DW cancelled our trip! (update pg. 6, we're going!)

[summersfam4]

DisDon,

I just wanted to let you know about a free website that I used to track my calories, my weight, my goals and my activities. It will even chart everything for you so that you can see where any mistakes are. It's at www.fitday.com I have used fitday for years now and I currently use it to measure different nutritional goals for my family. Thanks to Fitday, disboards, and my family I have come along way from 220+ to 139lbs. I'm still working on it, but I have learned so much! Finances have a way of making my weight increase (ahhh, the joy of self indulgence ), but I am working on our financial situation also. We vacationed at the Liki Tiki for the past 2 years, and had no problems there (interval international trade), we are just using a different resort this year for a change of scenery. Our little ones loved the pools. Work it out between yourselves first and the magic will follow!

Kelly

 

[maxaroni]

I can relate to so much of this....

We have had our ups and downs with finances and on the tough years we still try and get away. We find it to be a great bonding experience as a family. DS12 is our only and we are totally amazed at how fast he is growing up. We have friends that make a lot of money and have 6 figures in the bank for each of their children and yet, they don't spend one penney doing family things. They think we are foolish for spending money on a vacation. In our minds, it's a stress reliever and family time that is very important to us.

I don't have any more ideas than what has been posted but wanting to lend support and say that if at all possible, go to Disney.

 

[nowellsl]

I guess I'll be the bad guy here. If you have to take on any more debt to make this trip then don't do it!! You've just gotten your current debt transferred to a low interest rate - you'll be amazed how quickly you can pay it down when it's not all going to interest, but this will not work if you keep charging! I think you'll feel better taking a vacation when you know you aren't compounding your problems by taking on more debt! If you can pay for it with cash - do it!

 

[DisDon]

I guess I'll be the bad guy here. If you have to take on any more debt to make this trip then don't do it!! You've just gotten your current debt transferred to a low interest rate - you'll be amazed how quickly you can pay it down when it's not all going to interest, but this will not work if you keep charging!

No, I agree, with the transfers, it appears that any new charging we do on available credit paid down will be at the old high rate, and it will be the last paid off, aggravating, in the old days a credit card would put your principal payments toward your highest rate debt 1st, not anymore, or at least not the dang Capitol One cards that we have. That IS a concern, I want to see the balances come down too. I kind of had some of the money coming in from the tax refund and IRA next year earmarked for the trip, but we would have to borrow in the meantime or something. Maybe we could use the Bank of the In-Laws again That's part of what is hard for me about this, I DO see both sides of the issue, that's why I went along with the plan to cancel, just still trying to make it happen. Just got back from walking in the park next to my work, I'm going to really try to make progress on the weight loss front (and rear! ).

I think you'll feel better taking a vacation when you know you aren't compounding your problems by taking on more debt! If you can pay for it with cash - do it!

I'm already to a point in my life where I don't enjoy most things unless I got a good deal on it. I hate to eat out without a good coupon or special, I love some of the deals I've been able to score on Hotwire, Priceline and the like. I've replaced DW's cellphone twice when its been broken by using Ebay, I've paid about $15 a piece for used cellphones that worked fine (bought from their original owners, not stolen!).

 

[robinb]

Don:

I'm sorry about your problems . I guess I am in the minority. I agree with your wife. I cannot encourage you to take a vacation when you have so much debt and so many little mouths to feed. Stay home this year and plan to go in a couple years once you are on your feet financially. It will give you something concrete to strive for.

BTW, you may want to read this thread:
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=839527

 

[Cindyzgoingtodizny]

My heart just aches for you. I have been married for 13 years, to a man who never took vacations as a youngster - and in our 13 years - we have never been on vacation. When I was young, my parents took me to Disneland 3 different times (We live in KCMO). I went to WDW in FL in 1985 and loved it! Dear Husband, He doesn't want to go, but we now have an 8 yr old dtr and a 6 yr old dtr and I refuse to keep this experience from their young spirits! My Husband is a humbug with WDW - hates Eisner, thinks it costs too much. We paid for our hotel (PO-FQ) and Park Hoppers last year for our trip (less than 9 days away now). We also had $3000 tucked back for the trip to spend - then our master bathroom had a huge issue, that costs us $3500 to fix. Husband has kept saying we should cancel Disney, too much, Cancel, blah blah blah. I have refused to budge - and we are going - the hottest most crowded time of year, but going none-the-less. The kids will love it - and I will as well so long as he keeps his negativity in check. It's hard when your partner doesn't buy in - that is why I ache for you. I hope the two of you can work this out as a couple! Good luck and best wishes!

