Do you clean your teen's room?

[marciemi]

DH14 and I are having a major battle about this. First of all, let me say that he's a great kid and I'm not in any way trying to invade his privacy by looking at notes, homework, etc. Nor has he been upset by this. It's more my moving his stuff that's bothering him. He frequently asks (yells) "Why can't you just leave my stuff alone?"

The problem is his idea of putting stuff away involves everything being dumped on the floor in piles, whether it's his muddy soccer cleats, the pile of clean laundry I just folded for him, empty soda cans and candy wrappers or overdue library books. We moved over the summer and his room has nice carpets which I'd kind of prefer to keep that way! Also when we moved, he got our old bedroom set which has a TON of drawers, cubbies, cupboards, etc. so there's a lot of leftover space for his stuff.

I tried a compromise and told him that if it was on the floor, then I had the right to deal with it. If it was on (or in obviously) one of his 3 dressers, in or on his toy box (more like a big storage bin), on his desk or nightstand, under his (queen) bed, or in his (very large) closet, that I'd leave it alone. But all the stuff laying all over the floor would be put away. He still insisted that I don't have the right to move his stuff, but has been keeping it off the floor for the past few days at least.

Any other suggestions? Should I just stay out of his room completely (hey, and have him vacuum and change his own sheets and pick up and wash his own laundry that's piled on the floor, etc.?) What do you do?

 

[aprilgail2]

my mom would just close the door to my room and let me live in my own mess and that is what I plan to do with my daughter.

 

[Chilehead Too]

My oldest son is 20 and away at college, but I stopped cleaning his room when he was about 13. I would go in once in awjile to make sure that nothing was growing, but other than that he was on his own. He went in spurts, sometimes got real anal about it, other times it was a freakin mess. Now that he is gone it is always clean

 

[Demosthenes]

You've got a right to expect him to keep his room clean. I don't even clean my 2 year old's room, so I can't imagine cleaning my tennager's room; however, even my two-year old has to clean it to my satisfaction. That means, for now, I stand there and tell him where to put each toy he picks up, and which drawer to put his clothes in (he has to empty his own laundry basket). He is two, so he doesn't do anything perfectly, but I tolerate a certain level of imperfection as long as he tries. Do the same with your teenager. You may have to stand over him the first time or two, but he'll probably get what you are going for, and soon be doing it without you. You don't have to stand over him forever, but you have a right to expect him to clean things to your standards.

 

[dmslush]

Not unless she is in trouble LOL! She is 15 and I usually just keep her door closed. When she runs out of clean clothes, then I threaten to go in and clean it. That usually gets is looking somewhat, in an alien way, presentable.

But, no, I don't clean her room. It is her filth, if she can live with it, then so be it!

 

[EthansMom]

I think you did the right thing by telling DS that if it wasn't on the floor, you wouldn't touch it.

I'd go one further and tell DS that from now on, you won't clean his room, but you'll expect him to keep it picked up (dirty laundry in a hamper, garbage in a garbage can, plates and dishes in the kitchen, etc..) and to do additional clean-up whenever you request. He's at an age where he should be putting away his own laundry, taking his dirty laundry out to the laundry room, stripping and making his own bed, and basically cleaning up his own messes.

If he keeps his room relatively picked up, you won't NEED to move his stuff.

If needed, purchase an area rug for DS's room, as well as a garbage can, hamper with separate bins for different colored clothing, and organizing system (file boxes, shelves, etc.) for his school papers.

By expecting your teen son to be responsible for his own space, you'll be doing your future DIL a huge favor!

 

[shortbun]

I won't be cleaning my child's room. He is not allowed to keep old food in there. That, so far, is our only rule.

 

[marciemi]

Thanks for the replies! Those of you with teenagers who DON'T clean their rooms, seriously, what do you do about things like vacuuming or changing the sheets? Do you run in and do those quickly or just hand them new sheets or a vacuum cleaner on weekends or just not bother? I'm certainly not a meticulous housekeeper by any standards, but think he would want new sheets at least every couple weeks!

 

[dmslush]

Thanks for the replies! Those of you with teenagers who DON'T clean their rooms, seriously, what do you do about things like vacuuming or changing the sheets? Do you run in and do those quickly or just hand them new sheets or a vacuum cleaner on weekends or just not bother? I'm certainly not a meticulous housekeeper by any standards, but think he would want new sheets at least every couple weeks!

I hand them to her.

 

[Acklander]

I don't clean my teen's room. It's his space and if he wants to live in a mess that's his business - at first it was really messy but over time he's become quite neat. As far as laundry and sheets - Around age 12 I showed him how to use the washer/dryer and his laundry became his own personal responsibility. I considered it part of my job to teach him to become self sufficient.

 

[RonnieJo66]

my mom would just close the door to my room and let me live in my own mess and that is what I plan to do with my daughter.

That's what I do now....

I don't know how my DS finds anything in there

I would think he'd be embarrassed by it but nnnnnooooo

...I warn others not to go in there unless they've had all their shots!!

 

[punkin]

I guess I am in the minority. I clean my daughter's room. Usually it goes like this: I yell and scream and tell her that she will not be allowed out of the house until all her dirty clothes are in the laundry room, all her books and papers are nicely put away and all her clean clothes are intheir proper place. She is not allowed to do anything or go anywhere until that is done. After that, I will go in and dust and vacuum.

