Driving Nightmare!

[DonaldnDaisy5]

They can still all vacation together. They just don't have to ride down in the same car. The OP has already been there, done that, and didn't enjoy it at all. I don't think a guilt trip is really necessary.

The OP can make great memories at the resort and at the parks. And she should still feel free to enjoy the ride down too.

Thank you! I know all about parents and grandparents not being around forever. My dad took me to Disney every year. He is gone and I want those memories for my kids. However, I do not want to ride in a car to "save money" when we won't be saving money and my fil has limited patience in cars for small children and a horrible habit of helping to correct or to correct the kids ...oh and the extra child they may or may not be bringing.

We will have a week with the inlaws to make memories. I simply wanted to know if I was being unreasonable in wanting my family time in the car to be just us.

 

[bumbershoot]

My immediate thought is if the drive each way is going to make you so miserable, it ceases to be a vacation.

Yep.

Since it's costing more to do this, why not write that all down? Two cars = this much while one car plus trailer plus this and that = that much.

And don't forget to add in "wife's happiness = THIS HUGE AMOUNT".

 

[sam_gordon]

Not sure how old your in-laws are but they won't be around for ever. My are 87 and 84. We have taken many trips with them. We have taken a summer trip with them for the last 15 years. Last one was to Virginia Beach. 8 of us. My DH,DD, in-laws and my sister-in-law and her husband. I sat in the back seat all the way. Never complaining once. Yes a was cramped but the memories my daughter will have of her grandparents are worth it. Yes over the years we have had to go slower take our time sit and rest more. I would love for them to go to Disney with us. They have never been but at this stage in their life's I don't see it happening. It will be sad when we can no longer make trips with them. So I say just deal with it for your kids.

So instead of having "relaxing memories" it's better to hold in any uncomfortableness and be stressed for a day and a half (plus "recovery time")? Sorry, no.

 

[Sandi]

Thank you! I know all about parents and grandparents not being around forever. My dad took me to Disney every year. He is gone and I want those memories for my kids. However, I do not want to ride in a car to "save money" when we won't be saving money and my fil has limited patience in cars for small children and a horrible habit of helping to correct or to correct the kids ...oh and the extra child they may or may not be bringing.

We will have a week with the inlaws to make memories. I simply wanted to know if I was being unreasonable in wanting my family time in the car to be just us.

You're not being unreasonable at all. I love my parents, but when we go on vacation together, we don't drive together. That is too much togetherness for everyone. Your MIL probably didn't have a blast sitting in the back, either. I'm sure your DH is trying to be a nice guy, but he has to consider your happiness and comfort, too.

 

[DonaldnDaisy5]

Yep.

Since it's costing more to do this, why not write that all down? Two cars = this much while one car plus trailer plus this and that = that much.

And don't forget to add in "wife's happiness = THIS HUGE AMOUNT".

I like that idea! !!!!!!!!

 

[Brook1099]

I am stressed just reading your situation. Honestly I would be a wreck if my DH told me ANYONE was driving with us and I had to sit in the back of my own vehice for entire drive. Which we do drive every year.Be honest and tell him how u r feeling about the situation. If he does not want to address his parents, as the DIL I would address them myself and say how u r not comfortable with the tight quarters in the car, we will meet up at the resort and have a fabulous family vacation. Why make yourself miserable and stressed, its vacation, and you are paying plenty for it.

 

[buckeev]

I think I would rather walk to Disney than sit in a car with my in laws for 18 hours.
.......!!

I think I would rather walk to Disney...BAREFOOT...on 949 MILES OF HOT COALS...than sit in a car with my in laws!!!!

 

[4littleones]

I feel your pain. Our very first trip was a 17hr drive from PA in a 7 passenger minivan with 7 people (Dh, Me, my mom, and our 4 kids). It was miserable.

Fast forward. We are planning another trip in October but this time we are adding an 8th person my MIL!

My husband wants to rent a 12 passenger van and drive down that way. I am not too excited about it. I signed up for SouthWest credit cards and I think I may have enough points so that we can all fly but my DH thinks that flying will be much more miserable than driving and I can't tell him otherwise.

I am worried because the 12 passenger vans don't have headrests. They are bench seats that only go to your shoulder and we plan on driving through the night. I know we can change up drivers but I'm not sure that me and the grandma's will be comfortable driving a 12 passenger. I really think we should fly but my husband on't budge. It is the 12 passenger or we don't go.

 

[DonaldnDaisy5]

Ugh!!! That doesn't sound enjoyable either. I really dont mind the drive when its just us. We leave around 3 pm and travel through the night. We stop for dinner at a place with a play scape the kids play while we eat and I order their food before we leave. But too many ppl and not comfy seats no way! We have a suburban, the front super comfy the back is ok but its tje back! !!!

