Do you parent like you thought you would?

[Freyja]

I´m curious to know: Do you parent your children like you thought you would before you had kids?
Does how your children´s other parent parent them change how you parent? (Wow, lots of "parent" in that sentence, lol).

I think I parent a lot like I always thought I would. I remember as a child and teenager thinking "I´ll never do this" or "I´ll always do that" and I´ve stuck to most of it.

I think I´m a pretty firm but yet laid back parent. I expect my children to behave and to do as I say but then again I give them a lot of freedom in many ways.

Fortunately my DH´s parenting style is a lot like mine, although he sometimes feels that I am to strict with them.

How about you?

 

[iwrbnd]

I do for the most part. The big difference is during bedtime. I always envisioned it like in the movies, so sweet! In reality, I'm exhausted & just want them to go to close their eyes & mouths!

 

[Bluestars]

Yes, I parent like I thought I would. My parents were very strict and were always working. I am not strict and spend a lot of family time with my kids.

Thankfully my husband is more strict than I am about some things and less strict about others. That keeps a good balance.

The biggest shock I had was how hard being a parent would be. I had no idea of the highs and lows that I would experience. I've never felt love and fear so strong.

I have so much more respect for my parents now that I am a parent. I can understand why they were so strict with us kids. I know that everything they did was to make a good life for us.

 

[golfgal]

Well, that depends. I remember being young, maybe 9-10 and thinking I would let my kids do whatever they wanted when ever they wanted . As I got older and realized that we couldn't do whatever we wanted for good reasons, yes, I think we parent the way I envisioned we would, although DH doesn't like DD15 wearing bikini's so that is one area he might say no on .

 

[MushyMushy]

Well, I always said if I had kids, I'd be their friend and party with them. What the heck was wrong with me?? Oh I guess I was young and had no intention of ever becoming a mother.

So no, I don't parent like I thought I would. I am nowhere close to being my kids' friend.

 

[golfgal]

Well, I always said if I had kids, I'd be their friend and party with them. What the heck was wrong with me?? Oh I guess I was young and had no intention of ever becoming a mother.

So no, I don't parent like I thought I would. I am nowhere close to being my kids' friend.

We were teasing the twins that we were going to chaperon band camp this year and of course we got the huge eyes and "NO WAY" response out of both of them. We told them that they needed at least one more so Dad was for sure going to and I might. They said "well, at least Dad is fun". OOPS. I told DD, fine, if Dad is the fun one, he gets to take you shopping now, and out for lunch and all that 'not fun' stuff we do . Dad is taking her shopping for new shoes today--it is going to be interesting .

 

[mamacatnv]

I don't ever remember thinking about it, I didn't want kids until DH pushed the issue.
The one thing I do know is I was not important to my parents and I made sure that my kids know they are important to us. I am very strict with behavior, expectations and respect and very laid back with freedom & rules as long as they are meeting my expectations I give them a lot of freedom.

 

[kimblebee]

For the most part I parent like I thought I would parent. I am a single mom and my daughter is 9 going on 10. I have to watch very carefully because I see us turning into more 'friends' than mother/daughter. That is the last thing I want because I see what can happen if there aren't proper boundaries


We laugh and joke a lot but sometimes she will say something like "you suck" in a jokey way or reach out and hit my arm if I make a joke about her and I will stop what we are doing and say please remember I am still your mom. For the record she doesn't reach out and smack me hard on the arm, it's more that 'oh stop it' kind of hit. I hope that makes sense lol

 

[bumbershoot]

In almost every way. And except for DH wanting to show DS movies a bit too young, he's just the same...we did have MANY conversations from the very first date about what we really wanted from life and if we were actually right for each other...he didn't lay himself as bare as I did, he tried to spin stuff in a positive light and in one case thought I was joking about something that was deadly serious (and caused a big problem later on), but about kid-rearing, it was all good.

The main thing that's different is TV. I grew up with ONLY PBS, and figured I would be the same. But wow, PBS sucks. Sesame Street is awful now! But they made the Sprout channel, and that's GOOD. Though now it's part of Nick Jr, which is good about half the time. So DS watches more TV than I thought I would allow, but I can also see and hear what he's learned from it (Blues Clues helped him get over a language hump, for instance) because he would use words I don't say but those on TV did (in a good, educational way!), etc etc.

