Driving question

[vettechick99]

You know, rolling a car is no picnic. I'd call that punishment.

I don't know the whole story - I looked back at the other thread and didn't see where specifics were stated. I guess what I'm looking for was he being reckless or was it a simple mistake by a young, inexperienced driver?

If he rolled the car because he was excessively speeding on a country road (which I admit to doing as a teen), then I would punish him. I know my parents would have. It would have probably been in the form of not having a car til I could afford another one.

That's all I'm saying. If he was being reckless, rolling a car is not enough punishment IMO.

 

[ckay87]

That's all I'm saying. If he was being reckless, rolling a car is not enough punishment IMO.

Haha, we're going to disagree on that. I'm pretty much a thrill seeker, but rolling a car as a teen would scare me more than anything any parent could ever do to me.

 

[iwrbnd]

We didn't punish him because he already feels bad, lost his car & got a ticket. That's a lot of natural consequences. As far as the driving wreckless questions, he wasn't drag racing or anything (just taking a friend home) but he was going too fast for the situation (narrow country gravel road). I think it was lack of experience mostly at fault. He got a ticket for going on the wrong side of road when he swerved & over-corrected. I like everyone's suggestions & it's helping me know what to do!

This kid really needs a job to help pay for the insurance! Darn recession! I agree what the one person said about our grocery store getting rid of teen employers...I'm surprised they can even do that!

I'm going to look into that driving program, too. We don't don't have drivers ed here & we paid good money for private lessons! Oh well, at least we tried!

 

[klacey1]

At the very least, have him start driving you and your husband around ASAP. If you're going to take him somewhere, or you're going somewhere together, have him drive.

I completely agree with this. I think you need to be the passenger in the car with him and reinforce safe driving habits-- driving the appropriate speed, using signals, etc. Hopefully after awhile with you, these habits will continue when he drives by himself.
I wouldn't let him drive alone for a little while (month maybe), and certainly not with friends. If I remember your other thread correctly, there were three other boys with him. I think he's proved that he can't concentate on driving with buddies in the car. I'd say he shouldn't have friends in the car for a year. (This may sound harsh, but I had plenty of friends as teens whose parents held hard and fast to this rule.)

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

My oldest is only 9, so I'm not sure how much this is worth.

I had an accident a few years ago, and I was terrified to drive for a week or two. I agree with the other poster to let him drive again, but I'd resrict his driving to school and going to work (if he has a job) for awhile until I thought he could be more responsible. Also, no one else in the car with him.

i think this sounds like the best advice. he needs to get back on the road so he isn't terrified for life, and for more experience, but his "fun driving" purposes she be revolked.....

 

[iwrbnd]

Thanks everybody for your sound advice! He's been driving again with me or DH in the car. Next week my wonderful father-in-law is lending/giving us his minivan for my son to drive. We are so thankful for another set of wheels and having it be a minivan has some hidden consequences that go with it, too! My son doesn't want to drive a minivan (I don't want to drive a minivan and I'm a mother of 4!) which is making him want to find a job even more to buy his own car! The bad thing is a lot more kids can fit in this car so we're definately limiting him to one passenger which will usually always be his girlfriend. He's really a good driver...his knowledge, instincts and reflexes are excellent...he just had to get his speed under control. I think this wreck did that! How do teenage boys survive into adulthood? Or how do mothers of teenage boys survive into their adulthood?

 

[Acklander]

If that's true I think it's awful. How do they know who is more needy? A teen could be the only one in the family working. I would definitely stop shopping in that store.

No, you can't tell who's more "needy" but the odds are with you that if you hire an adult for a job (who is most likely supporting a family, has bills due etc...) that they would be more needy than a teen. I guess there could be a case where the only one in the family working would be the teen, but in that instance wouldn't you rather the parent be given the job instead of the teen???
The company's choices in this instance wouldn't make me stop shopping there.

to the OP - glad to hear DS is back behind the wheel. It's so important because if he didn't drive, the fear of driving would get worse, not better over time. I agree that the natural consequences (scary situation, ticket, loss of vehicle, etc...) are enough punishment. Glad to hear everyone is OK.

 

[Muushka]

It depends. What is his attitude? Does he feel bad that he caused an accident? Did he offer to pay anything towards the repairs?

I had an accident right after I got my license at age 16. Going too fast, hit a telephone pole. I remember I paid for all of the repairs for the car and I voluntarily gave up my license so that my father's insurance would not go up because of me.

When I turned 18 I got my license back and drove so much better. And my father bought bonds with the $$ I gave him for the repairs and gave it back to me towards my education.

I think my experience is a little ridiculous, no kid should do what I did, but I think a child who has behaved recklessly should show at least some remorse and offer something towards the mess that they made. If he is truly sorry and seems to have learned a valuable lesson, then yes, I would encourage him to drive again, monitored closely of course.

 

[iwrbnd]

Yes, he does feel bad but mostly I think he feels bad about not having a car! He's broke and can't find a job so paying us expenses isn't going to happen. He is looking for a job but in this recession our small town isn't hiring! He's without a car right now and it's been really hard on me! I got used to having him help with the driving and it's hard to get all the kids where they are supposed to be!