Dont want to watch nephew anymore...

[fortwildernessishome]

I grew up going to Disney on occasion, but they were definitely budget trips. I had no idea, I thought the motel on International Drive with the little pool was fantastic, lol. I didn't know the difference between that and my friend staying at the Contemporary.

Exactly!

 

[mnrose]

Oh....I shouldn't have read this thread. LOL! I had a tenant, a divorced woman with 7 children. She didn't pay me rent for nearly 2 years (yes, TWO years) and I carried her because I felt sorry for the kids. She came through with the money (out of an account she got access to in the divorce), and that was good. But, then, she stopped paying again almost immediately. I had to ask her to leave. I simply could not afford to carry her. She left an ENORMOUS mess in my house, and had damaged many things. In the end, I spent 12K fixing up the house.

Among other things, she had left the garage FULL of garbage, including a bag of garbage with maggots crawling all over everything. It was HER job to get that removed. I called her to ask her when she intended to get it taken out, and she said she was "gone" for a couple of weeks, and couldn't do it. I then asked whether she would reimburse me for the $150 I would have to pay the local garbage company to collect the extra garbage. The answer was no, she didn't have it.

Want to know where she was at with all her kids? And, her boyfriend and his kids? For two weeks? Bet you can't guess. Ah, that's right....DISNEY friggen WORLD. I was livid. They were staying at the Carribean Beach Resort with 12 people for two weeks, and yet could not pay the rent and could not even come up with $150 to remove THEIR garbage. When I confronted her about this, she claimed it was a "gift." You know what? if I owed someone as much money as she owed me, and I could not pay rent (a pretty basic need), I would be telling the gift giver....thanks, but could I have the cash (or even a portion of the cash) instead to pay for my basic needs?

Of course, she was also on government food assistance.

I'm sorry I have ZERO tolerance for this kind of crap. If you cannot afford to care for your family, then you need to manage that first....then think about vacations to Disney. Yes, if you are of more modest means, you get to take vacations, but not two weeks to Disney in a mid priced resort.

Grrr.

 

[angwill]

Need opinions please. I've been watching my nephew ( 2 years old) since he was an infant to help out my brother and SIL. We leave in jersey and childcare is expensive . They pay me 600$ a month to watch him 35 hrs a week. Prob is I have 9 year old twins that i am also trying to get ready for school. As he gets older he is becoming allot more work and it is becoming very stressful for me. My girl were born 9 weeks early and had health issues so I quit my job and have been a SAHM ever since. We have sacrificed allot of things so I can stay home with them and now that they are older I would like to get a part time job out of the house. I cannot work full time as hubby's job has him on business trips every month and no one to care for them except me. I tried to tell my parents , who live close, that I do not want to care for him anymore and basically got a guilt trip from my mom. That he won't be cared for there, he loves me, blah blah blah. She works part time and has told me she will not leave her job to care for him. My brother is an engineer and she works for the state. Combined making good $ we are a one income household on food stamps. I think once September hits and school starts again I do not want to do this anymore. Is it wrong of me to not continue helping my brother? My hubby says he is worried about my sanity and stress level and is 100% behind me not watching him. What would you do?

It sounds like your mother might be worried that they will ask her and she doesn't want to have to tell your brother no. As others have said I would simply tell them that you need to get a job to provide for your family and want to give him plenty of time to find a good daycare situation. Don't be surprised if they offer you more money to watch your nephew. Would you be willing to do it for twice the money? If not be prepared with an answer without it being that he is a handful. Saying you just don't have a desire to watch children and really crave adult conversation during the day is good enough.

Good luck.

 

[Buckalew11]

The thing that stands out to me in the post written last Friday (when she had saved for 5 years for the trip with no mention of it being a gift trip) is that she has NOT even been on said trip yet and she is already worried about dealing with post trip depression and how she will not be able to *fix* that post trip depression with the planning of another trip BECAUSE she has saved for 5 years to go on this one.

That tells me, IMO, that she is someone who is quite desperate for a Disney trip and will do almost anything to get to go. You will not even enjoy the one coming up if you are worried about coming home from it and being depressed because it is over! Enjoy the moment, at least, even if the money you have saved for this trip should probably be spent on the basic needs your family has. I just get the idea that this is a person who had to figure out a way to get back to WDW (it has been since 2007) and if socking away some money while of assistance will get her family there, why not? (Yikes!!) Or, if called on it, go the old route of "it is a gift trip, costs me nothing"--whatever gets ya there...

