Doesn't anyone find it odd (inspired by the father did it thread)

[summerrluvv]

I think it's horrible what happened to these 2 poor innocent little girls..... I guess I am just curious if ANYONE at all finds it odd that 2 second grade girls are allowed the freedom to ride their bikes around alone and go wherever they want ??? my youngest DD is 11 and I don't allow her that freedom

I would never let my child that freedom. There are quite a few young kids in our neighborhood who are free to roam. One of them is in Kindergarten and rides DS's bus. He doesn't understand why he can't wander around like she can, I told him it's because I care about him. Apparently this girls father is sleeping when she gets off the bus and she is allowed to play unsupervised throughout the development.

 

[Sparx]

I missed the story, what happened?

 

[Tiger Fan]

I always find myself asking these similar questions when something like this happens. I happen to have a 2nd grader, she's 8 years old. We live in a very small town, very little crime, and a great neighborhood at that. My DD is NEVER allowed to even play outside unsupervised, much less ride her bike down the street (even a couple of doors down!). We are not overprotective, sheltering type parents either, I just feel that kids need to be supervised (for all kinds of reasons). I know that when we were younger we were allowed more freedom, but I just don't think you can do that these days. Emily plays softball at a local park where there are several ballfields. She's not even allowed to venture down to the playground or to the bathroom without one of us knowing and "watching" her as she moves from place to place. I just don't get when parents let their kids go unsupervised and I also try very hard not to place blame on the parents when these tragedies happen. It does make me hold my DD even tighter though.
Lisa
Tiger Fan

 

[dsnylvr]

When I was 8 years old, I rode a 50 mile bike-a-thon in our area for the cancer society. I used to ride all over town. Be gone from dusk to dawn in the summer...fishing the river in and around our town. Its so sad that our society has gotten to the point that in some areas people must keep their children on a leash. Although I do understand the concerns.

My 8 year old is allowed to ride her bike in my neighborhood. I do not allow her the freedom that I had that is for sure. She has a watch and I give her a time to return. I have yet had to go searching for her. She has several friends in the neighborhood and she chooses not to go far. Of course, several of her friends live across town and then she requests a ride...whereas I would never have asked my mom to give me a ride to a friends house...first because my dad had the car at work and a "ride" would not have been available. And had I asked, my mom would have told me no."get on your bike or walk over there!!!".

Mabey the fact that our children are not allowed the freedom that we had..and the excersise that it entails is one of the reasons that american children are becoming increasingly obese. If they were outside playing, instead of cooped up inside they would burn off the calories that they need too.

Just my 2 cents.

On the other hand...crimes against children are at a historic low statistically speaking. So mabey its just that our parents didnt hear about the occasional missing child so they allowed us the freedom. Mabey its the new media that is to blame for broadcasting this information that ultimately scares the hell out of us parents into thinking..."what if it were my child?". And yes...I cant imagine, and dont ever want to be in a position where it is my child that is missing. But do I shelter my own child so much that she never gains her own independence?

Many of my fondest memories of childhood involve neighborhood games, many going late into the night...Kick-the-Can...Ghost. Riding our bikes to Idaho to buy illegal fire-works....LOL. (20 mile's away by the way) All of which had no adult supervision. Summer was fun, free of school, free of supervision....yup thats it...that is what made summer so fun...no parental interference. LOL.

I dont have an answer...just putting it out to ya all. Things that make you go Hummm.

 

[dis4me]

But do I shelter my own child so much that she never gains her own independence?


Megan Kanka's Mom did a seminar in our school today and I can honestly say YES to this. I would prefer a sheltered child to a DEAD one. This is what Maureen basically said.Her daughter is DEAD and no amount of independence or sheltering can change that now.

My children are very sheltered and I am sorry for that. I am sorry that society is dangerous for children to have the freedoms we had growing up. I am sorry that everytime an "innocent" man speaks to my child outside I shudder and want to pull them and run away screaming( I don't by the way). I am sorry that our children have to be scared of familiar people as well as strangers.

I never let my children off our dead end street bikes or not and they are 9 and 10. I can't imagine the day when I will feel comfortable doing that either. I walk them to and from school and make sure they get in the doors safely.

