Does any mom here get "attitude" when state they are SAHM??

[LynnTH]

Beatty family - I can relate and agree with most of what you said. Like your wife I too am a full time working mom. Both my kids have been in daycare since they were 3 months old. (They are now 6 and 4) And, yes it is hard to put them in daycare especially when they were little. But, we also cannot afford for me to stay home and we don't want to live paycheck to paycheck. That being said - I have been at my job for 12 years and I LOVE my job. I have the greatest bosses who are so flexible - if I need to leave for an appt or kids play or whatever - they are the first to say - "go". They also put 15% of my salary into a retirement account every year. Also, about the daycare issue. I don't get where some people say it is "sad" for kids to go to daycare. Are you kidding. My kids are very well adjusted and relate well to others and are so used to being with others that they are not shy about jumping right into things with other kids and adults. If my 4 year old daughter was around me 24/7 she would be so whiney and attached at the hip. They also love going to daycare. After being off a week from daycare they can't wait to go back because that's where all their friends are to play with. Plus daycare has helped in teaching reading, writing, learning shapes, colors, alphabet among much more. Yes, there are some daycares that are not good situations - we have been in a few and pulled our kids out ASAP. But, there are also a lot of great daycares for us working moms.

 

[beattyfamily]

Beatty family - I can relate and agree with most of what you said.

I think you mean someone else, maybe hokiefan33? I'm a SAHM and haven't said too much on this thread except that I always get the "so you going back to work now that your youngest is going to Kindergarten?" That's it so I don't think you are referring to me.

 

[LynnTH]

Your right - I did mean Hokiefan33. Thanks.

 

[crazymomof4]

I take care of 2 kids, I teach, I cook, I clean, I do repairs, I organize, I plan.......does that sound like someone who's 'just' anything?" [Baby Blues cartoon strip]

I have found that the people with attitude seem to be the SAHM. Most of them want society to say Oh that is great you are a SAHM. I don't have any problem with this at all. My best friend is a SAHM, she was also a RN.

Per the quote above, I have all of this to do and also a fulltime job outside the Home. But I have never said to anyone that I have 2 fulltime jobs. I have always worked as it is my choice, just like Staying at home is your professional choice.

You only posted part of the text from the Baby Blues cartoon. The first part of the cartoon shows that the Mom (character) was not having "attitude" but simply responding to being called "just" a SAHM by a someone in public. She (the character) was feeling undervalued by the comment and I posted the quote bc. that is the sentiment posted by the OP, so I thought it applied.

Present society, in general, has more respect for working moms. (if you have any doubt read my post about the radio annoucement of recent research results) The OP needed encouragement, needed to feel validated in her decision. Those of us who can relate to her feelings felt for her. Most SAHM's, including myself, were posting here to try to make her feel better about her choice, not "put down" working moms. For this reason, anyone who reads this thread will naturally find the posters promoting the decision to stay at home. It should not be read as an insult to others who make a different decision, and should not be read as SAHM's having "attitude". It's simply sharing of similar feelings and giving encouragement. Similarly, in a thread started by a homeschooling mom one would expect to find a pro-homeschooling theme. Or on a thread started by a mom who needs encouragement in breastfeeding, you would obviously find many pro-breastfeeders.

Sure, we SAHM's "want society to say Oh that is great you are a SAHM"! Doesn't everyone want society to recognize their choice as being a good one?

 

[ladyelle]

BEATTY FAMILY. First of all, why are YOU talking for your wife about your wife? You want to start a debate? It's ON.

You and your wife sound jealous of stay at home moms. She wishes she could stay at home and it breaks her heart but you can't afford it. Does it break your heart too? Then do something about it. Quit complaining.
I'm sick of one stating they can't afford to stay home. If you really wanted to stay home you could. You would make it work. Does it mean a sacrifice. Absolutely! But you also stated you do not wish to do without. Who is suffering. Your children who LOVE being at daycare all day long. Sugar coat it any way you like. The bottom line is someone is else is raising your children and your mad.

Most stay at home moms ARE better at being mothers because they choose to be mothers full-time around the clock. Your wife can run circles around me being a mom a few hours a day. Your comments are annoying, uncalled for and rude. If you don't want to take care of your children then why did you have them.

 

[ladyelle]

SO SORRY BEATTY FAMILY! I made the same mistake it whould be HOKIEFAN33.


SORRY

 

[estherhead]

Perhaps I missed it, but I feel something must be said about the children. Isn't the point of parenting to raise happy, well-adjusted adults? It has been my limited experience in noticing people that it doesn't matter if children were raised by moms with jobs outside the house or in the house or both or whatever. And it doesn't matter if Grandma watched the kids or if they were in daycare. The thing that mattered was whether the adults in their lives gave them a sense of stability, believed in them and their achievements, were happy adults themselves, and taught the children respect: self-respect and respect for others.

