Do you make kids say "Trick or Treat"

[bsmcneil]

This makes me think of the generational divide where some folks dislike it when people respond to "thank you" with "no problem". It often feels like some people feel owed (a phrase, a look, a hug, etc). Why withhold candy over it? I don't think it teaches the wrong lesson (nor do I think that a 2-3 second interaction like this teaches them to say the magic password in life).

That said, I did ask my kid (I stayed about 10 feet back) if they said T-o-T and/or Thank you and I insisted on the TY (and encouraged the ToT)

 

[Dug720]

I don't hand out candy (or anything) now since kids around here mostly go to bodegas or other stores or things are set up in parks. But if I did (and when I lived where door to door was common), I wouldn't stress it since there are non-speaking kids, kids whose native language isn't English, and kids who have extreme anxiety, any of which would result in not speaking. I'm not punishing them for how they are.

I will say, if it were that big of a deal, I'd find or make a sign that non-speaking kids could point to things like "Hello" and "Trick or Treat" and "Thank you".

 

[_19disnA]

For the 15 seconds or so you interact with each child on Halloween I don't try to be their therapist/parent/psychologist and attempt to make a judgement about how they were raised (or think it is my role to get involved). To me it is a fun holiday for children to get free candy from their neighbors. Some parents are also more chatty/sociable than others and that is fine too. I don't read too much into any of that. Some houses in our area don't hand out candy and I also don't feel it is any of my business to attempt to determine why. Someone may be away on vacation or have a school function for Halloween, so they aren't home that night.

 

[Brian rhymes with dyin]

Disney really brings people of all stripes together, huh.

 

[WDWEPCOT]

I had about 400 kids because I live in a very big subdivision and it has a lot of young couples in it with a lot of kids and I would say about 80% of the kids say trick-or-treat some just walk up and take candy because I have my candy sitting out and I’m sitting outside behind a table giving out my candy and buckets on the table and I’m sitting outside a lot of the kids say trick-or-treat they say happy Halloween they say thank you they tell jokes they ask how you’re doing they tell me to have a nice evening and some kids just walk up and don’t say a word they just woke up and take candy and leave I don’t require them to say trick-or-treat some kids are just shy for a lot of the really younger kids the parents will tell them now you say trick-or-treat and you say thank you or the parents will say did you say thank you because the parents are standing at the end of the driveway
I will say for most of the older kids to come to get candy almost every one of them will say trick-or-treat almost every one of them said happy Halloween and stopped and chatted for a few seconds or told jokes
And it’s usually the same every year
And I was told go have fun be safe don’t get in any trouble or at least don’t get caught

 

[footballmouse]

I don't actually make them say it, all the kids still say it. I didn't have any kid come up and just stand there. I sit outside so they don't have to knock or anything.

 

[Keladry84]

I don't really pay attention honestly - I was non-verbal until 4, and would have hated to have someone gate-keep candy on Halloween just for not saying "trick-or-treat".

What does kind of surprise me is how many try to take more than one piece - when did multiple candy at a house become a thing? That never would have crossed my mind as a kid......

 

[Allison]

No, I am not going to force a child to say something for a piece of candy. The ones at my door were all polite and well-behaved. That is the important part. I didn't care if they said a specific phrase.

 

[Chime]

I don't believe in making kids jump through hoops like that. In my experience most children do say trick or treat and thank you without prompting, if they are able. And I pass out candy because I want to see children having fun, not to enforce some kind of etiquette lesson.

Those of you who are saying you won't give them candy unless they say trick or treat? Do you actually send them away from your doorstep empty handed? Do you ever think that some of those children might be disabled in ways you can't see?

I have a nonverbal teenager daughter. She still likes to trick or treat with her cousins. We shouldn't have to walk up to doorsteps with her for the sole purpose of explaining to demanding adults that she can't speak. But we do. Or her cousins have to. And it makes her feel terrible.

Maybe a child is deaf. Or painfully shy and anxious around strangers. There are so many reasons why a person might not say "trick or treat". And that's not my business. If someone comes to my house they can have a treat. That's why I pass out candy in the first place.

