Do you get along with your mom?

[HugsForEeyore]

My mom and I have a very adult relationship and really always have, even when I was a kid.

Today we only talk of non-important things, like "am I working today?" or am I going to the store, mundane stuff like that. I would never ever talk to her about anything important or deep. She doesn't want to hear it. She never wanted to be a protective force, never wanted to be a "mother bear". Never hugged us. Always a distance there, and this is the way she wants it - she never wanted to be very close in that way. She gave birth to me and my siblings, that's as close as we got!

This was tough to take as a kid, having no one to help you. I remember wishing someone would be on my side in dealing with bullies at school, but nope. I remember when I was a teen, I was constantly getting stabbing pains in my stomach, and when I told mom, she refused to do anything - (sadly I expected her to do nothing. Fortunately the pains went away a few months later on their own). And "the talk??" (aka sex stuff) - I never got one. As a kid, I grew to understand that I could never confide in her, never count on her help, and I was alone in dealing with anything. I didn't have an aunt nearby, or any other female adult to step in. Nada. I know this void really negatively affected me.

Today I get along fine with my mom, but to this day, I still wish I had that older female mentor/parent figure in my life who cared in a deeper way. I know I would have to look elsewhere for such a relationship. Funny thing is, I tend to hang out with a lot of senior citizens which I really enjoy - probably subconsciously still looking for someone to fill the gap.

Yeah, it feels good to vent!

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I love my mom, but she can be really annoying sometimes. Even moving out she is still almost just as annoying.

 

[luvsJack]

She can drive me crazy, but I love her dearly. She tends to be a bit negative about things (no matter how much I clean my house, its still not clean enough--and she is right, its not as clean as hers) and she can be a bit demanding. But, I have learned to accept her for who she is. When I quit wanting her to be different, we started getting along just fine.

After losing my beloved Daddy 11 years ago, I realized that NOTHING is more important than the family I love and that her opinion of my house, my weight or my clothes just is not worth letting go of that relationship. And every time she says something, I remember all the times she has been there for me and for my kids.

 

[Papa Deuce]

Not well at all, and I'll leave it at that.

 

[kilee]

This is a complicated question. I love my mother dearly. I truly do.

My mom is just very particular, I don't even know if that is the right word. Several years ago my dh and I were going through a really rough financial patch. My dad called me and told me he was throwing my mother a birthday cookout the next day I was to bring a cheese and cracker platter. I literally had less than $20 to my name to last a week. I took the only money we had and made that darn platter. Which in a whole other incident her dog ended up eating it all. Anyhow, I had no money left and did not get a card or gift. I apologized to my mother and she burst into tears at how insensitive I was not to get her a card to recognize her birthday! She proceeded to avoid me and try not to talk to me for nearly the next year. I was literally out-casted over this.

Fast forward to last year.....she decided she wants to use her work bonus to take my sister and me to NYC for a mother-daughter weekend trip. Well her and my sister plan the trip and my mother then calls and tells me it's on a specific weekend because that is the only time my sister can go. That is fine, but I cannot go then as I could not get off work that specific Friday. She told me too bad my sister can't do it any other weekend. So, I didn't go.

Same thing w/ anything that involves my sister.....it has to be when it's good for her. If it works for me great-- if not-- Too bad.

I don't even know how to put it......I just feel like a 2nd class citizen w/ my mother. She very outwardly dotes on and favors my sister, so it makes for a tense strain.

 

[KAMKIM]

My mom and I have a very adult relationship and really always have, even when I was a kid.

Today we only talk of non-important things, like "am I working today?" or am I going to the store, mundane stuff like that. I would never ever talk to her about anything important or deep. She doesn't want to hear it. She never wanted to be a protective force, never wanted to be a "mother bear". Never hugged us. Always a distance there, and this is the way she wants it - she never wanted to be very close in that way. She gave birth to me and my siblings, that's as close as we got!

This was tough to take as a kid, having no one to help you. I remember wishing someone would be on my side in dealing with bullies at school, but nope. I remember when I was a teen, I was constantly getting stabbing pains in my stomach, and when I told mom, she refused to do anything - (sadly I expected her to do nothing. Fortunately the pains went away a few months later on their own). And "the talk??" (aka sex stuff) - I never got one. As a kid, I grew to understand that I could never confide in her, never count on her help, and I was alone in dealing with anything. I didn't have an aunt nearby, or any other female adult to step in. Nada. I know this void really negatively affected me.