 

[dvczerfs]

I think I would rather walk to Disney...BAREFOOT...on 949 MILES OF HOT COALS...than sit in a car with my in laws!!!!

im getting this put on my head stone !!!!!

 

[HolliePoppins]

I feel your pain. Our very first trip was a 17hr drive from PA in a 7 passenger minivan with 7 people (Dh, Me, my mom, and our 4 kids). It was miserable.

Fast forward. We are planning another trip in October but this time we are adding an 8th person my MIL!

My husband wants to rent a 12 passenger van and drive down that way. I am not too excited about it. I signed up for SouthWest credit cards and I think I may have enough points so that we can all fly but my DH thinks that flying will be much more miserable than driving and I can't tell him otherwise.

I am worried because the 12 passenger vans don't have headrests. They are bench seats that only go to your shoulder and we plan on driving through the night. I know we can change up drivers but I'm not sure that me and the grandma's will be comfortable driving a 12 passenger. I really think we should fly but my husband on't budge. It is the 12 passenger or we don't go.

Wow that really stinks. I would be booking with the airline and tell him I'll see you when we get back.

 

[buckeev]

im getting this put on my head stone !!!!!

If my In-Laws saw this posting, they would probably buy ME a head stone.

My son and I drove almost 2K miles RT to Orlando last summer, and had a blast. I'd do it again without any hesitation. But IN-LAWS...? I'm craving Dramamine right now just thinking about that. I'm hoping Mrs. DnD finds a way to fly!

 

[DonaldnDaisy5]

Oh I love you guys! I'd love to fly but I can't leave my children in that car either! Dh is just going to have to realize this will not work. Its a deal breaker for me. We planned the trip planning to drive alone and budgeted for it. Driving together may save "gas money" but would cost more in travel expenses. Its not worth it!!!!

 

[seashoreCM]

If traveling in a caravan, you don't follow the leader. You lead the follower. If something goes wrong, the leader is at fault. Still better is for each driver to have his own copies of directions and maps and stopping places.

Dh is just going to have to realize this will not work. Its a deal breaker for me. We planned the trip planning to drive alone and budgeted for it. Driving together may save "gas money" but would cost more in travel expenses. Its not worth it!!!!

How are you going to get it across to DH that this will not work?
How are you going to get ... ?
How are you going to get ... ?
How are you going to get ... ?

1. Book airfare for yourself right now.
2. Talk it over but if worse comes to worst and DH finally decides to go in one car, book airfare for yourself on the spot then,
3. Talk it over but if worse comes to worst and DH finally decides to go in one car, insist that he hand over the car keys to you or else don't get in and instead take a cab to the airport and book a flight on the spot.
4. Talk it over but if worse comes to worst and DH finally decides to go in one car, insist that he either gives you the keys or the other front seat or else you don't get in and instead take a cab to the airport and book a flight on the spot (can be done en route by going to the nearest airport).

Oh I love you guys! I'd love to fly but I can't leave my children in that car either! t!!!!

Would you scrunch in the back seat for the purpose of monitoring FIL and each time he corrects your kids in a manner you don't approve, you tell the kids they don't have to do as Grandpa says?

While some have mentioned that it would be nice for the grandparents and grandchildren to get in as much quality time as they can, continual corrections do not make for quality time thus spending the time together in the car becomes quite unimportant.

 

[maxiesmom]

I feel your pain. Our very first trip was a 17hr drive from PA in a 7 passenger minivan with 7 people (Dh, Me, my mom, and our 4 kids). It was miserable.

Fast forward. We are planning another trip in October but this time we are adding an 8th person my MIL!

My husband wants to rent a 12 passenger van and drive down that way. I am not too excited about it. I signed up for SouthWest credit cards and I think I may have enough points so that we can all fly but my DH thinks that flying will be much more miserable than driving and I can't tell him otherwise.

I am worried because the 12 passenger vans don't have headrests. They are bench seats that only go to your shoulder and we plan on driving through the night. I know we can change up drivers but I'm not sure that me and the grandma's will be comfortable driving a 12 passenger. I really think we should fly but my husband on't budge. It is the 12 passenger or we don't go.

If he wants to be stubborn tell him if he insists on driving, the rest of you will use the points to fly. He can drive by himself.

 

[DonaldnDaisy5]

Would you scrunch in the back seat for the purpose of monitoring FIL and each time he corrects your kids in a manner you don't approve, you tell the kids they don't have to do as Grandpa says?

While some have mentioned that it would be nice for the grandparents and grandchildren to get in as much quality time as they can, continual corrections do not make for quality time thus spending the time together in the car becomes quite unimportant.

I need to make sure I have a clear plan before we talk again. Dh has a way of putting off discussing things until it is too late to discuss and its just happening.

