Doncha just hate it when you have to do the right thing?--UPDATE pg 5 #63

[minkydog]

My DD16 is a dancer. She has been dancing about 18 hours a week. About 6 of those hours are with an outside dance studio. The rest is at school (she's in a show choir and various musical theater/dance productions.)

Last semester she failed Algebra 2. Well, in fact, everyone in her class failed, with the exception of one boy. She had issues with this teacher the whole semester. She went in for tutoring and he wouldn't show up or he forgot or some excuse. Now I'll grant you that she probably didn't prioritize her time as well as she should and we've always told her that if she fails a core class her dance classes will be going away. Now it's time to put our money where our mouth is. I hate to do it.

DH is ready to lower the boom on her. Because she failed her class she now has two options: take it online or in summer school for $550 or take it next year(12th grade) and give up show choir or theater(which is what she plans to major in.) DH wants her to go ahead and take the class now, while algebra is somewhat fresh. He refuses to let me take the money out of her small savings acct and I do agree with him. I just hate to be the baddy. So I'm signing her up in the morning and she will be allowed to go to dance on Thursday to say goodbye to the teacher and friends. I hate it for her because dancing is her LIFE. But school has to come first and it doesn't matter whether you "hate math" or have a "crummy teacher" or the moon and stars didn't align. If you fail you have to pay the piper.

Ugh. I hate being a grown up right now

 

[kidzmom3]

If everyone in the entire class really failed. I think you are being too harsh.

 

[redlight]

If everyone in the entire class really failed. I think you are being too harsh.

I agree. There's something wrong if everyone (or everyone except one boy) failed.

 

[rosebud4]

If you can prove that everyone in the class but one failed, I would meet with the principal or take it to the school board if necessary to have the school district pick up the cost of the tutoring or the summer school. It's not bailing your daughter out so she can do the things she would rather do, but standing up for quality education for your daughter.

 

[clh2]

I agree with the "if everyone else failed" theory, and I am assuming that there is more to the story than you possibly know. Probably more than your DD knows too.

I'm just curious - what is the school administration saying about this? Is there a problem with the teacher?

An online course sounds horrid - and I loved math in high school.

 

[KandD]

I agree with the PPs that if EVERYONE failed but one kid then there is a huge problem here but more importantly, how is she doing in her other classes? If she is doing well and she is not a problem kid (and she doesn't sound like she is if she is so commited to an extracirricular activity) than I wouldn't take dance away.
I am ALL for education and having school come first but if failing a class that everyone else failed is the worse she has done than let her continue with the dance, there are FAR worse things she could be doing with her time.
But you are her mom and you definately know what is best so good luck and !

 

[kacaju]

She went in for tutoring and he wouldn't show up or he forgot or some excuse.

she tried to go for help and the teacher didn't show up??

I have a dd16 who dances. We also give her the "you need to do well in school or dance goes bye-bye" speech. BUT if her whole class failed and she tried to get help and the teacher wouldn't help her, i would not punish her for it.

 

[kwelch10377]

I also agree that it is a little too harsh considering everyone else failing. Something is clearly wrong on the end of the teacher. It seems as though she did make an attempt to do better in the class and she was not able to get the extra help that she needed from the teacher.

Only you know the full situation, but just from what you told us I would give her another shot under the circumstances, especially since this is something that could be part of her future career and doesn't seem like just a hobby.

 

[Jennasis]

I agree with you about sticking to your gun regarding taking away dance if the grades are unacceptable...but I am also in agreement with the others who've posted in that there's something rotten in the state of Denmark, regarding this teacher if the entire class failed (save one boy).

I would be scheduling a meeting with the principal and the teacher. If there was a tutoring session scheduled and the teacher forgot and bailed, there would be heck to pay, particularly seeing as how the lack of help may have contributed to your daughter's failure.

 

[GoofyforDisney3]

Is your daughters school on some type of block schedule and this was for the entire year of class or was it just a 9 weeks failing grade?

The only thing I want to mention is you said she is planning majoring in dance/theater at college. Would it not hurt her chances of scholorships and acceptance to a good school for her to not be taking any dance classes? I agree that there needs to be some kind of consequence to her failing the class, but sometimes you have to think of other ways than a way that will further hurt her future.

 

[npmommie]

If everyone in the entire class really failed. I think you are being too harsh.

Is your daughters school on some type of block schedule and this was for the entire year of class or was it just a 9 weeks failing grade?

The only thing I want to mention is you said she is planning majoring in dance/theater at college. Would it not hurt her chances of scholorships and acceptance to a good school for her to not be taking any dance classes? I agree that there needs to be some kind of consequence to her failing the class, but sometimes you have to think of other ways than a way that will further hurt her future.

