Do you get mad when you are not thanked?

[DisneyScraps]

I have 2 different times that it happened and it really ticks me off.

DD has 2 teachers and I am someone that brings in gifts for lot of things, their birthday, Christmas, Valentines Day, Teachers Day, last day of school. Teacher 1 had thanked me in person when she sees me. Teachers 2 has never once said Thank You to me or my daughter. The gifts are always left on her desk with a card in the morning and my daughter doesn't see her until later in the day.

Second instance is the one that really makes me mad. I was invited to a 30th birthday party at her house. We were expected to bring our own drinks which we did. I brought an awesome gift. Sephora has a package with I think 6 different samples of popular perfumes, tiny little bottles. Inside is a certificate for a full sized bottle of any of them. It's 50.00 which I thought was a lot, we are not close friends but it's such a great gift for a diva type person and it fit her perfectly.

In addition I made a large plater of fancy appetizers, they were eaten in less than half an hour. I was thanked for that because she admitted she ate most of them.

I also took pictures and they came out awesome almost everyone there used them at profile pics on Facebook. I am lucky to have a great camera.

She did not open the gifts when I was there. The next day I expected to hear from her. I didn't. I kept waiting for the written thank you note A week later she showed a picture of a coffee mug another friend gave her and said Thank You. On that thread I asked her if she decided which perfume to get. That was kind of a nudge.

She answered me and said she had not decided yet. No thank you.

I saw her about 2 weeks later at an event, she didn't mention the party or the gift. So that is it. She will never again get a gift from me.

I just don't understand what is wrong with people.

My daughter just has her First Communion and she is almost done writing her Thank You notes.

 

[Aisling]

Nah. I only get mad when DH or my kids don't thank me. Everyone else, well, I chalk it up to them being ill-mannered or absent-minded. Don't let it get to you.

 

[npmommie]

why do you get her so many gifts
I don't get all the gift giving for teachers. sure a thank you for the great year in June,but christmas, valentines, etc.
and you aren't close friends?
why were you invited to her 30th bday party if you are not friends?

I would have stopped after the FIRST gift with no thank you.

 

[npmommie]

oh I wanted to add..........I think it is rude to not thank someone for a gift.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

I have 2 different times that it happened and it really ticks me off.

DD has 2 teachers and I am someone that brings in gifts for lot of things, their birthday, Christmas, Valentines Day, Teachers Day, last day of school. Teacher 1 had thanked me in person when she sees me. Teachers 2 has never once said Thank You to me or my daughter. The gifts are always left on her desk with a card in the morning and my daughter doesn't see her until later in the day.

Second instance is the one that really makes me mad. I was invited to a 30th birthday party at her house. We were expected to bring our own drinks which we did. I brought an awesome gift. Sephora has a package with I think 6 different samples of popular perfumes, tiny little bottles. Inside is a certificate for a full sized bottle of any of them. It's 50.00 which I thought was a lot, we are not close friends but it's such a great gift for a diva type person and it fit her perfectly.

In addition I made a large plater of fancy appetizers, they were eaten in less than half an hour. I was thanked for that because she admitted she ate most of them.

I also took pictures and they came out awesome almost everyone there used them at profile pics on Facebook. I am lucky to have a great camera.

She did not open the gifts when I was there. The next day I expected to hear from her. I didn't. I kept waiting for the written thank you note A week later she showed a picture of a coffee mug another friend gave her and said Thank You. On that thread I asked her if she decided which perfume to get. That was kind of a nudge.

She answered me and said she had not decided yet. No thank you.

I saw her about 2 weeks later at an event, she didn't mention the party or the gift. So that is it. She will never again get a gift from me.

I just don't understand what is wrong with people.

My daughter just has her First Communion and she is almost done writing her Thank You notes.

She is very rude, but I have to say that you have set yourself up to be a victim.

Why so many expensive gifts to someone you know time and time again will not thank you?

Also, what does this mean:

I also took pictures and they came out awesome almost everyone there used them at profile pics on Facebook. I am lucky to have a great camera.
.

 

[Kath2003]

Yes, it's rude not to say thank you but why on Earth are you buying this woman so many gifts? Are you personal friends? If not, IMO it's putting her in a really awkward position because she's a professional - her job is to have a professionalteacher-student relationship with your child, and a professional teacher-parent relationship with you. You showering her with so many gifts puts this professional relationship in jeopardy. Her inviting you to her birthday party does the same, though...

Personally I don't think you should be expected to be thanked for uploading Facebook photos. If you don't want to, don't do it. Your photos = your choice....not least that many people dislike being tagged in Facebook photos.

 

[princesshannahsmom]

Nah, I don't get mad. I just chalk it up to (as my great grandma used to say) "they didn't have a proper raising!" I think that was great grandmas way of saying they had carpy parents!

 

[NaLisa]

Teachers at our school usually include a "thank you" in their weekly newsletter for individual or group gifts. Not a specific "thank you Bobby for the apple ornament" but a generalized "thanks to everyone for all the wonderful Christmas gifts." I can't imagine a teacher having to personally say thank you to each family that purchases something for him/her. That would be very time consuming for a teacher of 60 students (3 classes of 20 students) who gets dozens of trinkets for Christmas, end of the year, etc.

