Engagement issues already....

[Hikergirl]

Hikergirl, your post is almost inappropriate.
And I will state here, 200%, that you could not be more wrong.

No it isn't inappropriate. The fact is you have one ds, you brought that up in this thread. I am just pointing out that when you have more than one child to "support" things can happen when its not possible. You say finances should absolutely not be an issue for the future MIL. Again, that is so very easy to say. YOU have no idea her financial situation and what she can do for her kids at this time.
You wouldn't know anything about that, you have never experienced that and you never will. You can have all the opinions you want about that, but they are not facts.

 

[Wishing on a star]

One day your ds is going to get married and you are going to be the MIL. I hope you remember this post specifically if your future DIL and ds set a date that doesn't work perfectly with you for whatever reason.

Ohhh, I am not beginning to expect that his wedding date be 'perfect' for me.
That's just it. You just completely and totally nailed it.
That word 'perfect' says it all.

His wedding needs to happen at the right time as his and his bride's lifes unfold.
Short of being in a hospital bed, or six feet under.
I will be happy and will be there, with bells on.
Especially if I have an entire years notice.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Am I the only poster who here actaully cared about when my anniversary fell? I was married on my grandparents' anniversary. I also specially wanted a date at a time of year that was nice for travel for anniversaries and NOT in December which is always so busy with the holidays and my birthday (and as it turned out both kids' birthdays too). So moving things by two months, or six or whatever--other than by a full year, would have changed that date, which was important to me.

Did no one else see a decent change in their tax rate when tehy could do married filing jointly? Does having the option to do that for one extra year qualify as a reason for the couple to want to be married in fall of 2017 instead of sometimer in 2018?

How about health insurance? I know that I was only covered through my parents' plan until the end of the calendar year in which I graduated (this may be different now iwht new laws)--being married meant I could be on DH's plan through work.

I have no idea how considerate of the groom's mother and other guests the couple has or has not been, or how big or small of an affair the couple plan to have, or who is paying for what, or how far away any family (other than the bride's sister) is from, etc---but it seems like there are a lot of valid things to consider which many posters are not even thining baout---it is not, or shouldn't be, all about the one day party (or, in the case of some of these more extravagant events, few weeks worth of parties/showers/dinners/whatever)

 

[sam_gordon]

I will be happy and will be there, with bells on.

And I'm guessing the MiL in this case will also be happy and will be at the wedding. Why would anyone think different?

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am going to refuse to respond any further to these assumptions and personal judgments being thrown at me.
I may have been blessed with only one child.
But, I stated earlier that I am from a family with several siblings.
My mother would never, in a million years, have made any such statements as have been quoted from this mother.

With that... no further comment...

 

[sam_gordon]

When one has two (or more) children, one should be prepared to support TWO (or more) children, at whatever level finances might dictate. There are two birthdays every year, two sports/extra-curriculars, two graduations, two EVERYTHNG. Yes, that includes TWO WEDDINGS.

While you're correct that there are two birthdays every year and PROBABLY two sports/extra-curriculars, there may not be two graduations or two weddings or two "everything" (??) every year. In fact, our graduation schedule for the coming years (assuming everyone holds to a 4 year college degree):

2020: DD#1 College Graduation
2022: DS HS Graduation
2024: DD#2 HS Graduation
2026: DS College Graduation
2028: DD#2 College Graduation

Now, I would hope when any of the kids get married, they would avoid the months surrounding a sibling's graduation.

Regarding the finances, I can easily see how child #1 tells parents about their wedding and set a date. The parents say "great, we'll give you $5K (or $10K, or even $100) for the wedding". Then child #2 says "we're getting married two months later". The parents then feel guilty they can't give as much money/time/effort to child #2 and suggest they postpone a couple of months. Just because they suggest postponing the date doesn't mean they're against the wedding or unhappy, won't be supportive, or are manipulative or evil.

