Does your son wear jewelry?

[BRDof3]

Here not being a Christian is enough to have parents not allow your kid to play with their children, let alone the perception of anything remotely gay.

The intolerance here is horrible.

I agree, that is horrible. I don't understand the connection between those two things.

This is making for great entertainment, though. Those who don't have much of a level head are showing the rest of us just what their prejudices are, in full color.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'll try not to damage your Thanksgiving dinner too much, although I do enjoy watching the irrational reactions when I go to the YMCA to swim.

I would love to know what my Thanksgiving dinner has to do with you swimming? As for growing up around racists, I'm lucky to live in the NE, where most perceive racists as ignorant trash. And lots of kids come out of the closet in HS here - not a big deal. However, young kids do tease each other about being gay (even if they don't really think it). I've found once the kids mature, it gets better.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I agree, that is horrible. I don't understand the connection between those two things.

This is making for great entertainment, though. Those who don't have much of a level head are showing the rest of us just what their prejudices are, in full color.

Do you have kids in school? Have they been to middle school yet? That is brutality at is finest. Basically anything "different" is singled out.

Now granted I am in the Mid West and the lack of tolerance for anything "different" is not great in the area where I live.

We certainly miss DFW. My dd's had friends in all walks of life and cultures.

 

[RitaE]

I agree, that is horrible. I don't understand the connection between those two things.

This is making for great entertainment, though. Those who don't have much of a level head are showing the rest of us just what their prejudices are, in full color.

And those of us who have actually negotiated a couple of kids through the heavy emotional trauma of social miscues feel quite solid in our belief that pointing out to an 8 year old boy that his gift might be taken in a wrong manner is not a bad thing to do.

And btw, I'd feel the same way if my son wanted to give a necklace like that to a girl. I'd tell him that a boy giving a girl a "split" necklace like that would be seen by many of their friends as a declaration of boyfriend/girlfriend and they might get teased over it and his friend might refuse to wear it.

 

[Kat77]

and how it was when I was little in a small town in Texas is that people at school teased me for being friends with a black girl. Should my parents have told me not to befriends with her so no one would tease me? By your logic it sounds like you think they should have. Thankfully my parents did NOT use your logic. They taught me that the teasers were wrong and gave me some skills to use to cope with the teasing--and kept an eye out to make sure the situation did not become truly dangerous (a real possibility)--had it then they would have stepped in.

First, I agree that we should teach our kids to stand up for themselves and what they value. I just do not think this is the case here. It's a necklace. The possiblity for teasing is not worth the trouble. It puts the other kid at risk for being teased and he could lose the friendship over it. The eight year old wants to have something cool to share with his best buddy not take a grand social stand. I'd steer him towards an alternative gift and avoid throwing him to the wolves with a shiny bone to bite him over.

 

[BRDof3]

All of the above is quite entertaining, though I am tired of the same thing being said over and over to support the acceptance of our scientifically-based prejudices, AKA "cultural norms."

Yes, I do deal with Jr. High as well as elementary school. Yes, I do know how cruel kids can be to each other. Yes, I do recognize that we, the parents, teach it to them. We also show them that it is the correct way to behave whenever we kowtow to it. Ignorance is on display every day, in every part of the world, and the best I can do is to teach my kids how to recognize it. It's the first step toward combating it.

As I take leave of this stimulating (ahem) conversation, I do say once again. None of you matter here. Asking this question on the DIS was useless. Asking your neighbors is useless. Taking a poll among learned thinkers is useless. There are only two opinions that mean anything at all- the two kids involved. Everyone else is mindless white noise. My 8 year-old knows enough to see that. It puts him several steps ahead of the adults engaging in this display of prejudice.

 

[jeepgirl30]

OP back. WOW. I'm very glad I do not live where some of you do and that my son's friends are more open and that my son's friends parents are more open.

First, yes bff necklaces are more for girls. However, the one he picked is a soccer ball with black and white colors, no pink, no glitter and not sparkles. It isn't overly feminine at all. He has always liked a simple necklace, no other jewelery.

