Dumb joke thread

[Forevryoung]

What kind of bees make milk??
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Boo Bees

 

[Jeff in BigD]

What's green & has wheels?
Grass...I lied about the wheels.




A man runs up to his priest taking a walk & says "father, thank goodness I caught you. I just spent a week of reckless abandon. I met these two nymphomaniac twins. We did things I've only read about & didn't think were possible! I can't believe what I've done."

"It's a good thing you came to me for forgiveness", said the priest.

"Forgiveness? I didn't come for forgiveness", said the man.

"Then why are you telling me this, my son?"

"Are you kidding? I'm telling everyone!"

 

[Yellow_Stitch]

Baby seal walks into a club.


Irishman walks into a bar, asks the bartender. "What's the best way to Dublin?"
Bartender says, "Are you walking or driving?" Man says "Driving."
Bartender says, "That's the best way."

 

[rayelias]

Why does Ariel wear seashells?



Because "D" shells are too big!

 

[Grandma Bear]

What is a hamburgers favorite song?

Home, Home On The Range.


How do you get 6 elephants into a compact car?

You put 3 in the front and 3 in the back.

What did the salad say to the refrigerator?

"Close the dorr! Can't you see I'm dressing?"

 

[dcentity2000]

What's red and invisible?

No tomatoes!



Rich::

 

[Danvers]

Did you hear about the new pirate movie? It's rated "arugh".

 

[rcyannacci]

My favorite...

Why do we have goose-bumps?
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To keep geese from speeding.

 

[Viking]

Okay, Shrubber, you're going to have to explain that one to me

The Dali Lamma is a buddhist monk. The highest form of buddhism is to achieve enlightinment, so he says to the hotdog guy.......oh never mind

grumbles
kicks can
wanders off

He's the Dalai Lama

 

[TXTink]

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
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A stick!!!

rotfl: I love that joke!)

 

[mtblujeans]

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had
to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key
under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll
mail you a check."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But,
whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I
REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he
discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he had ever seen. But,
just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the
repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant
yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't
contain himself any longer and yelled,

"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

 

[Jimbo]

>> Knock, knock
<< Who's there?
>> Interrupting cow
<< Interrupting ...
>> Moo!

 

[Grandma Bear]

Q: What happened to the frog's car?

A: It got toad!


Q: What do you call a bookworm dinosaur?

A: A thesaurus?

 

[wvrevy]

Mickey has filed for divorce from Minnie. As the judge reads through the petition, he glances up and Mickey and says, "Are you really sure you want to divorce Minnie just because she's crazy?"

To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she was crazy. I said she was f'ing Goofy!"

(Hope that one's ok by the censors)

 

[DukeStreetKing]

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?



A: Where's my tractor?

 

[fairytalehaven]

Thanks to my 12 year old blonde niece.

the funniest blonde joke
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

 

[lucky978]

What did the snail say when he went for a ride on the back of a turtle?

"Weeeeeeeeeeee"

 

[Tigger By The Tail]

A priest a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar....

The bartender looks at them and says..."Is this some kind of joke"


Ba-Dum-Dum!!

 

[Steve Hurley]

What do you call a deer with no eyes??
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.No idea


What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
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.Still no idea.


What do you call a cow with no legs?
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.Ground beef

 

[mtblujeans]

Godzilla Trap