 

[PooohBear]

I was thinking the same thing. Since it was the father who presumably did it, maybe they were not alone. Maybe they went for a bike ride with "dad," and he reported that they had gone off alone.

I just watched our local news and the girls were riding in a wooded area alone, the father was mad because the daughter was supposed to be grounded but the mother allowed her to go out and ride bikes with her friend, he got mad and went to find her and I just can't finish the details, it's just horrible

 

[DisneyDotty]

I think we're missing the point that the perpetrator of this evil crime, like many, many crimes against children, was someone the victim knew and trusted (girl's father). How do you protect your child from the people you associate with on a daily basis? Statistically, our children may be safer wandering around outside the neighborhood...
This event in Zion has just made me cry...And I seem to be reading about too many horrid acts against children done by their parents/friends/relatives.

 

[PooohBear]

I missed the story, what happened?

Sparx...... http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,156170,00.html

 

[MouseEars4us]

I don't think it matters if we shelter or not.

If a horrible crime happens to a child, perpetrated by a family member, only other family members or people close to the child may see the risk and step in to prevent...
If a horrible crime happens to a child by a predator type person, I don't think there's much you can do to prevent that...unsupervised kids roam America's streets daily, and parents sit in back yards vigilantly with little ones, yet crimes still happen to BOTH types of kids... Think (or don't ) about kids kidnapped from homes in the night...it frightens me!

I'm not advocating turning kids loose on the neighborhood at any age. My 13 year old still has to ride bikes with someone, and I live in the small town I grew up in. I know almost everyone here...my 4 year old is allowed to go out under the kitchen window in the morning while I do dishes so I can see him...etc...

What I'm saying is, it is a terrible tragedy that society produces people who would hurt children and in most cases if those kind of people want to hurt your child they will find a way. Good parents shouldn't have to beat themselves up because of some sick person... Unfortunately bad things happen...just my 2 cents...

 

[Keli]

Totally depends on where you live. I would let my dd ride around on her bike with a friend at that age in some homes we've lived in and I wouldn't have even considered it in others.

 

[dsnylvr]

I agree...it is a very sad thing there are perps out there that prey on children. I guess what I am saying is that there has always been people who have preyed on children. Its just with the modern media...(last 20 years) The events that do happen, are dramatically played out on TV and broadcast over and over again. And thus, we who are parenting now have taken away the independence that our children have in comparison to what we had when we were young. And the fact is, our children are safer than we were.

Of course...i guess argument can be made that we were more at risk because our parents allowed us that freedom.

I understand the argument that I would rather have a live sheltered child than one who had independence that got himself/herself into a dangerous situation and became the victim of some piece of human garbage.

However, I also understand that if we don't allow our children the opportunity to experience life without us and do some growing on their own we are creating problems as well.

again...just my 2 cents...and its probably only worth that...I dont have the answers...Im just the father of 4 girls.....8, 13,14, and 17. And like any father, wonder if I'm doing the right things in raising them. I do feel guilty that they have not had the same opportunities that I did.

I also see that they have not yet aquired the same sense of independence that I had....(graduated from High school and LEFT HOME) I see kids who still live at home that are in their late 20's and I ask myself WHY? Dont get me wrong....I love my kids...but I dont what them living with me when they are 28 years old. I want them to be independent/self sufficent members of our community. But then again...if I dont allow them to be independent....how and when are they going to learn that?

 

[stemikger]

Me and my wife are always struggling with this. On the one hand you want your kid to be independent, but I just have a hard time because of all the things that seem to be happening to kids. Unfortunately there is a majority of sickos out there that prey on them. My DD is 10 and I can't see her going out on her bike where I can't see her. I see kids all over the place on their own at that age and I just can't do that yet.

When I was growing up, I was always on my own, but it was a different world back then.

 

[Jeff in BigD]

Hmmm, when I was 8 I was on my own to roam the neighborhood on my bike, provided I was home by dark. But that was 20 years ago...

 

[Planogirl]

Questions like these really show how much life has changed. I'm glad that I got to experience riding around my neighborhood when I was a kid.

