"Email" vent..

[C.Ann]

I'll make this as brief as possible as many of the details aren't relevant..

Yesterday morning I received an email from a friend of 20+ years.. The email was very cold and impersonal and left me with the impression that our friendship was coming to an end.. I have been friends with this person and her DH (although I have never particularly liked him) for a long, long time and was puzzled - to say the least.. Just to be sure I wasn't imagining things, I showed it to my DD and her DH and they both agreed that it sounded like "the kiss of death"..

Long story short, I found out later last night that although this email came from "Mary's" email address - and was signed, "Mary & Joe" - it was NOT written OR sent by her.. It was composed and sent by her DH - without HER knowledge.. She knew nothing about the email - nor did she know anything about the content..

I immediately responded rather coldly to what I "thought" was the original email from "Mary" right after I received it - only to receive a follow-up email from Mary last night explaining that she was totally unaware of yesterdays happenings and wasn't even home when "Joe" decided to try to pull off this scam.. (And yes - I'm sure she was not home.. Yesterday was her set weekly day to volunteer at their local Hospice Center from 7 a.m. until 5 p.m. - and nothing has gone on between her and I recently that would cause her to send me this type of email, so there's not a question in my mind that she was totally in the dark..)

I was SO furious last night after I received the "real" email from Mary, I wanted to call "Joe" and and have it out with him one-on-one, but I know that lashing out in anger is rarely - if ever - the best way to go.. So I decided to "sleep on it" and decide just how I'm going to deal with his decption and when.. Angry words won't accomplish anything, so if at all possible, I would prefer to point out the "error of his ways" in a calm, rational, intelligent way - yet in such a manner that he ends up feeling like the snake in the grass that he really is..

Meanwhile, I still haven't responded to "Mary's" email that she sent last night either (the one that WAS actually from her), because at this point, how do I even know that SHE would be the one actually reading my email??

Obviously it's time to resort to speaking with her only on the telephone - so at least that way I'll know for sure "who" I'm having my conversations with.. That's on the agenda for tomorrow..

Meanwhile, I'm still sitting here fuming over "Joe".. Ridiculous elementary school behavior from a so-called "grown" adult - posing as someone else when sending emails.. It's mind boggling to me..

And to think - this man retired from a career quite high up in the field of education - constantly reminds everyone and anyone of how smart he is; how many degrees he has; how "easy" it was for him to obtain his doctorate due to his "superior intelligence"; how he is "above reproach"; how respected and admired he is by everyone; how "trustworthy" he is; yada, yada, yada..

Gee - what do you think the odds are that his "perfect image" would be severely tarnished if people were aware of his childish, deceitful, sneaky, underhanded behavior???

Even my DGD knows better than to do anything like this - and she's only 11!!

Phew!! Good to get that off my chest.. Sometimes you just have to "vent"..

If you made it this far, thanks for reading my rant.. LOL..

 

[kirbydog48]

He sounds like a complete horse's patoutie!

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'd do exactly what you plan. Phone calls only from now on. I wouldn't say a word to the husband. Pretend it didn't happen. That would unnerve him more than anything, cause it seems he did it to get your goat.

I'd just pretend it didn't happen as far as he is concerned, have a private conversation with your friend about it, cut out that avenue so it won't happen again, and remember he's a snake.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

Lol, what a man-child. Yeah, let's go into my wife's e-mail and send a nasty letter to her friend... silly boy.

 

[sunnyday123]

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, and even more sorry that someone has to live with a person like that. I would deal with her only in phone calls from now on.

 

[lillygator]

this is useless without knowing what the email said....

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Sounds pretty odd to me. I can't imagine anyone who has a healthy relationship with her/his spouse would do something like that. It's not like she wasn't going to find out.

I too would totally ignore him. That is the strongest action you can take. Silence is incredibly powerful and drives most people bonkers.

Continue your friendship with your friend, and do avoid the emails... better to talk in person or on the phone, anyway, isn't it?

Stay close friends with her. With a spouse like that she's going to need all the good friends she can get.

 

[Tweevil]

Sounds pretty odd to me. I can't imagine anyone who has a healthy relationship with her/his spouse would do something like that. It's not like she wasn't going to find out.

I too would totally ignore him. That is the strongest action you can take. Silence is incredibly powerful and drives most people bonkers.

Continue your friendship with your friend, and do avoid the emails... better to talk in person or on the phone, anyway, isn't it?

Stay close friends with her. With a spouse like that she's going to need all the good friends she can get.

Nicely said! I am in complete agreement with this. He is probably looking for a rise out of you and to deny him that would be powerful.