Sometimes she really is very busy and does not have the time to keep her rooom the way I like. I will cut her some slack and pick up her junk myself. I refuse to have a filthy room in my house.

 

[bananiem]

I made a deal with my kids- If they help keep the rest of the house in order, then their room is their domain. They keep their stuff picked up so the rest of the house is in order, and they help clean and vacuum, I tell them what day I'm washing sheets, they strip the bed and put the sheets in the laundry room. When they come home they find their sheets folded and ready for them to put them back on the bed.

 

[kandeebunny]

by age 10 I was doing my own laundry and changing my own sheets. My mom let it be messy...but I had to handle my own washing, changing of bed and vaccuming.

 

[Hannathy]

As long as the door can close ( in case someone comes over) She can keep it anyway she wants. If I can walk to the bed I will change the sheets occasionally, otherwise she knows where they are kept. By the way right now I can't walk to the bed and I think she still has carpeting in there but I'm not sure! I will go in and scoop up towels from the floor when the linen cupboard starts being totally depleted of towels. She works very hard in school AP High school classes and is a good kid so I don't care what her room looks like.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

No way.

Every once in a while I get him to clean it. But I won't do it.

 

[grlzmom]

I dont clean their rooms. When they turned 12 they started doing their own laundry, including bedding, and their rooms have always been their own responsibility. Occasionally I will remind them to wash their bedding on the weekends.

Occasionally I will open the door and if things are looking really slobby, I will give them a "hefty bag warning". That gives them 24 hours to clean up and then I will enter the room and anything that remains on the floor goes in a hefty bag to goodwill. If they cant appreciate their nice things, someone else will. In six years of doing "hefty bag warnings", I have only actually had to bag stuff up twice (and I did follow through with my warning)

We also dont allow food in the bedrooms, yuck.

Maybe when my son gets older I will have more issues, but my girls are really good about being neat (other than the occasional pile of clothes on the floor). I dont think I have ever gone through their closets or dressers.

 

[TEENEE]

My ds is 15. I don't remember the last time I cleaned his room. My only real rule is no food or drinks in my kids rooms because they forget to clean up and I certainly don't want bugs in my house. If my kids want clean clothes they better make sure the clothes are put in the dirty clothes basket. A lot of the time my ds does his own laundry. He doesn't seperate anything even though he has been taught to. I don't give him a hard time about it. The way I see it, if he's willing to do his own laundry and doesn't care about seperating, that's his choice. Most of the time he will clean his room when it starts getting bad. This past weekend I did ask him to clean it. As far as clean sheets, he can't be bothered unless I tell him to strip his bed.

My dd who is 11 is another story. That girl can mess up a room in a matter of seconds. She'll spend an entire day cleaning her room and mess it up the next day if not sooner. I try to tell her to clean up every day so it doesn't get too bad.

There are certain battles I'm not willing to fight with my kids. Right now my son really needs a haircut. He looks terrible but it's not hurting anything. I wonder about some of the outfits my daughter wears. As long as everything is covered and she's not wearing anything suggestive then I won't argue with her. I like to save my energy for the important things.

 

[NMAmy]

DD is 16. Mostly I just keep her door closed. Sometimes her stuff begins migrating to the hallway which is when I remind her that she needs to keep it within her doorway. Occasionally, she asks me to hang out with her in her room and then I can't stop myself from picking up certain areas. Also, when she goes to stay with her dad, I'll do a clean up while she's gone. She certainly doesn't get upset with me when I do it--she's actually grateful to come home to a clean room.

We had a discussion about this over Thanksgiving with my mom, my older sister, DH, and I. Oddly enough, my sister and I were the same way when we were teenagers--huge slobs. Now we're both neat freaks. That's one reason I don't insist dd keep her room tidy. I'm pretty sure she'll outgrow this phase. At 16, I have a lot more things to worry about with her than just a messy room. I'd rather pick my battles and be easygoing about some things and tougher about things like grades, curfews, etc.

 

[SeaSpray]

As a child I was allowed to keep my room any way I wanted to, and it was usually a mess! lol At the time, I thought it was great, but in retrospect, I wish my mother would've MADE me clean it. I really wasn't happy when my room was messy. Funny thing is, when I was older (an older teen) I eventually got to the point where I cleaned it on my own, and my mother would pay me to clean my brothers' rooms.

Anyway... to answer the OP's question, I don't clean my DSs' rooms anymore. They're now 18 and 15, and while I DO make them keep their rooms presentable, I don't worry about the small piles of papers, books, other items, etc, like I did when they were younger.

I make them strip their beds once a week and I throw ALL of our sheets together in the washing machine (I have a newer, front-loading machine that can hold a large load), and I wash them all on "Sanitize" mode. lol I just have a thing about sheets and towels; they HAVE to be VERY clean! lol Then I hand them back their sheets and they make their own beds. Actually, DS15 sometimes will help me put the sheets back on MY bed because I have rheumatoid arthritis and if my hands are hurting at the time it's difficult to pull the sheets tight across the bed and tuck them in. (yes I could wait for DH to help me, but I usually wash the sheets during the week and like to get them back on the beds before he gets home from work).

I think everyone, and every family, has their own mess-comfort level. Sometimes it's difficult to find a middle-ground with our kids. lol My house is always very clean and organized, and as long as they don't leave a mess anywhere else in the house, I'm fine with them having their rooms the way they want them, within limits.

EDITED TO ADD: No food allowed in the bedrooms here, either!