 

[Christine]

Am I the only poster who here actaully cared about when my anniversary fell? I was married on my grandparents' anniversary. I also specially wanted a date at a time of year that was nice for travel for anniversaries and NOT in December which is always so busy with the holidays and my birthday (and as it turned out both kids' birthdays too). So moving things by two months, or six or whatever--other than by a full year, would have changed that date, which was important to me.

Did no one else see a decent change in their tax rate when tehy could do married filing jointly? Does having the option to do that for one extra year qualify as a reason for the couple to want to be married in fall of 2017 instead of sometimer in 2018?

How about health insurance? I know that I was only covered through my parents' plan until the end of the calendar year in which I graduated (this may be different now iwht new laws)--being married meant I could be on DH's plan through work.

I have no idea how considerate of the groom's mother and other guests the couple has or has not been, or how big or small of an affair the couple plan to have, or who is paying for what, or how far away any family (other than the bride's sister) is from, etc---but it seems like there are a lot of valid things to consider which many posters are not even thining baout---it is not, or shouldn't be, all about the one day party (or, in the case of some of these more extravagant events, few weeks worth of parties/showers/dinners/whatever)

I actually gave it no thought! I got married young (too young) and I just wanted to get married and was rushing about it. I picked December but my mother did ask me to delay it due to holiday considerations and considerations of the guests. I did heed her advice and pushed it out to February. Not a fabulous month but such a dull month that I got a 100% participation rate at my wedding!!! I guess everyone had nothing to do. But it never occurred to me then to think about certain times of the year. I suppose if I had an outdoor wedding, weather would have been a decision point.

 

[kamik86]

That is so easy to say when you have one child. Sometimes life just doesn't work out they way we think it should.
And paying for a wedding isn't supporting, its a gift. Afterall ike you said these are mature, gainfully employed, independent individuals. They don't need anyone to support them right? If they do need it someone to pay for their wedding then maybe your opinion would be different.
And again, I don't think that anyone ever said that the future MIL was planning on paying for the wedding but a close family member like MOG attending a wedding can be expensive. Lucky you, you have one child and don't ever have to worry about this scenerio, but that also means you have no idea what you are talking about here.


One day your ds is going to get married and you are going to be the MIL. I hope you remember this post specifically if your future DIL and ds set a date that doesn't work perfectly with you for whatever reason.

I think this is my biggest issue with this thread. No date is ever going to work perfectly for everyone. Even if you only take into account the couple and both parents that is 6 people that are likely going to have schedule that conflict enough for it to be inconvenient to SOMEONE. so then it becomes a matter of how inconvienent and whose wedding it is.

I am basing all my opinions on the idea that the couple isn't needing or taking money from MIL. This I will state out because if they aren't then it does change things. However I don't see how being a guest at two weddings even if your help planning them in two months is too much.

 

[cabanafrau]

Again, the obvious must be stated here....
If 'two months before' is just TOO close.
Then 'two months after' is just TOO close.

Two months is NOT the objective here.
Two months would make no real difference in finances or any of the factors that this MIL is 'objecting' to.

The MILS statements and objectives here are all too obvious.

I think a great deal of what you're labeling "obvious" is truly a designation of your own making through your own very specific lens. How do you know so certainly what the "objective" is here? It's kind of telling how your bias impacts your opinion by the fact you characterize the MIL's request and objections as an "objective" in the first place.

