Does Mom Ever have meltdowns while on trips?

[anditoo72]

The last trip to disney two years ago, I had a meltdown. I totally blame my husband and he knows it was his fault. We had 5 kids with us 11 year old step son, 10 year old nephew, 4 year old son, 2 1/2 year old daughter, and a 4 month old baby. I was doing okay all week even though my husband was acting like it was his vacation and I still had to do EVERYTHING. I would have to argue with him about helping me put the kids shoes on for goodness sake and then he would tell my stepson to help his brother or sister. I was getting really upset, but the straw that broke the camels back was the day we went to Blizzard Beach. I told him in the morning that I wanted to stay at the apartment (my mother in laws- who is fantastic 98 % of the time) and do some laundry, pick up, vaccuum to clean the place a little (think of five kids and three adults in a two bedroom apartment for two weeks) I told him to take the older boys and my MIL wanted to go which was fine with me. I told him I would take the younger kids and they could watch tv and run around the apartment a little. I needed the break (not from anybody just to unwind a little and not have to be somewhere) anyway he whined the whole morning, just come with us. I politely declined more than twice before breaking and got me and the younger kids ready.
I just had a bad feeling about the water park. I thought the kids were to young to be there. I mean the youngest was in the stroller the whole time, not him but the 4 and 2 1/2 year old. I was right!!!! the way the kids area is, is not condusive to have two younger children playing with only one adult watching. My MIL was sitting with the baby and my hubby was off with the older kids. So the whole time I was a wreck. Then he dragged me and the kids to the wave pool. I tried to tell him the kids were to young even though we had rented life jackets. Even though nothing bad happened that was it for me. Total meltdown. I took the two year old and baby. Gave him the four year old and told him if he left his side he was a dead man and sat and stewed the rest of the day. He tried to come over and talk to me and actually asked me "What your not having fun". "WHAT, WHAT, I told you this morining I didn't want to come here today!!!" I tried to not say it to loud, so I wouldn't spoil the boys fun but I was screaming inside. Needless to say we didn't stay that long after and I sent all the older children (Hubby included) to the movies so I could clean up and relax while the kids took a nap.

I threatened him this time that he had better realize that it is my vacation to, and I would not be doing everything like I did our last vacation. He has gotten better the past couple of years. I don't forsee any meltdowns this trip, but we will see.

 

[vhoffman]

Loved the picture of the Big Butt!!! You should have copies made into a flyer with the warning 'BEWARE OF THIS BUTT!!!" and post it on every travel website you can find. Somehow, though, I don't think your "butt" will be reading websites. Sounds like you ran into a white trash couple. We all know $1400 for a Disney trip really isn't that much. She probably stayed at a cheap motel, drove down in her junk car, and probably got the park passes from a radio contest. That would account for about $200--$300 at most. What did she spend the rest of that $1400 on? Why, food, of course! You don't get a butt like that without making a real effort! Its a shame when someone like that makes another's vacation miserable. I had a similar experience my last trip when I was exhausted and had the nerve to sit down on the stone circular seating in front of the Castle (I'm also obviously disabled), when the "lady" next to me rudely informed me that that seat was taken. What seat? There was enough room for at least 4 people between me and her. However, she continued to insist I leave. I told her it was public seating and I had as much right to be there as she did. If she didn't like it to call security. She continued to insist I leave. I told her I was exhausted and disabled and needed a place to sit. To which she screamed at me that she was pregnant. So, I wasn't asking her to get out of her seat. I finally pulled out my cell phone and asked her if she would like to use it to call a security guard to ask me to leave my seat because she was pregnant. I then told her if she didn't shut up I'd call for a security guard. Well, she acted mighty indignant, but shut up. Its a shame people like that are in this world, but try not to let the "butts" of the world ruin your vacation.

 

[Sandy Feet]

Ohh the butt photo... ROFL...too too funny.

nordtrjr, I'm glad to see a dad post here.

This time I'm checking my teen's carryon. Last trip he took all his gameboy games plus two huge hardcover books to read plus plus. His bag probably weighed more than my suitcase. And what did he read on the plane? The paperback we bought him. Actually two of our kids love to read, the other doesn't. But for each trip we (umm, I) order them a book from amazon.com for the plane.

 

[Aryn]

Wow I feel better already!

