Do you have a good relationship with your son's girlfriend?

[Sheree Bobbins]

The differing points of view on this thread have been very helpful to me. I would say I intimidate her. I'm happy my son and his girlfriend have such a special relationship. Maybe now that they get to see each other more often they will want to get a break and spend time with family. Just a thought.

Moving involved meeting her parents and brother and that was great. It was neat to see her family and see how she fit in with them. They are all super nice.

 

[klacey1]

My ex's mom and I were extremely close-- to the point where we still conversed and saw each other after my ex and I broke up! Our case was a little strange, and not something I understand/reccomend now, but we had a lot in common. It got awkward when my ex began dating someone new and his mom would complain about her to me. And of course my ex was resentful, thinking there was no way his mom could like his new girl because I was the "golden girl." Bad situation!
My BF's mom and I are close, too. She knows a lot about my personal life, and we can talk very easily. She told me that she loves that she is close to her MIL and wanted us to be that way, too!
My brother's girlfriend, though, is VERY quiet and won't even say hi unless said hello to first. It's honestly a bit aggravating. I understand that people are shy, but being rude is a different story.

 

[Sparx]

dbf's family doesn't like me. the way his family is, and the way i was raised are polar opposites, and they don't like me at all. his father didn't speak to me for 5 months, and he still doesn't speak more than two or three words. his mother makes nervous small talk, but she's very uneasy around me. and his sister (27) runs into her room and slams the door when i walk into the house. (but thats a whole nother thread. )


i get being shy, and i get being uneasy, but your son needs to tell his girlfriend she's being rude.

 

[DramaQueen]

another GFs POV,
i get along with m BFs mom alright, but sometimes it's very difficult for me, she is verrrrry different from what i'm used to, her style is very abrasive and forward, and i'm not used to being questioned by someone else's mother! she's also VERY overprotective of DBF, we're both 20 years old, have been dating for 3 and a half years and she won't let him stay overnight at my house. and he really had to fight for our 'just us' trip to WDW this spring

so we get along, i'm not shy or quiet around her, but sometimes it's a teeny tiny bit difficult. i really do like his family though, it could be worse. his aunt is my favourite person in his fam! i just love her to bits!

i don't know if there's really a way to get your DS's gf to warm up to you, some people are just really shy and awkward, and if they haven't been dating for too long she may still feel uncomfortable around your family. my only suggestion is to invite her to as many family events as possible, that's what really got me to warm up to DBFs family

 

[Mouse House Mama]

another GFs POV,
i get along with m BFs mom alright, but sometimes it's very difficult for me, she is verrrrry different from what i'm used to, her style is very abrasive and forward, and i'm not used to being questioned by someone else's mother! she's also VERY overprotective of DBF, we're both 20 years old, have been dating for 3 and a half years and she won't let him stay overnight at my house. and he really had to fight for our 'just us' trip to WDW this spring

so we get along, i'm not shy or quiet around her, but sometimes it's a teeny tiny bit difficult. i really do like his family though, it could be worse. his aunt is my favourite person in his fam! i just love her to bits!

i don't know if there's really a way to get your DS's gf to warm up to you, some people are just really shy and awkward, and if they haven't been dating for too long she may still feel uncomfortable around your family. my only suggestion is to invite her to as many family events as possible, that's what really got me to warm up to DBFs family

Honey, one day you will understand why she doesn't allow that. I know it seems odd now but it really isn't. I was not allowed to have a boy even in my room to hang out and forget sleeping over at any boy's house. I don't know anyone who was allowed to do that unless they had their own apartment. That doesn't make her overprotective. She probably does not believe in such things therefore will not allow her children to engage in such activities. It is probably how she was raised as well. Boys and girls did not have sleepovers in her time. I know that we will not be encouraging such things either.

 

[disykat]

I was going to address the sleepover too! If he is still living at home, he needs to follow their rules. When he moves out he can do as he pleases. Those rules have nothing to do with you!

I will NEVER give my son "permission" to go on an overnight with someone he isn't married to - so he'd better be living on his own and not need it before doing so.

 

[DramaQueen]

i guess i should explain, he does on his own while he's at university and she has no problem with me going there to stay overnight, but when he's visiting home and wants to stay overnight at my (parents) house, say if we were out at a bar or something and can't drive home, he's not allowed.
i just don't get that logic

 

[Buckalew11]

I remember being intimidated by my boyfriend's mom. I liked her and even admired her but still, it seemed like there was some sort of tension there. After we broke up, she and I remained friendly. After close to 30 years, we're still friends and she doesn't intimidate me at all. Once we were broken up, all that vanished. I've been doing her hair since I was about 15yrs. old (I'm 44 now) and she even buys me Christmas gifts, we email and are FB friends.

