Do you believe in spanking??

[Cool-Beans]

Yeah, I spanked my kids. Not a lot, but I did. I also told them that if they did such-and-such, I'd hit them so hard it'd hurt for a week. They believed me, because they were dumb, and I didn't actually have to carry out the threat.

 

[LisaNJ25]

Yes I do..

 

[Nancy]

What I hate worse than a swat on the butt is a screaming, belittling, shaming parent. They can do even worse damage but I suspect they hit their children as well.

Shortbun, I agree...those parents that scream and yell and call their kids names are just as bad as the physical abusers. I cringe when I see that in public. I've seen parents getting right in their kids faces and screaming and calling them the worst names...I have to admit they make me afraid, I can;t imagine what it does to a small child.

 

[VSL]

My next door neighbours on one side are horrid. They have three children (who aren't very nice, but that's because of the parents IMO), two boys and one girl, all under 10... I think.

Anyway, a few weeks back the girl was out and they wanted her back in.
The father shouted: 'Get in here NOW you little [f-word]ing [female dog]!'.

A 10yr old girl. Shocking.

The mother is horrid too - the voice that she uses whenever she is speaking to them just makes me want to smack her across the chops.

I've never heard either of them say anything nice to their children. Of course, my BF and I think that the only reason they've got the kids is so that they can live on benefits (without them they probably wouldn't have a house).

Just veering a little OT there - Nancy and shortbun got me thinking.

 

[amybippy]

I am just going to wade into the fray here. I was spanked as a child, and I don't in any way, shape for form think that I was abused. My father didn't spank me very often, probably less than three times. And he never spanked me in anger. He always explained to me just why I was being punished, and it was never a long drawn out incident. I only got spanked when I deliberately hurt someone's feelings, or when I had done something that put myself or my sister in danger. In fact, I only got spanked a few times in my whole life. I knew my father loved me unconditionally, and I knew he did what he did because he wanted me to understand the severity of my offense. And I learned, and I am a better person for it. I carried those lessons into my own experiences with my own kids, and they are both wonderful, caring, funny, loving kids, who make me proud every day. I should add that my dad and mom didn't have to discipline us very often because they made there expectations very clear from my earliest memories. They were very present in our lives, and I am very present in my own kids lives. Being a very strong presense, lovingly guiding them, teaching them, being there for them has made punishment pretty much unnecessary for us. The kids have just always known what our expectations are. I think that it has been a relief for them to have that "out" when faced with peer pressure. They have always been able to say "My parents would never let me do that" and walk away.

Just a couple o' cents worth of rambling...
Amy

 

[SuperSteelerFan]

Yes, I do believe in some spanking. I don't use it for all punishment, but sometimes it is necessary. Time-outs, grounding, and such only work for a while then seem to lose effectiveness. I'm not talking about beating until the kid's butt blisters and bleeds, but a swat or 2 on the tush can be a very effective punishment for bad behavior. When I do spank my kids, they KNOW that they are in big trouble and that quickly puts an end to whatever the bad behavior was. Usually, I don't even have to connect - just the thought that they are about to be swatted stops them in their tracks!

 

[JimFitz]

My father never laid a hand on me, but my mother use to beat the living beejessus out of me. It was only when deserved, and I usually knew it was coming.

 

[kimberlym4]

I'm one of "those" child psychologists that have been telling parents not to spank. The problem with kids today isn't that their parents listened and stopped spanking... but that they misunderstood and stopped disciplining.

Any form of punishment can work if you do it swiftly (as soon as the bad behavior occurs), consistently (every time the bad behavior occurs - not just when you've had a bad day and lost your patience), and give an explanation. (BTW, I challenge whether you spankers apply your spankings that way). However, EVEN IF you do all those things there are still negative side effects from spanking. Kids fear you (vs. respect you - two very different concepts), they learn that when someone does something wrong (including their little brother or sister) it's OK to hit them - that's what their mom and dad do, sometimes they enjoy the attention that spanking gives them. There are so many other ways to discipline that spanking is just not necessary for us.