 

[sam_gordon]

Those of you who are saying you won't give them candy unless they say trick or treat? Do you actually send them away from your doorstep empty handed? Do you ever think that some of those children might be disabled in ways you can't see?

In the years I have been doing this, not a single kid has left empty handed.

Here's how it usually goes...

Kids (very very few are by themselves, either with parents or other kids) approach. One of two things happens...
* They say Trick or Treat or Happy Halloween, they get candy and go on their way.
* They just stick out their bag and stand there. I'll ask them if they're giving me candy (usually gets a laugh or a grin and "no"). I say "what do you say" and someone will clue in and say Trick or Treat or Happy Halloween. That encourages the rest, they say their piece, and they get their candy and go on their way. If they continue to stand there, not saying anything (hasn't happened yet), I give them their candy and the go on their way.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Gosh no, who truly actually honestly cares about a kid saying "trick or treat" like really withholding handing out something if they don't or waiting until they do? I would avoid houses that are like that both if I was a parent and as a kid.

But then again I hated saying it as a kid, I was a shy kid who had struggles just getting the courage to go to the front door to ring the door bell. I know a lot of people these days automatically think neurodivergence but just remember there's a wide variety of reasons why a child may not say the exact phrase even down to just not being a thing their parents care much about.

All the kids we had, which we actually had more than the last several years (I think it being on Friday and the weather not being too too cold nor was it rainy helped) were quite kind. Some asking how many pieces they could have (shows consideration), some saying trick or treat, some saying nothing, some saying thank you multiple times, some saying happy halloween. One little girl was so nervous about ringing the doorbell she just looked inside the window on the sides of the front door real quick and them timidly knocked more softly than most would.

We did have a few really really young kids too.

 

[TiggerTrigger]

I honestly couldn't care less if they say Trick or Treat. Just be polite. We had around 200 kids come by on Friday and while there were a number of cute and super sweet standouts, I can't help but remember the one brat who had the audacity to gripe that I gave her an Almond Joy. She got THREE pieces of chocolate from me. I believe a Reese's, a Kit Kat, and an Almond Joy and she had the nerve to complain to my face and all the way down the driveway that she hates Almond Joy. I probably would have swapped it out if she was nice about it. Instead, I loudly replied that I love Almond Joy. Her mom was at least mortified and was begging her to thank me and apologize. It didn't happen, but I'll take general politeness in place of them saying Trick or Treat!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

when did multiple candy at a house become a thing? That never would have crossed my mind as a kid......

IDK but a lot of homeowners will automatically offer more than one at least around here from all the chatter I see and we have always gotten kids who ask either "1 or 2" or "how many pieces" and that's just the bulk of kids not wanting to just grab a handful without being given permission to do so. It can depend on how many kids you're expecting and how much candy you bought but the idea of restricting every kid to one can be seen as stingy, not that everyone is like that because again there's trying to ensure you have enough candy for all that you expect but if you're just doing it because you think a kid should only get one like er I mean yeah that's stingy.

As a kid I'd say more often than not we were given small handfuls of candy, at the very least I don't remember a majority of the houses being strictly 1 piece and only one piece, it varied.

Quite frankly we always have candy leftover I'd rather the kids take more than one because then I gotta sit with snickers in my pantry and try and not be tempted to eat it everyday until its gone

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I honestly couldn't care less if they say Trick or Treat. Just be polite. We had around 200 kids come by on Friday and while there were a number of cute and super sweet standouts, I can't help but remember the one brat who had the audacity to gripe that I gave her an Almond Joy. She got THREE pieces of chocolate from me. I believe a Reese's, a Kit Kat, and an Almond Joy and she had the nerve to complain to my face and all the way down the driveway that she hates Almond Joy. I probably would have swapped it out if she was nice about it. Instead, I loudly replied that I love Almond Joy. Her mom was at least mortified and was begging her to thank me and apologize. It didn't happen, but I'll take general politeness in place of them saying Trick or Treat!

