Don't call me "hun"

[Ceila]

I am not sure why it irks me so much but it does. One of my husbands friends always says thanks hun, or honey can you go get this. Ugh. He says it in a demeaning tone, which I think is the problem. I am not the maid and I don;t answer to hon.

Does he say that to just you, or others as well? It may very well be acceptable where he grew up and is nothing more than an old habit, and not an attempt to demean you.

 

[bunkkinsmom]

The sales girl wasn't intentionally rude, but the customer was. I'm sure this thread will go down in flames (this topic has before), but I totally agree that the customer was out of line. I'm highly doubt that the salesgirl meant to be offensive. She could very well have come from someplace where that's acceptable or grown up around family members who are from someplace like that. If the customer was really so upset about it, she could have handled it with class instead of making herself look like a complete jerk.

Totally going to admit to doing this when I was a waitress. Only with me, every one was "shug". I really didn't mean to be offensive and 1/2 the time I wasn't even concious of saying it. It was on of those things like when every one ends their sentences with "ya know".

I am from a small town in NC. I moved to Raleigh the summer before my senior year, and in the 10 years I lived there the population tripled. We had a lot of people move down from up north. I say hon, sweetie, darlin a lot! I have had to police myself in a way from saying those things because of people becoming upset or thinking that it was condescending. Please understand that a lot of these terms are cultural and don't take offense right away! As a manager, I had an employee who used "my lady" quite a bit after studying abroad in Scotland. I had a customer lay into her one day about calling her "my lady" and it just tore my employee up, I mean actually made her cry. My mom takes offense to "you guys" at restaurants all the time. "So have you guys decided on what you're having tonight?" It's just a term of endearment. I personally don't like that I have had to change my normal speech patterns to keep people from getting upset, but that's the way of the world I suppose. As a true southerner, I felt like saying to that lady "Well bless your heart!"

 

[Ceila]

I personally don't like that I have had to change my normal speech patterns to keep people from getting upset, but that's the way of the world I suppose.

It's a shame to me that folks are so often quick to take offense instead of thinking that there might be a reason for something that was done. Are there words that are generally accepted as offensive? Of course! And those should be avoided. But for something like this, I think that the world would be so much nicer if people relaxed a bit about the little things. And if someone does come across something that offends them, they should consider that maybe it wasn't meant to come across that way, and if they feel the need to say something it should be done politely.

ETA: In the interest of full disclosure, lol, I should say that there have been times here that I've jumped into something without giving the benefit of the doubt. I'm trying not to do that, though, I promise!!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

It's a shame to me that folks are so often quick to take offense instead of thinking that there might be a reason for something that was done. Are there words that are generally accepted as offensive? Of course! And those should be avoided. But for something like this, I think that the world would be so much nicer if people relaxed a bit about the little things. And if someone does come across something that offends them, they should consider that maybe it wasn't meant to come across that way, and if they feel the need to say something it should be done politely.

Amen - I actually got in trouble with a former employer for opening the door for a female employee (I was absolved, but still ). Amazing the things that people will get upset about today.

 

[Shyvioletisme]

Yep - 50s Prime Time Diner. That is the way it used to be across America.

That's the way it still is in the South. It is completely normal to hear Hun, Hunny, Sweetie, Darling, etc from people you don't know here. However, it isn't done in a condescending way, that's just the way people talk.

 

[Stitchfans]

Doesn't bother me which is a good thing since a lot of people say it around here. (southern IL) I really love it when I hear "Bless your heart" don't know why but that is so nice. I hear that often also.

 

[dakcp2001]

That's the way it still is in the South. It is completely normal to hear Hun, Hunny, Sweetie, Darling, etc from people you don't know here. However, it isn't done in a condescending way, that's just the way people talk.

It IS condescending. I am not your darlin. I am not your honey. Yech! It is even worse if a stranger does it. Just because a lot of people do it doesnt make it ok.

For some reason it doesnt offend me at all when elderly people call me honey or darling. Not sure why, but it sounds ok coming from them.