He sounds like a real gem

 

[laurie31]

In one of your phone calls to your friend, you might want to suggest she change her email password...

and yes, he is weird/controlling/other non-DIS appropriate adjectives and ignoring him is your best revenge!

 

[scanmom]

KirbyDog48 said "patoutie" I think that's the 1st time I have heard that outside my family!! And I know I have never seen it spelled out!!! And yes... he is a *******. But be careful you don't alienate your friend, she is married to the jerk! She just may decide to spend less time with you if you lash out very harshly! (not that he doesn't deserve it)

 

[C.Ann]

I'd do exactly what you plan. Phone calls only from now on. I wouldn't say a word to the husband. Pretend it didn't happen. That would unnerve him more than anything, cause it seems he did it to get your goat.

I'd just pretend it didn't happen as far as he is concerned, have a private conversation with your friend about it, cut out that avenue so it won't happen again, and remember he's a snake.

I would deal with her only in phone calls from now on.

I too would totally ignore him. That is the strongest action you can take. Silence is incredibly powerful and drives most people bonkers. .

He is probably looking for a rise out of you and to deny him that would be powerful.

ignoring him is your best revenge!

Gotcha! The "real life" ignore feature..

Since they live in another state, I guess I will just tell her tomorrow that it would probably be best if we limit our communication to the telephone from now on - so I'm sure that the info I'm receiving is actually from her - and not someone "posing" as her..

Poor thing.. She must be embarrassed beyond belief!

 

[nancys]

Have you noticed unusual behavior from Joe recently? Has he always been his own best cheerleader, or is this self-importance something new?

I'm thinking he might be exhibiting early signs of a neurological disorder, such as alzheimer. Or, sometimes a thyroid imbalance can cause some bizarre behaviors.

 

[manning]

Just deal with your friend. Now that she knows about it she is more than likely taking it up with him.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

He's a wackadoo. Nothing you can do about it, your friend chose to marry a wackadoo. It's really her problem to deal with.

 

[Silent1CB]

I'll make this as brief as possible as many of the details aren't relevant..

Yesterday morning I received an email from a friend of 20+ years.. The email was very cold and impersonal and left me with the impression that our friendship was coming to an end.. I have been friends with this person and her DH (although I have never particularly liked him) for a long, long time and was puzzled - to say the least.. Just to be sure I wasn't imagining things, I showed it to my DD and her DH and they both agreed that it sounded like "the kiss of death"..

Long story short, I found out later last night that although this email came from "Mary's" email address - and was signed, "Mary & Joe" - it was NOT written OR sent by her.. It was composed and sent by her DH - without HER knowledge.. She knew nothing about the email - nor did she know anything about the content..

I immediately responded rather coldly to what I "thought" was the original email from "Mary" right after I received it - only to receive a follow-up email from Mary last night explaining that she was totally unaware of yesterdays happenings and wasn't even home when "Joe" decided to try to pull off this scam.. (And yes - I'm sure she was not home.. Yesterday was her set weekly day to volunteer at their local Hospice Center from 7 a.m. until 5 p.m. - and nothing has gone on between her and I recently that would cause her to send me this type of email, so there's not a question in my mind that she was totally in the dark..)

I was SO furious last night after I received the "real" email from Mary, I wanted to call "Joe" and and have it out with him one-on-one, but I know that lashing out in anger is rarely - if ever - the best way to go.. So I decided to "sleep on it" and decide just how I'm going to deal with his decption and when.. Angry words won't accomplish anything, so if at all possible, I would prefer to point out the "error of his ways" in a calm, rational, intelligent way - yet in such a manner that he ends up feeling like the snake in the grass that he really is..

Meanwhile, I still haven't responded to "Mary's" email that she sent last night either (the one that WAS actually from her), because at this point, how do I even know that SHE would be the one actually reading my email??

Obviously it's time to resort to speaking with her only on the telephone - so at least that way I'll know for sure "who" I'm having my conversations with.. That's on the agenda for tomorrow..

Meanwhile, I'm still sitting here fuming over "Joe".. Ridiculous elementary school behavior from a so-called "grown" adult - posing as someone else when sending emails.. It's mind boggling to me..

And to think - this man retired from a career quite high up in the field of education - constantly reminds everyone and anyone of how smart he is; how many degrees he has; how "easy" it was for him to obtain his doctorate due to his "superior intelligence"; how he is "above reproach"; how respected and admired he is by everyone; how "trustworthy" he is; yada, yada, yada..

Gee - what do you think the odds are that his "perfect image" would be severely tarnished if people were aware of his childish, deceitful, sneaky, underhanded behavior???

Even my DGD knows better than to do anything like this - and she's only 11!!