Even for the "run out into the street" examples. If you grab your child by the shoulders and pull them close to you and look into their eyes and say in a stern, scared voice "don't you ever do that again" it will be as effective as spanking them.

When I teach my college level classes, I have a little "soapbox" moment when I talk about this. I always end by saying that if someone thinks that spanking is so effective, I will start spanking every student that has below a C on the next test. Chances are they would study harder next time right? Those of you are late to work sometimes - it may happen less often if you got spanked for each late day. So maybe a new policy should be implemented... Oh right - those things can't happen - they would be considered assault and the "spanker" could go to jail! Yet it is OK to do if they spanker is a parent and the spankee is our 5 year old child.

Again - you must still use discipline (swiftly, consistently, and with an explanation) but there are so many better kinds out there (time-out, magic 123, natural logical consequences are a few I heard mentioned here). Use those and don't feel compelled to be your child's friend. S/he'll have plenty of those. But... that's another whole thread and look how long I've already gone on for!!

P.S. Those of you that were spanked as kids and turned out just fine... are you sure? Might you have been "finer" if you'd been exposed to discipline that taught you how TO act not just how NOT TO act. And for those that did turn out as "fine" as you could be - you may have been the exception. That doesn't mean that MOST of those spanked will not have been impacted negatively.

OK - bring it on - I'm ready

 

[mariolatry]

Even for the "run out into the street" examples. If you grab your child by the shoulders and pull them close to you and look into their eyes and say in a stern, scared voice "don't you ever do that again" it will be as effective as spanking them.

Actually, that didn't work for me when I was a kid. I was always so caught up in what I was feeling that I didn't think of the consequences of my actions. My mom did the "Don't do that" thing twice, including once after I caused an accident when a car had to swerve to avoid me. The third time she smacked my butt with a wooden spoon and boy, did that make an impression! I never did it again.

Maybe I wasn't that bright of a kid......

 

[Papa Deuce]

I'm just not sure if I do. My husband does though. Although our daughter isn't old enough to be spanked yet, he said he will when she's old enough and needs to be punished. I just don't get how spanking is different then child abuse. A parent can get arrested by beating their kids on the face, but not swatting them on the butt? What do you all think?

Hmmn.... I don't think a butt swat is much of a big deal. I am truly surprised and quite thrilled to find out that I have NEVER had to spank my kids. I have given them "butt taps" to get attention, but NOT to punish.

When I was a kid, I was spanked, hit with a belt, and even kicked once ( might have been accidental... not sure ). I don't hold it against my parents. Today, my mom absolutely marvels at my twins behavior and at how I have never had to spank them. To tell the truth, it surprises me, too.

As a parent, one thing I have learned - and developed - is that you must have patience.

And, to toot my own horn, my kids are even better than I ever thought they could be..... and I attribute that to both my wife and I. We try to stand united. And we don't spank.

 

[Amlee]

No, I don't have any children, but I do help with my nieces and nephews. I have spanked them and if they needed it again, I wouldn't think twice about it. My brothers know that if I can't correct the kids, then I'm not going to keep them. Since I have been around kids that were truly beat (my parents ran a group home for abused girls) I can tell you there is a HUGE difference between a "spanking" and a "beating".


In the 15 years since my oldest niece was born. I can only think of one time that I have had to truly spank any of them. Since they have got older I have switched punishments on them. If they act up with me or if I hear of them acting up then they can't go with me on my next planned event. Be it a movie, a play, or a trip somewhere. I have no problem with leaving the misbehaved one behind. This has proven to work and the ones that have been left behind, never got left behind again.

Now my mother has a HUGE problem with this. She thinks it's wrong of me to take the others, but leave one behind.


I guess this works fine for now, since I don't have my own and can leave them with their parents. Not sure how I will handle one of my own.