Today I get along fine with my mom, but to this day, I still wish I had that older female mentor/parent figure in my life who cared in a deeper way. I know I would have to look elsewhere for such a relationship. Funny thing is, I tend to hang out with a lot of senior citizens which I really enjoy - probably subconsciously still looking for someone to fill the gap.

Yeah, it feels good to vent!

This sounds just like my mom! I think I overdo it with my own kids because of how my relationship is with my mom. I just want them to know I will always be their soft place to fall.

OP I think the only thing you can do since you cant change your mom is be the best mom you know how to be with your own kids. 20 years from now when everyone else is venting about their mom maybe your kids will be one of the ones posting how lucky they are.

 

[grumpeeduck]

i wanted to add that she is an extremely jealous person too........ For example my dad cannot even speak to my aunts, his sisters or sil's on his side............ Omg it is
ww3 if he does.

Another thing......... When i was like 3-4 my grandma entered me in a sort of pageant - not like they are today, but anyway, i won and got all these gifts and a lot of attention - that "reign" lasted a year, then i won the following 3 years - even today at that particular event they still acknowledge me when i'm able to attend........ But anyway - my mom started calling me "marilyn" - then when i was 15 i got a modeling job - out of the blue - an agent "found" me - so, i did that for awhile, (with the help of my aunt) - anyway, she never referred to me by my name - it was always "marilyn" - finally, i figured it out........... She absolutely hates marilyn monroe - she always refers to her as a "*****" - my aunt loved her and people said she looked like her......... I guess my mom was jealous of my aunt for that. Anyway, my dh says she's jealous because i've always had a lot of attention - and take care of myself - i like to look nice - wear nice clothes, do my hair and makeup - etc...... My mom doesn't have a feminine bone in her body - she never tries to look decent, in fact it seems like she goes out of her way to look bad. My sister is the same, she always looks great and she's still very thin....... My mom has actually told people my sister has aids - that is why she's so thin still at her age!!!!! No kidding - i'm serious. Of course my sister is not sick in any way - she's just thin. But, my mom is seriously jealous of everything - when we bought our home - omg - she told everyone i was trying to live "high on the hog" and one day i'd get knocked off my pedestal - she is evil i tell you. My dh does well, and i'm very fortunate, i don't throw that in anyone's face, but if you asked her............ Omg - i should be killed because we are in a good place financially. You'd think she'd be happy and relieved........... Nope

she is just horrible............. I can't get into all the gory details......... But, suffice it to say........... She needs to be locked up in a mental ward somewhere...........

omg!

 

[KAMKIM]

I wanted to add that she is an EXTREMELY Jealous person too........ for example my dad CANNOT even speak to my aunts, his sisters or SIL's on his side............ OMG it is
WW3 if he does.

Another thing......... when I was like 3-4 my grandma entered me in a sort of pageant - not like they are today, but anyway, I won and got all these gifts and a lot of attention - that "reign" lasted a year, then I won the following 3 years - even today at that particular event they still acknowledge me when I'm able to attend........ but anyway - my mom started calling me "marilyn" - then when I was 15 I got a modeling job - out of the blue - an agent "found" me - so, I did that for awhile, (with the help of my aunt) - anyway, she NEVER referred to me by my name - it was always "marilyn" - finally, I figured it out........... she absolutely HATES marilyn monroe - she always refers to her as a "*****" - my aunt loved her and people said she looked like her......... I guess my mom was jealous of my aunt for that. Anyway, my DH says she's jealous because I've always had a lot of attention - and take care of myself - I like to look nice - wear nice clothes, do my hair and makeup - etc...... my mom doesn't have a feminine bone in her body - she NEVER tries to look decent, in fact it seems like she goes out of her way to look bad. My sister is the same, she always looks great and she's still VERY thin....... my mom has actually told people my sister has aids - that is why she's so thin still at her age!!!!! NO KIDDING - I'm serious. Of course my sister is NOT sick in any way - she's just thin. But, my mom is seriously jealous of everything - when we bought our home - OMG - she told everyone I was trying to live "high on the hog" and one day I'd get knocked off my pedestal - she is evil I tell you. My DH does well, and I'm very fortunate, I don't throw that in anyone's face, but if you asked her............ OMG - I should be killed because we are in a good place financially. You'd think she'd be happy and relieved........... NOPE

She is just horrible............. I can't get into all the gory details......... but, suffice it to say........... she needs to be locked up in a mental ward somewhere...........

