Do you have a kid with a Learning Disability? *Update in Post 14*

[Magpie]

How would you deal with this situation?

Every year my son (now 12 and in Grade 8) becomes some new teacher's "project". He's Gifted/LD (Non-verbal), in the Congregated Gifted program, so it's not a surprise that this happens and usually I don't mind in the slightest. Today - right on cue - I found a message on my answering machine from his new English teacher saying that she'd been talking to my boy and had some concerns. I wasn't able to talk to her today, but I left a message with my contact info. And I asked my son, when he got home, "What on earth did you tell her?"

Evidently he had a long heart-to-heart with her during the period he was supposed to be in Band practice (I need to warn her about that - the kid will talk your ear off for hours if there's something he'd rather not be doing). She sent him home with a useful list of things he's to do, and number one is "Get a stress ball!"

Unfortunately, it seems she also told him some stuff I really wish she hadn't. Or at least, he's interpreted stuff she's said in a way I wish he hadn't.

Because my son, all excited, told me, "Do you know I have an IEP?" (Individualized Education Plan)

"Yes," I said, "You've had one since Grade 5."

"Did you know it says I can do LESS work than everyone else?" The kid's practically doing his happy dance in my kitchen.

I tried to explain to him that this is not exactly what the IEP means. It's about "demonstrating mastery", not about "doing less work".

She also told him some confusing stuff about him having a "hidden disability", besides the one he already has - something about him focussing better when he has something in his hands.

I'm sure she means well. But I'm not keen on my son's teacher diagnosing him with anything. I don't think that's her job, and I certainly don't want her talking to him about it.

So... I guess I've got two problems here. How do I explain to my boy that a Learning Disability is not a free pass to skip class work? And how should I approach the teacher?

Any ideas?

 

[MushyMushy]

Well, hmmm, that's a toughie! Both of my kids have LDs and I kept them pretty involved in the IEP process, which you'll need to do with your son when he turns 14 anyway. So, maybe sit down with him with the IEP in front of you and let him know exactly what it's for and what accommodations he gets, but that if he can work to his full potential, that's what you expect him to do. Both of my kids hated that they have/had IEPs, so that's a new one to me that he's excited about what's on it. Sounds like you have your hands full with that one!

 

[fimac]

Are you willing to let him see you copy of the IEP ? Doesn't every child in the class have an IEP ? Here everybody identify gifted has an IEP, but it is more about the accommodations. Is he the only child in the class that is gifted/LD ? My youngest boys gifted class had 3 laptops sitting there with kids names on them when I went to the meet the teacher, his class is now down to about 17 kids.
The number of kids with laptops in my oldest sons gifted classes is at about the same ratio. Which does not say anything about any hidden disabilities.

I have one kid gifted/ld but he is now out of the school system due to celiac, his accommodations were more time and less written work but he still had to demonstrate knowledge. Has your son been given less work in the past ?

Do you want him to go to gifted classes in High School ? Ask him if he does less work how precise and accurate can the work be ? I would talk to the teacher about what she can do to help him with High School

 

[Magpie]

Well, hmmm, that's a toughie! Both of my kids have LDs and I kept them pretty involved in the IEP process, which you'll need to do with your son when he turns 14 anyway. So, maybe sit down with him with the IEP in front of you and let him know exactly what it's for and what accommodations he gets, but that if he can work to his full potential, that's what you expect him to do. Both of my kids hated that they have/had IEPs, so that's a new one to me that he's excited about what's on it. Sounds like you have your hands full with that one!

Anything to get out of work, right?

I never intended to cut him out of the process, but the IEP really always just seemed like some routine forms to sign, more than anything. There didn't seem to be anything to tell him about it, really.

Are you willing to let him see you copy of the IEP ?

Yes, absolutely! It doesn't say much, though. It's mostly just check boxes. And what is there, isn't always followed. It says he's supposed to have assistive technology, for example, and he did get a laptop for a couple years, but then they took it away from him and made it a shared classroom resource. (He wasn't the only one they did that to - it was the same for all kids who'd been given laptops.)

Doesn't every child in the class have an IEP ? Here everybody identify gifted has an IEP, but it is more about the accommodations.

Yes, it's the same here. But all GT IEPs are identical, with the same needs statements and accommodations. My son's is slightly different only because he's GT/LD.

Is he the only child in the class that is gifted/LD ? My youngest boys gifted class had 3 laptops sitting there with kids names on them when I went to the meet the teacher, his class is now down to about 17 kids.
The number of kids with laptops in my oldest sons gifted classes is at about the same ratio. Which does not say anything about any hidden disabilities.

I'm assuming there must be other GT/LD kids in the class. I know his best friend apparently has ADD. (Sweet kid, but easily distracted.) I mentioned what happened to the laptops above. We bought our son a small laptop of his own so he'd have something work on, but he says it doesn't have the software he needs, so he mostly leaves it at home. Also, he's supposed to be allowed to use Dragon Naturally Speaking, but they said he has to wait until his voice stops changing.

