Do you have a Scorekeeper in your Circle?

[Fitswimmer]

My mother is a pro at it. My whole life she has counted. Christmas cards, Thank you cards, birthday greetings, sympathy cards-and this is the one my father and I just love-prices. She leaves the price tag on every gift she gives so the recipient knows how much she spent. We're guessing that there's some sort of evaluation going on as to the appropriate level of gratitude per price! She also keeps an eye on how much is spent on her, you can see the running calculation going on every Christmas.

Her brother died right after Christmas of pancreatic cancer, ending several months of suffering. We've had serveral conversations since then, all revolving around who sent a card, who called, who didn't send a card yet, who still hasn't called and it's been over a week...I was ready to tell her the kitchen was on fire when my Dad interrupted.

I've worked really hard all my life trying NOT to become a scorekeeper. It's never seemed to make her that happy.

If you have one in your life, how do you handle them?

 

[Chilehead Too]

My husband calls them the yardstickers. I have a SIL who does this. If she does you a favor, you can bet it is written down and called in at some point. I try never to let her do anything for us. Too much conroversy over who spent more on whom or who ate more at dinner. Drives me insane.

 

[freckles and boo]

My mother-in-law was kind of like that. That is a big reason why my husband and I eloped. Within days of announcing our engagement she began her "who is invited" list. They were all people whose children's weddings she had attended over the years and, dammit it was payback time! She was SO angry we didn't have a proper wedding that she later threw us a reception and we were only allowed to invite a limited number of our friends so that her friends could be there. At least 30% of the people who attended I had never met before. She also could hold a grudge like I have never seen! I loved her but I had a great deal of respect for her wrath.

 

[JunieJay]

Yup. I have two. My SIL, who scores everything by how much she gets from people -- every gift she has ever received is mentally filed away by what the giver of said gift spent on it. And my grandmother is a scorekeeper as well, but she keeps score of the people she currently is having a feud with. That number could be anywhere from 1 or 2 people all the way up well into the double digits. She keeps track of every slight, real or perceived, for years on end. Its an Excel spreadsheet in her head, that tracks her grudges, the data can be sorted at will.

Both of them drive me nuts. I don't know how they sleep at night, I honestly don't. Both of them really should be on some sort of medication to calm them down, two more high strung people you'd be hard pressed to meet.....

 

[Fitswimmer]

I feel better now that I'm not the only one!! Sometimes you think your family is the only one that has weirdness in it!

 

[Chattyaholic]

My own mother is that way as well, I just shake my head at her attitude.

Sometimes I catch myself acting that way and keep reminding myself that I DON'T want to be like that!!

She's 69 years old so I know she won't change. I just try to ignore the behavior.

 

[diznygirl]

Yes! My mom wanted a list of all the gifts I received from my wedding and from whom so she could make sure that everyone she ever gifted sent gifts to me!

And just this Christmas my lil bro got something that was wrong - what he should have gotten was less expensive. So he wants TWO of what he was supposed to get, since it would equal what we accidently spent. OR we have to return gifts he gave in order to even it out!!!!! I can't believe he actually asked this!!!! Problem is, I have to be the one to return the item. And I said no. So he tried to sell it on ebay. And it didn't sell!

 

[ProudMomTo3Boys]

My sister saved all the cards she got at her wedding with how much those people gave her written inside so that when it came time for their wedding, she wouldn't give more than she was given.

 

[AprilShowers]

My father has called me 3 or 4 times over the years to ask me how much so-and-so gave me when I graduated or got married.
Cause now their kid is graduating or getting married and he wants to know how much he should give them.

The only thing is......I graduated 20 YEARS AGO, and got married 15 YEARS AGO! I think there should be a small adjustment for inflation there Dad! He drives me crazy with this stuff.

The other thing is I don't keep track of this stuff so I NEVER remember, and he gets really agitated with me and keeps asking me questions. "Well do you think it was $20 then, or more? Should I give $50 so I don't look cheap?
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU GIVE THEM DAD!!!!!! GIVE WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD, AND WANT TO GIVE!!!!!

He will also find a way to mention how much he spends on us at Christmas. He acts like he's telling us what a great widget he just got us cause it cost so much. But really he wants us to know how much he loves us cause he spent so much. .............really annoying.

 

[grinningghost]

Yes, my aunt. She's a witch. I swear she has a scorecard of every card she does and doesn't receive, every invitation she does/doesn't get.

And if she doesn't get something - she flips out, swears like a drunken sailor and tells you to go F off.

Not kidding - she's a witch.

 

[mom2grace]

Yes! My mom wanted a list of all the gifts I received from my wedding and from whom so she could make sure that everyone she ever gifted sent gifts to me!

My inlaws wanted me to write down the amount of $$ from each guest, I just wrote cash............I knew down the road if there was a scorecard, they would want it.................hmmmm, maybe THAT'S where I went wrong with my in-laws?!