Do you vacation when you have bills?

[talulabelle]

Yeah, we're in that boat too but I consider that a fortunate circumstance - we live in a place where housing values are reasonable enough that the interest deduction just isn't a factor. In other parts of the country, even a starter home is so expensive that the mortgage interest deduction is a benefit!

We've only itemized once, when DH was working for a company that didn't offer benefits and we still had a mortgage. Between our health insurance premiums and mortgage interest we were over the standard deduction amount. Now that he's self employed we don't have to itemize to deduct health ins. premiums, and we don't have enough other deductions to make it worthwhile.

Yes, I live outside of DC. Highest real estate costs in the country.

 

[Ava]

But thinking/worrying about the pressure of being a sole wage earner doesn't necessarily mean the alternative would be any less pressure. Everything comes with tradeoffs, and a working wife means more money but also more responsibilities at home.

I worry sometimes about the pressure DH is under as the provider for our family too, especially during the busy months when he's working 6 or 7 days a week (not so much in January when he's only working a few days here and there ), but for me to go back to work would just be trading one set of pressures for another. Unless, of course, I were to somehow go back to work and still continue to handle everything I do as a SAHM so that he wouldn't have any increased responsibility at home. When I worked outside the home he had to do a lot more in terms of being available for kid pickup, helping around the house, etc. and he would much rather the pressure of being the sole wage earner with the ability to focus on his business than go back to that juggling act.

I was going to say the same thing. I'm the only one working in our family, my partner stays at home with our 1-year-old DD. Money is tight and it is stressful sometimes, but this is the best situation for us right now. If she worked, we'd either have to pay for childcare (which would eat up most, if not all, of her earnings) OR she'd have to work nights/weekends and not only would we never see each other, she'd be exhausted from working nights and taking care of our DD during the day. I'd rather give up some luxuries so we can make it on just my income than be in either of those situations. As it is, she does the majority of the housework and cares for an active toddler so I think it's a fair deal.

That said, we can pay all of our bills and still have a decent amount in savings to cover any emergencies. If we couldn't cover our basic monthly expenses (or were draining our savings account to do so), either she would get a job or I would get a 2nd job. Every family has to do what's right for them.

 

[talulabelle]

Okay. So when you use the word YOU, as you did in post #77:



I guess what you meant to say was "mine" and "me." You can see why I'm a little confused here, and why I thought you were telling others that their decisions were immoral.

I do tend to use "you" and "your" in a general sense and include myself in the statement. However, if I think it is wrong - I think it is wrong, for me to do or others. i will not judge those people. But to me, it would be wrong to spend money on a vacation when you still have credit card debt and medical bills. The action seems immoral to me. It is selfish, self-indulgent,,and glutinous, All those things are immoral. It is my opinion. Obviously not yours and you are free to so what you want. I can think an action is immoral while not standing in judgement of the people commiting the action. It is possible.
I didn't come and point fingers at anyone on this thread. I simply answered the OP. No, I don't and would not spend on a vacation while having cc deb and medical bills. To me, that is immoral, so I don't do it. Sorry, the word triggered so many people to feel defensive, but that's my opinion, which really shouldn't make any difference in anyones life but my own.

I'm stepping off the thread now, as I have more than explained my position, my wording and my post many times over and it has broken down to symantics and just trying to pick apart my words for no reason other than to tell me I'm wrong. For goodness sake , I even had people confused deducting the interest on my mortgage. I think I'll just stick to financial talk with my acct rather than people on the DIS. I really don't see what would come of continuing this.

 

[spurk5532]

I haven't read what everyone has said and it looks like you have come to a decision but I just wanted to share my experience. My DH and I always made sure we spent quality time together and took trips whether they were big or small. As long as our bills were paid each month and we were paying down our debt (not just paying the minimum) we always took our tax return and went somewhere. When we would do this my mom would always say you should be buying nicer furniture for your house or new dishes or paying off more of your debt. My dh's response was always. Years from now what we will remember is not that wonderful couch that we bought and has already been replaced but the wonderful memories of time spent together doing things we loved. Turns out my husband passed away only 4 years after we got married and now I have some of the most amazing memories from our travels that nobody can ever take away. Now I am not trying to say spend all the money you have because someone you love might die. I just think we have to sometimes live in the moment or else we will always be frozen out of fear for the future we really don't have complete control over. I think that if you have debt but you are paying it off and you have the money from your tax return to pay for the disney trip than I say go for it. What will you remember later in life. spending that money on bills that yes maybe you could pay off a little quicker which would be wonderful or having some amazing memories with your family. I say go for it.