It's entirely likely some of the objections to the timing actually involve the impact on the extended family, both time and financial, which is hardly an unreasonable concern. Considering the timing of wedding #2, both following closely upon the heels of wedding #1 and beginning the look down the barrel at the Christmas time and money crunch, it might present some real decisions for extended family who genuinely love both brother and sister and really want to celebrate both. What if you're Uncle Jim and Aunt Susie living eight hours away, with one or both working in a hospital, which means weekend shifts are part of the gig. There's never been a doubt that when your beloved niece and nephew got married you would be there. You've loved those kids their whole lives and are so happy they've found such nice mates to spend their lives with. In order to guarantee your work scheduling for both weddings in that two-month timeframe it means canceling that time off you were planning right after Christmas to go see Aunt Susie's mom or spend the time with your own son or daughter who are coming to celebrate the holidays and bring the grandkids for a visit. Maybe even if you can make the time issue work out you suddenly can't afford the cost of so many flights within such a short timespan. Maybe those kinds of concerns occurred to mom but weren't explicitly conveyed in the initial conversation, maybe they don't exist, or maybe they just didn't make the cut for the compact laundry list of "mom being difficult" offered for discussion here. If those kinds of concerns were conveyed do you think OP could expect to present them here and garner support for the November timeframe because it suited her other daughter's sports scheduling requirements?

If you're going to stand so hard and fast on the wedding and wedding date needing to only about fitting the needs and wishes of the bride and groom then at some point couples may as well dispense with the wedding entirely, opting to be the only two people present. You're never going to please everybody all the time, but I don't think you set off for a hopefully happy future without taking into some consideration how you both want to fit into the puzzle of those who love you dearly and those whom you treasure in your lives.

 

[kamik86]

I actually gave it no thought! I got married young (too young) and I just wanted to get married and was rushing about it. I picked December but my mother did ask me to delay it due to holiday considerations and considerations of the guests. I did heed her advice and pushed it out to February. Not a fabulous month but such a dull month that I got a 100% participation rate at my wedding!!! I guess everyone had nothing to do. But it never occurred to me then to think about certain times of the year. I suppose if I had an outdoor wedding, weather would have been a decision point.

That could be another consideration here. I wanted a fall or spring wedding. Because I didn't want everyone to have to deal with being extremely hot in the tuxes (and my dress) but didn't want to have to deal with a time of year where snow could cause 3/4 of my wedding party and vendors to not be able to get there. My date ended up being perfect for that.

Waiting a few months depending on the area of the country could put them in mid winter.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I actually gave it no thought! I got married young (too young) and I just wanted to get married and was rushing about it. I picked December but my mother did ask me to delay it due to holiday considerations and considerations of the guests. I did heed her advice and pushed it out to February. Not a fabulous month but such a dull month that I got a 100% participation rate at my wedding!!! I guess everyone had nothing to do. But it never occurred to me then to think about certain times of the year. I suppose if I had an outdoor wedding, weather would have been a decision point.

I turned 23 shortly before our wedding (as did DH, even closer to the wedding)--which many people here seem to think is young (you might have been much younger though).
Things like the honeymoon (and later subsequent milestone anniversary trips) being at a reasonable time of year cost-wise; but also not so low season that they were harder to enjoy), tax years, health insurance, lower cost venue rentals on "off" seasons for weddings, etc all played a part in our decision making.

 

[mjkacmom]

Again, the obvious must be stated here....
If 'two months before' is just TOO close.
Then 'two months after' is just TOO close.

Two months is NOT the objective here.
Two months would make no real difference in finances or any of the factors that this MIL is 'objecting' to.

The MILS statements and objectives here are all too obvious.

Obvious to who? You? I'm sorry, but unless you've had multiple children, you most likely don't get it. Yes, there are many times when you have overlapping events like games and graduations, it stink but you do what you need to do, because the scheduling is out of your control - happens here frequently. However, we try not to schedule some things close together. Something like you child's wedding is a huge, hopefully once in a lifetime event. I would want to spend an equal amount of time and energy, plus money, on all of them.

It's like if you were planning two va actions in one year. Would you purposely plan them 2 months apart?

One of the qualities I loved about DH was the love and respect he had (and still does) for his parents.

 

[Nancyg56]

Again, the obvious must be stated here....
If 'two months before' is just TOO close.
Then 'two months after' is just TOO close.

Two months is NOT the objective here.
Two months would make no real difference in finances or any of the factors that this MIL is 'objecting' to.

