Do You Like Having Overnight Guests?

[Chattyaholic]

I don't. I don't like having them, and I don't like being one.

That said, I have a friend who thinks nothing of inviting herself to spend the night at my house and it just annoys me to no end. I wouldn't dream of inviting myself to her house, and even when invited I really don't enjoy staying. I prefer sleeping in my own bed, or having the privacy of a hotel room.

Yesterday I got an e-mail from my friend, saying she was coming up today and invited herself to spend the night. So, today (and I really had other plans besides cleaning) I am vacuuming, dusting, cleaning bathrooms, etc. in preparation for her arrival. Part of me said I should just leave things "as is" but I just couldn't do it. She keeps an immaculate house so I really felt I needed to tidy up a bit, even though doing so changed the plans I already had.

She used to stay overnight at her Dad's and we would just get together for breakfast or lunch or something, but he passed away so now she wants to stay here (several times a year).

Should I just keep "grinning and bearing it?" What would you do in this situation?

 

[Blondie]

I love having overnight guests, and I love making my "Baked French Toast" for them to have for breakfast in the morning!

Unfortunately, I come from a family of non-travellers. The farthest most of them drive is to the Jersey Shore and back, so with us being down here in Virginia, we might as well live on the other side of the country!

Now to answer your question, I would let her know that you would appreciate a "heads up" so that you can prepare and have the house the way you want it to be for when she arrives. The only other alternative is to just come right out and say "I really cannot accommodate you this time, how about I make a reservation for you at the nearest hotel, let me know when you get there and we can get together!"

 

[The Duchess]

I totally agree with you. We live in a fairly small home (we wanted to send more on the land for privacy!) and most of my friends opted for larger homes in more conventional developments. Plus, we have a black German Shephard and two cats who roam around and my friends don't even have pets.
So, I feel double pressure to get the house immaculate (read, can sit on couch without cat hair!) and develop a great meal plan to make up for my less than expansive house.
I also have a close friend who sort of invites himself down with wife and 2 small kids. What can you do? I have no idea. Several times a year sounds like a LOT of visits!
I guess the easist way is to keep making excuses and hope they get it after awhile or do what I do...grin and bear it!

 

[gr8tpanther]

I prefer NOT to have them, but ONLY because I really have NO room. If I had a bigger place and somewhere to put them, then by all means yes. I have a friend who comes and stays a week at a time, she brings her own "bed" (air mattress) and camps out on my computer room floor. There is nowhere else for her. BUt other than that, I don't have overnighters.

 

[clh2]

I put up with my parents anytime they want to come down - without much notice. Otherwise - they'll be in town anyways and won't make an effort to see our DD. I'm not fond of them as guests - I do that for DD.

I refuse to have one BIL and his wife ever again. They are in the drawers/medicine cabinets and kind of want to take over your life. The last visit they were here for 9 or ten days. I have made it clear to DH that I'm not having them overnight again. PERIOD. (At the last visit - my SIL kept making negative comments about everything in my house - from the bathroom sink faucets to the kitchen sink to the landscaping to my parent techniques. This was an ugly visit. Keeping in mind their last evernight visit was 5 years ago - one of her comments was - If you have an extra $75 laying around - you should replace your kitchen sink with a stainless steel one - they are much easier to clean. I still can't figure out that comment - was she saying my kitchen sink was dirty??? For the record - my mom had a SS sink and I hated it. I will never have one - and no they are not easier to keep clean. Every other comment was just as rude.

I do love having one of my other BIL's and his family - there are a total of 5 of them. They are the best houseguests. One of their family members is DD's favorite cousin - this SIL is my favorite. My house doesn't have to be perfectly "mom-clean." I don't feel like I need to entertain them. If I have to do something while they are here - I can - without any guilt. Case in point - several years ago - I knew I was going to be loosing my job due to a merger. I had an interview on a Monday - when this family was in town for a couple of days. I asked my SIL and DH if they would mind if I went out to breakfast by myself so I could prepare for the interview. My SIL encouraged me to do what I needed to do. She handled breakfast for the rest of the gang - and the kitchen was clean when I got home. We've always had the "even if you are the host - be sure to do what you need to do" thought. Neither of us expect the other to entertain us for the duration of the visit. Sometimes we do stuff together - other times we don't. It works for us - and we have the most relaxing times when we visit them or they visit us. And this is a family of 5.

 

[Lisa F]

Originally posted by Blondie
I love having overnight guests, and I love making my "Baked French Toast" for them to have for breakfast in the morning!

We were planning to go to cracker barrel for brunch but we can change our plans to come over to your place! Yum!

I don't mind overnight guests but I hate being an overnight guest... I always feel like I am intruding.

 

[Keli]

I LOVE having overnight guests but that's because...they don't stay at my house!!! LOL. I live about 7 miles from my parents and any time I have friends visit for overnight trips I always tell my parents and they get one or two or three of their empty bedrooms ready and our friends spend the night there. My parents still live in the home they raised eight children in (we're all pretty close in age considering there is eight of us so we were all home at the same time quite a while) and they have lots of empty bedrooms. They also got used to having people constantly in and out during those years and they are very easy going and laid back about overnight guests.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

No. We live in a small apartment and I just don't like the feeling of not having my privacy. I'm not fond of staying overnight at other people's homes either.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>I enjoy having them, but I just don't have the time to be the hostess my mom was (she was a GREAT hostess), so I tell my cousins, etc., that there is plenty of room to stay, but don't expect me to be cooking for them. (These are cousins from Texas who come down once a year or once every other year). We go in together for groceries, and share the cooking and cleanup, so it's actually nice when they're here.