 

[sophie832]

I've read soooooooo many threads on the DIS about whether it is right or wrong to spend $ on a vacation when you have debt, or are out of work, or don't have any savings. Lots of judgmental comments on both sides, but also a lot of supportive comments and good advice.

Well, my DH has been out of work since Jan. of 2009, our debt is a mortgage and just under $3k in credit card debt, and we will have about $4k in savings left once we pay off our trip. And you know what? I don't care what anyone else thinks. Yes, it is hard that I am the only breadwinner, and we're not rich by any means, but I am so glad we're taking this trip!

I read somewhere that experiences (rather than things) are what really make us happy in life. I guess I personally would never take a vacation that I thought would bankrupt me, or put me in more debt than I could handle, but that's everyone's decision to make on their own.

 

[Colleen27]

Yes, I live outside of DC. Highest real estate costs in the country.

Yeah, I'm on the other side of the coin - rural Michigan, where my house cost less than the sticker price on my car.

 

[sophie832]

I haven't read what everyone has said and it looks like you have come to a decision but I just wanted to share my experience. My DH and I always made sure we spent quality time together and took trips whether they were big or small. As long as our bills were paid each month and we were paying down our debt (not just paying the minimum) we always took our tax return and went somewhere. When we would do this my mom would always say you should be buying nicer furniture for your house or new dishes or paying off more of your debt. My dh's response was always. Years from now what we will remember is not that wonderful couch that we bought and has already been replaced but the wonderful memories of time spent together doing things we loved. Turns out my husband passed away only 4 years after we got married and now I have some of the most amazing memories from our travels that nobody can ever take away. Now I am not trying to say spend all the money you have because someone you love might die. I just think we have to sometimes live in the moment or else we will always be frozen out of fear for the future we really don't have complete control over. I think that if you have debt but you are paying it off and you have the money from your tax return to pay for the disney trip than I say go for it. What will you remember later in life. spending that money on bills that yes maybe you could pay off a little quicker which would be wonderful or having some amazing memories with your family. I say go for it.

Well said

 

[tiggspring]

Update post #15

We want to go back to Disney in 2011, we have credit card bills and medical bills. We've vacationed before when we have bills but this time I'm having a hard time justifying the trip because I feel bad for DH being the only one working and how hard it must be to see bills come in and not being paid off. He does a good job at paying them down and I help out by watching the shopping. We always use our income tax refund to pay for Disney but that money could be used to pay down the bills. The reason we might take the trip is the kids will be little only once, we're all healthy right now so why not take the trip and enjoy it while you can?

I lived with this delemia for many years. We went five years without a vacation. Then my cousin who was six months younger than me died at 40 and I looked at my kids 10-7-4 and realized I wanted them to have fun memories of the family not just of us being "good and paying the bills". in my case I have a medical conditon and there may always be bills but my kids will be home only a short time. When WDW was 40 pecent off we went and returned a year later on the same deal. We pinched every penny paying on gift cards to get free gas from our grocery store, bringing our own water saving $300 for our family of 5. We spurged on the room since that discount will not always be there. We budgeted for extras and my only regret is that I waited five years to do it. The bills are getting paid just slower. Memories of my princess eating in the castle at 4 not 14 PRICELESS!

If you can pay the bills in a year or so wait. If there is no end in site do not wait life is too short.

 

[C.Ann]

To me, this is the key.

You need to get a job. Why should your husband shoulder all the bills?

I can only of course base my observations on what she said. They have bills, she thinks her husband feels pressured because he is the only one working.

So a way to alleviate that pressure is for her to get a job. If the situation were flipped, and it was a man posting the original post, I can guarantee people would be suggesting he get a job to help out!

She has a "job" - she's staying at home raising her kids in a manner that she and her DH see fit.. Many "sole bread winner" dad's may feel pressured when it comes to paying the household bills, but that doesn't mean they would prefer that their wives go to work outside of the home..

"She" may feel bad about it - because so many mothers do work these days - but I didn't see her mention that her DH felt she should get a job outside of the home..