 

[DisDon]

My heart just aches for you. I have been married for 13 years, to a man who never took vacations as a youngster - and in our 13 years - we have never been on vacation. When I was young, my parents took me to Disneland 3 different times (We live in KCMO). I went to WDW in FL in 1985 and loved it! Dear Husband, He doesn't want to go, but we now have an 8 yr old dtr and a 6 yr old dtr and I refuse to keep this experience from their young spirits! My Husband is a humbug with WDW - hates Eisner, thinks it costs too much. We paid for our hotel (PO-FQ) and Park Hoppers last year for our trip (less than 9 days away now). We also had $3000 tucked back for the trip to spend - then our master bathroom had a huge issue, that costs us $3500 to fix. Husband has kept saying we should cancel Disney, too much, Cancel, blah blah blah. I have refused to budge - and we are going - the hottest most crowded time of year, but going none-the-less. The kids will love it - and I will as well so long as he keeps his negativity in check. It's hard when your partner doesn't buy in - that is why I ache for you. I hope the two of you can work this out as a couple! Good luck and best wishes!

Wow, that's tough, 13 years of marriage and no vacations, I feel worse for you than me!!! Hope your trip goes well, hopefully DH will catch the spirit. Keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times and HAVE FUN!!!

 

[mom2grace]

Have you heard of Dave Ramsey and his total money makeover? You can buy his books for less on amazon than his website. It's daveramsey.com.

He would say not to do a vacation, we decided to do his plan but also to go to WDW next spring, but we are saving so we will have everything paid for when we go.

Good luck!

 

[minnie61650]

Ok, the one big expense is the tickets.

So don't get tickets!

Crazy?

Not at all.
I know other people on here have other great ideas for Disney that don't involve going into the parks...

Pick one 'special' day to go into one park, and buy a one day-one park ticket for each person. What are they now, 60/each? Get there when it opens, have a good plan, and go all out until the doors close.

Skip the after hours christmas party. Or, conversely, ONLY do the party, that'll get you into MK for only 36/ person! When people ask, reply knowingly with one eyebrow raised "oh, we flew in for Mickey's Christmas Party!"

You don't have to vacation like everyone else does, and it'll be great incentive for you to cut the spending so you can get back there and go to EPCOT next time, etc.

It was a HUGE carrot for us.

It can happen!

Hi Don,
This poster has very good advice.
A one day pass plus the party ticket will cut the ticket price in half for your family.
Plus the days you do spend will be very memorable and special.
If you usually spend about $100 on each child for Christmas then $500 for the tickets should fit in your budget.
Congrats on working on your weight issues also. I did check out your journal and I encourage you to keep up the great work.
I too was very addicted to soda pop only my fav was Coke.
I had to give it up 3 years ago as I had a small stroke at age 52 which was caused by high blood sugar.
Diet soda was completely out of the question because of an intolerance to aspartame. I had ended up in the hospital 15 years ago because of a reaction to it while on a weight watchers program.
Giving up soda cold turkey is not easy when addicted to that caffeine.
I am not a coffee drinker and don't want to be so the thing I found that works for me is hot tea or sometimes iced tea. Took a while but now I really like it. Just 2 or 3 cups a day gives that boost of energy I need. Also after giving up all the sweet desserts I don't even miss them anymore.
I use to spend at least $15 to $20 a week on soda but now that money is going in my Disney Fund
I mean tea bags only cost pennies:
So put your soda money in a Disney jar and in a month or so discuss With your wife your willingness to just do two days at the parks instead of a week and all the other fun things you could do at Disney without going to the parks.
i.e.--Lego land and the pop up fountains at Downtown Disney.
Riding the ferries.
You can ride from DTD to Port Orleans and back.
Catching the bus to the MK but instead of going into the park instead ride the ferry over to Fort Wilderness and visit the petting farm, or take the monorail to the monorail resorts and ride right through the Contemporary Resort.
We have done this in past and enjoyed much more than rushing around the parks every day.
Good Luck and to you and your wonderful family.
Linda
Just 99 more days
WOW it's the double digit dance time :cheer2

 

[SleepyatDVC]

The whole thing is probably more of a general ******* in our marriage, I've always been the escapist, she's the big worrier. She worries until I do, then she feels better.