The MILS statements and objectives here are all too obvious.

Obvious to who? You????

For us, two months in one direction or another means a difference of 4 months. While that may not be significant to you, it is to me. DH is seasonal. Had we committed to one event, such as a wedding, depending on the timing, I may or may not be willing to commit to another if that wedding took place during my DH layoff. We are really good planners. I have our cushion JIC there is something that goes wrong, and if it can, it does. And we are ready. My DH plans nothing during layoff. NOT ONE THING> with the exception of a vacation, which is already paid in full long before his last day at work. A second wedding would be an issue if it fell during that time frame, and while we would manage I would be unhappy. REALLY UNHAPPY.

You are so darn certain that your way is the right way, but the truth is that unless you are in someone else's shoes you have no idea how they run their homes, what their customs are and how they split resources between family members. Your way works for you, at least for now. As a woman of almost 60 years, with three adult children all married, I can say that what I believed to be rock solid when they were younger turned out to be not much. You have one child, and even though you have siblings to model the wisdom that you declare is fact, you may find that your own circumstances are much changed in the coming years. Be very careful when you declare what must be so for others when based upon your own lens. Unfortunately life's little surprises manage to turn even the most steadfast plan upside down.

This is why no matter how well DH and I plan for that 4 month span he is generally home, we always try to be sure we do not over extend our commitments because inevitably that is when life gets sticky. I would manage if one child decided to piggyback another, but I would be wicked nervous until it was all over.

I think a great deal of what you're labeling "obvious" is truly a designation of your own making through your own very specific lens. How do you know so certainly what the "objective" is here? It's kind of telling how your bias impacts your opinion by the fact you characterize the MIL's request and objections as an "objective" in the first place.

It's entirely likely some of the objections to the timing actually involve the impact on the extended family, both time and financial, which is hardly an unreasonable concern. Considering the timing of wedding #2, both following closely upon the heels of wedding #1 and beginning the look down the barrel at the Christmas time and money crunch, it might present some real decisions for extended family who genuinely love both brother and sister and really want to celebrate both. What if you're Uncle Jim and Aunt Susie living eight hours away, with one or both working in a hospital, which means weekend shifts are part of the gig. There's never been a doubt that when your beloved niece and nephew got married you would be there. You've loved those kids their whole lives and are so happy they've found such nice mates to spend their lives with. In order to guarantee your work scheduling for both weddings in that two-month timeframe it means canceling that time off you were planning right after Christmas to go see Aunt Susie's mom or spend the time with your own son or daughter who are coming to celebrate the holidays and bring the grandkids for a visit. Maybe even if you can make the time issue work out you suddenly can't afford the cost of so many flights within such a short timespan. Maybe those kinds of concerns occurred to mom but weren't explicitly conveyed in the initial conversation, maybe they don't exist, or maybe they just didn't make the cut for the compact laundry list of "mom being difficult" offered for discussion here. If those kinds of concerns were conveyed do you think OP could expect to present them here and garner support for the November timeframe because it suited her other daughter's sports scheduling requirements?

If you're going to stand so hard and fast on the wedding and wedding date needing to only about fitting the needs and wishes of the bride and groom then at some point couples may as well dispense with the wedding entirely, opting to be the only two people present. You're never going to please everybody all the time, but I don't think you set off for a hopefully happy future without taking into some consideration how you both want to fit into the puzzle of those who love you dearly and those whom you treasure in your lives.

I agree. It is not so hard and fast.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Am I the only poster who here actaully cared about when my anniversary fell? I was married on my grandparents' anniversary. I also specially wanted a date at a time of year that was nice for travel for anniversaries and NOT in December which is always so busy with the holidays and my birthday (and as it turned out both kids' birthdays too). So moving things by two months, or six or whatever--other than by a full year, would have changed that date, which was important to me.

Did no one else see a decent change in their tax rate when tehy could do married filing jointly? Does having the option to do that for one extra year qualify as a reason for the couple to want to be married in fall of 2017 instead of sometimer in 2018?