The only things I don't like is when guests expect me to be available for them to come down, ie., they don't ask first if it's a good time for me, and when they use my private bathroom without asking first. My room is kind of like my sanctuary.

Chattyaholic, I think you should let your friend know that she needs to let you know in advance when she's coming over, and also, if it really isn't convenient for you - let her know before you start resenting her.

Since she's coming now, though. Enjoy your visit.

 

[mommytutu]

Depends on who the over night guest is. If they cause me more work, then I hate it. But if they can do for themselves then I really don't mind. That said, it doesn't bother when my parents come to stay...they can do for themselves and usually hep me out with the kids and dinner and such. I hate it when ds wants a friend to stay the night. I shouldn't and I feel guilty like a bad mom, but more kids around here means more work and my two are a HANDFUL! DS has one friend that I don't mind so much...as the friends get older it gets better, but when my nephew stays the night it is a NIGHTMARE!....more so because he is a SCREAMING, HITTING, BRAT!

In your situation, I would probably say "fine, come stay the night, but the house is a mess because I'm busy doing...". We have some close family friends and whenever we stay there we don't expect them to do anything for us. We clean up after oursleves and them by doing dishes or straightening up the bathroom. We provide food and don't insist on being connected at the hip during our stay. Now that I have two kids I really try to stay at a hotel, but sometimes that isn't possible.

 

[disykat]

I like having them, but I like to know ahead of time to plan. I also want them to call if plans change etc. I am willing to be flexible, but people need to realize that it takes some planning to clear your schedule, tidy up, and have food available!

Our last guests were supposed to come last month - dh's sister and her family (4 people). They were taking an extended trip so I knew there would be a possiblility that plans could change. My dh was stuck on "they said they'd be here on the 15th, so they will be". I refused to do the grocery shopping etc. until I knew for sure and kept telling the kids that we needed to wait and be flexible since they were on a long trip and plans could change. The day before they were supposed to arrive I made dh call his parents to see if they knew the plans (because he was pressuring me to get ready!). His parents told us they had changed their minds and weren't coming. Do you know when his sister got around to calling us? - About 8pm on the 15th, the day they were supposed to arrive!

I totally understand that plans change, but I just don't get how they didn't realize we might need to know that! Now they're coming in a few weeks - while our kids are in school. They homeschool and "forgot" my kids would be busy. So now the kids will all be heartbroken that they don't get to spend much time together. My suggestions to reschedule their visit to one of the upcoming long weekends on our school calendar have fallen on deaf ears.

Sorry about the long post - straying from topic a bit. I guess I just had to vent!

 

[Serena]

LOL, it's easy.

"Oh, wonderful, it'll be great to see you. Make sure and call me when you get into town and let me know which hotel you're at. Maybe we can get together for dinner while you're here."



Oh and get off the phone soon so they can't argue.

 

[Pugdog007]

No I don't.

 

[MinnieYC]

Depends who it is. If family is visiting, we encourage them to stay with either my parents or one of my aunts and uncles, as they both have bigger apartments, as they live in the same apartments they had before their children (2-4 for each couple) moved away from home, so they have the extra space, including the extra bathrooms.

As for friends, one night or two is fine most of the time, as long as they ask in advance.

 

[Kimickey]

I don't mind overnight guest. It just depends on who it is. If it's my MIL I would rather not.

 

[7thdwarf/dopey]

Originally posted by Blondie
I love having overnight guests, and I love making my "Baked French Toast" for them to have for breakfast in the morning!
!"

Blondie..please share your recipe with us. It sounds yummy!

 

[froglady]

I don't mind at all...since we remodeled our garage to make a guest "room" above it.

It has a shower bath, it's own heating/cooling system, and a galley type kitchen with sink, fridge, microwave, coffee maker and toaster. Also has a TV & VCR, and a queen fouton (I paid extra for the top-of-the-line mattress)

I unlock the back door when I get up in the morning, and lock up when everyone goes to bed. I put in fresh flowers, coffee, cream, milk, cereal, soda, water, cookies, bread, & fruit the day they arrive.

The side window overlooks my courtyard garden, including fountain and benches, with a small table and chairs. I often find my guests out there, enjoying an early morning cup of coffee...which they brewed themselves.

 

[Kendra17]

I secretly--or not so secretly--hate having overnight guests. And, I hate being an overnight guest elsewhere (except hotels).

I love seeing visiting friends and family, but I really love privacy. With my dh and three kids, I really value private and quiet time.

We did have weekend guest last weekend, however, and she was probably the best guest we've had. . .an EXCELLENT houseguest. And, a high school friend came to visit a few months ago and I wished she was able to stay longer. Still, though, I'd prefer to spend the day with guests but then drop them off at the hotel.

 

[Disney Ella]

It it's just a weekend and I have advance notice, then it's fine with me, but I notice as I get older, I like having and being a guest less and less. The hotel thing looks more and more appealing, but I'm afraid that some of our friends would be offended if we stopped staying with them and wanted to stay in a hotel instead.

 

[MinnieM21]

I don't like having overnight guests. It seems that I can never get the person to leave. But I hate being an overnight guest even more.