I have one kid gifted/ld but he is now out of the school system due to celiac, his accommodations were more time and less written work but he still had to demonstrate knowledge. Has your son been given less work in the past ?

No, he's always given the same work as everyone else. In the past he's actually had to fail at a task, before a teacher will consider modifying the assignment for him.

Do you want him to go to gifted classes in High School ? Ask him if he does less work how precise and accurate can the work be ? I would talk to the teacher about what she can do to help him with High School

Thank you! That's a really good point, about preparing for High School. I'll have to ask the teacher what she thinks he needs.

I would like him to remain in the GT stream, because he's bright and I think it's good for him to be around kids who take their studies seriously. I worry about him giving up on school completely if he goes into regular classes and makes friends who don't care about academics.

 

[NewCrew42]

My DD12 is GT/LD. She is dyslexic and dysgraphic. The dyslexia is SO much better than it was in early elementary.

She just has trouble with things like typing "there is barley any rain in this region" rather than typing "there is barely any rain in this region." If spell check or grammer check doesn't catch it then the mistake is there. Her teachers do not count off for her when she misspells, they simply correct it to bring it to her attention.

We attend a private school and she doesn't have an "IEP." We just call it modifications.

She does work slower than other students, however, she is driven and desparately wants to be like every one else. If needed, she can have extra time on an assignment. I think we have used this twice. We sort of save it for times when I might have asked for extra time anyway, like she had an extra dance rehearsal during recital week or we had a family emergency. She is in no way aware that this is available due to her LD. She thinks these were due to the circumstances. I think even if she wasn't LD, I would have called her teachers on those two nights and asked for extra time.

Now, let's talk about Algebra. Blah. The teacher is so sweet and we had her last year and she taught my older son. She, the teacher, decided last year that DD only had to do half the problems, due to her LD. Well, for some concepts, it has been great. But for others, not so great. Some units, I have had to step in and say, you need to do ALL the problems in order to master the concept. DD has been very flexible and even sometimes now is starting to say, "I need to do all these because I had trouble understanding it and needed the practice."

I think the teacher has a good heart, probably feels sorry for DD because it takes her so long to do the assignments. I think her heart is in the right place, but sometimes, DD just needs to do all the problems.

All this being said, if a teacher told my NON LD, GIFTED son that he didn't have to do all the work, he would be on that like white on rice. He is a bit of a slacker. An Advanced Placed slacker, but a slacker none the less.

I doubt this helps, but I understand where you are coming from.

You know your child best and know what is best for them.

One thought that goes thru my mind is that my child's boss is NEVER going to say, "Honey, just do half the work, since you have dyslexia."

 

[stm61]

I have 5 kids of my own and various foster kids off and on. Right now I have a 17 yr old son and an 11 yr old daughter with IEPS, and I'm waiting on testing for 2 of the younger ones. If I had told any of my kids, classified or not, that they could do less work, have shortened assignments, etc, the party would of been on! I've never told them about any accomodations for the same reason quoted above- the boss don't care if you're LD or GT, he only wants the job done right the first time in a reasonable amount of time! I figured if they expected to do less, they would do less, regardless of what they were capable of doing.

OP, I don't know what the laws in Canada are, but in my state if the child is turning 13 during the time covered by the IEP, they have to be invited to the meeting. Doesn't mean they have to come, most don't until they're in high school, but they have to be invited.

 

[Kirby]

Both of my kids have learning disabilities, they are dyslexic. Neither is considered gifted. They had modifications during elementary and middle school. By modifications I mean that on the required state tests each spring, they were taken out of the classroom and allowed to take the tests in a room with other students like themselves and allowed to take as much time as they needed to finish the test. Otherwise they had very few modifications. They were taken out of their class every day for about 30 - 40 minutes for Language Science to help them better cope with their LD.

As far as telling my kids, they knew from the get go about their LD. They were never allowed to use their LD as an excuse not to do their work or do less than those without LDs. I remember once when my daughter was in the 4th grade (I believe). Her class was learning all the states and their capitals. Her teacher gave her a lesser amount to learn and I made my daughter learn them all. I told her that her teacher was not doing her any favors by letting her learn less than the other children.

Both of my kids were exited out of the program in the 9th grade and did well in high school. Both are in college, my son is working towards a mechanical engineering degree and my daughter wants to teach others like her.

Don't know if this answers any questions that the OP had but thought I would share my story.

 

[IDoDis]

One thought that goes thru my mind is that my child's boss is NEVER going to say, "Honey, just do half the work, since you have dyslexia."

But your child's boss is also not going to hand her a page of 40 problems and say, "here do these." The drill and kill can be excessive and useless, for any kid and does not reflect what they will do in the real world.

OP, get your DS involved in the IEP process and help him find a deeper understanding of what a learning disability is. A good start would be to purchase this book for him:

http://www.amazon.com/Survival-Guid...=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1287027610&sr=1-1

 

[EllenFrasier]

My ds20 has a learning disability. He had an IEP in school since preschool. As the years went on the IEP changed to fit his needs and abilities. He was usually given more time to complete tests, assistance with taking notes and keeping organized, etc., but he did the same amount of work as the other students. He took the same tests.
As far as the teacher going well beyond her boundaries and talking to your son like that, I think I'd have a talk with the principal.

