Oh that's you're take? I can see how you might get that. I happen to love Bates and Anna! I don't see him making it about him at all. I think in this day and age most husbands would feel that way - back then? Oh yeah! I see it as his heart is breaking for Anna.
First, I should say that Anna is great and Joanne Froggatt is fantastic. I also don't mind in the least that Bates is upset. But I have two complaints, one on a character level and one on a meta level:
On a character level, I think he's an emotional bully. He insists that he is righteous, but his righteousness lacks empathy. I don't blame in at all for being so confused about his wife shutting down. But I think, for instance, the way he handled the situation with Mrs. Hughes was appalling. When he got a sense of what was happening, instead of taking it to his wife and talking with her, he made her promise, then swear, then swear on her mother's grave. The scene was bordering on vicious and drew me from sympathy with Bates towards finding him, again, a bully.
I think the avclub puts it far better than I [with brackets for DIS appropriate language]:
"That being said, I am giving Downton Abbey a bit too much credit. Bates has been one of the show’s greatest flaws right since the beginning—a violent man we’re supposed to believe has a heart of gold, a man who has shown himself to be manipulative, controlling, and coercive. But the show doesn’t seem to notice his flaws—or, rather, it showcases them as strengths, instead. In this episode, I think we’re supposed to see Bates’ righteous indignation at being shut out from his wife as a kind of virtue; his bullying Mrs. Hughes as an expression of love. I call [bananas]. I know Anna loves Bates, and to some degree, that makes it easier to overlook his flaws—but literally, his wife is terrified to tell him because she is afraid he will do something violent. Mrs. Hughes and Anna, on top of their
myriad other sufferings, have to maintain a lie to keep Bates in line. And then to go on right away and confront Anna about it—forcibly, again!—and to somehow make it about his suffering! [Heavens], Bates,
get a [bloody] grip."
On a more meta level, my complaint is with Julian Fellows. Anna's rape has really not been about her, but about those around her. It's been about giving
other characters growth, not her. (Insofar as she's changed, it's only been due to the influences of outside characters--we have no idea how this has shaped her, just an idea of how far she'll go to protect her husband.) Basically, I think the writers had Anna raped to give her husband a storyline, and that grosses me out a bit.
