Do you ever let your kids take a friend?

[slbgnb]

I wouldn't, but I highly value family time on vacations. To add another perspective, I was neither the kid bringing the friend or the friend being brought, but the sibling of the kid who got to bring a friend. It drove me nuts that my slightly older sibling got to bring a friend along, as 1. I didn't have a friend there and had the pleasure of being shut out by the paring of my sister and her friend 2. I didn't like having non-family members on vacation with us, even as a kid. It was much less comfortable to be sharing a hotel room with some random (to me) other kid during what was supposed to be family time. Is it possible that either of your other children might have feelings similar to this? Just another potential angle to consider

I appreciate this insight. We have thought of that. My 2 youngest are so different from my oldest. They truly love spending time with us and love family time. So, in that regard, I really think they'd be fine. Sharing the the hotel suite - I could see that as intrusive. Definitely a good perspective to think about though...thanks.

 

[joanchris]

It seems like it's most common for parents of only children. Which makes total sense.



I definitely disagree with this...no offense. I don't think it's awkward or rude at all. I would talk to the parents FIRST, but still I would lay it out and let them decide. We have done that before with smaller, less expensive vacations that my daughters have been invited on.

Thanks again for all the insight.

When my daughter was asked the mom came and talked to me first--and let me know the cost that would be associated with the trip. My daughter was not supposed to know, but, of course, her best friend told her ahead of time. Still, in our family, my children know that sometimes something is not possible because of money and they will deal with it. As parents, we knew that this would be a great trip, so found the money for it (no airfare, hoppers or hotel costs, and they were eating mostly QS meals, so it wasn't very much $)

 

[HM]

Not on a family trip.

My DD and I have gone with a one friend and her mom, they paid their way. And we've taken a friend with us once, she paid her flight and ticket and I covered the rest.

 

[slbgnb]

I would be concerned about missing time in high school--some schools are easier with missed days than others at that level.
Can you discuss the mother what you MIGHT like to do, before checking it out? That way you can see if the price would increase for you all before you let the child know. Also, the mom would be able to determine if she would be ok with her child missing time in high school

Our school's aren't bad at all for missing time. We've done it every other year since 1st grade. I asked my daughter before booking if SHE was OK missing 4 days in week 3 of her 1st year of HS. I let her decide since she's a most straight A student. She was comfortable with it since the 1st month is a lot of review. But, as for the the friend and her parents...no clue. That's a big factor.

The other big factor - she has 2 BFF's. I don't know which she'd choose. One is wealthier and more like to be able to afford it but parents are less likely to let her miss school - the other not as wealthy and maybe more likely to let her miss. Super confusing!

 

[Nancyg56]

When my adult kids were younger we often included a friend of my daughter's. We paid everything.

We brought my friends two girls in August and we paid.

If we ever bring a friend for my DGD, we will pay.

 

[niffer5150]

i've thought about it but decided the logistics for us were just too much to deal with. we have invited kiddo's boy friend with us twice on disneyland trips tho. it was fantastic. we paid for all the food and the ticket because we didn't want him to refuse because of the cost. i'd ask the mom quietly without notifying any kids if it's something they'd be interested in doing. if mom says it's a no go, then you are no worse off. i would totally let my kid go if i could make it work with her school.

 

[keaster]

We took a friend of our daughter's just this past March break. Her parents paid for the plane ticket and park ticket, we paid for food and accommodation (we are DVC). We also paid for tickets to a spring training game in Dunedin (we also paid for the rental car for the day.)

She brought her own money for souvenirs. It worked out well for our situation.

 

[MakiraMarlena]

Depending on the relationship between the families, you can decide whether to cover all costs for the friend or only certain costs, so long as the adults are in agreement about what will be paid for by whom. definitely it should be worked out among the adults before the kids get involved with planning.

 

[Delirium]

Who should you let bring a friend on vacation?

Kids' friend - Sure, why not
Spouse's friend - Depends on the type of trip
Spouse's friend of the opposite sex - Probably not a good idea

 

[BuckeyeBama]

We have done it a few times as they have gotten older. The only negative - they spent more time away from my wife and I, but they had a blast. It allowed them to create different types of memories at WDW - memories that have them liking the parks even more.