 

[tiggspring]

She has a "job" - she's staying at home raising her kids in a manner that she and her DH see fit.. Many "sole bread winner" dad's may feel pressured when it comes to paying the household bills, but that doesn't mean they would prefer that their wives go to work outside of the home..

"She" may feel bad about it - because so many mothers do work these days - but I didn't see her mention that her DH felt she should get a job outside of the home..

Totally agree!!

There is alot of pressure when both parents work too especially with the quality of some daycare out there. Many of us have no family to fall back on because they are either working well past 65 or are far away. My family is 11 hrs away so we are on our own.

Also many times depending where you live when you factor in child care costs, uniform or clothing costs, gas and transportation costs, taxes and you make $10 hr or less you are working for a buck or two an hr or less!! I saved more than $3700 on groceries and gas using my stores fule perks/ food perks programs and coupons. I bet I made more than some part time working moms because there was no taxes etc taken out of that. It took time but every little bit helps.

Working is not always the solution. You have to work the numbers. Not to mention good luck getting a job right now.

 

[jodifla]

Totally agree!!

There is alot of pressure when both parents work too especially with the quality of some daycare out there. Many of us have no family to fall back on because they are either working well past 65 or are far away. My family is 11 hrs away so we are on our own.

Also many times depending where you live when you factor in child care costs, uniform or clothing costs, gas and transportation costs, taxes and you make $10 hr or less you are working for a buck or two an hr or less!! I saved more than $3700 on groceries and gas using my stores fule perks/ food perks programs and coupons. I bet I made more than some part time working moms because there was no taxes etc taken out of that. It took time but every little bit helps.

Working is not always the solution. You have to work the numbers. Not to mention good luck getting a job right now.

I agree, you have to crunch the numbers. But working often is EXACTLY the answer.

 

[jodifla]

She has a "job" - she's staying at home raising her kids in a manner that she and her DH see fit.. Many "sole bread winner" dad's may feel pressured when it comes to paying the household bills, but that doesn't mean they would prefer that their wives go to work outside of the home..

"She" may feel bad about it - because so many mothers do work these days - but I didn't see her mention that her DH felt she should get a job outside of the home..

There are still avenues to explore. The McDonald's by me frequently advertises for help, and specifically mentions working around school schedules. Is it a great job I'd want to do forever? No, but it might get some bills paid off, a Christmas account and a vacation account.

The diner by me frequently wants servers for their lunch shifts. Again, if you have kids at school, this is a job you could take.

It seems more proactive and problem solving than just taking a poll to see if other people go on vacation when they have bills.

The reality is, that beyond the realm of the often narrow-minded budget boards, they do.

 

[C.Ann]

There are still avenues to explore. The McDonald's by me frequently advertises for help, and specifically mentions working around school schedules. Is it a great job I'd want to do forever? No, but it might get some bills paid off, a Christmas account and a vacation account.

The diner by me frequently wants servers for their lunch shifts. Again, if you have kids at school, this is a job you could take.

It seems more proactive and problem solving than just taking a poll to see if other people go on vacation when they have bills.

The reality is, that beyond the realm of the often narrow-minded budget boards, they do.

All true enough.. However, we would have to base your suggestions on a lot of assumptions:

There is job availability in her area.
She has a means of getting to that job.
She has someone to care for her children while she's at that job - that wouldn't eat up whatever money she made.
Her DH would have to have work hours conducive to what she would be working - in order to eliminate the cost of child care.
Her DH would agree that her working outside of the home was a good idea.
She would agree that being away from her children (regardless of the time frame) was something she's comfortable with in terms of her parenting style.

Just to name a "few" of the considerations..

As for her original post (and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong ) I thought she said that "if" they took this vacation they would be using their income tax return - not running up any "new" debt - and not falling behind on any current financial obligations..

If it were a case of using a CC to take the trip, then my answer would be no..