But that's just about it.

Oh wait, I've recently been surprised at wanting him to call me by title. I grew up calling my mom by her name (and still loving, caring, and respecting her, imagine that!), and since Molly is so close in kid-speak to Mommy I'd been there done that with countless kids calling me Mommy in the years previous to having my own, plus no one called me by title including me since I don't do "third person" stuff so E just didn't *know* that I was to be called anything else... So E has, for the most part, just called me Molly (after he stopped calling me "Milk" which was an adorable time of his life). Recently I've grown tired of the weird looks (how did my mom do it?) from other parents (and people correcting him! right in front of me! which gets a smile and a correction of their own right back from me), and have let him know that he can use my title if we're in public....he has no interest in it, and in fact is wanting to go the other way, referring to DH by his name instead... Robert doesn't want that, but he's not a jerk about it at all (it would be a problem if he were), so we just remind him that DH wants to be called by his title and go on our merry way.

 

[dislaney]

I thought it would be like my parents were. My Dad was known as the strict one and my Mom was always more fun. Well now it is just the opposite, my dh is so laid back that I have to be the strict one or we would have some pretty wild kids around here. So the answer is no!

 

[tonilea]

Not really. Some of those things that were a horrified "you would never catch ME doing that"... well, I have certainly had to eat those words. lol

For me, the biggest thing was doing "what works for your child". I thought I would spank, my parents did, but it doesn't work well for DS. Other dicipline methods are much more effective. There are other things too... but that is usually the first one that comes to mind.

ETA: Most of it boils down to no one parents as well as the childless.

 

[MiniGirl]

Oh, heavens no. Are you kidding? Before I had children, I was going to be the perfect parent. My children were always going to be obidient and well behaved in public and at home. I looked, with pity, on those poor parents whose children threw tantrums in stores and restuarants and told myself and anyone within earshot that I would never allow that to happen.

Well, guess what? I learned that those parents weren't "allowing" the tantrums either. They were dealing with them the best way they could while doing the things that HAD to get done. I'd like to think I am a good mom. My girls are happy, healthy, and know they are loved, but we also have our moments. They also talk to me a lot, so I think we are doing okay. I am far from the perfect mom I thought I'd be though.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Do I parent the way I thought I would...

Yes, absolutely!

 

[minkydog]

Oh, heavens no. Are you kidding? Before I had children, I was going to be the perfect parent. My children were always going to be obidient and well behaved in public and at home. I looked, with pity, on those poor parents whose children threw tantrums in stores and restuarants and told myself and anyone within earshot that I would never allow that to happen.

Well, guess what? I learned that those parents weren't "allowing" the tantrums either. They were dealing with them the best way they could while doing the things that HAD to get done. I'd like to think I am a good mom. My girls are happy, healthy, and know they are loved, but we also have our moments. They also talk to me a lot, so I think we are doing okay. I am far from the perfect mom I thought I'd be though.

Me too. I remember I even said OUT LOUD that I would NEVER allow my baby to cry. Yeah, that lasted about 36 hours...I was never too awfully judgemental of other parents, unless they were truly clueless. My parents were screamers and hitters and that is one area that I have done better in. Not that I have never lost my temper, but I don't scream, curse or call names, ever. I don't hit my kids either.

I think in a lot of ways I've done better than my folks. For one thing, I had my kids later in life so that we were established in our home and careers. That decision alone made it possible for me to stay home more with my kids. I was able to homeschool them for 12 years. My DH and I never fight, which is a HUGE change from both of our parents. We're not alcoholics or child abusers either. So yeah, I think I have for the most part parented the way I wanted to.

 

[worm761]

I have to say that I don't know yet. DS is 14 but has autism so I had no clue how that would be. You just never think about having a different needs child when thinking about how you will parent. I say that we will treat DD the same way we have DS but I know we really won't. There is a 13 year age difference and for the most part she is "normal". I don't know how to parent a normal kid. I have never done it before.
I did stick to some things though. My mother was a yeller and a hitter. I don't yell. I rarely even raise my voice. But DS is really good so I am very lucky. I don't hit. I believe there is a difference in spanking and hitting but it is a fine line. My mother went so far past that line it isn't funny. I try not to spank for the fear of becoming my mother. So I use time out instead. Or labor. There is nothing like hard labor to get a point acrossed to an unruly teen.

