Do you treat your husband like a child?

[DISNEY1975]

My husband is very laid back and I sometimes feel like I am his mother. He doesnt worry about anything and does not care about how he looks, where he lives, what he eats etc... He was raised in a very poor family and never had anything. His clothes never matched and he never had anything nice in life.

I was raised the complete opposite. I have to get his clothes out when we dine with my family. I pick out a shirt and tie for him, but he asks me to. I pack his luggage for vacations (he just doesnt care what he wears, but I want him to look nice), I buy all of his clothes and basically give him his schedule for the week (Honey Do List!) And yes, I did yell at him like a child when he took my velvet Christmas table runner off of the dining room table to use as a scarf to go shovel the snow.

But...We've been married for 20 years and it works for us! Most people would think I am the control freak and poor him....but honestly, I dont like doing it! We have 3 kids, I dont need a 4th.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

OK, some people are mentioning super laid back men as a reason to mother them, and I'm not saying anything is wrong with mothering...if it works for you , but my DH is super laid back (easy going and cheerful too), but also very independent.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Only when he acts like one. Seriously, I have two actual children, 2 dogs, and a cat. I can't even keep up with them, let alone my DH. He either sinks or swims without my help. So far he hasn't drowned.

 

[DMickey28]

My DH is very laid back as well but I don't think I "mother" him. Remind him of stuff, sure but I don't see that as mothering. He picks out his own clothes, he goes to bed on his own, he takes out the trash on his own most of the time, he puts his dishes away ... My DS does NONE of those things (well, he's 2.5!)

I might have to remind him to pull the trash out on wednesday nights but that's probably more my fear of it not getting done than him not remembering to do it. I ask him for help with things like the doing the cat litter that I usually do but try to avoid right now. He asks me for help with stuff too ...

Seems normal to me.

 

[Nik's Mom]

My dh is super laid back, but I don't treat him like a child. I have my hands full with our 2 special needs sons. I couldn't take on another child. I do admit that I pick his work clothes on most days. I am a sahm for now and since I iron the kids clothes, I end up grabbing his clothes and iron them for the next morning. I figure since I'm home and not working, I can at least iron his clothes for him.

When we both worked, it was a 50-50 relationship though. I do remember one time I tried handing him a juice packet by mistake. Our son hadn't been sleeping well for days and I was so tired. I thought dh was our son and just tried to stick the straw in his mouth without looking. DH laughed at me and said "what the heck are you doing?"

 

[Buckalew11]

OK, some people are mentioning super laid back men as a reason to mother them, and I'm not saying anything is wrong with mothering...if it works for you , but my DH is super laid back (easy going and cheerful too), but also very independent.

LOL. Mine isn't what I'd call easy going but he's easy .

I never pack for him (don't pack for DD either though). Maybe I'm not the motherly type at all.

 

[brockash]

I don't but boy I know so many women that do. I have a friend that tells her husband what to wear, what he can and cannot eat, if he needs gloves and a hat...whatever. He also has to basically ask her "permission" before he can do anything. For example, I write books for fun and I wrote one on a topic this one guy was interested in. I asked him if he'd like to read it and he replied "I'll ask Diane". And he was serious!

She is the most extreme but I have known other people who seem to treat their husbands like children.

My brother in law told my husband that he is also fed up with his wife and her treating her like a kid he said "I want a wife not another mother."

Why do people do that?[/QUOTE]

I'm guessing because the husbands act like children and need someone to tell them what to do??? I mean, why else would someone marry and stay married to someone that "makes" them ask their wives if they can read a particular book??? I don't know, but for me, I don't feel sorry for the dh's in these situations, nor would I if the roles were reversed. I'm a firm believer that you show ppl. how to treat you, and I also believe that there are some ppl. that really would prefer to have a "parent" even when they're an adult themselves.

 

[taximomfor4]

In a way, I think I do but it's because he is NOT good at sticking to the budget, and KNOWS that about himself. I won't go into details, so as not to embarass him if he ever sees this ... but since I've been out of work especially, the budget has been very difficult to maintain.