We are 3 months out and I have had 2 meltdowns already. The first was because my husband decided that he wanted nothing to do with planning the vacation, which i discovered was great because I can do it myself with no interference. But then he decided to say he would rather go to Vegas! Without our kids DD5 and DS2! I was like, who would watch them for 10 days? Other people would be working, and also, this is our first real vacation, ever as a family and he would rather leave the kids!! It got really ugly for a while there. LOL

The second was when i was trying to go over with him what needed to be bought for him before the trip clotheswise. He said " I will take care of it" Well 2 weeks later he is at the computer and throws out to me, when are you buying me underwear and socks for the trip! I was not happy. The problem with that is that the money I make from my part-time job is all for our trip, and since I do not make that much, I have to budget carefully, So when he said he would take care of it, that meant that i could mark it off as something i did not have to buy, but i ended up not using the vacation money, so my tantrum was really a wasted effort! I should have saved it for something better!

Its always the little things.
I am having my husband sign a contract that states that he must not be grumpy, that he is not allowed to compain about how much everything costs( since he is not paying for anything, really) he cannot sleep late(he would sleep all afternoon) and because he wanted nothing to do with the planning, he is not allowed to complain about what we do or where we eat. This is the price you pay when you want nothing to do with the trip planning!

Boy I sound a bit crazy! I feel much better now, Thanks

Aryn

 

[nordtrjr]

Aryn - I totally agree with your last bit about those that refuse to be a part fo the planning have no grounds to complain. For years I tried to set up and plan vactions with extended family and friends by "consensus". Nearly every time it was totally unmanagable. No one would make up their mind. So my rule of thumb now is when it comes to trip planning I either have total control or no control.

We have a beach vacation later this summer with my wifes extended family and when the subject came up about finding a beach house and making plans I told my wife specifcially I did not want to be involved with it. I said to her, I'm happy to go and pay for our share of the costs but I'm not going to spend 3 months tring to reach a consensus with 8 other people about where we are going to stay and what we are going to do. And when we go I won't say a word about the arrangments that were made if I don't like them.

On our next trip to WDW (2/05) we invited my parents to come along with us. I told them we'd love to have them come along and share the "magic" with us and their grand kids. However, since they have only been to WDW once and that was 30 years ago we'd (I) take care of all the arangements. All they have to do is "show up". My parents were more then happy to agree. My dad said "just tell me when we are going and how much our share of the costs are", we'll send you a check and meet you there. My father feels the same way about trip planning as I do. All control or no control. Everyone knows that I will try to make the trip as enjoyable as possible for everyone by planning things they will like to do.

 

[barb45]

I kind of agree with the all control/no control thing - or at least you do this day/I'll do that day - its just easier. I'm lucky because my family calls me the Disney Nerd (that's why I'm here) and they let me plan everything which I love to do. They also appreciate it when they have stress free days in short line ups and a great touring plan to follow. The only problem is when we go somewhere else - they just sit there looking at me wondering where "the plan" is. If we do go to a new destination I try to read up about it but never as much as Disney. My meltdowns more involve the "work" - packing, unpacking and my husband not listening to my suggestions when we are driving like when to stop for bathroom breaks, supper etc.

 

[SKFamily]

I fully expect to have at least one meltdown before we get there. At least one while I'm packing, trying to make sure laundry is completely caught up etc. And another the morning we leave home, because I'm up early trying to get "me" ready and have some quiet time, then get the kids ready, plus the usual AM stuff like make beds and tidy up after breakfast. Through alot of this dh will usually be sleeping or in the shower. He loads the van once I'm through and then away we go.

But I've learned to make things simpler on myself

- I make sure housework and laundry are caught up a couple of days before we go, so I'm only doing small amounts at that point.
- I have a very detailed packing list
- Everything is packed the day/night before we go, clothes laid out for morning. All I have to do is throw in the stuff we need in the morning and close the suitcase.
- I get up early on purpose, to get some quiet time before everyone else goes. I can snooze in the van later.

I've tried leaving some stuff to everyone else and something always gets forgotten - like a coat one time. Dh/ds are getting better at helping get the 3 year old ready to go out the door which takes the majority of the pressure off. But since this is our first family vacation like this, I fully expect one or two meltdowns. Maybe not though, since dh and ds are better off at recognizing the signs and head me off at the pass.

 

[HenDuck]

Too funny! You can tell when a thread strikes a chord with some of us, eh?

I have had meltdowns on vacations since before I was a Mama. Usually my husband and I pick on each other until it blows up into a full scale war. Some fun!

I finally realized that some of it was because my husband and I were working under different assumptions about what was going to happen on vacation. We had different expectations.

For our April trip to DL with DS (3 ½), I tried to keep DH in the loop as much as possible. My mom and I planned the whole vacation but I was sure to run certain decisions by DH as the planning proceeded.