 

[Jedana]

It kinda bugs me, because I'm the old fashioned mom who makes her kids write thank you cards for anything.

If it's a family member, I'll call them on it. (hey, what did I get you for your bday? Oh, that's right. I guess your thank you card got lost in the mail? Maybe you should check witht he post office... or I must have missed your phone call, thanking us for the gift. Sorry I wasn't home.) Petty? sure.
But it's family, and they all know that:
1. you don't sag your pants in my house
2. we don't listen to adult songs in my house when there are kids present (songs with inapporpriate lyrics, etc)
and
3. You thank Aunt J for her gifts, because if you don't, you will hear about it and then be cut off forever more.

If it's a friend or teacher, I just let it go, but if I do send another gift, it will be much cheaper and not picked as thoughfully..maybe one of those cheesy $5 movies at Walmart...

 

[DisneyScraps]

I give the teachers so many gifts because I think they deserve it. They are teachers in a tiny private school. They are not paid a lot, they have vey little resources and I I know that they spend a lot of their own money on classroom supplies so a gift card to WalMart or someplace like that might help out.

I mentioned the photography because I did a lot that night, it was not just the gift. I guess what I feel was even if I didn't get the gift if someone took so many nice pictures of an event for me I would absolutely thank them just for that.

She is the wife of my DBF's husband. We see them socially a lot but we don't ever just go out together so I don't consider that a friend. I like her well enough.

i am not a victim, sheesh I am a lot tougher than that but I can tell you should I get invited to the 31st birthday party I will not be going.

 

[mamacatnv]

IMO when you give a gift of any kind be it a task, a meal, a trinket whatever you should do so without the expectation of anything.

While I do write thank you notes etc. because I feel it is good manners I never do something for someone else with the intent of getting any sort of recognition. To do so would IMO not truly be giving a gift, it would be fishing for acknowledgments/kudos the like.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

I was invited to a 30th birthday party at her house. We were expected to bring our own drinks which we did. I brought an awesome gift. Sephora has a package with I think 6 different samples of popular perfumes, tiny little bottles. Inside is a certificate for a full sized bottle of any of them. It's 50.00 which I thought was a lot, we are not close friends but it's such a great gift for a diva type person and it fit her perfectly.

In addition I made a large plater of fancy appetizers, they were eaten in less than half an hour. I was thanked for that because she admitted she ate most of them.

Ths is all so confusing. WHY would you be invited to the teacher's birthday party and her house if you are not close friends? WHY would you bring your own drinks, make food and bring a $50 gift if you are close?

You just mention weird things like how fast the appetizers that you made was eaten (and who ate the majority of them) and how everyone used your pictures from your awesome camera for FB profile pics. These are things most people wouldn’t notice or mention. Are you sure there isn’t something else going on here?

 

[bardis]

Your post makes it sound like you're not giving these gifts to be generous but that you're doing it for recognition.

 

[DisneyScraps]

Ths is all so confusing. WHY would you be invited to the teacher's birthday party and her house if you are not close friends? WHY would you bring your own drinks, make food and bring a $50 gift if you are close?

It wasn't the teacher. Two separate people. She is the wife of my boyfriends husband. It was more that my boyfriend was invited and of course being part of that couple I am included.

In our social circle there are a lot of parties where we do a pot luck. It's not unusually to go to a party and be expected to do that.

I normally would have gone with a 25.00 or 30.00 gift but the perfume set was just perfect for her. I would rather spend a little more and give a gift that would be loved rather than to give something they might not need.

I just thought it was really tacky not to have thanked every person that was at the party.

 

[indimom]

It wasn't the teacher. Two separate people. She is the wife of my boyfriends husband. It was more that my boyfriend was invited and of course being part of that couple I am included.

In our social circle there are a lot of parties where we do a pot luck. It's not unusually to go to a party and be expected to do that.

I normally would have gone with a 25.00 or 30.00 gift but the perfume set was just perfect for her. I would rather spend a little more and give a gift that would be loved rather than to give something they might not need.

I just thought it was really tacky not to have thanked every person that was at the party.

Sorry, Scraps, now I'm even more confused. Your boyfriend has a husband??

 

[Wendy31]

She is the wife of my boyfriends husband.

I was sorta with you until this... now I'm just confused.

 

[Big Cuddly Bear]

Indeed I do when it comes to gifts.

 

[LuLuO]

It is nice to be thanked but I don't do things for other people to receive their gratitude. I do things for other people because the giving makes me feel good, not the priase for doing so.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Okay, this story is gettin' good.

 

[Scurvy]

It wasn't the teacher. Two separate people. She is the wife of my boyfriends husband. It was more that my boyfriend was invited and of course being part of that couple I am included.

That's an unconventional relationship you've got going on there!

OP, I love to give gifts but it does bug me when people don't say "Thank you". If someone never says "Thank you" I do eventually either stop giving gifts to them at all or I at least stop putting as much thought into their gifts. I don't care if they don't write me a thank you note or give me gifts in return, but if they never even acknowledge the gifts I've given them I'm going to start assuming they don't like or appreciate them. And in that case it isn't going to be worth the time or effort to find them a "perfect" gift in the future. If they actually express some appreciation or thank me, then I'm going to feel like the gift made some kind of impact and I will keep spending time shopping for things for that person.