If a mother is unhappy with her choice or is made to constantly feel unvalued & unappreciated by those around her, she will not be as good of a mother as those negativities will come through. So whatever anyone chooses, lets make them feel good about their choice so that the children will have happy moms!

There is no need to promote the choice we made and who we are.

 

[WDWorBUST]

BEATTY FAMILY. First of all, why are YOU talking for your wife about your wife? You want to start a debate? It's ON.

You and your wife sound jealous of stay at home moms. She wishes she could stay at home and it breaks her heart but you can't afford it. Does it break your heart too? Then do something about it. Quit complaining.
I'm sick of one stating they can't afford to stay home. If you really wanted to stay home you could. You would make it work. Does it mean a sacrifice. Absolutely! But you also stated you do not wish to do without. Who is suffering. Your children who LOVE being at daycare all day long. Sugar coat it any way you like. The bottom line is someone is else is raising your children and your mad.

Most stay at home moms ARE better at being mothers because they choose to be mothers full-time around the clock. Your wife can run circles around me being a mom a few hours a day. Your comments are annoying, uncalled for and rude. If you don't want to take care of your children then why did you have them.

Just because Hokiefan obviously ticked you off does not mean that ALL working mothers could stay home if we wanted to. I provide our healthcare benefits...are you telling me that I should stay at home and not have healthcare for my child? Before you take stabs at people who make another choice maybe you should think about how it will sound. Yes - I agree 100% that hokiefan came across very rude towards SAHM. But I personally have been very supportive of the SAHM's on this thread and think it's great that those of you who do can and have made it PERFECTLY clear that EVERY SAHM should only receive support and not negativitly. Your response to Hokiefan was just as negative towards working mothers as his was towards stay at home moms....hopefully that was not your intention and you were just upset because working moms should also receive nothing but support and NOT negativity.

Oh and one last thing. I don't for a second believe that "Most" SAHM moms are better mothers. Mothers are mothers and as I have stated before almost all of us want what is best for our children. I can promise you I am just as good a mother as lots of sahm's.

 

[chris7]

I try to focus on making the best choices for myself and my family. I really believe that every parent does the same thing. My choice was to stay at home with my kids and I feel very fortunate that I'm able to do that. It's absolutely none of my business what decisions other people make or why they make them. The flip side is that I could care less what other people think about my choices. Life's a lot easier when I'm at peace with the path I've chosen. If you staying at home with your kids, great! If your working because you have to work to support your family, great! you're doing the right thing. If your working because you want to work, great! No judgement necessary.

 

[newtowdw1]

BEATTY FAMILY. First of all, why are YOU talking for your wife about your wife? You want to start a debate? It's ON.

You and your wife sound jealous of stay at home moms. She wishes she could stay at home and it breaks her heart but you can't afford it. Does it break your heart too? Then do something about it. Quit complaining.
I'm sick of one stating they can't afford to stay home. If you really wanted to stay home you could. You would make it work. Does it mean a sacrifice. Absolutely! But you also stated you do not wish to do without. Who is suffering. Your children who LOVE being at daycare all day long. Sugar coat it any way you like. The bottom line is someone is else is raising your children and your mad.

Most stay at home moms ARE better at being mothers because they choose to be mothers full-time around the clock. Your wife can run circles around me being a mom a few hours a day. Your comments are annoying, uncalled for and rude. If you don't want to take care of your children then why did you have them.

We made a conscious decision to split child-care responsiblities. That meant we needed enough money to stay off public assistance (yes, I suppose we COULD take public assistance, but we don't like the message it would send to the children).

We made a consious decision to make a difference to children.
Thus, DH and I both teach, and volunteer enormous amounts of time to our church and school. If I did not teach full time we would qualify for public assistance. DH and I both teach because we wanted the children to see their father. DH and I wanted to both be respected by our children. My heart breaks (ok, exaggeration) when children (not mine) ask if "Daddy is going to babysit us tonight." In our house, Daddy is a parent, not a babysitter! We did not find it acceptable that Daddy earn the money, and Mama and kiddies never saw him. Therefore, we split the earning and parenting.

Anyway, we had children because we had so much love in our hearts that we wanted to share. We wanted to bring up children in a Christian, loving environment.

That said, yes, we are conflicted. Yes, we do love the summer and school holidays when we can play with our kids. Yes, child care is our most stressful issue.

However, we are not selfish about who our children can love.They share love with so many adults, are so self-confident, so compassionate, so well socialized. Our child care providers have enriched their lives. They have aunts, uncles, grandparents that they would not otherwise have known.