I also “briefed” him in advance as much as possible. Although I started packing a couple of weeks in advance, I didn’t expect him to do so. I just asked him if he could give me all of his clothes 2 days prior to departure (which he did). That way, I didn’t get upset when he wasn’t reading my mind about being fully packed one week in advance.

I also agreed to do things DH's way sometimes, even though I might have wanted to do something else. I tried to stay flexible.

I made 3 PSs, but we only used 2. We went with the flow pretty much the rest of the time. Although I’d planned to only hit DCA at certain times, we did end up going back for an additional showing of Playhouse Disney.

The other thing that helped me was to NAP when DS did. I am more likely to meltdown if I am tired. I also made sure that the men got to eat at regular intervals because they were more likely to meltdown if they were hungry.

We took a day off in the middle of the trip to shop and then to do our character dinner. This worked out really well for everyone. Nothing like shopping to chase the grumpies away!

All in all, I think as mothers, we know we do most of the work most of the time. I tried to build flexibility into the schedule and into my attitude. I also allowed myself little indulgences that kept me happy (churros everyday…).

These little tricks really helped us have a great time and even kept us smiling through an unexpected delay at LAX on the way back home (ok, the Venti Chai Latte at Starbucks helped too!)

I think your idea of getting away to do your own thing is pure genius! There's no rule that you have to all be together all the time.

Good luck, have fun and take care of yourself!

 

[CrazySun27]

This has to be the best chat I've read in a long time...I can so relate...love the butt pic and the statement" if mama ain't happy no one is"!!LOL

My DH does the same thing him and the kids will sit on the couch and stare at the TV while I run around like a nut packing and trying to remember everything I need to take. He does load everything up (of course with my supervision) I guess I wouldn't want it any other way. If you want something done right do it yourself..right!
But the end result is usually a fantastic time.....it's all worth the meltdown.....................ENJOY

 

[Musky]

This is just too great - I could have written any one of these letters. My DH also does no planning and no packing, but the worst thing is that I'm up most of the night before we leave packing, cleaning, etc., while he's getting a good night's sleep, and I end up doing most of the driving because he can't stay awake! I could just throttle him! So then I arrive sleep deprived, which only continues to get worse, and eventually I blow up over the smallest stupidest thing. And doesn't it infuriate you when all your planning pays off, i.e, your hotel is wonderful, lines are short, etc., and instead of saying "Wow, we're having a great vacation because of all the work you did", they say, "Wow, this is a great hotel and the lines have been really short, aren't we lucky?" Luck has nothing to do with it, Bud!


Becky

 

[swilshire]

Send a little pixie dust my way as this is meltdown day. Our plan is to depart at 11 AM for a week at the beach followed by a Disney week. I mostly finished the packing last night except for things that go in the cooler and a short list of items that are MIA (not to be found anywhere).

I've been asking my husband all week to track down the missing items. These will sound stupid, but they are SO essential (Skin So Soft for the noseeums at the beach, my small muffin tin to make muffins from a mix each morning, the net to catch shells on Sanibel).

If we don't leave on schedule, we risk hitting traffic in Atlanta. Not a pretty sight. Keep your fingers crossed for me! I'll be checking the boards as my busy beach schedule allows. I calculated it would take one library book a day to keep me busy under my beach umbrella.

Sheila

 

[DisneyMomx7]

The "butt" picture is reminiscent of one of our parade encounters. DH was the one who almost melted down during this one. We had dinner at Tony's and then went right out in front and got a spot for the parade. We were there about 7:50 for the 9:00 parade. My two dds sat in their double stroller and ds was in a single stroller. I stood behind dds and DH stood behind ds. About 5 minutes before the parade was ready to start this big woman and her kids come and she sits right in front of ds's stroller (completely obstructing his view since he wasn't even 2 yet) and her kids sit in front od dds' stroller which wasn't as bad but still made in harder for them to see. DH at first politely tells the woman that our son can't see, she ignores him. Then he says it louder, she she looks at him but just makes a face. NOw he's had it. Totally unlike him but he tells her if she doesn't move he's going to run over her with the stroller. I couldn't believe what was happening. SHe finnally gets up and moves her big butt - guess where, in front of another family! Now all the people who have been waiting in their spots for a long time are outraged. They tell her you can't just sit in front of other people who have been waiting. SHe finally did leave, but I felt bad for her kids who had to watch their mother act like such an idiot. DH still talks about losing it. He said if it hadn't been the baby who had been so good and just waiting for the parade he might not have lost it, but he couldn't believe any mother would put herself before a little child. You wonder where some of these people come from.

 

[Chim Chiminy]

This thread is great. Glad to know there are others out there.

Inevitably I have a meltdown every trip. But so does DH. His reasons are far different than mine.