Phew!! Good to get that off my chest.. Sometimes you just have to "vent"..

If you made it this far, thanks for reading my rant.. LOL..

I'm glad you made that brief.

 

[disneyhand]

I think that talking to your friend Mary on the phone from now on is a good idea, though it's sad that it's come to that.

No matter what we all think about her husbands behavior, my concern is what does she plan to do about him, about this? Not that it's any of my business. I do respect that, but this was such an awful thing for him to do that I'm thinking it can't just be this one incident out of the clear blue sky, there has to be more going on in their life right now? More than his usual big ego. I hope that she feels she can confide in you. Anyway, I'm so sorry this happened to you both.

 

[happygirl]

I would make sure that the wife didn't put the hubby up to it. That way he looks like the bad guy and not her.

 

[dumboiu]

Have you noticed unusual behavior from Joe recently? Has he always been his own best cheerleader, or is this self-importance something new?

I'm thinking he might be exhibiting early signs of a neurological disorder, such as alzheimer. Or, sometimes a thyroid imbalance can cause some bizarre behaviors.

This is the first thing that came to mind also.

 

[MIGrandma]

I would have called my friend immediately after receiving that first e-mail, and asked her what was going on, what did I do? Etc. I wouldn't have fired back an e-mail to her without talking to her personally.

As for her DH, is he possibly showing signs of dementia?

If not, I think I would call him too and ask him just what he thought he was doing. Did he not think you would talk to his wife about it and she would find out?

I hope you get it straightened out and can continue the friendship.

 

[lillygator]

I'll make this as brief as possible as many of the details aren't relevant..

Yesterday morning I received an email from a friend of 20+ years.. The email was very cold and impersonal and left me with the impression that our friendship was coming to an end.. I have been friends with this person and her DH (although I have never particularly liked him) for a long, long time and was puzzled - to say the least.. Just to be sure I wasn't imagining things, I showed it to my DD and her DH and they both agreed that it sounded like "the kiss of death"..

Long story short, I found out later last night that although this email came from "Mary's" email address - and was signed, "Mary & Joe" - it was NOT written OR sent by her.. It was composed and sent by her DH - without HER knowledge.. She knew nothing about the email - nor did she know anything about the content..

I immediately responded rather coldly to what I "thought" was the original email from "Mary" right after I received it - only to receive a follow-up email from Mary last night explaining that she was totally unaware of yesterdays happenings and wasn't even home when "Joe" decided to try to pull off this scam.. (And yes - I'm sure she was not home.. Yesterday was her set weekly day to volunteer at their local Hospice Center from 7 a.m. until 5 p.m. - and nothing has gone on between her and I recently that would cause her to send me this type of email, so there's not a question in my mind that she was totally in the dark..)

I was SO furious last night after I received the "real" email from Mary, I wanted to call "Joe" and and have it out with him one-on-one, but I know that lashing out in anger is rarely - if ever - the best way to go.. So I decided to "sleep on it" and decide just how I'm going to deal with his decption and when.. Angry words won't accomplish anything, so if at all possible, I would prefer to point out the "error of his ways" in a calm, rational, intelligent way - yet in such a manner that he ends up feeling like the snake in the grass that he really is..

Meanwhile, I still haven't responded to "Mary's" email that she sent last night either (the one that WAS actually from her), because at this point, how do I even know that SHE would be the one actually reading my email??

Obviously it's time to resort to speaking with her only on the telephone - so at least that way I'll know for sure "who" I'm having my conversations with.. That's on the agenda for tomorrow..

Meanwhile, I'm still sitting here fuming over "Joe".. Ridiculous elementary school behavior from a so-called "grown" adult - posing as someone else when sending emails.. It's mind boggling to me..

And to think - this man retired from a career quite high up in the field of education - constantly reminds everyone and anyone of how smart he is; how many degrees he has; how "easy" it was for him to obtain his doctorate due to his "superior intelligence"; how he is "above reproach"; how respected and admired he is by everyone; how "trustworthy" he is; yada, yada, yada..

Gee - what do you think the odds are that his "perfect image" would be severely tarnished if people were aware of his childish, deceitful, sneaky, underhanded behavior???

Even my DGD knows better than to do anything like this - and she's only 11!!

Phew!! Good to get that off my chest.. Sometimes you just have to "vent"..

If you made it this far, thanks for reading my rant.. LOL..

unless this means the hubby sent c ann an email as his wife in order to end the friendship?? do you not get along or something happen?

and I don't think his image would be tarnished....the wife is denying she sent the email, what if she did? I would think unless she is going to call him out in front of all his friends they will all go on not knowing about it.