DisDon,

I think that this is the root of the problem. Maybe your wife is worried about your finances and she feels that you are not. This not only frustrates her but makes her feel that since she is the only one worrying, and that the "burden" of the problem is solely on her shoulders.

Therefore, your dreams of a WDW vacations is an added burden (of your making) that she feels she has to handle ON HER OWN. She may feel overburdened and alone. If she can get you to worry too then she feels that you too are helping to shoulder the burden.

While a family vacation is priceless in terms of money. It may be a high price in terms of your family finances and on your wife's emotional and mental well-being. If she is stressing about the high cost of the trip the entire time, is that any vacation?

I agree with others that you need to talk things over with your wife and address her concerns, so that you can work out a plan that will work for BOTH OF YOU.

While vacations, family memories, and dreams are important, are they MORE important than HER dreams of being debt free, having a secure future for her and for the kids, and just being free of the stress of worrying about money all the time?

My suggestion is to try to save as much money before the trip. Discuss with her how you ALL (you, dw, and the kids) will work together not only to save for this trip but to work on your finances. Everyone has to compromise and make sacrifices. If your wife has to "sacrifice" her dream not to add any more debt then you have to sacrifice your dream "everything" WDW vacation.

Since your biggest expense will be the tickets, as others point out, a one day pass plus the Christmas Party should be it plus tons of free activities including the condo water park.

Remember it's really a FAMILY vacation, not just a disney vacation. Give a budget, with a breakdown of costs, and how you will be saving for it and paying it off. Airfare = free; timeshare = $129 + annual maintenance of the exchanged property; car rental $ gas = $200+; food = ?; tickets = ?; don't forget about park parking, tolls, airport parking or transportation, etc.

More importantly, do the same with your daily household budget and how you will manage to get debt free in xx number of years. This will show her that you are willing to help her "worry" about the finances, that SHE and how she feels is important to you, that you are partners in making plans and getting through everything.

In turn, we hope that she will understand and care about how YOU feel about being able to experience disney with your family at this stage of the kids lives.

Bottom line, imho, it's not about the vacation, it's about your DW looking for a partnership. If you have a solid working partnership, the family vacation will only strengthen it.

A few thoughts about credit cards:

Aside from the obvious of transferring the balances to the lowest rated cards, if you still have to make charges every month, if possible, pay off one card or transfer the balance off of one card, to use as the charging card.

Do not make any additional charges to the cards carrying the balances. Only use the card with no balance and make sure you pay the balance off each month. If you can not, then you shouldn't be charging anymore. Keep track of your monthly charges, you can do it on-line, and do not go over the budgeted limit of what you can pay off in full each month.

If you can not workout a workable financial plan with your wife, then I'm sad to say that now is not a good time for a vacation. Compromise with your wife and agree with her that it is not manageable but aim together for a future trip where you have more time to save and get your home finances into a healthier state. Healthier does not mean debt free (you don't want to wait 10 years!) but it means improving!

Good luck and hope that pretty soon, EVERYONE in your family is looking forward to a Disney vacation.

 

[NJOYURLIFE]

I didn't get a chance to read through the whole thread, so if this was mentioned before I apologize.

one of my questions would be is your wife happy with her job? If I was unhappy with my job, I would be very hesitant to make plans that depended on a benefit from that job. What happens to that free airfare if she quits her job?

Also, I would not want Disney tickets to be my childrens only Christmas present. I know it sounds like a great idea and it is a wonderful thing to give someone and I do understand the expense of the tickets. But if your wife is like me, half of the fun is watching the children opening the presents.

