Do you think men and women can be "just friends"? Update: Page 7

[Pooh_Friend#1]

Just checking to see if there was an update.

 

[2BigKIdz]

Cati: You do not sound snotty & I appriciate you not laughing at me. I respect your thoughts & it could be a age thing. I think the word here is FRIEND...as in "a favored companion" to me thats someone I call on the phone just to chat with ect. Then I have people I am friendly with, who are at the same parties I go to ect. My husband & I have other couples who are our close friends...I call the wives to chat but not the husbands. I love the husbands...like brothers I've known them for 35 years. I think maybe childhood friends are possible...but there is that invisable line. This is a very interesting thread.

I find this very interesting also. We have a couple we are very close with, when it comes to talking on the phone I think I talk to the husband about 80% of the time. He and I have gone to the movies alone and then met his wife for dinner! She doesn't like to go to movies so we go together, sometimes my husband has to work so we go alone or with their son. We are also very good friends with their son who is 22 years old (I'm 32 and my husband is 33). I go out with their son when he is home from college, he's like the little brother I never had. I have more close male friends than I do female friends and they are strictly friends. I really find it odd that there are people who don't think men and women can't be just friends.

 

[MAKmom]

I find this very interesting also. We have a couple we are very close with, when it comes to talking on the phone I think I talk to the husband about 80% of the time. He and I have gone to the movies alone and then met his wife for dinner! She doesn't like to go to movies so we go together, sometimes my husband has to work so we go alone or with their son. We are also very good friends with their son who is 22 years old (I'm 32 and my husband is 33). I go out with their son when he is home from college, he's like the little brother I never had. I have more close male friends than I do female friends and they are strictly friends. I really find it odd that there are people who don't think men and women can't be just friends.

I love this board. I love learning new things & points of views! Reading the responses on this board it must be possible. Point of view come from life experience. My husband had a male friend who was alway " friends" with all us girls. Dh told me he was just waiting for them to break up with thier boyfriends so he could get them on the rebound. AND he did. When I was younger guys I thought were friends had tried things. After things like this happen I guess I just stayed away from guy freindships. NOT because I thought every guy in the world wants me but my feelings were hurt... I felt they were only pretending to be my friend.

On another note my DD who is in College just told me the male chromosome
is getting smaller . I wonder if this has anything to so with the age thing.

 

[LightBurnsBlue]

First, let me again say thank you for everyone's advice and caring thoughts. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to give an update, but it has been a rough couple of weeks.

Now, here's an update:
Short Story--He didn't change and I broke up with him last Thursday.

Long Story-- The night I posted on the Dis, I asked the BF to come over after class. I had written out four pages of notes (what can I say, I'm an English major) about why I was so troubled about his relationship with his older, married co-worker. I was a little blubbery at first (not good with conflict) but I was able to pull myself together and tell him that I was very uncomfortable that he was spending so much time alone with this woman, especially because a few times I was not invited. His reaction was first to laugh at me, then he got defensive and said they were just friends. I asked him if he thought it would be strange if an older man started taking me out to movies and dancing, and he didn't say anything. He also said that he would not stop being friends with her and seeing her at night. Then we got in a big arguement about other issues in our relationship (mostly his anger issues and my supposed lack of affection, which I think is a result of getting yelled at so often in this relationship). The night ended on a sour note, but we were on speaking terms the following week.

The following week had other troubles. He was going to visit me at my parent's house (went home for the weekend) but when he called me on the phone on his way down, I answered the phone in a funny voice, and he got angry that I did that. I was just joking around, but it made him mad enough that he didn't come visit. The final straw was last week Wednesday. I called him and asked if he would like to stop over for dinner after his night class. He said no, because he had plans to play pool. He told me that I wasn't invited to play because he told "the other woman" about what I said and that she did not want to see me because I "hurt her feelings." I just about lost it when I heard that. For a couple of reasons, our relationship has been on thin ice for the last few months, and the fact that he could not set aside this bizzare relationship to work on our own really hurt me.

On Thursday I told him goodbye. It was very difficult on both of us, but I know I made the right decision. Although I miss him a little, I know that this is not the kind of person I would want to spend my whole life with or raise kids with. Getting through Valentines Day is a little tough...but I'm hanging in there!

 

[FreshTressa]

Wow, you are strong!

I am proud of you! Hang in there, I know it is rough, but doesn't it feel good to know you made the right decision??

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Thank you for posting an update! You are brave & strong. It's very hard, but you did the right thing. Sounds like he was not good for you anyway (his anger issues). You will eventually find exactly the right guy, and will look back and just shake your head over this one!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I'm sorry it turned out the way it did! I think that you made a wise decision and you went with your head, which a lot of women have a hard time doing. Good for you! Now I would have waited until after Valentine's Day so I would get dinner and a present... (not really ). When my college DD broke up with her boyfriend she did it right before the holidays/her birthday. I told her that she should have at least waited until he gave her the presents.

Seriously, though, it sounds like he was a bit of a control freak, getting upset with you for answering the phone "wrong" Geesh!

Hang in there and know that things will improve given some time.

 

[TigerBear]

You deserve someone who treasures you.

 

[Poohnatic]

I hadn't caught this the first time around, but noticed it in the updates.

You're very wise to not stick around when he's making you feel like garbage and not respecting your feelings. I lived through a somewhat similar scenario with my ex husband. She also did not want to meet me because I was bothered with the time they'd spend together while I worked. (He's now married to her).

Yes, today would be a rough day. You'll have them. Someday, the right guy will be there for you-and will treasure you for the strong woman you are!

Suzanne

 

[ElizaB39]

You deserve someone that thinks you are GREAT!

 

[clh2]

You deserve someone that thinks you are GREAT!

I totally agree!

 

[Disney Doll]

It's a hard time now, I know, but soon you'll be asking yourself "what was I thinking???"

You deserve someone who loves you, cherishes you, and wants to be with you.

 

[agotta]

Good for you!! You are so strong to be able to see that he wasn't good for you and that you deserve better!

 

[Tuffcookie]

TC

 

[CheshireVal]

Wow-- that took a lot of strength, but I think you did the right thing.

Sounds like he was getting mad at too many little things (answering the phone in a funny voice? ) for it to be a really healthy relationship, even if the other woman weren't in the picture.

As it is, sounds like you made a wise decision, and good luck to you!

 

[alliecats]

Good for you! I know it's hard, but you clearly made the right decision. Why waste your time with someone who is not worthy? Stay strong, REAL love will find you. And when this guy comes crawling back, and he just might, remember why you sent him packing in the first place.
I hope the next few weeks bring you nothing but happiness.

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

I'm sorry that it had to turn out this way but I think you made the right choice. You don't deserve to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't appreciate you. If he can't give up a night with her to be with you, then he has some strange ideas on what a relationship is. Lots of to you. You are a strong woman.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

 

[Laura]

Good for you! Sounds to me like you did the right thing. It's so much better to be alone on Valentine's Day than to be with someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve. I'm sure you'll find that right guy someday.

Good luck!

 

[RadioNate]

I'm sorry that you are hurting but I know you did the right thing. You were very strong and brave. Even though I don't know you, I'm very proud of you because you had the guts to do what I couldn't do at your age.

My biggest advice for you now is to detox from this relationship. The guy who wrote "He's Just Not That Into You" also suggests this. Just put all of 'him' around your apt into a box and close it up, don't take or make any phone calls, don't listen to CDs he made you...I was forced to do this after a nasty breakup and that is the relationship that I have the most closure on and am at peace with what happened.