Empowering the Single Mom

[jweiss]

Okay, I just hate to see/hear single parents portraying them selves or being portrayed as martyrs!!! I am a single parent, by choice, and at this point, probably always will be!!! I have a 13 year old adopted daughter who has special needs. I just adopted a baby girl, now age 5 months, who may also have special needs (only time will tell for sure!!!) This will be our 3rd August on the Disney Cruise, 7 day. The first year my mom went with us. Last year it was just my daughter and I. This year we aded my 12 year old niece, then got this surprise addition to our family in April!!! I will be traveling from California to Florida for two weeks with three childlren in August. After the 7 day cruise we will spend 6 nights at WDW. Last year we bought into Disney Vacation Club and will be staying at Beach Club Villas. IU'm not a saint. This is certainly not how I would have imagined my life, but I'm sure not going to miss out on good opportunities just because I'm singel. Yes, I'm a bit nervous about this trip, but it will work out and we will all have a blast, despite no help with the stroller and no romantic dinners!!!!

 

[MELSMICE]

I didn't get the impression that any single parents responding to this thread were trying to be martyrs, nor did I get the impression that any of the married parents, whether travelling alone or not, were demeaning the single parents.

I believe that being a parent, whether single or married has its challenges. I also believe that if a married parent finds themselves needing to travel alone at some point they may have some reservations about it. I also think that someone who is used to travelling alone with their children may find it "different" to have a travelling companion with them at some point.

There is no such thing as the "typical" family now-a-days - you know, 2 parents, 2 kids, a dog & a nice little house to live in. Some people are fortunate there are 2 parents in the home, then again, some people are better off without a spouse and their children have a better home with just one parent, and some people choose to be single parents for various reasons.

Whatever the case, everyone should do what makes them happy & not judge others, call them martyrs or believe they are demeaning others. JMO!

 

[blowinbubbles]

I think that I was probably the one who wrote that original post, that you were talking about. And believe me, although I am married, I *do* know something about being in a one-parent family, as my father was killed when I was four and my brother was not yet two. My mom raised us all by herself, and yes, she took us to WDW twice, in addition to other vacations!

She used to say the same thing that ya'll do. . back when my friends' dads were in Vietnam or TDY, their mom's would say how hard it was without their husbands. My mother said that it wasn't the same thing, that most likely their dad's were coming back. And even so, they had a support system with the other military families.

Also, just because a person has a spouse doesn't necessarily mean that said spouse contributes *anything* to the care and raising of the kids. There are plenty of two-parent families out there where only one parent has much of anything to do with the kids. I know that in my case, I don't get a lick of time to myself, because I take care of my kids 100%. My h works 100 hours a week, and when he's not working he's sleeping.
I know it's not *exactly* the same as being a single parent, but it comes pretty darned close.

Originally posted by frstimer128
What fired me up to start this thread in the first place was reading a post from a mom with two kids, 7 and 9. She booked a trip for her and the kids and will be going without her husband. She was concerned about what to do if one of the kids misbehaves or doesn't want to participate in rides. She actually asked if she made the right decision booking the trip in the first place.

I know what you are saying jweiss and I agree that going without your spouse for a couple days is way different than not having one at all. It is very frustrating to hear married mothers questioning whether or not they can survive a few days alone with their children when we do it every single day. Not just in Disney, but anywhere. I have met so many moms that would never dream of taking their own children on a solo vacation, even for a weekend. I guess as true single parents, we don't have any other choice. I hope that the married moms who are intimidated by vacationing alone can become inspired by us single travelling parents and give it a shot.

 

[frstimer128]

blowinbubbles,
The reason why I wrote anything in the first place was to give a strong word of encouragement to those parents questioning whether to take their kids on vacation. Any mom or dad who doubts themselves needs to look at all they do on a day to day basis. We get up in the a.m. and get them clean, dressed, fed and off to school. We bring them to activities, playdates, grocery shopping, to the doctors....We deal with temper tantrums and disaapointments in all different settings. My point is, we take care of them 24/7 already. Why would any parenteven consider that they couldn't be alone with their kids for a few days of fun in the coolest place on Earth? Same kids, just a different location. So, go and enjoy your kids and go with the confidence that you will be fine and that you will handle any situation as well as you do every other day.

"Be prepared, not scared!"

 

[blowinbubbles]

Thanks for the great words, frstimer! I know, being a single parent isn't easy, I so remember how it was for my mom when I was growing up. And you are right, it's just the same kids, different location.

I've scheduled this next trip for an extra three days, so we can just take our time and relax. No rushing here and there, and if we only spend four hours in a park, so be it. And frankly speaking, I'm certain this trip without dad will be much more relaxing and fun, as he was the major source of the stress on the last trip!