 

[Magpie]

But your child's boss is also not going to hand her a page of 40 problems and say, "here do these." The drill and kill can be excessive and useless, for any kid and does not reflect what they will do in the real world.

OP, get your DS involved in the IEP process and help him find a deeper understanding of what a learning disability is. A good start would be to purchase this book for him:

http://www.amazon.com/Survival-Guid...=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1287027610&sr=1-1

Thank you! I've ordered the book.

I think we both need to get a deeper understand of what an LD is, since I tested the same way when I was my son's age and frankly I never understood what it meant either.

 

[Magpie]

My ds20 has a learning disability. He had an IEP in school since preschool. As the years went on the IEP changed to fit his needs and abilities. He was usually given more time to complete tests, assistance with taking notes and keeping organized, etc., but he did the same amount of work as the other students. He took the same tests.
As far as the teacher going well beyond her boundaries and talking to your son like that, I think I'd have a talk with the principal.

I'd rather have a talk with the teacher first, to clarify exactly what she said to him. I know that messages do get garbled - especially when my son is the message bearer!

 

[mom22belles]

I have a 12yr old DD ( gr 7) with NVLD (non verbal learning disorder). I have found having her involved in the IEP process was very helpful. She has been involved since grade 6 ( on an IEP since gr 4) . Now when I say involved I mean we had a meeting the included my DD, myself, DH , her Resource Teacher and one of her classroom tachers. My DD was asked what could be done to help her, what tools she needed.
This really helped my DD get an idea of what the IEP was for. She nows its not a free pass. It is more of a way to even out the playing field. We have always told her that she " learns differently then most children" but she still needs to learn and we expect her very best effort.

As for what to say to the teacher every year we have to remind some teacher or another that my child is VERY literal . And to please be careful in what and how they say something to my DD.

 

[fimac]

I'm assuming there must be other GT/LD kids in the class. I know his best friend apparently has ADD. (Sweet kid, but easily distracted.) I mentioned what happened to the laptops above. We bought our son a small laptop of his own so he'd have something work on, but he says it doesn't have the software he needs, so he mostly leaves it at home. Also, he's supposed to be allowed to use Dragon Naturally Speaking, but they said he has to wait until his voice stops changing.



Two of my sons have laptops provided by us, because of all the rules that school had about their laptops use made them practically useless to the kid.

My 13 years old experiences with Dragon starting in grade 3 have not been good. There was too much background noise in the class room and the program needed to be used constantly to keep up with changes in voice. The boy had a lot more success with word prediction software - I bought Word Q, the school provided one was something else. Currently we are trying out paperport to see if it can replace those elements of Kurziwell he should have used.

My brother has dyslexia so chose a profession which does not involve a lot of writing. In his profession the exams are multiple choice and there is a strong practical element. He has a better salary than my Dh who has a Phd. In life adults do not need the accommodations that made in school for kids, because adults have choices and one size is not expected to fit all.

 

[Magpie]

Finally talked to the teacher today - this should be an interesting year!

The bad news is that my boy is actually failing right now. I was NOT expecting that! He's always been a B student in the past, but I think the change to an "partially ungraded" system hasn't been good for him. He now seems to think no grades means no accountability.

Case in point: I discovered today that he hasn't been bringing his gym shorts to school. "We don't have any grades in gym this term!" he says.

"But don't you still get marked down for not being prepared?"

"No," the kid says, "You just get an evaluation, and then next term they mark you on how much you've improved from your first evaluation."

"That doesn't mean you're supposed to spend this whole term setting the bar as low as possible!"

"It doesn't?"

The good news is that the teacher is all fired up to work one-on-one with my son. She told me that my son reminds her "almost exactly" of her son (who is a successful adult), and that she wants to make him her project this year, preparing him for high school. I have no issues with that!

He seems to like her, and she said that he was really on task all day today - very focussed and excited to get started. And apparently he DID misinterpret the "I get to do less work than everyone else" part of yesterday's talk. I'm going to have to talk to him again about that. He has to demonstrate mastery of the concepts.

His teacher also says she wants to work with me, on how to become a better advocate for the kid... I have a bad track record with Alpha-type females, but hopefully we can make this work!

I didn't get to ask her about the "hidden disability" stuff, and I'm not sure I will now... I'd like to see how things turn out first, since she didn't bring it up directly to me.

 

[NotUrsula]

Actually, I gave DS a stress ball this year, and it has been helping. He has issues with studying by reading, and by accident I noticed that he has a tendency to pick up an object and play with it when we do aural study drills. He always does better at the answers when he has something to occupy his hands, for some reason. (Ironically, he apparently focuses better when he HAS a distraction.)

The stress ball (or a large gum eraser) is the only object he can fidget with in the classroom without driving the teacher nuts. Previously he was always fidgeting with his house keys, or with pens or pencils (and breaking them while he did it.)