 

[Nancy]

Question for both sides.

What do you consider spanking?

Is is multiple swats on the behind, or one swat on the behind? When I think of the word spanking, I think of being put over a lap and repeated swats on either a bare behind or clothed behind..to the point where it is painful and reduces the child to tears and crying.

I don't think of 1 swat on the behind as spanking.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Yes I believe in spanking. I also think equating a swat on the bum with child abuse is overdramatic. I could give a flying flip about all this psycho-babble coming from shrinks just looking to make a buck off another stupid parenting book. I would never dream of speaking to my parents the way I hear some kids these days speak to their parents, cause if I did I'd get backhanded. Not that I think that is ok, but my point is that kids these days get away with alot because discipline is far more relaxed then it used to be.

 

[hidmickey:myantidrug]

My opinion? I'm all for it if need be. I don't have kids (I'm 16) but if I'm babysitting my much younger cousins and they are misbehaving they know that they can expect a good hand slapping which their parents and all other babysitting family members also do. If a needed butt slap is in order, do it with your hand. Don't whip out a belt or a brush and hit them. I'm also all for a little smack on the cheek but no other head contact. I wouldn't ever consider this child abuse. There is a big difference between a slap (soft or otherwise) and an abusive hit.

 

[backalleysally]

I'm one of "those" child psychologists that have been telling parents not to spank. The problem with kids today isn't that their parents listened and stopped spanking... but that they misunderstood and stopped disciplining.

When I teach my college level classes, I have a little "soapbox" moment when I talk about this. I always end by saying that if someone thinks that spanking is so effective, I will start spanking every student that has below a C on the next test. Chances are they would study harder next time right? Those of you are late to work sometimes - it may happen less often if you got spanked for each late day. So maybe a new policy should be implemented... Oh right - those things can't happen - they would be considered assault and the "spanker" could go to jail! Yet it is OK to do if they spanker is a parent and the spankee is our 5 year old child.

(Italics added)

I'm sorry but that is the worst argument I've ever heard. You also can't make your college-level kids go with you to the doctor, go shopping, get a bath, go to sleep at 9 p.m., eat their vegetables....(fill in the blank). Those things are reserved to parents. So is spanking.

If you made one of your kids get in your car and spend the day shopping with you at the mall you'd be guilty of kidnapping. Yet parents can do it. Why is that?

 

[backalleysally]

Question for both sides.

What do you consider spanking?

Is is multiple swats on the behind, or one swat on the behind? When I think of the word spanking, I think of being put over a lap and repeated swats on either a bare behind or clothed behind..to the point where it is painful and reduces the child to tears and crying.

I don't think of 1 swat on the behind as spanking.

I agree with that. I am a spanker, and in our house a spanking is a series of swats on the bare bottom with either an open hand or a ping-pong paddle. It's always done after deliberation, not as an expression of anger. But it does hurt, and they do cry. I don't see the point of spanking your child just enough to make them angry but not enough to deter their behavior.

 

[chobie]

I agree with that. I am a spanker, and in our house a spanking is a series of swats on the bare bottom with either an open hand or a ping-pong paddle. It's always done after deliberation, not as an expression of anger. But it does hurt, and they do cry. I don't see the point of spanking your child just enough to make them angry but not enough to deter their behavior.

Putting my flame suit on, but I think that baring a child's bottom to punish them is abusive.

 

[backalleysally]

Putting my flame suit on, but I think that baring a child's bottom to punish them is abusive.

Fortunately, the law doesn't, at least not in my state.

 

[VSL]

I am a spanker, and in our house a spanking is a series of swats on the bare bottom with either an open hand or a ping-pong paddle.

I consider your definition of 'spanking' as child abuse, as you use a weapon (and on bare skin).

 

[chobie]

Fortunately, the law doesn't, at least not in my state.

There are lots of things one can do to their child that is harmful, but will not get you into legal trouble, however that does not make it right.