I do like the ideas of not spending alot of time in the parks. There is so much to do down there.

Also, who will be doing the cooking? Lots of people don't consider cooking on vacation a true vacation.

I feel real bad for your children. It is a downer to tell them they are going and then have to tell them you are not. If you can convince your wife to change her mind, I probaby wouldn't share it with them until much closer to the date.

I hope everything works out for you.

 

[DisDon]

Thanks for the advice everyone, I really appreciate the comments and concern. I priced it out and MVMCP + 1 day ticket comes to about $565, so, yes, about half of the 4+ day tickets.
I'm on day 4 with no caffeinated pop, feeling pretty good, the WISH folks are great, really helping me stay committed.
I am trying really hard to keep the peace, I AM very concerned about the debt and haven't said anything further about the trip. I know that she can tell that I'm not happy about cancelling the trip, but I'm not sure what more I can do for now than work on the health concerns and try to live frugally.

I didn't get a chance to read through the whole thread, so if this was mentioned before I apologize.

one of my questions would be is your wife happy with her job? If I was unhappy with my job, I would be very hesitant to make plans that depended on a benefit from that job. What happens to that free airfare if she quits her job?

Also, I would not want Disney tickets to be my childrens only Christmas present. I know it sounds like a great idea and it is a wonderful thing to give someone and I do understand the expense of the tickets. But if your wife is like me, half of the fun is watching the children opening the presents.

I do like the ideas of not spending alot of time in the parks. There is so much to do down there.

Also, who will be doing the cooking? Lots of people don't consider cooking on vacation a true vacation.

I feel real bad for your children. It is a downer to tell them they are going and then have to tell them you are not. If you can convince your wife to change her mind, I probaby wouldn't share it with them until much closer to the date.

I hope everything works out for you.

Hi Lisa, thanks for the note. The thread IS getting long, amazed and grateful for all the responses.
I think my wife is ok with her job, just doesn't like to have to work instead of be with the kids. The pay isn't that great, so we can't really afford daycare, so that means she has to take shifts when either I or DS12 are home to take care of them. She works in a office we have put together in the basement, usually starts at about 4pm, goes until 10, with a couple of breaks where she's able to come out and interact, I get home about 6 which is about her 1st break, then I cook dinner, sometimes it gets delayed, lately with the summer daylight hours we have been sitting down to eat about 8, so she can join us for that. Currently she works Tues, Wed, Thurs and Sunday, so we have Monday nights for family stuff, and then Friday's and Saturday's. She's committed to working, doesn't look forward to doing it forever. I think it will actually get a little easier in the future, this coming year the 4th kid will be in afternoon kindergarten and the baby will be older, so we may look at a little daycare and earlier shifts for her, so we can have more family time in the evenings. Just trying to see the brightside.
You're right, it was bad to get hopes up (especially mine!! ) and then turn around and say never mind. That is a good idea that if we un-cancel, we should wait to tell them. I've read some trip reports here of how cool it was to wait and surprise the kids at the last minute. Our kids are pretty sensible about Christmas, we don't go crazy and don't really ever go for the latest craze in toys for the year. We didn't get N64 for several years after it came out, I finally picked one up on Ebay, and we only buy used games cheap, never full price. Kids have wanted Xbox or PS2, etc., but have been OK with us not doing that. They love to shop at the dollar store with their allowances. When we said to them that for the trip we would ask Santa for WDW tickets and nothing else, they were totally fine with that. In our house Santa brings something like 1 major toy and a couple of minor ones for each kid, then mom and dad give more practical gifts, and they all shop for each other, dollar store type stuff.
Cooking!? I love cooking! I've been doing a lot of it lately since DW has been working into the evenings. I think they may even have BBQ grills at Liki Tiki, I'm a grillin' fool! Steaks, ribs, chicken, burger, dogs, brats, veggies. I'm not the best cook in the world, but I'm fast!
Ok, now i'm getting excited again. hmm, this had better work

 

[minnie61650]

Thanks for the advice everyone, I really appreciate the comments and concern. I priced it out and MVMCP + 1 day ticket comes to about $565, so, yes, about half of the 4+ day tickets.
I'm on day 4 with no caffeinated pop, feeling pretty good, the WISH folks are great, really helping me stay committed.
I am trying really hard to keep the peace, I AM very concerned about the debt and haven't said anything further about the trip. I know that she can tell that I'm not happy about cancelling the trip, but I'm not sure what more I can do for now than work on the health concerns and try to live frugally.