How about health insurance? I know that I was only covered through my parents' plan until the end of the calendar year in which I graduated (this may be different now iwht new laws)--being married meant I could be on DH's plan through work.

I have no idea how considerate of the groom's mother and other guests the couple has or has not been, or how big or small of an affair the couple plan to have, or who is paying for what, or how far away any family (other than the bride's sister) is from, etc---but it seems like there are a lot of valid things to consider which many posters are not even thining baout---it is not, or shouldn't be, all about the one day party (or, in the case of some of these more extravagant events, few weeks worth of parties/showers/dinners/whatever)

I did care about mine. I wanted to get married in the spring before my b-day (which is early May) and ended up getting married in the middle of April a few weeks shy of my b-day. The thing is we got engaged in early July soooo our choices for a decent venue at that time completely took out the summer for the next year which was ok by us because we didn't want to get married in the summer; my husband just didn't want to get married in the summer but didn't have a preference between spring or fall.

You know funny thing is I had thought (ok maybe it was silly of me) that looking for bridemaid's dresses in October for an April wedding was still enough time...nope I was advised you are cutting it really really close because the factories in China close down for a month in like December/January and then you have to have up to 2 months or more to alter. OK so I was paying for all of the bridesmaids stuff (jewelry, dresses, shoes) moreso because my bridesmaids I knew couldn't afford it. I actually bought their dresses at QVC.com and we hemmed them up ourselves and because of the fabric and fit they didn't need to be altered despite having 3 girls who are different body types. I know this couple in this thread have more than a year at this point but still it is something to consider.

My husband's company does a wellness program which includes blood work/height/weight checks for their health insurance purposes. I was on my company's health insurance and it was $110 a month because they did not have a wellness progrom and my husband's (with me on it) would be $18 a month.....so we def. wanted me to switch to be on his after we got married.

 

[mickeyboat]

Our wedding was 8 months after DH's sister's wedding. When I was 19 and choosing a date, it did not dawn on me that it would be a problem. My MIL was wonderful, and did not say a word, but I am sure it was not easy for them. Fortunately we were engaged for two years, and so was DH's sister, so they were able to make it work.

I would freak out if my DDs end up getting married in the same year. There is no way we could afford both. There is no way that our families, who all live out of state, would be able to attend both. I would be a complete wreck! I would hope that one, or both of them, would be able to change their dates to make it easier on us.

Even if this MIL is difficult in general, she has a point. If the bride and groom can not accommodate her concerns because of the bride's sister, they will have to face the consequences of their decision.

 

[Vijoge]

My daughter and her boyfriend got engaged a few weeks ago. We love him and are very happy to welcome him to our family. His mom (parents divorced) was happy for them. Dad was also happy. Since the engagement they have been tossing around when to get married. They've settled on Nov of 2017. Both will be 23 at the time and close to 24. My DD graduates from college the May prior to the wedding. Her fiancé will graduate about a month after the wedding. Both are currently employed full time in their respective fields and will receive nice pay raises with their degrees.

If you are still reading this, thank you!

His mom was happy with the engagement, but very unhappy when she heard about the date. Her DD (fiancées sister) is getting married September of 2017. She said they should plan on 2018 because that would be financially much better for her and 2017 is already his sisters year. (Never heard of having your own year). Fiancées sister said she has no issues whatsoever with their plans and was happy for them. Grooms mom then said her focus is on the fiancées sister for the year and doesn't have time to deal with his marriage also. Next, grooms mom said she was hopeful her son would graduate and be in his field longer. Next concern was, how will you financially be able to pay student loans and live day to day. The list goes on.

They avoid speaking about the wedding around her at all. Fiancé says she can just be difficult, and she's always been that way, but he handles her. Yesterday they officially set the day and put down a deposit on the venue. She hasn't been told yet.