I am the planner for all trips and we usually have my parents, two brothers, and two BILs along.

Last trip in August, I was stressed about everything being "perfect". And of course "perfect" will not happen when you have so many personalities meshed together........
I lost it because my DB's were always late for our PS. They and my mom were thirty minutes late to our PS for the Ice Cream Social one day. The CM's are not supposed to seat you unless all members of your party are present.
Well, we were seated. But instead of being at tables for ten, we were seated for seven. Then when they did show up we had to drag chairs and smush around the tables. It was uncomfortable, embarrassing, and our server was not happy with us........even though I had let every CM know that we were expecting three more.
My brothers and mom acted like it was no biggie, we can all squish together.
We shared a 2 bedroom at BCV with my parents and DB's and it made us crazy because they didn't pick up after themselves, plus they brought soooooo much stuff. Their crap was everywhere!
We decided then and there that we will never share a unit with my family. Sharing with DBIL's, we can do that. They are neat and tidy.
My oldest DB would not wake up when everyone else did. He would be waking as everyone was ready to leave and say "Oh, I guess I should get ready."
Or he would be up and instead of getting ready, just puttering around the room or playing with the kids or watching tv. Then as we were leaving say "oh, I guess I should go shower." AAAARRRGGGHHHH!

DH loses it because I am too tired and my feet hurt at bedtime, so therefore no _______ (fill in the blanks). I think that is a bit immature for him........and I then lose it with him.

Gosh, its no wonder I am dreading this trip! Is it too late to cancel now that we are leaving in 12 hours????????????
I am already stressing over having a "perfect" trip.

 

[Musky]

Chim Chiminy, just wondering what it is that you do with your feet that involves _________ ? And I thought I had heard it all!

Becky

 

[kelscross]

Like you guys I thought I was the only one who has melted down in the "world". I really get disappointed because I am so happy on my vacation I don't understand the nasty rude ones. I think, boy if they are this rude and nasty on vacation they must be living in hades in real life.

Of course you have the people who jump right in front of your kids when waiting for the parades. Last year we gave up on the parade at MGM and just left.

Another thing at EPCOT near Mexico, Donald Duck came out in a big sombrero to greet people. I really think the adults should let the children in first instead of cutting in front of a bunch of kids.

The worst thing that was the final straw...one of my girls got trampled at the bus stop at DTD one night. If my mother hadn't kept ahold of her hand she probably would have gotten seriously injured if not killed. There are no lines at DTD bus stops and we had been sitting there for several minutes to get the bus. It's around 10pm. There was our family and another family waiting. When the bus pulled up a big herd of drunks stampeded the bus! The gentleman behind us tried to hold off the crowd as he saw her getting trampled and I'm yelling "You're crushing her, You're crushing her!!" The crowd overcame the gentleman and she was almost pushed underneath the bus but my mom slipped in the door and threw her up on the bus.

I couldn't get on the bus so I yelled to my mom to go on and I'd catch the next bus. I went down to get a CM and they said they couldn't do anything. I tried to get on the next two busses and would get crowded out everytime (I had the two strollers with me). I finally got on a bus after midnight and headed back to CBR. When I got back to the room my family who had left two hours before me weren't there!! Now I really start freaking out. The front desk sent out security to find them. They found them and made my mom walk back to the room in the middle of the night carrying to little girls half asleep. I was really mad that security didn't escort them to the room!

So I melted down and wanted to leave the next day. My mom talked me into staying and I talked to the front desk at the CBR about the problems and with security. They made it up by giving us as late of a check out on our last day as we wanted (we stayed till 4pm at no charge) Disney Transportation contacted us and made it up by sending a private car to take us anywhere all day.

So it happens and I hope it goes better this year

 

[vhoffman]

What an awful experience for your daughter! I was told that if you're a guest at a Disney resort and the transportation has closed for the night, they'll give you a lift to your resort in one of their golf carts. I guess if you're not staying at Disney, you're SOL. One night we were walking back from Epcot after closing when a security guard in a golf cart appeared out of nowhere and gave us a lift all the way back to our car. Of course, the fact that I walk with a cane might have had something to do with it. But I've seen those crowds running and pushing for the buses. That's why I try never to take them. The monorail is usually ok. However, I've found it most cost-effective to simply rent a car at the airport. It costs usually about the same as rt taxi or limo, then you have the option of the car during your stay. We have AP's, so we can park free at the resorts. It just gives you more options.

 

[barb45]

kelscross - How awful for all of you - I think I would have had a heart attack watching that happen to my child - thank God for your mother. You left off part of the story though - where did security find your mom? Just curious (I love a good read).