To be fair coconut is not a lot of people's cup of tea. I hated it as a kid like truly hated it but as an adult I love it. Between my husband's family on both sides it's just me, my mother-in-law and my father-in-law's wife who can stand coconut the rest cannot stand it in the least. Sure the kid could have avoided being so loud about it but I wouldn't take it personal. Every kid is going to have their favs and not so favs. It's kinda a time old tradition that kids will talk about which houses were the best and the worst in what they give out so kids do chatter about what specific candy they get, they just usually do it amongst themselves

 

[Allison]

Gosh no, who truly actually honestly cares about a kid saying "trick or treat" like really withholding handing out something if they don't or waiting until they do? I would avoid houses that are like that both if I was a parent and as a kid.

Right? It seems so unnecessary.

 

[brockash]

I've only ever seen a cpl. ppl do that in all my years as a trick or treater and as a parent. I think it's really odd off-putting, and power-trippy. To me; it seems much more appropriate to have the thank you at the end, but again I'm not going to accost a child who doesn't. It's not the time/place/nor my place.

Either I want to celebrate Halloween and hand out candy or I don't. It's not something I feel should be an only on my terms thing...if I get offended then it's time for me to stop handing out candy.

 

[TiggerTrigger]

To be fair coconut is not a lot of people's cup of tea. I hated it as a kid like truly hated it but as an adult I love it. Between my husband's family on both sides it's just me, my mother-in-law and my father-in-law's wife who can stand coconut the rest cannot stand it in the least. Sure the kid could have avoided being so loud about it but I wouldn't take it personal. Every kid is going to have their favs and not so favs. It's kinda a time old tradition that kids will talk about which houses were the best and the worst in what they give out so kids do chatter about what specific candy they get, they just usually do it amongst themselves

I think it's just the principle of it all. She was loud and kept going on about it. If that were me as a kid, I probably would have been escorted home and candy withheld for several days. We all have our preferences. I don't like Reese's Peanut Butter cups but I just always said thank you and figured I'd trade out with friends or my brother later on for things I do like. My kids learned that practice early on because DD19 has nut allergies. Oh well, hopefully she learns.

 

[nancipants]

We go trick or treating, so I just leave a bowl of candy in the driveway. On the rare occasion someone comes to the door before/after, I usually end up saying "Happy Halloween!" before they can even say trick or treat.

I prompt my 5yo to say trick of treat, but sometimes he gets overwhelmed/excited/shy or just forgets. Or he says "Happy Halloween" instead. I mostly just want him to say thank you.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think it's just the principle of it all. She was loud and kept going on about it. If that were me as a kid, I probably would have been escorted home and candy withheld for several days. We all have our preferences. I don't like Reese's Peanut Butter cups but I just always said thank you and figured I'd trade out with friends or my brother later on for things I do like. My kids learned that practice early on because DD19 has nut allergies. Oh well, hopefully she learns.

I get it I do, but like others have mentioned (and how I feel too) it's like 1 night for a few hours. We're not talking about stealing your decorations here or vandalizing your property, so life lessons, "hopefully she learns", etc it's all a lot more than has to really be applied to a voluntary action of handing out candy nor for the few hours 1 night per year a kid is out going door to door for a parent to get all life lesson-y as well (except safety IMO like walking in the street). I certainly don't know enough about a child in a few second dialogue about candy to call them a brat for example. And I speak of this as being a "get off my lawn" type person for something things but feel like there's a lot more tsking and scolding that some are talking about here where the perceived transgression is very minor if I really got that much involved here for the few hours once per year it might be time to just stop doing it or let a bowl sit out there and let it be.

 

[EACarlson]

I didn't answer the poll as I haven't handed out candy since my own kids were born, I'm out there with them. I actually chided my 9 year old when he didn't say trick or treat and the first two houses he stopped at he didn't say a word. When he met up with his friends, he didn't seem to have an issue. At two houses, the residents wouldn't hand out the candy until they said it, and I'm happy for it.

I view it as the kids holding up their end of the social contract that is halloween. Kids dress up in a costume, come to the door and say "Trick or Treat." It's my responsibility to answer the door in a timely manner and provide candy.

In years past, we've left the bowl on the steps and ended up with about half left over. This year the teenager was handing it out and we ended up with about 80% left over.