be as involved and that my new DIL doesn't even think enough of me to consider me as part of the wedding, but I guess things can't be helped.

Good news, the outfit should still fit her and be in style two months later....

I think the MIL is free to decide for herself whether or not the weddings are too close for HER schedule, and again finances, which the OP did mention.

2 kids getting married 2 months apart is too close for many people. You don't have to feel that way and that is ok since you have nothing to do with this wedding. The MIL does, she feels its too close for her, then its too close for her. I don't think you or anyone else can decide on her behalf.

I think that it is too much for the MIL to ask the couple who have said that due to strict convictions they can't live together until they are married (and I would make the assumption this means they also cannot consummate their relationship either), they are already waiting 15 months from now, even another 6 months is a long time to ask this couple to not be ale to start their lives together. I might feel a little different if the couple lived together already. If someone told me I couldn't live with my husband or have sex for 2 years I know where I would tell them to stick it...

The Oct sister was totally shafted in what our mother paid for, too. Our mom bought the May sister's wedding dress, and contributed cash toward the reception, plus hosted the rehearsal dinner, and paid for many odds and ends. She simply didn't have the money to do it for the Oct wedding. And all of our relatives who lived out of town came to the May wedding and sent regrets (we don't gift if we regret for weddings in our family), so the Oct sister missed out on that too. And above all, Oct sister just felt guilty and stupid that everyone was forced to go through the whole rigmarole twice in 5 months.

Yup your mom totally shafted your sister. I would understand if 3 sisters had got married and Bride #1 got $5000 and then a 2 years later Brides #2&#3 were getting married 2 months apart so they only got $2500. But your mom had full knowledge she had two weddings to deal with at once, it was piss poor planning of her to not evenly distribute the money.

 

[Nancyg56]

Parents don't pay for showers. They're guests. Hosting a shower for your own child or child's future spouse is poor etiquette http://www.topweddingquestions.com/...iquette-top-10-rules-bridal-shower-etiquette/

Bride's and groom's. Several posters have blamed the bride and her mother, but everything appears to be the couple's decisions.

Because you didn't read the original post correctly? The OP did.not.book.the.wedding.venue. The couple did. And the OP explained that yes, they did "think about it":
After the bride's graduation (five months)
After the future sister-in-law's wedding (two months)
Prior to th groom's graduation (one month)
Before bride's sister's sports season starts (two months)
Before they will live together (15 months)

I know that for some, paying for your child's shower is in poor taste, btu that is how some families roll. In my family, my extended family, we pay. It works for all of us, and we don't pretend otherwise. Yes, the MOH or a sister is on the invitation, but we all know Mom is paying the cost. I can tell yu my DH woudl not have one of the younger folks pay for my DD or DS events. Our kid, our bill. My cousins all do the same thing.

The problem is that while we are all chiming in, we don't know the grooms family, we have no idea their family customs. Our opinions are based on our own history. I know that this wedding date would not work for me if I had a son and a daughter landing weddings two months apart. I woudl be mortified that my family, all my family, not just my immediate family, would be asked to invest so much in a concentrated timeframe, and I know that my own budget for the two might be reduced. But who should be shorted? The ne who planned forst or the one who chose not to compromise? See that is the issue, and it is not as simple as wear the same clothes.

We have two weddings in the planning stages for 2017. Both cousins are aware that the other is being planned. One of my nieces has a date in place, the other has not yet set the date. My sister gave my niece the heads up so she can keep her cousin in mind when she finally sets her own date. In my family we try to respect those who have already made plans, and try to allow space in between so everyone has the spotlight on them for just a little while. It works for us.