I've gone on a trip I'd call a "gift trip" before--it wasn't totally free but my mom and I went 1 month after my dad died and I didn't have the money to go on that trip (I was going a month later with DH for Marathon weekend) but mom really wanted to go and get away and so we went. But I would not say one week that I'd been saving for months for this trip and then say "Mom picked up most of the tab because it was a gift trip." Two differing stories make eyebrows go up. That's all.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Wow, this thread has really taken some turns


I agree that the story sounds fishy and that saving and paying for a Disney trip is not something someone using public assistance should be doing.

Another thing that struck me as odd all along is that someone who is low income has business trips. My DH travels a lot for work. I know what that is like and how hard it is to cover when your schedule changes all the time. But, I don't know anyone who has a job that requires travel who is not making a living wage.
Does that strike anyone else as "off" ?

My guess at this point is that OP has not been reporting the $600 for taking care of her nephew every month, that is the money that has been saved towards this trip and the OP wants to quit watching her nephew once the trip is taken because then she does not "need' that money for the trip.

I also wonder if OP's mom is pressuring her to keep watching the little boy because OP's mom sees that they need the money, but in an attempt to not offend the OP is framing what she says in a way to make it about how much the need to help her nephew and brother instead.

 

[Mkrop]

Wow, this thread has really taken some turns


I agree that the story sounds fishy and that saving and paying for a Disney trip is not something someone using public assistance should be doing.

Another thing that struck me as odd all along is that someone who is low income has business trips. My DH travels a lot for work. I know what that is like and how hard it is to cover when your schedule changes all the time. But, I don't know anyone who has a job that requires travel who is not making a living wage.
Does that strike anyone else as "off" ?My guess at this point is that OP has not been reporting the $600 for taking care of her nephew every month, that is the money that has been saved towards this trip and the OP wants to quit watching her nephew once the trip is taken because then she does not "need' that money for the trip.

I also wonder if OP's mom is pressuring her to keep watching the little boy because OP's mom sees that they need the money, but in an attempt to not offend the OP is framing what she says in a way to make it about how much the need to help her nephew and brother instead.

Maybe he is in sales and has a low base salary and relys on commission? If he is not doing well...

Or maybe he is in construction that needs to travel to sites. I had a friend whose DH did this before he got his union gig. He traveled very far sometimes, staying in cheap hotels near the site.

DH is in sales and he has always negotiated his contracts to have a good base +commission put I know there are a lot of jobs out there with it flipped and the company promises great potential that is not always out there.

 

[Marionnette]

Maybe he is in sales and has a low base salary and relys on commission? If he is not doing well...

Or maybe he is in construction that needs to travel to sites. I had a friend whose DH did this before he got his union gig. He traveled very far sometimes, staying in cheap hotels near the site.

DH is in sales and he has always negotiated his contracts to have a good base +commission put I know there are a lot of jobs out there with it flipped and the company promises great potential that is not always out there.

I remember reading that the OP's husband is a self-employed artist? People who are self-employed can generally set their own hours but they also do not get paid if they don't work. We own a business and when we go on vacation, the business all but comes to a grinding halt. We have to factor in "lost income" when we plan vacations.

If they're both in jobs where they get paid only when they work (no paid vacation for the self-employed!), then they're going to have to go without pay when they're on vacation. Even a gift trip doesn't cover that. And losing 25% of your income for the month is pretty rough when you're living on the edge.

I also don't see why the OP dragged her mother into the situation. If she wants to stop watching the nephew, the discussion should have been with her brother and SIL. Putting her mother in a position where she is expected to side with one child or the other was unfair. But if the OP wants to get a part time job instead of watching the boy, then maybe she can get an evening or night shift where her mom can watch the twins whenever the husband is out of town? Her mother wouldn't have to quit her job and the OP would have someone close to her who could watch the kids every once in a while when her work schedule and the husband's conflict.