 

[Christopher Robin]

So what do we call people? Sir or ma'am must be offensive to someone, so can't use that, nor any other term. Someone will be offended by anything.

"And what would the Carbon Based Life Form like to order today?"

Or we could all wear Name Tags I suppose.

Hello
My name is:

Attilla the Hun

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

It IS condescending. I am not your darlin. I am not your honey. Yech! It is even worse if a stranger does it. Just because a lot of people do it doesnt make it ok...

It is not condescending unless the person saying it is suggesting that he/she is superior to you. Do you really think that is what is happening here? By saying "hun", they are saying that they are better than you in some way?

 

[FlyingDumbo]

It always sceeves me out when people I do not know call me "hon" or "honey". That did not happen at all where I grew up so when I moved South it really got under my skin. I find it creepy. My husband thinks it means the waitress likes him. I keep trying to tell him they call everyone that.

 

[Shutterbug]

Just because a lot of people do it doesnt make it ok.

in your opinion its not ok....

Like others have stated, its the culture where that is part of normal everyday living.
Are you saying that their culture is wrong?

 

[sajetto]

Good Lord, seems like there are often threads about people who don't like to be called ma'm or whatever term that they've heard. Seriously, how much time to you have on your hands to analyze this junk?

BTW, the lady that chewed out the sales girl was a complete jerk. She made herself look like a idiot.

Welcome to the South hun. Bless your heart, I guess the cold from those northern regions has put a chill to your soul.

 

[Rafiki31]

Add me to the group that finds it offensive. I do not like it at all! And I do think it sounds condescending like you are a child or something. I am not a child I am a grown adult. I really hate it in a profeesional setting. I think it is completely unprofessional, although I do hear it at work. If my employee was calling the customers honey or the like I would be having a talk with them. Some things are ok in family and casual settings but not in public and not with people you do not know. And definately not in a place of business.

 

[Rafiki31]

BTW, the lady that chewed out the sales girl was a complete jerk. She made herself look like a idiot.

I agree that customer was out of line and making an effort to be a jerk.

 

[brunette8706]

the person is probably from Baltimore

*
That's what I was thinking, hon! LOL!

 

[Disney Doll]

I'm a nurse in an urban hospital.
Being called "Hun" is the least of my worries.
I've been called things where I had to ask the person "Just exactly where on my body is that located?".

 

[Purple Nightshade]

For all of you that don't like it, can you explain why?

 

[Pakey]

I am another who hates these terms. I wouldn't even like it if my husband were to call me by them (he does not).

I would never be so rude as to call someone on it. I try not to let them see the full body shudder that happens uncontrollably anytime someone refers to me in this manner.

 

[S. C.]

Doesn't bother me. I worked with a few different people both men and women that said it all the time to everyone. They were from the south and it was just their way of speaking. They didn't mean anything by it.

 

[Scurvy]

in your opinion its not ok....

Like others have stated, its the culture where that is part of normal everyday living.
Are you saying that their culture is wrong?

I'm Southern, so apparently it's a part of my culture and I don't like it at all. To me terms of endearment are better left to those close to us. Using them for people you don't know well is overly familiar and I find it annoying. Fortunately I'm not alone - I actually don't know anyone who would call random people "Hun". Oddly I've mainly just encountered waitresses and little old ladies who actually do it (well, and some sarcastic younger women who are being syrupy sweet to someone they dislike), though I keep reading on message boards that all Southerners do it constantly. I have never said anything to correct anyone who calls me any of those terms, but I hate it and I'd never refer to anyone else by them unless I was close to them. I dislike it but I don't really consider it completely rude unless you are talking to someone significantly older than you. In the one case in this thread where the customer fussed at the girl, the girl was wrong even in the South. You don't ever refer a woman older than you (who you don't know) by a term of endearment if you're concerned with being polite - you call her ma'am or Mrs (or Miss) Lastname until she tells you to do otherwise.