Do you ever feel your parenting is wrong.How about the relationship with your spouse

[Disney1fan2002]

based on what you see around you? I had a reality check the past few weeks, and I realized, how other people choose to raise their kids makes them no better than me! How other people are in their relationship with their spouse doesn't mean they have a better relationship than I do with mine!

I used to feel so guilty that I did not have such strict rules with my kids as they grew up. I let them watch tv....I let them watch pg-13 movies at the age of 6....they could run around the backyard with toy guns and swords. Yet, when I was with friends that limited their kids tv/movie exposure, banned weapons from their lives, I would question my judgement. Was I raising horrible kids? Was I a bad parent? It is just something I have done since my oldest was born. I second guess everything all based on how other people are doing it. Maybe it has to do with the fact that my mom died before I had kids, so I don't have her to guide me. I don't know.

Then there is the "perfect" marriages I have seen around me. I have a friend who would never speak a bad word about her husband, when all I wanted to do was talk about how mine drove me crazy. Was I a bad wife because I needed to vent? They seemed to have the perfect marriage. I envied them.

Well, one of my DS14's friends from elementary school (in a different town, we moved a few years ago) recently found him on Facebook. I monitor DS's FB account, so I was looking at some of his friends pages. This kid, when they were little was not allowed to be a little boy. He had very limited TV time, he could only watch certain shows and hardly any movies, and weapons of any sort were not allowed. He spent hours a day practicing his music. I used to think him and his sister were going to grow up and be the nicest kids.

NOT...this kid's FB page scared me! He lists knives, guns, swords and killing as his favorite things. He talks about how he wants to do bad things to other kids in school, but not go Columbine. He admits he has anger issues. HOLY COW!

Then, my friend who had the perfect marriage, they split up a few years ago, but I thought it was because their two girls were extremely difficult behavior-wise and it caused a rift between them. Well, I just found out that my "perfect" friend had been cheating on her husband for 3 years!

All I can say is WOW to both. All those years I felt I was doing something wrong.I was raising my kids how I was raised, and it made me feel like that had gone out the window, and I was somehow raising them wrong. I felt that when I complained about my husband, I was not being a good wife.

I don't know. I guess it just proves that nothing is what it seems. I will continue to let my kids watch movies that other parents may not feel is appropriate...and I will continue to vent about my husband when he annoys me. And I will no longer feel guilty about it! Nothing is guaranteed in life...so I guess we just do the best we can and hope for the best.

 

[PUZZLDY5]

based on what you see around you? I had a reality check the past few weeks, and I realized, how other people choose to raise their kids makes them no better than me! How other people are in their relationship with their spouse doesn't mean they have a better relationship than I do with mine!

I used to feel so guilty that I did not have such strict rules with my kids as they grew up. I let them watch tv....I let them watch pg-13 movies at the age of 6....they could run around the backyard with toy guns and swords. Yet, when I was with friends that limited their kids tv/movie exposure, banned weapons from their lives, I would question my judgement. Was I raising horrible kids? Was I a bad parent? It is just something I have done since my oldest was born. I second guess everything all based on how other people are doing it. Maybe it has to do with the fact that my mom died before I had kids, so I don't have her to guide me. I don't know.

Then there is the "perfect" marriages I have seen around me. I have a friend who would never speak a bad word about her husband, when all I wanted to do was talk about how mine drove me crazy. Was I a bad wife because I needed to vent? They seemed to have the perfect marriage. I envied them.

Well, one of my DS14's friends from elementary school (in a different town, we moved a few years ago) recently found him on Facebook. I monitor DS's FB account, so I was looking at some of his friends pages. This kid, when they were little was not allowed to be a little boy. He had very limited TV time, he could only watch certain shows and hardly any movies, and weapons of any sort were not allowed. He spent hours a day practicing his music. I used to think him and his sister were going to grow up and be the nicest kids.

NOT...this kid's FB page scared me! He lists knives, guns, swords and killing as his favorite things. He talks about how he wants to do bad things to other kids in school, but not go Columbine. He admits he has anger issues. HOLY COW!

Then, my friend who had the perfect marriage, they split up a few years ago, but I thought it was because their two girls were extremely difficult behavior-wise and it caused a rift between them. Well, I just found out that my "perfect" friend had been cheating on her husband for 3 years!

All I can say is WOW to both. All those years I felt I was doing something wrong.I was raising my kids how I was raised, and it made me feel like that had gone out the window, and I was somehow raising them wrong. I felt that when I complained about my husband, I was not being a good wife.

I don't know. I guess it just proves that nothing is what it seems. I will continue to let my kids watch movies that other parents may not feel is appropriate...and I will continue to vent about my husband when he annoys me. And I will no longer feel guilty about it! Nothing is guaranteed in life...so I guess we just do the best we can and hope for the best.