Did you ever have a family member that made your wedding difficult? I understand wanting everything perfect for your kids before they get married, but at what point do you put your opinions aside, smile and take part.

They are firm on their desire to stick with their date. They both have personal convictions that won't allow them to live together until married, so that is not an option.

This is frustrating because she is taking some of the joy out of planning this wedding.

If this were my daughter I would say go ahead with the November wedding plans but make it as easy as possible on future MIL. Make it clear to her the only thing she needs to do for the wedding is show up for the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, if there is going to be one, and the wedding itself. Continue to avoid speaking about the wedding unless future MIL asks about it and then answer in general terms. Don't even hint that there is anything she needs to do other than be there to celebrate the day. Graciously decline any offer of help, financial or otherwise. Perhaps she'll rethink things and decide she's missing out. Perhaps not. Won't matter-it's under control.

Maybe she's being difficult, maybe she's just overwhelmed. Two weddings in two months is a lot to handle and some people thrive under pressure while others don't.

 

[Nancyg56]

If this were my daughter I would say go ahead with the November wedding plans but make it as easy as possible on future MIL. Make it clear to her the only thing she needs to do for the wedding is show up for the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, if there is going to be one, and the wedding itself. Continue to avoid speaking about the wedding unless future MIL asks about it and then answer in general terms. Don't even hint that there is anything she needs to do other than be there to celebrate the day. Graciously decline any offer of help, financial or otherwise. Perhaps she'll rethink things and decide she's missing out. Perhaps not. Won't matter-it's under control.

Maybe she's being difficult, maybe she's just overwhelmed. Two weddings in two months is a lot to handle and some people thrive under pressure while others don't.

Are you saying the Op suggest that her DD graciously exclude her future MIL? Decline any offer of help, tell her show up in her new dress, and avoid discussing the wedding, and if perhaps she feels badly she will rethink her position? And then what? This woman has her reasons for asking her DS to consider postponing this weeing. I do not know what they are, but I would not feel good about guilting a woman into "rethinking" her position. This is basically shunning the woman because of her circumstances, whatever they are.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

OP here! Wow is all I can say. Thank you to all who took their time and responded. Work has been crazy.

I will try to give a little more info. The sisters Sept wedding is in our town and sounds like it will be around 200ish people. She does not live at home any longer. She and her fiancé are living in a home they purchased. I'm not sure of the finances regarding that wedding, but I'm sure each of her parents are contributing financially in some way. I've been told that all close family is local. Sister is kind and gets along with my DD very well. They have spoken directly to each other regarding the November date. My daughter loves her and wanted to be sure there wasn't any bad feelings and to honor her wedding first and foremost.

I want to be clear. I understand MOG financial concerns. Not only finances, but time. I get that and I do see where she is coming from. I also believe she is perfectly within her right to voice those and discuss them with my DD and her son.

Here is where I think the issue lies. From the moment of engagement, she has made is clear that she is happy about the engagement, but has no time to focus on that. All of her energy will be focused on her daughters wedding. I'm a mother of the bride now also. Again, I understand.

What I don't agree with is the idea that these two adults ABSOLUTELY cannot plan their wedding until 2018. I wish that she would ask what they envision and why this is their hopeful timeline before shutting down the conversation, which is why I think she is now coming up with a multitude of things that she's concerned about.

My DD and her fiancé are planning a wedding/reception for 100. The location they put a deposit on will hold both events. They want small and intimate. Their wedding location is also in our town. 20 minutes from the sisters. Also, my DD is working around her sisters college schedule. She is at college in another state and is a college athlete. In season for her spring sport is Jan thru mid May. She graduates from college May of 2018 and will go to a job. Hopefully her career path will lead her to our state, but that is far from certain. Also, an overseas internship has been discussed and is not out of the question.

We have given daughter a monetary amount that we are contributing to the wedding. Although not overly large, it will cover everything. We are lucky to have friends that are photographers, another owns a flower shop and so on. These people work heavily in the wedding industry. Feeling very blessed! Although they are still being paid, part of their service they are giving as a wedding gift.