 

[lmcarr49]

Thanks for the tips. A couple things I hadn't considered (the drama for one!) My daughter has been invited to less expensive vacation, but they just laid out the cost ahead of time and we paid for most everything. So, I don't think that would be hard to do. I definitely wouldn't foot the cost for another person at Disney.

While it seems like my 2 oldest are close enough in age to enjoy each other, they are polar opposites and do NOTHING together. Especially at a theme park. My oldest will ride ANYTHING, my middle won't even go on splash.

I do see the "family bonding" point. My 14yr old is just annoyed at being with any of us at any time...that is kind of why it even came up. I don't want her to be annoyed, with a chip on her shoulder the whole time and then put a damper the trip for everyone. Which is somewhat how she was our last family vacation.

But, it's a lot of $$$ and missing 4 days....it's probably not wise.....

I'd leave the 14 year old at home with family from the way you've described her. Why bring her if she's gonna have an attitude the whole time and not want to spend time with you guys?

 

[Disnsyncey]

I'd leave the 14 year old at home with family from the way you've described her. Why bring her if she's gonna have an attitude the whole time and not want to spend time with you guys?

yes, I was thinking something about that attitude, I feel like it might get worse if they had an "out" like "I don't wanna hang out with you guys, I'm going to be a brat until I get away from you" kinda thing......when their friends aren't around, you're all they have, so its have fun or be miserable.....they will eventually give in and have fun.....so its all about the experience that you are looking for....

 

[OhioStateBuckeye]

Having been a middle child with the same age difference between the oldest, are you sure this wouldn't cause problems with the middle kid? They might resent having to hang out with the younger kid and parents while the oldest gets to be special and have a friend.

I'd be all for this idea if your kid was a single child. What happens a couple years from now when the oldest wants a friend again and now so does the middle kid? Might work for a beach vacation but wdw is too expensive.

 

[BuckeyeBama]

I'd leave the 14 year old at home with family from the way you've described her. Why bring her if she's gonna have an attitude the whole time and not want to spend time with you guys?

When my son was that age we faced a similar struggle. We recognized it for what it was - a teen-aged boy trying to become more independent. The behavior did not define him - it was simply something that he was working through without the tools to manage it effectively.

The WDW trip that we scheduled during this period - he didn't want to go and told us why. I waited until I had a chance to talk to him one on one and went over why this kind of trip was so important to my wife and I. He was getting older and would soon be out the door and on his way in this world. We really just wanted as many chances to spend time with him as we could get before that happened. But I told him to think it over, because I only wanted him to go if he could do so with a glad heart. That means making an effort to have fun and interact with the family in a positive way during the trip. I asked him to do it for us, but only if he could do so gladly.

He thought about it for a few days and decided to come. I was so happy that I cried (yeah, men cry). He then saw how much it mattered to us, and the distance that he was placing between us disappeared overnight.

The next trip (the following year) we let him bring a friend - not because he asked, but because he had matured to the point that we saw it as the next step in his maturation. A few months later we sent him to Europe with friends. They grow up so fast...

 

[BuckeyeBama]

Having been a middle child with the same age difference between the oldest, are you sure this wouldn't cause problems with the middle kid? They might resent having to hang out with the younger kid and parents while the oldest gets to be special and have a friend.

I'd be all for this idea if your kid was a single child. What happens a couple years from now when the oldest wants a friend again and now so does the middle kid? Might work for a beach vacation but wdw is too expensive.

You shouldn't say no to something that makes sense today because it might create a problem years down the road, IMO.

 

[robinb]

We are going over Labor Day week (9/3 - 9/11), so kids will miss 4 days of school. We have 3 (14, 12, 9 at trip time). We've been debating letting the 14 yr old bring a friend. We are staying at AofA, so that's fine for space. My concerns are the following:

• it's so expensive, 5 day park hopper, 2 days universal, plane ticket, food...would any parent even do that??
• they will be missing 4 days of their freshman year of high school....would they do that if not THEIR family vacay?
• I've already booked package and dining. I'm afraid to mention it and she is able to go but then if I add her to the package, it jacks up our prices (since prices have since gone up). My TA says they won't, but people here say they might. But, I don't want to add her to see if the prices will go up and then she can't go. Does that make sense?