Boy does this ring a bell with me. My mom has never been smart with her money and couldn't get a loan to save her life. Anyways, last year DH and I took out a loan for a new to us SUV. It is very nice, a couple years old nothing brand new. She told my brother we were trying to keep up with the jones' I figured it was jealousy and just said well if the Jones' are buying 5 year old vehicles than I guess we are LOL

Also, my step sister has always been very thin and my mom has always been over weight. Until this past year. My mom started losing a lot of weight and my step sister started gaining. My mom mentions it every time I talk to her. did you see DSis's clothes and how tight they look....she should take better care of herself. Uh hello! You've been overweight your whole life LOL

 

[kerstfan1]

do i get along with my mom now yes but for the most part of my childhood it was pure hell for me.

My mom was a drunk and for the most part a mean drunk.

It has realy scared me for life, but i know i will be the one who has to take care of her and my dad as my brother and sil will not do a thing.

but i can talk about it now so a good thing for the disboard where u can post almost everything

 

[VillageMama]

I haven't read the entire thread (don't you love it when someone opens with that?) but I wanted to make a suggestion to those of you (us) with "difficult" relationships with a parent...

Look up information on Personality Disorders... particularly Borderline Personality Disorder and/or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You might find a spot-on description of your parent. It was very eye-opening and validating for me to discover that my rocky relationship with my mother was not just normal stuff... but due to her being mentally ill (as diagnosed by her psychiatrist, not me!).

The downside was realizing that we will never have a close relationship because of her issues. But I am building a strong, loving, close knit bond between me and my own children.

 

[KAMKIM]

I haven't read the entire thread (don't you love it when someone opens with that?) but I wanted to make a suggestion to those of you (us) with "difficult" relationships with a parent...

Look up information on Personality Disorders... particularly Borderline Personality Disorder and/or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You might find a spot-on description of your parent. It was very eye-opening and validating for me to discover that my rocky relationship with my mother was not just normal stuff... but due to her being mentally ill (as diagnosed by her psychiatrist, not me!).

The downside was realizing that we will never have a close relationship because of her issues. But I am building a strong, loving, close knit bond between me and my own children.

That is how I feel too. I cant change her and I am sure there are real reasons she behaves the way she does all I can do is try to make sure my kids aren't saying the same thing about me 20 years from now.

 

[NY Disney fan]

Threads like this hit home for me. I love my mom very much. She's very loving and will sacrifice for us. However, we do not get along. She is a classic narcissist who has very little empathy. From the time I was little until now, she has never cared about anything I have said or my feelings. She is a *major* subject-changer. When I told her i was pregnant with her first (and only ) grandchild she changed the subject. No hug, no kiss no nothing. She's also very hypocritical and gossipy. She talks bad about a lot of people...it gets her excited. Like its something to live for. I ask God everyday what can I do to co-exist with her? How can I be kind to her? We fight a lot. It makes me very sad. I always want her approval and I don't know why.

 

[disykat]

I love my mom and she loves me. However, she's not the type to actually say so. My mom isn't particularly "intimate" with anyone. I've never met anyone who didn't like my mom, she's very "nice." I guess I haven't spent a whole lot of time analyzing it, we get along well. We can laugh together, we can spend time together. I guess I just would never in my furthest dreams call her my best friend.

 

[mrsklamc]

My mom isn't malicious, she just has NO IDEA that the whole world doesn't revolve around her. Any of her kids has a graduation, a wedding, a child...she thinks it's about HER. She wouldn't get out of bed for two days when her dad died although my grandma managed to.I seriously called her to tell her I had thyroid cancer a couple weeks ago and her FIRST response was, "How did they find it? Because, you know, they always say my thyroid is enlarged but then they can never find anything."

My get well card after surgery included paint chips from the room they are repainting and a story about how her husband's nephew borrowed a shovel. And to top it off, we don't even know for sure if he's even really legally her husband or she just calls him that. Weird.

 

[amyy]

I get along well with my mom (except for the times she really annoys me We didn't always. It was especially hard when I was in high school & just out of high school. My father died suddenly and I have no brothers or sisters. My mom became ill suddenly and I came home and found her. She was hardly breathing and by the time the ambulance came her heart had stopped beating. She was in a coma for 24 hours or so and I had no idea if she would live or not. This incident totally changed my life and relationship with my mother. Thank God she pulled through with no brain damage, organ damage etc. Ever since then (about 20 years ago) I have spoken to her almost every day.

I know it sounds corny but you just never if someone will still be there tomorrow. For this reason it is rare I ever end a conversation angry/with mean words. I may be very upset and that is clear but I never storm out of the house etc. It is scary how short life can really be.