My DD and fiancé have also expressed that as far as the rehearsal goes, they would be happy with a dinner for the wedding party in a home. Ours, grooms, family...they don't care. It in no way needs to be an elaborate affair.

Whew! I think I answered most of the questions.

Again, I do not want to imply that I don't understand MOG financial and time concerns. But at some point as parents of adults I think you voice those concerns and the ramifications and then you step back and let them be adults.

If you made it this far, I applaud you.

The bolded really says a lot about whose family is considered the priority. There is no consideration to the timing of the groom's sisters wedding, but planning needs to be done around a potential, just thought about and not even applied for yet, internship for the bride's sister? I hope these reasons weren't given to the groom's mother, because I can understand why she would then get more upset. The wedding should be pushed back because it's the right thing to do for the groom's sister. The fact that the groom won't even graduate until December 2017 is just a bonus reason to hold off until 2018. It's not the future MIL grasping at straws, it's that the wedding being a year later works better for everyone for multiple reasons.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I am going to refuse to respond any further to these assumptions and personal judgments being thrown at me.
I may have been blessed with only one child.
But, I stated earlier that I am from a family with several siblings.
My mother would never, in a million years, have made any such statements as have been quoted from this mother.

With that... no further comment...

I'm glad there is no further comment, but on the "off" chance you are still reading anyway....

Having two...three....four+ kids is NOTHING, Zip Zero, Nada like having ONE kid.

You have been BLESSED with having the ability to see what parenting/mothering is like from the point of view of having ONE child. It's completely different than experiencing parenting from the point of view of multiple children. I only did it for 4 years before having child #2, but I can certainly tell you it is COMPLETELY different!

You seem stung about the fact that someone pointed out you have one child. Nobody is saying you are less of a mother, or you didn't want more, couldn't have more, or if this was your choice etc. I have no idea of any of your history, and nor do I want to since it doesn't pertain here except for the fact that you have never experienced what it's like budgeting for multiple kids.

It's the same as if someone has all boys or all girls or a mix of both....we would have no idea what it would be like to raise the other gender. My friends with all girls cannot fathom how we exist with 2 boys and a girl. I was raised with 4 sisters. I had absolutely NO idea what brothers were like or what being an only child would be like. My dad has NO idea what it is like to have a son. My daughter will have no idea what it is like to have a sister. You have no idea what it is like to have multiple children. It's not a bad thing, and nobody is judging. They are simply saying that you cannot be the authority on THIS thread because it involves a mother who is voicing her opinion about BOTH of her children's weddings being 2 months apart. I would not be able to be the authority on a thread asking about brother problems! It is what it is.

So, settle down!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I have to wonder here--and this isn't meant to come off in any sort of way nor aimed at any one poster just honest musings--

If we swapped out the entire situation and placed it like the OP was the groom's mother..

There are valid points and concerns that are not dependent, at least IMO, on whose side of the family they are that have been mentioned here.

There are also a lot of points taken based on the fact the the OP is from the bride's side of the family and the experiences and social norms and stereotypes of what a bride can be and the experiences and social norms and stereotypes of what a groom can be.

If the groom's family was calling the shots would we be more sympathetic towards the bride?

If the groom's mother thought the bride's mother was being difficult would we be more sympathetic towards the bride's mother?

Honest opinion here so please don't flame me but I get the feeling that some of the angst is dependent on the fact that the groom's sister is getting married..would there be as much of an issue if the sister was actually a brother? It's the thought that the mother is heavily involved with her daughter getting married (which traditionally she is) and not as heavily involved with her son getting married (which traditionally many of the decisions seem to lie with the bride/her family).

Maybe none of this matter but it was just something that I had been wondering.

If you've read my other posts I'm more on the side of the couple not one side or the other but I can see the other sides here too.