I'm sure my daughter would have SOOOOO much more fun if a friend went, but is it just too unrealistic to think a parent would allow this? Do others do this? I don't know that I would dish out $1500 for my kid to do this, but I know a lot of her friends are quite wealthy....

And there is also the simple truth - that it would probably increase the cost of our already extremely expensive trip by at least a little, since we'd probably pay for a few of her things......

Sorry so long.....Thanks!

I have brought a friend for my DD multiple times, but she's an only child. I did ask for the parents of the children to chip in for the trips so obviously I don't think it's rude at all. I never asked for the parents to pay for the entire trip. I would usually ask for the parents to pay for park passes and spending money and we paid for everything else.

 

[disneydreaming96]

for mine, my brother's, and my sister's 13th birthday our gift was being able to bring a friend to disney. It worked out great under all three occasions. However, my parents had to approve of who each of us were brining to ensure no drama and their parents also had to agree ahead of time. Everyone that was brought was already practically a member of the family seeing as they were our best friends at the time. There was 0 drama (we're not the drama type either) and i still made great memories with my family due to the fact my friend was so comfortable with them. I haven't brought a friend since then but that is because I'm at the age where my brother and sister have become two of my best friends but until then bringing a friend is a really great option. hope this helps!

 

[gypsicat]

Missing a few days of school would not be a big deal to me. I let our 17 year old miss 4 days last fall to vacation with his GF's family and it was fine. But I also know many parents who would have an issue with it.

"it's so expensive, 5 day park hopper, 2 days universal, plane ticket, food...would any parent even do that??" Honestly? If we are talking $1500+, I probably wouldn't. I personally would rather use that money toward my own family vacation. But, depending on who the friend was and where they were going, I might make an exception. But I would need to know way ahead of time in order to budget the money. Honestly though, we never extend the invitation unless we are able to cover the costs of the guest for the trip. On the flip side, I would be completely fine if my kids were invited and were asked to cover their portion.

We are taking DS's GF ( they are 17) with us this summer. We are paying all of her costs other than spending money. I just let them know (DS, his GF and the older boys) that I expected them to hang out with the family in the mornings for our breakfast ADRs and until we take a break after lunch. After that they are free to go wherever they wish and meet up later for dinner on nights we have something scheduled for dinner. That gets me some family time and gives them some time to themselves.

In our case, DS's siblings won't care that she is there. The two older boys are over 21 and will have each other to do their thing. DD is 7 and adores the GF and is more than thrilled that she is coming. Plus, after 4 years of dating, I guess she is more like family than a friend.

We have been sending our boys on vacation with friends and vice versa since they were around 12 years old. I honestly have never felt that it takes anything away from the "family" part of our vacations and they have been a joy to have along. But that could also have something to do with our relationships with their families, in that the parents were also our close friends and the kids were kind of an extension of our own family (Plus it helped that my boys pretty much shared the same friends). Things may have felt different if it was a friend I didn't know too well. Actually, I could completely see that interfering with the "family" feel.

Everyone is different and in the end, only you can decide if it will work for you.

One other thing. For me growing up as one of 3 kids, I loved when my parents allowed one of us to bring a friend to amusement parks. Whether it was my friend or someone else's, that meant we had an even number and everyone had a ride partner. It's a silly thing, I know and I might be strange but I always stressed about one of us having to ride alone, lol.

 

[Bluegrrl]

Something else to consider: if she kinda wants to "get away" from you, why not consider one of the Yes programs or a tour for her? When I was younger I took a couple of the yes tours and made good "Disney vacation" friends. My parents and their parents let us (two girls) hang out at the parks and pools by ourselves. Tours are pricey, but a lot cheaper than bringing a friend!

 

[mjkacmom]

If I'm inviting another child for the sole purpose of making my child happy, I'm paying. Would I pay $1500, and have my child miss almost a week of HS so that she could go to WDW with another family? Not a chance.

We've taken friends on vacation with us, my kids have gone with other families, and just spending money was sent.

I would not be comfortable asking another family for all of that money to benefit my DD.