That just goes to show that everything isn't as peachy keen as it seems. I raise my kids a lot like you. I've noticed also that the kids they grew up with that didn't have opportunities to be boys are now the ones on drugs and getting into trouble at school and with the law. I'm not saying my way is right, it's just what worked for me. Also, my DH and I have been married for 17 years. We have fussed and faught with each other a lot, but I know at the end of the day he is my best friend. I used to feel bad about that part. My friend had a storybook marriage (or so I thought) and just recently found out that her life isn't what it seemed to be. When I asked her about it she said that she was embarassed to tell anyone any different.

 

[usnuzuloose]

People can portray it all perfect. But behind closed doors are totally different. There is no such thing as perfect anything. Jo

 

[Disney1fan2002]

That just goes to show that everything isn't as peachy keen as it seems. I raise my kids a lot like you. I've noticed also that the kids they grew up with that didn't have opportunities to be boys are now the ones on drugs and getting into trouble at school and with the law. I'm not saying my way is right, it's just what worked for me. Also, my DH and I have been married for 17 years. We have fussed and faught with each other a lot, but I know at the end of the day he is my best friend. I used to feel bad about that part. My friend had a storybook marriage (or so I thought) and just recently found out that her life isn't what it seemed to be. When I asked her about it she said that she was embarassed to tell anyone any different.

You see, this is where I would feel guilty. So many people say their husband is their best friend. My husband is not my best friend. Many times I prefer to be with my friends and not him. (thruthfully, I have more fun) But, what we have works for us. I just still felt bad that it didn't seem like I had a relationship like some of my friends, or even my siblings. (most of my siblings are divorced).

I just think hearing about my friend and what she did to her husband (who really did adore her) was a huge wake up call for me. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, so for me to feel guilty about things I have no true understanding of is ridiculous.

 

[PUZZLDY5]

If what you have works for you then I would try not to worry so much about the world around you. Just because he is my best friend at the end of the day doesn't mean that he's a barrel of laughs either. What I ment by that was when the world is beating us down we know that no matter what we are there for each other. Truth is he has completly different interests than I do and that's okay.

 

[Christine]

Then, my friend who had the perfect marriage, they split up a few years ago, but I thought it was because their two girls were extremely difficult behavior-wise and it caused a rift between them. Well, I just found out that my "perfect" friend had been cheating on her husband for 3 years!

This is probably why she didn't talk to you about her marriage. It was anything but perfect, there were probably lots of problems, and she was probably very embarrassed.

 

[DisneyFan06]

There is no perfect way to raise a child or a perfect marriage.

I agree with you, I think DW and I have a decent marriage and I love her to death, however I will be the first to tell you that she drives me CRAZY sometimes. I am sure she would tell you the exact same thing - that doesn't mean we don't love each other!

Thanks for sharing the story.

 

[doxdogy]

I remember my mother use to say that she would take her imperfect marriage and her imperfect children over a so called perfect marriage and someone's perfect children. We had a family on our block and they gave the appearance of a perfect marriage and that their children were perfect. Two had drug problems, one left never to be heard from again. One of the two that had drug problems eventually died from her drug abuse.

 

[disykat]

In general, I think people who actually claim to have a perfect marriage and kids are really messed up. Normalcy is having ups and downs.

I don't think whether you are strict or more relaxed, or being private about your downs is any kind of indicator.

 

[Acklander]

I never really second guessed myself when comparing to others parenting or marriage. I've pretty much gone on the assumption that no one is going to raise a perfect kid and no one has a perfect marriage.
it seems every kid no matter how good goes through a rough patch and every kid, no matter how bad has some pretty wonderful moments. And as far as marriage goes, yeah, some people seem to get along better than others but you know what? Some marriages just seem to run their course, no matter how well it's going; and some marriages seem to thrive on the "drama".

 

[krcit]

I just had this conversation with a friend. I think people who claim that their lives are perfect are full of it, fooling themselves or trying to fool everyone else. What's that old saying....if everyone put their problems in a pile, you'd take yours back!

 

[razorbackfan22]

Every one gets their share of crazy in this world and anyone who says that there is no drama or heartache is lying or deluded.

 

[Tinkermommy]

My life is perfect for ME!

That doesn't mean my house is spotless, my kids don't act up or my DH and I don't ever fight. But I love my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

 

[Disney Doll]

I've been around long enough to know that there's no such thing as "perfect" and people who give the appearance of being perfect are usually the ones who are farthest away from it.

I have no kids, so cannot comment on child-raising except to say I've watched a lot of people do it and some screw it up really bad and some do pretty darn good!

Marriage...2 different people tryting to live together & make it work isn't awlays going to be perfect. I love my DH beyond measure. I can depend on him to be there for me when no one else would be necessarily. As a PP said, we know it is we 2 against the world when the going gets tough. But truthfully, I have a female friend who I call my "best friend" so DH probably isn't my definition of a best friend...he's actually something better.

I know a woman who always had the perfect little life...or seemingly so. Come to find out her son is clinically depressed, her daughter has food issues and she herself has been unfaithful for most of her 30 year marriage. All this going on while she was being judgemental of everyone around her, how they were raising their kids and how they were handling their marriages.