We truly believe that we are blessed by God. He has provided us with a wonderful opportunity to show children, ours and others, how a good marriage works. We work together, live together, parent together, and volunteer together. We do not feel that our responsibility to society ends with our two children. They are our priority, but there are so many other children out there who need role models.

I am sorry that you need so much validation that you must put others down. I respect SAHMs and WOHMs. I have not met one who is not conflicted one way or another.

 

[hokiefan33]

Beatty family - I can relate and agree with most of what you said. Like your wife I too am a full time working mom. Both my kids have been in daycare since they were 3 months old. (They are now 6 and 4) And, yes it is hard to put them in daycare especially when they were little. But, we also cannot afford for me to stay home and we don't want to live paycheck to paycheck. That being said - I have been at my job for 12 years and I LOVE my job. I have the greatest bosses who are so flexible - if I need to leave for an appt or kids play or whatever - they are the first to say - "go". They also put 15% of my salary into a retirement account every year. Also, about the daycare issue. I don't get where some people say it is "sad" for kids to go to daycare. Are you kidding. My kids are very well adjusted and relate well to others and are so used to being with others that they are not shy about jumping right into things with other kids and adults. If my 4 year old daughter was around me 24/7 she would be so whiney and attached at the hip. They also love going to daycare. After being off a week from daycare they can't wait to go back because that's where all their friends are to play with. Plus daycare has helped in teaching reading, writing, learning shapes, colors, alphabet among much more. Yes, there are some daycares that are not good situations - we have been in a few and pulled our kids out ASAP. But, there are also a lot of great daycares for us working moms.

Absolutely. A lot of people think of daycares as these dirty dungeons where welfare people send their kids, but that is definitely not the case!! And I have seen my fair share of whiney, attached-at-the-hip-to-mom kids who have, shall we say, "issues" at school b/c they have a bad case of separation anxiety. I'm glad we don't have to deal with that.

 

[ladyelle]

Just because Hokiefan obviously ticked you off does not mean that ALL working mothers could stay home if we wanted to. I provide our healthcare benefits...are you telling me that I should stay at home and not have healthcare for my child? Before you take stabs at people who make another choice maybe you should think about how it will sound. Yes - I agree 100% that hokiefan came across very rude towards SAHM. But I personally have been very supportive of the SAHM's on this thread and think it's great that those of you who do can and have made it PERFECTLY clear that EVERY SAHM should only receive support and not negativitly. Your response to Hokiefan was just as negative towards working mothers as his was towards stay at home moms....hopefully that was not your intention and you were just upset because working moms should also receive nothing but support and NOT negativity.

Oh and one last thing. I don't for a second believe that "Most" SAHM moms are better mothers. Mothers are mothers and as I have stated before almost all of us want what is best for our children. I can promise you I am just as good a mother as lots of sahm's.

The comments were made towards Hokiefan only. I had stated it was to Hokiefan and was responding to his comments. Sorry if you took it as offensive to you.

 

[hokiefan33]

BEATTY FAMILY. First of all, why are YOU talking for your wife about your wife? You want to start a debate? It's ON.

You and your wife sound jealous of stay at home moms. She wishes she could stay at home and it breaks her heart but you can't afford it. Does it break your heart too? Then do something about it. Quit complaining.
I'm sick of one stating they can't afford to stay home. If you really wanted to stay home you could. You would make it work. Does it mean a sacrifice. Absolutely! But you also stated you do not wish to do without. Who is suffering. Your children who LOVE being at daycare all day long. Sugar coat it any way you like. The bottom line is someone is else is raising your children and your mad.

Most stay at home moms ARE better at being mothers because they choose to be mothers full-time around the clock. Your wife can run circles around me being a mom a few hours a day. Your comments are annoying, uncalled for and rude. If you don't want to take care of your children then why did you have them.

Is THAT all you got? Please. I'm talking for my wife b/c I read these boards, she doesn't, so she'd never even know these topics existed.

The VERY LAST thing we are is jealous of stay at home moms. Doesn't mean my wife wouldn't like to be one, or that I wouldn't like for her to be one, but that doesn't make us jealous of them. Your post proves my point - a lot of SAHMs think their **** smells better than everyone else's, and we all know it's not true. It smells the same. Nobody else is raising our children, who are now only in after school care for about 2 hours before they're picked up, and as of the new school year will be picked up, by my wife, right after school, as she is going part-time. So watch it when you say we're angry b/c someone else is raising our kids. They are babysat at the after school room, but WE raise them. And do a much better job than many SAHMs do, who are so busy running their kids here and there that they're not really SAHMs, but stay away from home moms. Bite it.