 

[eliza61]

I remember reading that the OP's husband is a self-employed artist? People who are self-employed can generally set their own hours but they also do not get paid if they don't work. We own a business and when we go on vacation, the business all but comes to a grinding halt. We have to factor in "lost income" when we plan vacations.

If they're both in jobs where they get paid only when they work (no paid vacation for the self-employed!), then they're going to have to go without pay when they're on vacation. Even a gift trip doesn't cover that. And losing 25% of your income for the month is pretty rough when you're living on the edge.

I also don't see why the OP dragged her mother into the situation. If she wants to stop watching the nephew, the discussion should have been with her brother and SIL. Putting her mother in a position where she is expected to side with one child or the other was unfair. But if the OP wants to get a part time job instead of watching the boy, then maybe she can get an evening or night shift where her mom can watch the twins whenever the husband is out of town? Her mother wouldn't have to quit her job and the OP would have someone close to her who could watch the kids every once in a while when her work schedule and the husband's conflict.

LOL. that part actually didn't surprise me. I have a very close family and fortuantely or unfortunately we all tended to be in each other's business. Now we do have bounderies but I could totally see me in op's position chatting with my mom and asking her opinion.
Made it worst was when we first got married, we lived in the same building as my parents with a couple of aunts and cousins a few doors down. My poor husband was shocked the way we wandered into each others apartments.

 

[moon]

While this is true for many, it is not true for all. I remember about 2-3 years ago, there was a lady who wanted to go to Disney with her six children and her husband and they only had 300.00 to go. She posted on the budget board and basically got blasted out of the water for even suggesting such a thing. She then moved over to the camping section of the Dis where she was warmly received and given ideas.

She went on the trip. Her first vacation her kids had ever been on. When she returned home she wrote and posted a trip report.

She stayed under her budget and her kids had the time of their life. They camped at Fort Wilderness for four nights. That is where the bulk of her budget went. They went into the Magic Kingdom for one day and used passes they had gotten free for the volunteer promotion. They never bought one food item at Disney......not one!

One day, they toured the resorts and used all the different transportation. The Mom, made sandwiches and carried them until lunch time.

They played at Fort Wilderness and watched the movies there at night.

Would the average kid have had fun on this trip? Probably not. But these kids probably dont have much to begin with and for them it was the trip of a lifetime.

I wish I could find her trip report and add a link. She had lots of photos and it was easy to see that her kids were in heaven on their trip.

So, while I agree that most would need a few hundred even on a gift trip. Not all do and we have no way of knowing what families may need it and what families are like the one I posted about.

.

ITA. Many people who post here are used to luxury vacations around the world and can't even imagine how life is for others, and what a vacation means. I know for a fact that it is possible to go to WDW and not have a single Mickey bar, or a "flashy light thingy" and still have a great time.

And it's not like the money the grandfather is spending on the trip would pay for college. As for food on the table, it sounds like they are struggling, but still able to eat. So, maybe for the grandfather and the family taking this trip, the break they will get from it and the memories are worth it.

OP, have a great time on your trip!

 

[eliza61]

.

Want to know where she was at with all her kids? And, her boyfriend and his kids? For two weeks? Bet you can't guess. Ah, that's right....DISNEY friggen WORLD. I was livid. They were staying at the Carribean Beach Resort with 12 people for two weeks, and yet could not pay the rent and could not even come up with $150 to remove THEIR garbage. When I confronted her about this, she claimed it was a "gift." You know what? if I owed someone as much money as she owed me, and I could not pay rent (a pretty basic need), I would be telling the gift giver....thanks, but could I have the cash (or even a portion of the cash) instead to pay for my basic needs? Of course, she was also on government food assistance.

I'm sorry I have ZERO tolerance for this kind of crap. If you cannot afford to care for your family, then you need to manage that first....then think about vacations to Disney. Yes, if you are of more modest means, you get to take vacations, but not two weeks to Disney in a mid priced resort.

Grrr.

that is so interesting, My dad would some times gift us trips, mainly because he liked to get the grandkids all together. One year we did Italy and one of my sibling did ask for the cash to which he said no.
He had no problem taking us on vacation but would have said "I'm not financing your living". I have a coworker who is also like that. He took the entire family on a cruise and his daughter wanted the money for a new car, to which he said no.