I agree with this, you are being too harsh, if everyone really did fail there is a problem.
I also agree that if she tried, she sought out help,and she still failed, I fail to see the logic in taking away dance,something she will pursue further after high school.
i have a question,did you try to help her with algebra when you knew she was not getting the help from the teacher/tutor?

 

[quentina]

If everyone in the entire class really failed. I think you are being too harsh.

I agree. This was an issue with the teacher being able to properly teach, not the kids fault. I would give her the oppertunity to retake the class without disiplinary action.

 

[minkydog]

Thanks ya'll. I really appreciate your thoughts on this. To ME, as her mother, it feels rather harsh. Maybe DH is just mad about the money, but honestly? I'm perfectly willing to pay it myself, out of my own savings. THis girl really is a good girl. She does her homework and projects without reminders, she's in demand as a pet-sitter in our neighborhood, in the summers she teaches dance and theater to elementary age children. This really IS what she wants to do with her life. She recently said to me, "Mom, dance is my life! I think I would just dry up and die if I couldn't dance." This kid never gives me a moment's trouble and her grades are good in all her classes except this one (unlike her brother, DS23, who gave us nothing BUT trouble in HS) . They are on block scheduling, so it's a new semester with new classes. She has one more math after Algebra 2 and she's due to graduate in a year & a half. So there is no time to lose!

I haven't talked to any other parents so I guess i don't know for sure just how many people really failed teh class. I doubt she's the only one, but maybe it's not "the whole class." I'll ask her for names... I'm going to go ahead and sign her up for online learning tomorrow(it opens tomorrow and has to be registerd by the end of the school day.) I do know that she went to school early at least 3 mornings a week, expressly to tutor with this teacher and at least half the time he wouldn't make the class. She had a home tutor every weekend, too, so I do feel that she gave it a decent effort. Maybe not as much as I would have preferred, but she did fine in World History, Lit, and Latin 3.

I think I'm going to talk with DH about this again in the morning. I didn't even think about it reducing her chances for scholarships. And with no money for college, she's going to need every grant and scholarship she can get!

 

[Briarmom]

If everyone in the entire class really failed. I think you are being too harsh.

I agree. This was an issue with the teacher being able to properly teach, not the kids fault. I would give her the oppertunity to retake the class without disiplinary action.

I agree.
I read this thread a bit ago, and couldn't think of what exactly to reply. If everyone failed there has to be something else going on here. Also, if dance really is *her life* and she plans to major in theater...taking it away may not be the best idea.

Is Algebra 2 only a one semester class?

I really would rethink this one.

 

[GoofyforDisney3]

She did good in Latin 3, but failed Algebra 2? How is that possible? I would do a little more digging about what went on with that class and teacher. Something isn't adding up if you can do good in all of the other difficult classes, but not this one.

 

[robinb]

My DD16 is a dancer. She has been dancing about 18 hours a week. About 6 of those hours are with an outside dance studio. The rest is at school (she's in a show choir and various musical theater/dance productions.)

Last semester she failed Algebra 2. Well, in fact, everyone in her class failed, with the exception of one boy. She had issues with this teacher the whole semester. She went in for tutoring and he wouldn't show up or he forgot or some excuse. Now I'll grant you that she probably didn't prioritize her time as well as she should and we've always told her that if she fails a core class her dance classes will be going away. Now it's time to put our money where our mouth is. I hate to do it.

DH is ready to lower the boom on her. Because she failed her class she now has two options: take it online or in summer school for $550 or take it next year(12th grade) and give up show choir or theater(which is what she plans to major in.) DH wants her to go ahead and take the class now, while algebra is somewhat fresh. He refuses to let me take the money out of her small savings acct and I do agree with him. I just hate to be the baddy. So I'm signing her up in the morning and she will be allowed to go to dance on Thursday to say goodbye to the teacher and friends. I hate it for her because dancing is her LIFE. But school has to come first and it doesn't matter whether you "hate math" or have a "crummy teacher" or the moon and stars didn't align. If you fail you have to pay the piper.

Ugh. I hate being a grown up right now

Hmmm ... maybe I'm a push-over and not a tough love parent but if dancing is her LIFE and what she wants to do it as a career, what does a silly algebra class matter anyway? People have different talents and perhaps math is not hers. Plus, the teacher failing the whole class and not showing up for tutoring is more of a reflection on HIM and not HER.

Let her re-take the class now while it is fresh. Talk to the principal and see if you can get the class for free because of the instructor's lack of teaching ability. Lastly, I would find another tool than her life-blood to gain compliance. It seems cruel and unusual and a great way to push her away and backfire on you. You are not being a "grown up" you are being a god without compassion.

 

[luvthatdisney]

My DD has had problems with Algebra II this semester as well. Only difference is that her teacher (who is 8 months pregnant) still stays late 2 afternoons a week to tutor. She has brought her grade up from a low 70 to 91 as of today. She is now preparing for exams.