 

[minkydog]

I have to say that I don't know yet. DS is 14 but has autism so I had no clue how that would be. You just never think about having a different needs child when thinking about how you will parent. I say that we will treat DD the same way we have DS but I know we really won't. There is a 13 year age difference and for the most part she is "normal". I don't know how to parent a normal kid. I have never done it before.
I did stick to some things though. My mother was a yeller and a hitter. I don't yell. I rarely even raise my voice. But DS is really good so I am very lucky. I don't hit. I believe there is a difference in spanking and hitting but it is a fine line. My mother went so far past that line it isn't funny. I try not to spank for the fear of becoming my mother. So I use time out instead. Or labor. There is nothing like hard labor to get a point acrossed to an unruly teen.

Good point. That was one thing that surprised me, that I would need parent my kids differently. DS23 was always very high maintenance and needed a LOT of structure in his life. DD17, 7years younger, is much more easy going and has never really bucked the system like her brother did. For him, rules were merely suggestions. Christian, OTOH, is a whole different animal. He is severely mentally handicapped, like a 1yo. I don't have to discipline him often, mainly because he doesn' thave the intelligence to be manipulative or rebellious. Our discipline is more along the lines of holding my arm in the parking lot and in the store, not throwing his cup or plate, staying seated on the toilet, and coming to a full stop when I tell him to. He doesn't bite, hit, or pinch people so fortunately, we haven't had to deal with any behaviors.

That's a long way of saying, you probably would have parented your kids differently anyway, if for no other reason than their age difference. You're older and wiser now. You understand more things and you are aware of some basic child development. As a new parent you probably didn't have all that information. It's OJT, ya know?

 

[DisneyMomx7]

Well I think I'm the kind of mother I want to be (mostly) and pretty much like my own Mom.

However - when I was young I remember thinking I would be the kind of mother who would let their kids do whatever they wanted - would never say no to having a friend sleep over, etc. I'm definitely NOT THAT MOM!

 

[Robinrs]

I wouldn't have if I had my child younger, that's when you think your Mom is just plain WRONG.

I had mine almost 40, so by then I realized my Mom was RIGHT.

My sisters had their kids young. They thought Mom was a tyrant and just horrid. They decided to do everything "different"...

By the time my son was born my youngest nephew was 18.... and in jail.

I decided my Mom was RIGHT. She was an awesome mother and I decided to be just like HER.

She's gone now but I hear her voice in every decision I make for my son. She always told me to pick your battles but never be a LAZY MOTHER. Lazy mothers, she told me, make kids NO ONE wants to be around.. AMEN to that!!

My son will be 18 in January and sometimes I look up to heaven and thank my Mom for being tough and a tyrant. I know she'd be proud of him and me. My son is a testament to my Mom's parenting style. I did not have to reinvent the wheel. It was already there.

Love you and miss you, Ma!

 

[FINFAN]

Had no idea how I would parent, on the fly I guess would be my style. DH always leaves the bad guy stuff to me, he and I do not parent the same, kids say hands down they'd live w/me if they had to ever choose.

 

[quentina]

For the most part I parent like I thought I would parent. I am a single mom and my daughter is 9 going on 10. I have to watch very carefully because I see us turning into more 'friends' than mother/daughter. That is the last thing I want because I see what can happen if there aren't proper boundaries


We laugh and joke a lot but sometimes she will say something like "you suck" in a jokey way or reach out and hit my arm if I make a joke about her and I will stop what we are doing and say please remember I am still your mom. For the record she doesn't reach out and smack me hard on the arm, it's more that 'oh stop it' kind of hit. I hope that makes sense lol

I had this type of relationship....I will say, I always confided in my Mom. I never felt the need to lie to her. I used to tell her things that would put such a look of , it was hysterical.

I always knew she was my Mom but, she was one of my best friends also. To this day, we hang out, enjoy each other etc.