My fil, I think means well, but we parent our kids. We are present and attend to their behaviors. However because MANY times, including this trip they are left in charge of dn, fil tries to parent ALL the kids. So annoying to me. Especially when he talks over me or chirps in louder than me to "help" correct something.

Dh has "said" if inlaws are bringing dn there is no way we are riding in our car. He also says he'll let his parents know this. However if history is any indication I can't count on him doing it. That is what I don't know how to fix. We've had this fight many times but its like he has short term memory loss when it comes to what we've talked about when he starts talking to them...and then he looks at me like what am I supposed to do and makes me feel like I am putting him in a position where he is being pulled by his parents and me.

Whew! Therapist anyone????

 

[seashoreCM]

Aha! We have two subjects that really belong in different threads, e.g. titled (respectively)
Driving Nightmare -- I'm all scrunched up in the back seat
Driving Nightmare -- FIL hovering over my kids too much
(It's too late to split this one up into separate threads so we'll have to leave it the way it is, so the separate thread issue is for those eavesdropping with similar issues.)

I see one problem as your having to fish or cut bait (see grayed out suggestion #1 in my previous post) before DH has to fish or cut bait.

Somewhere I read that there is some importance to getting in the last word, although I don't quite understand why. But here it means that every time FIL talks over you, you wait until he is finished and then you have your say. Repeat as needed. Yes you can be an effective back seat driver for these issues.

Now, since you mentioned a therapist, that opens up another choice that does not require you to fish or cut bait before DH has to. On departure day, if MIL and FIL don't want to take their car, you go rent a car and take your kids separately. (If your kids would rather be with Grandma and Grandpa despite the henpecking (cockpecking), then you fly down at the last minute.) Cost will probably be less than a therapist.

Are you sure that DH feels that his parents and you are pulling him in different directions? Actually his parents should have cut the strings and let go on your wedding day. Good parents do not object when their son says his wife's cooking is the best.

 

[Minnesota!]

I'd tell him this. That you aren't ok with car pooling or carvaning. There isn't enough room for others in the vehicle and if he insists on it, you will be flying. Not the whole family - you. Then there would be enough space for whomever he wants to bring and he can deal with it and the kids on the drive.

You could fly with just one carryon suitcase for you with your necessities for a couple of days and the rest of the luggage including what you need could be in the van with the rest of the family. You could take DME to the resort and check in and have an extra day to relax and have fun for yourself.

Good luck!

Yep, this!

I feel your pain. Our very first trip was a 17hr drive from PA in a 7 passenger minivan with 7 people (Dh, Me, my mom, and our 4 kids). It was miserable.

Fast forward. We are planning another trip in October but this time we are adding an 8th person my MIL!

My husband wants to rent a 12 passenger van and drive down that way. I am not too excited about it. I signed up for SouthWest credit cards and I think I may have enough points so that we can all fly but my DH thinks that flying will be much more miserable than driving and I can't tell him otherwise.

I am worried because the 12 passenger vans don't have headrests. They are bench seats that only go to your shoulder and we plan on driving through the night. I know we can change up drivers but I'm not sure that me and the grandma's will be comfortable driving a 12 passenger. I really think we should fly but my husband on't budge. It is the 12 passenger or we don't go.

And at this point, I would tell Dh that a 12 passenger van will be way too big for just him! A sporty Kia will do the trick - and you, the kids and grandmas will meet him in front of the resort when he arrives. No.way.in.hell.

Honestly, my comfort (and the comfort of my family) costs WAY more than plane tix. So we will always go with flying. And there is no way in hell I would let Dh (or anyone else) tell me I "Can't" and that I "have to do it this way or not at all". His behind would be sitting behind the wheel of whatever vehicle he chooses while I cruise at 35000 feet.

 

[coastgirl]

Seriously, my dh "forgets" what he agreed to ALL. THE. TIME.

Is it too much to put it in writing? These are the conditions, this is what we agreed to. (Email is more natural if you email each other from work or anything!!) Also I would be all over the spread sheet with the real costs and the alternate plan costs. (Which also makes it easier for him to say no to his parents.) But seriously, even the ILs in the car without the extra child, it's not on. Not a vacation, as you have said. Maybe you need to buy airfare for the ILs!!

Totally reasonable response IMO. Dh needs to deal with it, and if he doesn't, you should have the right to implement a backup plan. Another person here getting hives at the thought of 18 hrs in the car with my MIL. Shudder. (I like her, but in manageable doses!!)

 

[anonymousegirl]

I feel for you, OP, I really do. I wish that flying some of the group was an option. I do think the "saving money by driving" idea is false if it includes renting a larger vehicle (heavier so it uses more gas, plus the rental cost), or adding a luggage trailer (also using a lot more gas).
Could the inlaws fly with the dn and meet you there?