Sometimes it is just the relationship that gets in the way of a "friendship". Somehow, if you both want to, you need to find a way past all that. Having things to talk about, in common etc. helps. My MIL and I don't really have anything in common except her son and GDD but we make it OK. She loves me and I know it and I love her too. We're just not best buddies or anything.

Good luck!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

i guess i should explain, he does on his own while he's at university and she has no problem with me going there to stay overnight, but when he's visiting home and wants to stay overnight at my (parents) house, say if we were out at a bar or something and can't drive home, he's not allowed.
i just don't get that logic

At University he is essentially on his own. When he comes home he is living at home. I am sure she is not thrilled with overnighters even when he is at school but she knows she can't say much about it. As for being at a bar etc., since you are 20 there is no reason why you can't drive home since the drinking age is 21. I too never understood when I was younger. Now that I am older and have kids of my own I totally get it. You will too.

 

[MarilIncredible]

At University he is essentially on his own. When he comes home he is living at home. I am sure she is not thrilled with overnighters even when he is at school but she knows she can't say much about it. As for being at a bar etc., since you are 20 there is no reason why you can't drive home since the drinking age is 21. I too never understood when I was younger. Now that I am older and have kids of my own I totally get it. You will too.

I think she lives in Canada, where the drinking age is 18, IIRC.

 

[XTinabell]

I'm very shy of my fiancée's family and we've been together for almost 11 years. I've tried to get along with his mom but she's very difficult. She has done all she can to separate me from her family and has said rude things about me behind my back. Dh defends me and sadly hardly ever speaks to them anymore. Now that we're engaged she's trying to be my friend so I'm put in a strange situation.

My advice, from the girlfriend's point of view, is be sweet and welcoming and keep trying. I so desperately just wanted to feel welcomed in their home but didn't get that until we became engaged just last year and now it feels fake. So don't give up, and just do what you can make her comfortable and welcome.

 

[MerMom60_94]

Another poster with the POV of the girlfriend / wife. My MIL is a good person and I love her but she is different than me and has a different view of the world. That is fine, but when I was dating DH and early in our marriage my DH was extremely protective of his mother. In his eyes, any differing viewpoints had the potential to hurt her feelings and I should just go along with her and never correct her even if she was putting words in my mouth. I was not allowed to express an opinion or my own thoughts no matter how nice I was about it. The impact of his overprotection was that I had a very stilted relationship with her and it hindered us from being close. Finally, eleven years into our marriage I gave birth to our daughter. DMIL helped with child care. So, when I went to pick DD up after work I started visiting with DMIL without my husband there and started nicely speaking my mind a little bit more. That helped me to relax a bit more and have a bit more of a "real" relationship with her. Guess what! She wasn't as delicate as he thought! She could handle our differences!

The other thought I have from that perspective is that DMIL had only boys. My DH was the first to marry and in DMILs eyes I was her new daughter she never had. While that is a nice sentiment she was coming on too strong and I found it very overwhelming. I have my own mother and at that point in my life I was actually in the process of trying to establish some level of independence and the last thing I needed was a second mother. Her attempts at drawing me close actually used to cause me to put up walls and push her away.

I don't know if any of this applies here but figured I would tell my story as food for thought.

 

[ilovejack02]

Both of my son's last two girlfriends were very quiet. I did my best to include them.. I liked them.

Both finally warmed up ,but took a long time. The one he is with now was so quiet, I told DS to talk to her about opening up to me and to remind her I don't bite and really did like her LOL. He must have done it, because the next visit, she was a changed girl. Hung out with me in kitchen, cooked with me etc. In fact she talks to me ALL THE TIME now about random stuff haha I kinda would like her to be quiet !!!

 

[kafitty]

i've always gotten along fabulously with my SO's parents...well, until the last one. It had a LOT to do with outside circumstances (how our relationship had started, his dad dying of cancer, etc.), but BOY was i nervous around his mom!

now that we've broken up and are still friends, and i'm very good friends with his sister, i'm wayyyy less anxious around his mom, and she doesn't seem as judgmental as she did when we were dating.


i'm also still very close to my ex-fiance's mom, and his brother is one of my best friends ever - and these relationships existed long before we broke up...my ex and his wife just cannot STAND it though, i'm like Voldemort to them...She Who Cannot Be Named.

 

[chisnpeke]

At University he is essentially on his own. When he comes home he is living at home. I am sure she is not thrilled with overnighters even when he is at school but she knows she can't say much about it. As for being at a bar etc., since you are 20 there is no reason why you can't drive home since the drinking age is 21. I too never understood when I was younger. Now that I am older and have kids of my own I totally get it. You will too.

She lives in Canada. Drinking age is 18 I believe.