Personally I see this kind of thing a lot with my volunteer work. Poor people want the same thing as modest or rich people. The problem is they feel they will always be poor so if they have to wait until they have "enough" money they will never get there.
I have run across parents who will say "the heck with it, once in my kids life I want him to have fun". they will take their rent money and buy a prom dress for thier daughter because they want her to go to the prom because like you and I they want their kid to have that one "memory" even if it means getting tossed out of their apartments.
I spoke with one of my churchs clients who was sacrificing almost every thing to send her two kids to disney for their senior trip. she just kept saying "One time,my kid is going to have what all the other kids have".

Years and years of abject poverty can make you stop looking at the "future", many times they don't "see" a future any different so they live for that one moment.

Not saying this was the issue with your tenant but it's a different mentality.

 

[Laura66]

Very interesting angle - I've never thought about it from that perspective.
I tend to be bit judge mental of situations like this one - it's very easy to do as I've been able to take a nice vacation almost every year I've been married and we live comfortably. I know there are scammers out there - but I'm not jumping on the bandwagon to attack this lady just yet.

 

[robinb]

While this is true for many, it is not true for all. I remember about 2-3 years ago, there was a lady who wanted to go to Disney with her six children and her husband and they only had 300.00 to go. She posted on the budget board and basically got blasted out of the water for even suggesting such a thing. She then moved over to the camping section of the Dis where she was warmly received and given ideas.

That was MomofSixinSC and I defended her on her BB thread (I just dug the thread up on Google to refresh my memory). IIRC she also received a LOT of help and "pixie dust" from the generous folks over on the Camping Board to make it happen.

 

[bookgirl]

There are 3 types of library staff not including school media personnel.

Librarians - must have a Master's
Technicians - usually have a 2 year diploma
Clerks - no training at all

Our unions strongly prohibit volunteers in public and academic libraries. There may be volunteers in small town libraries or school libraries.

I think you're talking about a school setting. I'm in the public setting. A very large county/city system with nearly 20 branches. So we have very different hiring criteria and lot's more opportunity for jobs. We have at least 30 distinct positions. Not only do we work out of local branches but we have huge departments of admin, maint, outreach, material selections, techs, and our friends of the library workers. Almost all entry level positions have less than a degree requirments. Though degrees and in some cases masters degree get preference.


We also use a ton of volunteers (I am the supervisor at my branch). We LOVE our volunteers and often hire entry level from our volunteers ranks. Don't know what the requirments are where the OP is, but there are good pt flexible jobs our there.

And yes we have highly competive rounds of applicants.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I think you're talking about a school setting. I'm in the public setting. A very large county/city system with nearly 20 branches. So we have very different hiring criteria and lot's more opportunity for jobs. We have at least 30 distinct positions. Not only do we work out of local branches but we have huge departments of admin, maint, outreach, material selections, techs, and our friends of the library workers. Almost all entry level positions have less than a degree requirments. Though degrees and in some cases masters degree get preference.


We also use a ton of volunteers (I am the supervisor at my branch). We LOVE our volunteers and often hire entry level from our volunteers ranks. Don't know what the requirments are where the OP is, but there are good pt flexible jobs our there.

And yes we have highly competive rounds of applicants.

No I'm not. I'm a library technician. This is what it's like in Canada. Of course we are much more socialized nation so maybe we have bigger and more unions. All our public libraries are heavily unionized. No way in heck would the unions allow volunteers to do the work of a union member.

 

[Marionnette]

That was MomofSixinSC and I defended her on her BB thread (I just dug the thread up on Google to refresh my memory). IIRC she also received a LOT of help and "pixie dust" from the generous folks over on the Camping Board to make it happen.

I vaguely remembered that thread but couldn't remember the username. Now that you've posted it, I was able to pull it up and re-read it. I think that most people on that thread (which was about how to raise $300 in under 2 months), were voicing concerns about how she was going to find room in her budget to pull that off. They were not critical of her choice to camp or even that her budget was so limited.

 

[bookgirl]

No I'm not. I'm a library technician. This is what it's like in Canada. Of course we are much more socialized nation so maybe we have bigger and more unions. All our public libraries are heavily unionized. No way in heck would the unions allow volunteers to do the work of a union member.