 

[FourBees]

I had a similar situation. We decided that when we got married and had children then I would be a stay at home. Fast forward four daughters later and the older ones were reaching a level in school when we would not be able to take them out and since we liked to go in October then we made the decesion to go ahead and do it. In our situation yes we did have to put some of the cost on credit cards. Did it ever stop us from paying our bills on time - no, I learned a lot about couponing and we cut back on areas that we didn't need to spend money on such as going out to eat and such. We did not go away during the summer on summer vacations, we took day trips that did not cost us. We ended up going to Disney three years and would love to go back but once they enter high school it is not as easy (especially because of the time of year we like to go). I would not trade how I did this at all. We managed everything never got behind, never had to ask for help and I know that for me knowing that my kids will have those memories as well as the memories of having a stay at home mom who when they came through the door at the end of the school day to a house filled with the smell of homemade chocolate chip cookies and being in the stands at all of their events will forever be with them.

 

[luvsJack]

Yep. It is all about finding a good balance between enjoying life because you could be dead tomorrow and planning for the future because you could live to see 100.

exactly. and you CAN do both. just like you CAN pay down debt and take a vacation. It really is possible and it is NOT a sin. The good Lord gave us this life and this beautiful world around us to enjoy.

 

[QVCshopper]

I was going to say the same thing. I'm the only one working in our family, my partner stays at home with our 1-year-old DD. Money is tight and it is stressful sometimes, but this is the best situation for us right now. If she worked, we'd either have to pay for childcare (which would eat up most, if not all, of her earnings) OR she'd have to work nights/weekends and not only would we never see each other, she'd be exhausted from working nights and taking care of our DD during the day. I'd rather give up some luxuries so we can make it on just my income than be in either of those situations. As it is, she does the majority of the housework and cares for an active toddler so I think it's a fair deal.

This is exactly what I do. My DH works during the day and I work 20-25 hours at night, 3-4 days a week. While it's really a good situation, there are many nights when I'm up until 2-3am and then up again with the kids at 8am only to watch them all day/get them to school with no nap and do it again that night. Not everyone would like the schedule; it's hard at times. But, I make good money for what I do and enjoy working. Plus, the money comes in handy for all of our extras, and we don't have to pay daycare.

 

[tlbwriter]

I'm not going to tell the OP she should get a job, because that's none of my business. But I notice a lot of posters are talking about the cost of daycare, and I just wanted to point out that her children are school age, so unless she's homeschooling, she does have some time during the day when she's not caring for kids. Doesn't mean she needs to get a job during those hours, just that daycare isn't necessarily part of the equation.

 

[ilovejack02]

I'm not going to tell the OP she should get a job, because that's none of my business. But I notice a lot of posters are talking about the cost of daycare, and I just wanted to point out that her children are school age, so unless she's homeschooling, she does have some time during the day when she's not caring for kids. Doesn't mean she needs to get a job during those hours, just that daycare isn't necessarily part of the equation.

We also don't know what the DH's schedule is like. My DH works shift work , so when I worked part time, I only worked on days DH was off. Worked out great !

 

[ccgirl]

Immoral sinner here who is very happy to vacation while I have debt all the while sending my DD to a private Christian school and attending church.

Anyway, OT but discussed during this thread, is the idea of the OP getting a job. She didn't ask for more ways to bring in money. Maybe the situation works out for them. Both my DH and myself work FT and don't get home until 6pm. That possesses a whole lot of other challenges. The dinner still needs to get made, lunch packed for the next day, house cleaned, baths....you get the picture. This way, OP has time to do it if she remains SAH. I have had the good fortune to do both. They are both "jobs" and have their own set of challenges. While, I found SAH less stressful, it was still work and still had it's own challenges (think..going to bathroom by yourself). I get that her children are school age but things still need to get done. This way, she can do things while her children are at school. She could work nights, weekends but then she would miss family time when the entire family is together. Neither SAH or work outside of home parent are right/wrong. Every family has to make a choice of what is right for their own family. For example, I am thinking of the adding the expense of a house cleaner because there are not enough hours in a day to get my house the way I want it.

OP - I hope you have a wonderful vacation when you do decide to take it. The budget board offers a lot of ways to save for a Disney trip. I wish you all the best.

 

[mrodgers]

She could work nights, weekends but then she would miss family time when the entire family is together.

That is the biggest problem with working evenings. My wife sees her kids a total of an hour and 10 minutes per day. An hour is spent in the morning getting them ready for school, and they get off the bus at 4:05 and she leaves for work at 4:15.

If you work during school hours, then you end up being the reason for my issue and my kids missing the maximum days allowed because they are sick from all the other kids being sent to school sick when they should be home.