And you can kiss my big white *** when it comes to most SAHMs being better than working moms, b/c they choose to be full-time mothers around the clock. Do you really think that a woman suddenly is NOT a mother when she's at work, but becomes one magically when she gets home? Advertise that statement in your local paper and give your address and phone number, why don't you. See how many angry women (and men) show up at your door ready to beat the holy **** out of you.

Your comments represent every reason why SAHMs get a bad rap, b/c of that attitude.

 

[hokiefan33]

The comments were made towards Hokiefan only. I had stated it was to Hokiefan and was responding to his comments. Sorry if you took it as offensive to you.

It's offensive to anyone, numbnut. What you said is not a belief you have about just 1 person's belief, but about a class of people. I NEVER said in my original post that ALL SAHMs applied to the 4 conditions I gave. I in fact said that is usually NOT the case. What I did say was that I have experienced first hand some of those situations.

 

[ladyelle]

Is THAT all you got? Please. I'm talking for my wife b/c I read these boards, she doesn't, so she'd never even know these topics existed.

The VERY LAST thing we are is jealous of stay at home moms. Doesn't mean my wife wouldn't like to be one, or that I wouldn't like for her to be one, but that doesn't make us jealous of them. Your post proves my point - a lot of SAHMs think their **** smells better than everyone else's, and we all know it's not true. It smells the same. Nobody else is raising our children, who are now only in after school care for about 2 hours before they're picked up, and as of the new school year will be picked up, by my wife, right after school, as she is going part-time. So watch it when you say we're angry b/c someone else is raising our kids. They are babysat at the after school room, but WE raise them. And do a much better job than many SAHMs do, who are so busy running their kids here and there that they're not really SAHMs, but stay away from home moms. Bite it.

And you can kiss my big white *** when it comes to most SAHMs being better than working moms, b/c they choose to be full-time mothers around the clock. Do you really think that a woman suddenly is NOT a mother when she's at work, but becomes one magically when she gets home? Advertise that statement in your local paper and give your address and phone number, why don't you. See how many angry women (and men) show up at your door ready to beat the holy **** out of you.

Your comments represent every reason why SAHMs get a bad rap, b/c of that attitude.

As I previously stated you are rude and your comments are rude. My comments were meant ONLY for you. Once again, I apologize to working mothers for my general comments.

 

[ladyelle]

It's offensive to anyone, numbnut. What you said is not a belief you have about just 1 person's belief, but about a class of people. I NEVER said in my original post that ALL SAHMs applied to the 4 conditions I gave. I in fact said that is usually NOT the case. What I did say was that I have experienced first hand some of those situations.

The comments were made towards's one person's belief.

 

[welovedis]

Name calling and trash talking is what will get this thread closed, perhaps for the best, IMO. I don't think it needed to be turned into a debate, after all.

chris7-ITA!

 

[crazymomof4]

Name calling and trash talking is what will get this thread closed, perhaps for the best, IMO. I don't think it needed to be turned into a debate, after all.

chris7-ITA!

I second that!
ladyelle and hokeyfan33, you are both relatively new to the DIS. You may not realize that debates like your last few posts are not tolerated here. The moderators will close the thread. If you re-read the OP you will see that it doesn't intend to incite a debate, only asks for the experiences of other SAHM's. Please stick to the topic of the OP.

 

[MrsPete]

When I "only" was a WOHM I got the "Why aren't you spending all your time with the baby you tried so hard to have?", then as a SAHM "Why are you wasting your degree and your abilities?" now as a WAHM 'Why would you have all those children in your home when you probably don't even need to work?". Actually lately I get the "look" from many SAHMs whose children attend the same school as my DS when they ask what I do, or who is watching all those kids that I am supposed to be taking care of (I have a staff of 3 besides me!), etc...

I think you've hit the nail on the head here: some people will always look down on you for whatever choices you've made. You can't worry about what other people think.

Just for the record, the details vary, but we teachers get the same type of thing:

-- Must be nice to get paid all summer for doing nothing. (Um, it's July. I didn't get a paycheck this month because I didn't work this month)
-- Well, that's a good job if that's all you want to do.
-- But you're so smart -- you could've done something else. (No kidding --this was a choice)
-- Or just a "look" that says you must be a little slow since you "have to" work with children.

It used to bother me, but I'm over it now.

 

[nemomama]

I try to focus on making the best choices for myself and my family. I really believe that every parent does the same thing. My choice was to stay at home with my kids and I feel very fortunate that I'm able to do that. It's absolutely none of my business what decisions other people make or why they make them. The flip side is that I could care less what other people think about my choices. Life's a lot easier when I'm at peace with the path I've chosen. If you staying at home with your kids, great! If your working because you have to work to support your family, great! you're doing the right thing. If your working because you want to work, great! No judgement necessary.

Beautifully stated. I couldn't agree more.