My son and his friend have been BFFs for awhile, all their other friends know it and joke if you see one you know where to look for the other. It is friendly teasing. They have played sports together for a couple years. My son is very boyish and has been fortunate to not be the kid that gets teased.

He already told the friend he got the necklace and said he wanted him to see it and they would decide together if they wanted them. His friend said he liked the idea. I had texted the mom and she said she thought it was sweet.

As for this being seen as gay, my son would roll his eyes. He has a vague idea what that means but is a very strong kid and says he wishes he and bff were brothers but he wants to marry a girl with long blond hair and big b____s .

They may or may not wear the necklaces. I understood a lot of the posts but the warnings all seemed more focused on what it could mean later in life or how others interrupted it, I just didn't want the other boy to say "i don't wear necklaces" which it turns out he didn't say. I am grateful he has a strong friendship.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am glad it worked out for you. Nothing wrong with discussing it since it can be perceived by some to be weird.

Yea, be thankful you don't live in where we are. It is not very tolerant.

It was one of the things my dd hated when we moved back to MO from TX. She knew that we coming back to it, it is a constant thing.

Well, she has to do a debate on religion in her stretch class. This should be interesting......

 

[BRDof3]

OP back. WOW. I'm very glad I do not live where some of you do and that my son's friends are more open and that my son's friends parents are more open.

First, yes bff necklaces are more for girls. However, the one he picked is a soccer ball with black and white colors, no pink, no glitter and not sparkles. It isn't overly feminine at all. He has always liked a simple necklace, no other jewelery.

My son and his friend have been BFFs for awhile, all their other friends know it and joke if you see one you know where to look for the other. It is friendly teasing. They have played sports together for a couple years. My son is very boyish and has been fortunate to not be the kid that gets teased.

He already told the friend he got the necklace and said he wanted him to see it and they would decide together if they wanted them. His friend said he liked the idea. I had texted the mom and she said she thought it was sweet.

As for this being seen as gay, my son would roll his eyes. He has a vague idea what that means but is a very strong kid and says he wishes he and bff were brothers but he wants to marry a girl with long blond hair and big b____s .

They may or may not wear the necklaces. I understood a lot of the posts but the warnings all seemed more focused on what it could mean later in life or how others interrupted it, I just didn't want the other boy to say "i don't wear necklaces" which it turns out he didn't say. I am grateful he has a strong friendship.

Good for them, they are free to be themselves.

 

[NHdisneylover]

All of the above is quite entertaining, though I am tired of the same thing being said over and over to support the acceptance of our scientifically-based prejudices, AKA "cultural norms."

Yes, I do deal with Jr. High as well as elementary school. Yes, I do know how cruel kids can be to each other. Yes, I do recognize that we, the parents, teach it to them. We also show them that it is the correct way to behave whenever we kowtow to it. Ignorance is on display every day, in every part of the world, and the best I can do is to teach my kids how to recognize it. It's the first step toward combating it.

As I take leave of this stimulating (ahem) conversation, I do say once again. None of you matter here. Asking this question on the DIS was useless. Asking your neighbors is useless. Taking a poll among learned thinkers is useless. There are only two opinions that mean anything at all- the two kids involved. Everyone else is mindless white noise. My 8 year-old knows enough to see that. It puts him several steps ahead of the adults engaging in this display of prejudice.

I think they are similar situations. You would tell a child not to act as his natural self (when that is not being disrespectful or mean, etc--just being different) and to hide his personality because if he is himself he MAY be teased. If a child is taught that from a young age and DOES turn out to be gay (10% do) he has essentially learned from his parents that he will not be accepted and they do not want him to be who he is either.
Yes, in one sense it is only a necklace--assuming this is the one and only time you ever send that message, well okay, but it tends not to be a one and only kind of thing. Or, take look at it as: it is only a necklace so bringing the "they might tease and think he is gay" thing into the equation for 8 year olds is way over the top and adult thinking for a little boy situation. And, thanks for feeling sorry for my son--relaly he is okay though. He happed to have that kind of personality that things don't bother him, The result is he is hardly ever teased by the other kids (even being a middle school ballet dancer). My daughter, OTOH is easily upset by every little thing (she gets that from me) and therefore was teased mercilessly at the same age in spite of not doing much of anything to bring it on (other than the bullies seeing that it was working).