 

[barb45]

Chi Chiminy - I can't believe your DH wants _____ after a hard day at the theme parks!! My DH wouldn't even think to ask - I would have to make the offer which is not likely since we are all so exhausted after the day at the parks. Loved your post!

 

[marcyinPA]

Not so much of a meltdown (if you ask my kids, I'm always grouchy... ), but by the 3rd or 4th day, I am so sick of my kids and my dh that I start conversations with perfect strangers...on the bus, in line, while waiting for parades and shows...anywhere!! And most people are so happy to converse, that I am thinking that they are probably sick of their family members by then too...

No, really, I love my family, but there is something to be said about TOO MUCH togetherness!!!

My "meltdowns" usually happen when we return home. Between the laundry, waiting mail, need to go food shopping and trip let down, I am a beast!!!

 

[vhoffman]

Well, hello, everyone!

I'm the OP, and I had no idea so many others have meltdowns while on their vacations. Its usually the Moms. Sometimes kids have their MDs, but its hardly ever the Dads. wonder why? Probably because Dads don't do much of the packing, planning, etc., they're just along for the ride. Well, I thought to add a new twist to this thread. I, for one, am sick and tired of mds(meltdowns) on my trips. After all, I deserve a good time, too. Let's come up with suggestions for how to avoid, or at least minimize, mds. Here's a few of my ideas:

It seems all of us who have mds have them at predictible times. There's the night before the trip md, the middle of the trip md, and the end of the trip md. So, to start at the beginning--usually the night before I reach a point where I'm so stressed out I want to cancel the trip. Good thing our plane tickets are nonrefundable! The obvious answer is to start packing sooner. However, no matter how hard I try, I'm always up until at least midnight packing. What's so infuriating is dh just sits there watching TV and packs during commercials. I'm sick of everyone telling me that I'm trying too hard--I'm NOT trying to pack/plan the perfect vacation, just one that works. After all, who's the one everyone runs to when they need a bandaid, sew on a button, pennies for the penny machine, etc, etc? Well, I always start planning and packing, with lists, etc. at least one week prior. The answer is obvious--start packing sooner. My goal now (lol) is to have every bag, including my purse, packed two nights before our trip. Then spend the night before getting the house ready, last minute things, and a good night's sleep. It can happen!

Then, there's the middle-of-the-trip md. I think this happens partly due to the beginning-of-the-trip md. Its essentially a carryover. If you start out sleep deprived you're bound to feel it throughout the trip. Also, there's something to be said about four or more people crammed into one room, sharing one bathroom, for a week or more. Next trip, we're getting connecting rooms at POFQ. That gives us four beds (no more sharing a bed with a squirming, kicking kid!), two tvs (no listening to a nonstop diet of cartoons), and two bathrooms. That can be a great stress buster right there. Yes, its more expensive, but if it makes the trip enjoyable, instead of everyone at each others throats, its worth it. We just came back from a 2-week trip to Hawaii, and we had a 2-bedroom condo for most of the trip. It was one of our best trips ever, and I really think the extra space helped. Just having a place to go for down time made the trip. Sometimes you can get condos or suites for about what you'd pay for a room. We've just come to the realization that you just can't cram a family of four into one room and one bathroom for any length of time without having problems. Another middle-of-trip strategy--let dh plan one day and mom is just along for the ride. It gives mom some breathing room to let someone else worry about the details for a change. It also gives dh an appreciation of what we do to plan things. DH always complains that I over plan, am a control freak, etc. Not true! But you have to have some idea of what you're going to do that day--you can't just stand there and hope an idea hits you over the head! Once dh sees how much is involved in just simple planning he might stop grousing and appreciate us moms more.

Then, there's the end-of-trip md. That's usually my smallest md, if I even have one. Before leaving (this might contribute to the pre-trip md), I insist on a clean house, clean sheets, and stock up on some non-perishable foods, such as frozen dinners, so we come home to a clean house and something to eat until we can get to the store. Also, unlike some people on this board, I don't worry myself silly about laundry. To each their own, but I've read about some people doing laundry their last night or on the road home so they just "slip the fresh laundry in the drawer". Who wants to spend their last night at Disney doing laundry? I just bring it home dirty and do it when I get home. After all, if you do laundry before leaving, it will still smell musty from the suitcase. We came back from our last trip over a week ago, and I still haven't finished unpacking totally. And I don't let it worry me! So, come home to a clean house, and don't worry about the d----- f------- laundry!

Well, any more ideas? My goal is to have a stress-free vacation without one single md! Is it possible? Lets see! Ideas, please!