That would explain it. Different country different rules. Our libraries are not unionized (at least in this state). Though we are a county/city library we are not city or county employees. Technically we are non profit workers since our libraries are non profit. Which in my case means that we work really hard not to show a profit so we are constantly expanding programs or building/updating branches, or improving our technology, though many systems are in danger of closing due to how they are financed. I use to be a teacher and know how the union's work so I"m glad we can have volunteers and that we do have more flexibility in hiring. (just for the record I do have multiple degrees, on being a MLIS so union or non union hiring would not affect me either way)

 

[LisaR]

that is so interesting, My dad would some times gift us trips, mainly because he liked to get the grandkids all together. One year we did Italy and one of my sibling did ask for the cash to which he said no.
He had no problem taking us on vacation but would have said "I'm not financing your living". I have a coworker who is also like that. He took the entire family on a cruise and his daughter wanted the money for a new car, to which he said no.

Was this sibling barely making ends meet and on food stamps? If that was the case, no offense to your dad but he was wrong.

If your sibling was getting along fine (not rich, but not scrapping together her nickels to feed her family) I can't blame your dad for wanting to take a family vacation instead of allowing his kid to stay home and have steak and lobster for a week.

 

[mnrose]

that is so interesting, My dad would some times gift us trips, mainly because he liked to get the grandkids all together. One year we did Italy and one of my sibling did ask for the cash to which he said no.
He had no problem taking us on vacation but would have said "I'm not financing your living". I have a coworker who is also like that. He took the entire family on a cruise and his daughter wanted the money for a new car, to which he said no.


Personally I see this kind of thing a lot with my volunteer work. Poor people want the same thing as modest or rich people. The problem is they feel they will always be poor so if they have to wait until they have "enough" money they will never get there.
I have run across parents who will say "the heck with it, once in my kids life I want him to have fun". they will take their rent money and buy a prom dress for thier daughter because they want her to go to the prom because like you and I they want their kid to have that one "memory" even if it means getting tossed out of their apartments.
I spoke with one of my churchs clients who was sacrificing almost every thing to send her two kids to disney for their senior trip. she just kept saying "One time,my kid is going to have what all the other kids have".

Years and years of abject poverty can make you stop looking at the "future", many times they don't "see" a future any different so they live for that one moment.

Not saying this was the issue with your tenant but it's a different mentality.

The thing about this woman which is even more irksome is that it was NOT a once in a lifetime trip. In the 6 years I have known her (her daughters danced with mine at the same studio), she had been three OTHER times to disneyworld. More frequently than me....and I can afford it!

 

[Pigeon]

Was this sibling barely making ends meet and on food stamps? If that was the case, no offense to your dad but he was wrong.

If your sibling was getting along fine (not rich, but not scrapping together her nickels to feed her family) I can't blame your dad for wanting to take a family vacation instead of allowing his kid to stay home and have steak and lobster for a week.

To say any hypothetical trip-giving dad was "wrong" is ridiculous. Dad can give his kids whatever gifts he chooses or none at all. While it might be more practical for dad to give grocery money or rent money or whatever, that's entirely his perogative.

I am pretty cheap. If I was having a hard time making ends meet, I'd certainly prefer that "dad" gave me grocery money. But if it gave "dad" pleasure to give us a trip that would make lifelong memories for my kids, I certainly don't think he'd be wrong for doing it.

 

[LisaR]

To say any hypothetical trip-giving dad was "wrong" is ridiculous. Dad can give his kids whatever gifts he chooses or none at all. While it might be more practical for dad to give grocery money or rent money or whatever, that's entirely his perogative.

I am pretty cheap. If I was having a hard time making ends meet, I'd certainly prefer that "dad" gave me grocery money. But if it gave "dad" pleasure to give us a trip that would make lifelong memories for my kids, I certainly don't think he'd be wrong for doing it.

Maybe wrong isn't the correct word. How about calling it a poor decision? If you knew that your adult child was struggling to put food on the table to feed themselves or your grandchildren, and they were looking in sofa cushions for enough coins to pump a gallon of gas, I think it would be a pretty poor decision to refuse to give them cash but instead offer to take them on a luxury vacation half way around the world.