OP back. WOW. I'm very glad I do not live where some of you do and that my son's friends are more open and that my son's friends parents are more open.

First, yes bff necklaces are more for girls. However, the one he picked is a soccer ball with black and white colors, no pink, no glitter and not sparkles. It isn't overly feminine at all. He has always liked a simple necklace, no other jewelery.

My son and his friend have been BFFs for awhile, all their other friends know it and joke if you see one you know where to look for the other. It is friendly teasing. They have played sports together for a couple years. My son is very boyish and has been fortunate to not be the kid that gets teased.

He already told the friend he got the necklace and said he wanted him to see it and they would decide together if they wanted them. His friend said he liked the idea. I had texted the mom and she said she thought it was sweet.

As for this being seen as gay, my son would roll his eyes. He has a vague idea what that means but is a very strong kid and says he wishes he and bff were brothers but he wants to marry a girl with long blond hair and big b____s .

They may or may not wear the necklaces. I understood a lot of the posts but the warnings all seemed more focused on what it could mean later in life or how others interrupted it, I just didn't want the other boy to say "i don't wear necklaces" which it turns out he didn't say. I am grateful he has a strong friendship.

OP--thanks for the updates. I am glad your son and his friend are both happy with their necklaces and their friendship--and i am glad they do not have to live anywhere where 8 year old boys wearing soccer necklace would be an issue

 

[paintnolish]

My son (10) does wear jewelry- shark teeth, bugs enclosed in acrylic, petrified dino poop, etc. He also owns a pocket watch. He wears pink and purple shirts, uses men's lotion and cologne, and wears scarves (the fringy, square kind). He's a metro 10 year old. He's not gay. He knows what he likes and doesn't care what others say. He says, "Real guys wear pink or purple- lets girls know you are sensitive!"
GL, OP!

 

[mjkacmom]

My son (10) does wear jewelry- shark teeth, bugs enclosed in acrylic, petrified dino poop, etc. He also owns a pocket watch. He wears pink and purple shirts, uses men's lotion and cologne, and wears scarves (the fringy, square kind). He's a metro 10 year old. He's not gay. He knows what he likes and doesn't care what others say. He says, "Real guys wear pink or purple- lets girls know you are sensitive!"
GL, OP!

How do you know he's not gay? I would think that boys (and girls) realize their sexual orientation when they hit puberty. I now hope that my boys are not gay, because judging from what they wear, I am definitely not getting the gay son I've always dreamed about, who picks out my clothes, and helps me make my home stunning. Although, ds12 does get excited when we get new furniture! However, he'll wear a button down with track pants.

 

[paintnolish]

I don't want to start a debate, but I believe people are born homosexual, heterosexual, or whatever. As far as I can tell, he is not gay, but I would be perfectly fine with him being so. I am just saying that jewelery, clothes, etc. don't mark a person's sexual orientation; jewelry, clothes, etc. choices can be used as a stereotupe of a sexual orientation. Because he wears petrified dino poop on a leather cord is no reason for me to believe he is gay, anymore than the fact that I own Birkenstocks and have had short hair makes me a lesbian.

 

[mjkacmom]

I believe that sexual orientation is biological, and that's why I mentioned that one would have to reach puberty to determine what gender one is attracted to. I do joke about my sons' being gay, because they have to be the worst dressed boys on earth (I let my kids pick out what they wear when they're around the age of 3). The term metrosexual implies that a man has the fashion sense attributed to homosexual men, but is in fact heterosexual.

Both DH and I have gay family members (although some are more asexual), and I believe there is a genetic link, so I wouldn't be surprised if one of my children turned out to be gay. If it turns out one of my ds' is gay, I just hope he can find a partner who can overlook his wardrobe.