 

[shortbun]

I don't but boy I know so many women that do. I have a friend that tells her husband what to wear, what he can and cannot eat, if he needs gloves and a hat...whatever. He also has to basically ask her "permission" before he can do anything. For example, I write books for fun and I wrote one on a topic this one guy was interested in. I asked him if he'd like to read it and he replied "I'll ask Diane". And he was serious!

She is the most extreme but I have known other people who seem to treat their husbands like children.

My brother in law told my husband that he is also fed up with his wife and her treating her like a kid he said "I want a wife not another mother."

Why do people do that?

I don't but I've seen it.

Also-the reverse, the husband dictating all discipline, financial and social. Ihave one friend who calls her husband 'Daddy' and he treats her like a bad child. I guess I could tolerate it if he held her up as his cherished wife.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I try not to. Sometimes, though, when he acts like one, it's the only way to handle him.

 

[clovergirl5]

Why is it that the dh's are super laid back (mine tends to be that way too) while the dw and moms are stressed out to the max That sucks.

 

[disney1990]

I don't. But, I definitely know wives that do.

 

[Anne34]

My husband is very laid back and I sometimes feel like I am his mother. He doesnt worry about anything and does not care about how he looks, where he lives, what he eats etc... He was raised in a very poor family and never had anything. His clothes never matched and he never had anything nice in life.

I was raised the complete opposite. I have to get his clothes out when we dine with my family. I pick out a shirt and tie for him, but he asks me to. I pack his luggage for vacations (he just doesnt care what he wears, but I want him to look nice), I buy all of his clothes and basically give him his schedule for the week (Honey Do List!) And yes, I did yell at him like a child when he took my velvet Christmas table runner off of the dining room table to use as a scarf to go shovel the snow.

But...We've been married for 20 years and it works for us! Most people would think I am the control freak and poor him....but honestly, I dont like doing it! We have 3 kids, I dont need a 4th.

My husband is exactly the same way, except he didn't grow up poor. He had a mom who did everything around the house. I was a stay at home mom for 11 years and I did everything too. He really doesn't care how the house looks. He doesn't care what he's dressed like -- the kids even try to get him to dress nicer!! I buy all his clothes and if he doesn't like something, I take it back.

 

[locolala]

For the most part, my husband is independent and doesn't need "mothering". The only things I have to do is to remind him that it's trash night (he gets his days confused because his work schedule is so weird) and shove him out of bed when his alarm goes off. He's really good at ignoring the alarm, lol.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I purposefully got rid of any man that fit into the needed to be mothered by his woman category. I find those men to be sorry losers, I would not want to be stuck taking care of them for life.

 

[rparmfamily]

My DH is like that a lot and I blame his mother, LOL. She did EVERYTHING for him and when we visit she still does. Though I admit, it's nice when they visit and she makes me a big breakfast or does my laundry LOL. (she does this without asking, she just does it, and heck, I'm a tired mom, I'll take some taking-care-of!)

But really, I am trying to wean DH off me, LOL. Part of it is DH is active duty and gone a lot. I take care of everything, how can I not be a control freak then? for 15 yrs things have been my way, LOL. I'm trying to get him to do "his" stuff, like renew HIS driver's license, or registar "his" car but he forgets. I've been biting my tongue about the speeding ticket he got in Sept and hasn't paid, I reminded him twice and I'm not going to do it again. I'm not his mother, ugg!!!

 

[livie1205]

I do at times BUT my dh is a cop so he has to be the boss at work all the time so when he is off he likes to be taken care of...he likes getting a break from having to be tough dont show your feelings guy!

 

[NMAmy]

Good heavens, no. DH is extremely easygoing and laid back but he's perfectly capable of taking care of himself just as I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I'm not sure what being laid back has to do with not being able to function without direction from someone else.

 

[MushyMushy]

I have to admit that I was starting to be that way with my husband early in our marriage, but neither one of us were happy at all. In my defense, my mother and maternal grandmother were extremely domineering to their husbands and that's all I had as an example, plus my husband went along with it. I'm so glad things balanced out between us. I'd much rather not have a 3rd child.

 

[jemgumby]

People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. That being said the men who are in those relationships are just as to blame. I personally think marriage should be a partnership and I can't stand it when the husband or wife dominates the other partner. However from my observation it is more socially acceptable for a man to dominate his wife and tell her what to do etc. then for a woman to do the same thing to her husband...I think either way is wrong.