Originally posted by frstimer128
blowinbubbles,
The reason why I wrote anything in the first place was to give a strong word of encouragement to those parents questioning whether to take their kids on vacation. Any mom or dad who doubts themselves needs to look at all they do on a day to day basis. We get up in the a.m. and get them clean, dressed, fed and off to school. We bring them to activities, playdates, grocery shopping, to the doctors....We deal with temper tantrums and disaapointments in all different settings. My point is, we take care of them 24/7 already. Why would any parenteven consider that they couldn't be alone with their kids for a few days of fun in the coolest place on Earth? Same kids, just a different location. So, go and enjoy your kids and go with the confidence that you will be fine and that you will handle any situation as well as you do every other day.

"Be prepared, not scared!"

 

[catherines_mama]

Originally posted by mrsltg
Here's another cheer for the single mom's and dad's! I am a cop's wife, so DH's schedule makes me a single mom a lot! I took Dierdre to WDW last year by myself for a couple of days and we did great! I was so proud of myself afterwards for doing EVERYTHING on my own (flights, rental car, carseat installation , hotel check-in, meals, drives, parks, yada yada yada). It is not easy, but it is a lot of fun!!!

Erin

i LOVE your daughters name... probably because its mine.. Its even spelt almost the same.. I am Deirdre! Its wild how many different variations its pronounced. Thanks to my older sis.. I've been Deedee all my life!... again.. Beautiful name!

Glad your trip was so great!

 

[catherines_mama]

Originally posted by LisaZoe
...... Of course, since DD isn't 3 yet, we do get a break at WDW because she won't need a ticket, will eat free at buffets, etc. which sure helps for now... but that will change at the end of Oct. when she turns 3 so our May '05 trip to DL I'll be paying for park admission and meals. Oh well, it will alsways be worth it with Disney, IMHO.

You will LOVE it.. this age is terrific. DD turned 3 in April and I took her in Feb... the PERFECT age in my book. she will LOVE it all! Have a blast and you MUST post a trip report

 

[catherines_mama]

maybe we could team up and co-travel sometime! LOL just playing! sounds like a great relationship. I love to see strong single dads. Its very impressive, esp when there are those out there who just could care less to ever be a part of a wonderful child's life *cough*cough* I wouldn't know any of those.. right! LOL

Anyway.. props to you and its wonderful to know that there are great single fathers out there!

Originally posted by bode
Ok, I want to get my 2 cents in.... I am a single dad and my dd and i travel alot together. she is 4 and we always seem to have a great time. yes it is tiring sometimes not having that other person to take some of the heat off you when things are a little stressed but it is always worth it. she and i will be going to wdw in september for the first time and i can't tell you how excited we both are. so, here is one for all the single dads !!!!

 

[MidwestMickeyFan]

I'm glad to hear so many independent single women out there! I live in a small area in South Dakota and am planning to take my DD9 to WDW for a week in September - by myself!! We've always been on our own together, I can't imagine waiting to "live" my life until I found a guy. I have had a lot of people here at home tell me that I'm crazy to travel on my own, even - believe it or not - even the lady I made my PS reservations with for Disney!!!! She actually told me I was "brave"!

 

[pixie71]

I took my first cruise in 2003 with my son who was almost 2 at the time and we did everything-ate at the Captain's dinner, went to the shows and of course the shore excursions. Some days were more difficult than others but isn't that everyday as a single parent or just a parent period. We took our first trip to Disney early this year and it was great - he keeps asking me when are we going back and feel in love with the Jungle Book thanks to the Pop Century resort. I was so elated that I decided to do it and that it was a blast I have trips planned for us for the next few years inclding another surprise trip to WDW this September!!!!! And a trip to EuroDisney 2006.

We have had many great experiences on day trips and long trips it's nice to be able to not rush to preschool & work and be so scheduled all the time but to just relax and enjoy each other's company. I have family members who are also single parents who do not vacation with their kids and I wonder if I had that opportunity would I use it and I don't think I would (not that it makes me a better parent than them) but just because it's so wonderful to me to share in his "firsts" like flying, going to WDW, etc. Now if only Disney would add something special for single parents & their kids...

 

[bobcat]

We just returned from our 7th trip to WDW, 6 of those driving from Ohio. Like others I decided that if I waited until I had someone else to go with we would never go. Our trips have been some of my best times with my kids. I haven't ever regretted traveling solo with my kids and frankly it amazes me that anyone wouldn't. I'm not brave I'm just a parent wanting to have fun with my kids.

 

[PlutoPony]

That's the bottom line, whether you are a single parent or not....you just want to have fun and experience things with your kids! Some people are comfortable doing this "on their own", others are not. That's fine. I just wish I knew more people who are "adventurous"!
BTW - Bobcat - where are you from?? I grew up in Findlay OH, and are regularly thru the Columbus area when we drive up to the "flatlands"!

Have a good trip !