 

[penn19]

Do you have kids in school? Have they been to middle school yet? That is brutality at is finest. Basically anything "different" is singled out.

Now granted I am in the Mid West and the lack of tolerance for anything "different" is not great in the area where I live.

We certainly miss DFW. My dd's had friends in all walks of life and cultures.

Funny that you mentioned that you miss DFW. I live in the Metroplex, and when you mentioned kids not being able to play with other kids if they weren't Christian, I thought to myself, wow that's just like here!

I do not see a great amount of diversity here. At all. And if you sit at home Sunday mornings, yes, you will be "tagged" as different.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Funny that you mentioned that you miss DFW. I live in the Metroplex, and when you mentioned kids not being able to play with other kids if they weren't Christian, I thought to myself, wow that's just like here!

I do not see a great amount of diversity here. At all. And if you sit at home Sunday mornings, yes, you will be "tagged" as different.

I was hoping that this crap would end when dd got into middle school however it won't stop.

Anyway she is in 8th grade so hopefully parents will stop grading which religion your are in HS. It is ridiculous.

 

[Kat77]

Funny that you mentioned that you miss DFW. I live in the Metroplex, and when you mentioned kids not being able to play with other kids if they weren't Christian, I thought to myself, wow that's just like here!

I do not see a great amount of diversity here. At all. And if you sit at home Sunday mornings, yes, you will be "tagged" as different.

You just made me do a reality check. I was going to respond that the DFW metroplex is diverse but the truth is I'm comparing it to growing up in a small town. Even in a city surburb most of my neighbors attend the same church as I do. I see how it spills over onto school committees and the community. I'd like to claim my friends and neighbors are nonjudgemental but that's an easy call coming from someone who shares the same religion. My kids have friends with diverse backgrounds but we do not socialize from only within our church.

 

[CathrynRose]

I'm jotting this down as one of my personal all time weird DIS threads, ever - in regards to people's opinions.

Yeah - I'm sure all the boys who have worn jewelery or pink or have danced or wore nail polish or accepted a gift from their best buddy.... they're all in the closet.... at age 8.

My boys did all of the above, they're 15 and 19, and not gay. Nor were they thought to be gay. Nor did any one tease them for being gay.

FTR - Joey reallllly liked N'Sync during their "Bye Bye Bye" days. He realllly wanted a T-Shirt, but they didn't make boy N'Sync T-Shirts. So, we found a girl one - to which all his friends: (multiple choice)

a) threw stones at him and called him gay slurs.
b) asked where he got it, and ended up getting their own girl N'Sync shirt.

The answer is B.

What a weird thread.

 

[CathrynRose]

I should have answered the OP.

Yes, one wore it more often than the other but both seemed to like it at that age (8-10ish).

 

[NHdisneylover]

I'm jotting this down as one of my personal all time weird DIS threads, ever - in regards to people's opinions.

Yeah - I'm sure all the boys who have worn jewelery or pink or have danced or wore nail polish or accepted a gift from their best buddy.... they're all in the closet.... at age 8.

My boys did all of the above, they're 15 and 19, and not gay. Nor were they thought to be gay. Nor did any one tease them for being gay.

FTR - Joey reallllly liked N'Sync during their "Bye Bye Bye" days. He realllly wanted a T-Shirt, but they didn't make boy N'Sync T-Shirts. So, we found a girl one - to which all his friends: (multiple choice)

a) threw stones at him and called him gay slurs.
b) asked where he got it, and ended up getting their own girl N'Sync shirt.

The answer is B.

What a weird thread.

OMG--your son willingly wore a GIRLS shirt--in front ot his friends-- as a kid and you LET him and when the friends wanted one too--you ALLOWED him to tell them it was a GIRLS shirt??!!!??!! Are you sure they didn't stone him? Maybe you lost count of how many boys you have. (okay, sarcasm over--I swear though 95% of the time any issue with this kind of stuff at this age is parent created. as you say, the boys were all FINE with it. I agree it IS a weird thread).