......... That is a good idea that if we un-cancel, we should wait to tell them. I've read some trip reports here of how cool it was to wait and surprise the kids at the last minute. .....

Day 4 without your Dr. P
Thats great news
Keep up the great work
Also keep us updated.
I'm rooting for you
Linda
Just 97 more days

 

[cinjam]

I 3rd the suggestion to check our dave ramsey. He has several books that we've read. What a difference he's made in our lives.

 

[Cass]

I know how wonderful a trip to Disney is (believe me!!) but the debts you are racking up will hang over your head IMO - you might enjoy yourself, but you will still always be thinking about the costs.

I think you should put away the money you have saved for your trip so far, have Santa buy tickets and cut down on christmas festivities.... keep putting money away and Next Christmas do your trip!

 

[D L and K's Mom]

I have to say I am torn. I can see your wife's point. I would be worried about all the debt BUT.......your kids are only young once and the memories are worth so much!!! My DH's dad worked so hard for years, no vacations he owned his own buisness....he wanted to retire at 50! he did retire at 50 BUT he got divorced (work had a lot to do with this) and he tragically died suddenly at 51........never got the vacation he dreamed of. He had planned a vacation to WDW with us and his grandchildren and never got to see it. We did go on the trip as DH believed that is what his Dad would have wanted...It was beautiful but I can't tell you how many times we said "I wish Dad was here to see this" when DD saw Mickey for the first time, when the ice cream was dripping all over DS as he slept with a huge grin on his face, when the fireworks went off and DD replied "ohh and ahh". Those memories are worth so much !!! I think my final decision is.....GO and try to keep it reasonable. Only do a few days in the parks, save all your loose change (We had over $200 ) . Maybe ask relative who would usually buy Christmas presents for the kids to give them Disney Dollars to use towards park tickets???? I think you can do it. I would also pack a few surprises for your wife.....(Walmart and the Dollar store have great Disney Stuff) make her trip special and I bet some of the worries will melt away. I know the debt is a huge issue but as some of the others have said if you show you are willing to make some sacrifices maybe she will meet you hald way?? Maybe start saving loose change, have a garage sale, no pop save the $, maybe an extra job at Christmas time (stores sometime need holiday help) etc and use half towards Disney and half towards your debt???? Good luck in your decision and you should be proud of yourself!! Keep up the good work!

 

[dtsaos]

what you really need to do is have her read this entire thread and then see what she has to say...

 

[D L and K's Mom]

I think that is a great idea. Maybe she will be able to see that you understand "her side" but you are willing to make a few changes to still be able to go. Good Luck

 

[DisDon]

I'm not sure I'm ready quite yet to have her read this. Soon. Still staying off the soda, and walked 2 miles last night. Checking out http://www.daveramsey.com. Interesting stuff. Reserved Total Money Makeover and Financial Peace audiobooks from the library.
I have to say I get a little bugged by the folks who say "don't go, save the money" and then I look down at their sig and they've been to WDW 20 times! LY-MI.

 

[robinb]

I have to say I get a little bugged by the folks who say "don't go, save the money" and then I look down at their sig and they've been to WDW 20 times! LY-MI.

That would be me . I have been to WDW about 15 times.

My husband has a very good job, I work from home and all my money goes to vacations, I only have one child, the only debt we have is 2 car payments (recently rolled together into a 1.99% loan) and a mortgage and we pay our credit cards off every month.

We can afford to go to WDW 2-3 times a year. You cannot. If you're drowning in debt you cannot even afford to go once . Life is not fair and some of the choices you have made in the past have now come to roost.

I think the people who are encouraging you to go are doing you a real disservice. Wait, save your money, pay your bills, get your debt under control and go to WDW in a year or two. It will still be there. I am sorry to be so blunt.