 

[LisaZoe]

It's funny, I find I want to travel more now that I am a parent (single or not) than I did when I was pre-DD. I think partly this is because 95% of my friends are/were married so couldn't travel with me due to SO concerns, money issues, using vacation time for trips with SO (can you believe it ). The other 5% were single but usually too broke to consider more than a weekend trip locally and even then I often paid for the hotel and we took my car. In the 20 years between when I was 18 and 38, I took a total of 2 "real" vacations and both were with family members to DLR (to me, a weekend away isn't a vacation, although I still enjoy them). However, I've taken 3 vacations and have another scheduled since getting my daughter at 4 weeks old (she's now 33 months old).

Mostly, though, I get a great deal of enjoyment watching my DD having a blast that I look forward to each trip with her so much more than I would going alone or with other adults. To me, one of the best things about being a parent is showing the world (or "The World") to my child and exploring it with her.

 

[Kendra17]

I haven't read all of the postings, so maybe this was mentioned. Many resorts have single parents' weeks. Probably not Disney, but I know Beaches does, for instance, and maybe Club Med. And, some resorts will give single parents discounts if you ask. I was a single parent for a couple of years. .. .

You may want to try a very good travel agent for the specific resorts--I imagine they don't all probably know about them.

Beaches, for example, offers one week during the year (yes, only one) that gives an AMAZING discount that applies to single parents.

And, I recently read an article (can't remember where--probably Oprah or something at the Dr's office) that described other resort discounts for single parents.

Also, an old friend of mine (no longer in touch, so I don't know where he found this) told me of a website that got single parents in touch with eachother to vacation together and share those expenses.

Just some thoughts!

 

[lucy_love_]

hi

my dh works offshore and i have taken a few holidays without him. i dont mind going solo. i have two girls so we call it girly time and have a ball.

love

lucy

 

[donkeysleuth]

Hi- I'm an older single mom (50) with my adpted DD , 6, from China. I'm basically single not by choice, but am learning to adapt. I have to admit I'm a little intimidated traveling along with my DD, but I'm not sure how much is being alone, or being an "older alone".But I do know that there's a lot out there I want to do & enjoy with her (esp WDW) and I'm going to do whatever I can do with her! I do feel awkward when married women speak about being like single moms-since it's not really the same, but bottom line is you do what you can for your kids- with or without- and yout better off for having the experience with them and so are they- memories you'll all remember! My 2 cents!

 

[frstimer128]

I actually like travelling alone with DD rather than with friends. I spent a long weekend with one of my best friends and her husband and kids and it was very draining. Plus, I have never heard so much whining as I did from her kids. Yikes...

It is really tricky trying to please everyone. When it is just the two of us, we do what we want when we want. I must say that my DD is really good about doing a "mommy thing" like walking through a store since she knows that we need to take turns. Most of our vacation is for her, but sometimes I need to do one or two things for me.

I think that as long as you know going into a solo vacation that you will not see and do everything, you'll have fun. Go at your kids speed, ask them what they want to see and if you have to miss a show or ride to avoid a meltdown from a tired child...oh well. If they are having a blast then ...mission accomplished!

 

[WendyinNC]

I have a question for you guys.

I will be traveling with my kids ages 4, 6, and 8. The 6 and 8 year olds want to ride Space Mountain, etc. Is there any way they can ride? The 4 year old is too short. The 6 year old wants to ride with me. Any suggestions? Can I let the 8 yr. old stand with the 4 yr. old while I ride with the 6 year old and then the 8 year old rides by herself? Will they let a 6 year old and 8 year old ride without me? Should I just explain to the kids that we can't do these rides this time.

I'm hoping 4 yr. old grows 1 1/2 inches before October so we can at least ride the 40" rides.

 

[MsMulan]

Originally posted by bobcat
We just returned from our 7th trip to WDW, 6 of those driving from Ohio. Like others I decided that if I waited until I had someone else to go with we would never go. Our trips have been some of my best times with my kids. I haven't ever regretted traveling solo with my kids and frankly it amazes me that anyone wouldn't. I'm not brave I'm just a parent wanting to have fun with my kids.

Wher do you stop along the way? I am a single parent from the DC area and the thought of driving down has me tired before I start. Do you split this up into multiple days to get down there or just overnight?

I am also considering taking the auto train. Because instead of just my DD and I going, I am thinking about taking my younger counsin.

 

[MsMulan]

Originally posted by WendyinNC
I have a question for you guys.

I will be traveling with my kids ages 4, 6, and 8. The 6 and 8 year olds want to ride Space Mountain, etc. Is there any way they can ride? The 4 year old is too short. The 6 year old wants to ride with me. Any suggestions? Can I let the 8 yr. old stand with the 4 yr. old while I ride with the 6 year old and then the 8 year old rides by herself? Will they let a 6 year old and 8 year old ride without me? Should I just explain to the kids that we can't do these rides this time.

I'm hoping 4 yr. old grows 1 1/2 inches before October so we can at least ride the 40" rides.

Talk to a CM at the parks, I am sure that they will try to accomadate you the best way they can.