 

[karensi]

What struck me as strange is that I'm pretty sure that I heard (or read) that these 2 girls were out riding their bikes rather late in the evening. I think that it was around 8 or 9 PM, if I'm not mistaken. I also heard , or read, that they had both been gone, riding bikes, almost all day. Please don't misunderstand me, I feel extremely bad for these families, but it was Mother's Day (even worse for the poor Mom's), don't you have your kids at home to spend Mother's Day with you?

 

[cgcw]

What struck me as strange is that I'm pretty sure that I heard (or read) that these 2 girls were out riding their bikes rather late in the evening. I think that it was around 8 or 9 PM, if I'm not mistaken.

If that was the case, then when I heard that the father did this because his daughter "broke curfew" would make sense (the broken curfew, not the murders). I just could not figure out what type of a curfew a 9 year old would have. My DS10 does not have a curfew but a set time when he'll be home if he's at/with a friends. But, if the girls were out that late, now I understand where the "broken cerfew" comes from. Not that it justifies what the father did by any means.

Very sad.

 

[MELSMICE]

When my DD's were that age I did not allow them to ride their bikes around the neighborhood without supervision. The only place they were allowed to play alone was in our backyard - front yard if all the other kids in the neighborhood were there.

My DD's are now 15, 12 & 12. We live in an upscale, extremely safe neighborhood, however, my girls either go somewhere together - whether riding or biking or I drive them. I do not let them walk through the neighborhood alone - regardless of the time. It is probably because of an unfortunate incident that happened to me when I was younger, but I just feel more comfortable with this decision.

I always know where they are - every one of their friend's houses has a phone & the rule is that they must call when they arrive & call before they leave.

My local paper stated that the girls went for a bike ride & when they didn't return the father went looking for them. Therefore, the girls were allowed to go off on their own. They were not with an adult originally. I wouldn't have been comfortable with this.

 

[joshsmom]

My DS is 9. We live in a small community--less than 30,000. There are 15 registered sex offenders in a 1 mile radius of my home. DS is allowed to ride his bike two houses down on each side of my house AND there has to be other kids out if I'm not out there with him. I do not allow him to cross the street to the other side (why would I? There's sidewalks on this side of the street). He's not allowed to go around the block without me. We have a park 1 1/2 blocks away that we frequent, but only together. He is not allowed to go with friends. The kids on the street (those around his age up to about 12) are ALSO not allowed to go to the park without an adult.

Accuse me of being overprotective of him. I would rather be called an overprotective mother than the mother of a murdered child.

 

[Rokkitsci]

I think it's horrible what happened to these 2 poor innocent little girls..... I guess I am just curious if ANYONE at all finds it odd that 2 second grade girls are allowed the freedom to ride their bikes around alone and go wherever they want ??? my youngest DD is 11 and I don't allow her that freedom

This is a sad commentary on the culture we have developed over the last fifty years. When I was a child, we could go anywhere, do anything, without fear. I never remember being concerned about my personal safety, nor any of my friends.
We had chores to do - but when those were done - we were on our own. We could take the rifle and go in the woods hunting - we could get on our bikes and ride anywhere we wanted - we could just go to someone's house and hang out til dinner time.
We had a childhood filled with personal discovery, lessons learned everyday about how the world worked. We knew what would happen if we violated the accepted norms of behavior - we would get our butts whipped.
If there were child predators - and I am sure there were some - out there, we never heard of them. I can tell you one reason why there may not have been many of them. When I was young - fifty years ago - some jerk like this would have gotten his "attitude adjustment" when he first started doing this crap. There would have been NOBODY worried about his "self-esteem" - there would have been NOBODY who would have tolerated his behavior. The FIRST time he exhibited this tendancy, someone would have beat his behind - either his parents or the school or his neighbors. MOST of these people did not grow up thinking they could get away with it.
Now - in the interest of protecting - and artificially inflating - every kids "self esteem" we allow all sorts of aberrant behavior. Some of them grow up to be child predators - with their 'self esteem' fully intact.
IMHO

 

[tekmom]

It's not odd to me...after all this mother allowed this person who had been in and out of jail and prison, chased her around with a running chain saw and by all accounts was NO father, to just move right back in with her, her four kids and her parents. By all accounts this poor kid hardly knew the guy....so is it strange that she would be allowed out all day without proper supervision?....no.