I would have 2 problems with your DD's situation.

First, if I am reading this right, your DD's teacher was not showing up for tutoring. She may have had someone else tutoring, but I would have a huge problem if this person was not showing up at the designated time. If they are a school teacher, or a school sponsored tutor, I would have been at the school wanting an explanation and a solution to the problem.

Second, you stated the whole class except one was failing. That may be the case, but I heard the same thing from my DD about her class. After talking with the teacher, all of the kids were not failing, only about a third of the class had averages less than 70. Since my DD started the tutoring I have again spoken with the teacher and only about 6 out of 30 are still having issues. These kids have not attended tutoring.

I would hold off on taking away the dancing until I had all of the facts from the teacher or an administrator. Granted your DD plays a part in this as well, but I know Algebra II is hard and if her "tutor" was not actually helping her as he should have there is a problem with the punishment.

One solution: My DD's school has 2 teachers that teach Algebra II, they will allow students to attend tutoring of either teacher. Sometimes hearing the material from another teacher can help the concept to be learned.

Good luck and I hope you do choose to contact the school and find out exactally what has happened before restricting your DD

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My DD16 is a dancer. She has been dancing about 18 hours a week. About 6 of those hours are with an outside dance studio. The rest is at school (she's in a show choir and various musical theater/dance productions.)

Last semester she failed Algebra 2. Well, in fact, everyone in her class failed, with the exception of one boy. She had issues with this teacher the whole semester. She went in for tutoring and he wouldn't show up or he forgot or some excuse. Now I'll grant you that she probably didn't prioritize her time as well as she should and we've always told her that if she fails a core class her dance classes will be going away. Now it's time to put our money where our mouth is. I hate to do it.

DH is ready to lower the boom on her. Because she failed her class she now has two options: take it online or in summer school for $550 or take it next year(12th grade) and give up show choir or theater(which is what she plans to major in.) DH wants her to go ahead and take the class now, while algebra is somewhat fresh. He refuses to let me take the money out of her small savings acct and I do agree with him. I just hate to be the baddy. So I'm signing her up in the morning and she will be allowed to go to dance on Thursday to say goodbye to the teacher and friends. I hate it for her because dancing is her LIFE. But school has to come first and it doesn't matter whether you "hate math" or have a "crummy teacher" or the moon and stars didn't align. If you fail you have to pay the piper.

Ugh. I hate being a grown up right now

Were you aware she was failing or did she hide it from you?

Did she come to you for help?

We paid for tutors for my dd for HS math. It is not a strong suit of hers. She is taking college algebra next semester and she is getting a tutor. It is one of the weeder classes, she is going to need it.

Your punishment is not going to teach her how to do math better so I have to say I do not agree with it. Now if she failed several classes, OK, now you got me.

I would at least give her a chance to retake it and pass before you pull dance.

 

[TriMom]

My DD16 is a dancer. She has been dancing about 18 hours a week. About 6 of those hours are with an outside dance studio. The rest is at school (she's in a show choir and various musical theater/dance productions.)

Last semester she failed Algebra 2. Well, in fact, everyone in her class failed, with the exception of one boy. She had issues with this teacher the whole semester. She went in for tutoring and he wouldn't show up or he forgot or some excuse. Now I'll grant you that she probably didn't prioritize her time as well as she should and we've always told her that if she fails a core class her dance classes will be going away. Now it's time to put our money where our mouth is. I hate to do it.

DH is ready to lower the boom on her. Because she failed her class she now has two options: take it online or in summer school for $550 or take it next year(12th grade) and give up show choir or theater(which is what she plans to major in.) DH wants her to go ahead and take the class now, while algebra is somewhat fresh. He refuses to let me take the money out of her small savings acct and I do agree with him. I just hate to be the baddy. So I'm signing her up in the morning and she will be allowed to go to dance on Thursday to say goodbye to the teacher and friends. I hate it for her because dancing is her LIFE. But school has to come first and it doesn't matter whether you "hate math" or have a "crummy teacher" or the moon and stars didn't align. If you fail you have to pay the piper.

Ugh. I hate being a grown up right now

I wanted to address this part. As a parent - and especially me as a parent of little ones - you have to be consistent. And you have to follow through. But I think that at 16, your DD would be mature enough to understand that sometimes the punishment doesn't fit, and work with her about what she is willing to give up in order to keep dance. I agree that if you fail you have to pay the piper, but I would come up with a less life-altering punishment.

 

[bluesaturn]

Is dance even the reason she failed math? I mean was she dancing so often she didn't have time for math studying? If that's not the case, I don't think taking her out of dance will actually do anything to change her math abilities.