Do parents owe their kids a wedding?

[lacrosse_lady72]

Yes, I am confident that her parents could afford it, and I don't recall saying that they didn't have the right to spend it that way, but that doesn't mean it wasn't wasteful or needlessly extravagant.

The bride, by the way, is a preschool teacher and her husband is a civil engineer employed by the government, so they would have been better off taking the money to put towards a home or towards savings (although I believe they are still being supported financially by their parents, despite being in their mid-30s). $600,000 would provide a nice home in most areas of the country!

Lol. And I didn't say that you said they didn't have the right to spend it.

I was just saying, and this goes for anything expensive, that if you have the money you have every right to spend it however you want.

 

[Judy from Boise]

In my family weddings are very religious events, we spent about 3,000 out the door for flowers, dress, pictures, and a typical church hall wedding reception with of course no booze.
It was a gorgeous and magical day.

Honestly although people are free to spend their money as they see fit, expensive weddings are just outside my value system.

 

[pigletgirl]

I have mixed feelings on this. My parents are paying for about 60% of the wedding, and DF's parents are paying for the food/photography. That is how they wanted to do it. DF and I are paying for the extras (like the candy buffet)...

I would feel utterly bad if they paid for everything. It's me and DF's day. We should pay for some of it.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the wedding. I intent to stick to that tradition.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

Most all of my high school friends, college friends and female cousins got married in their 20's and I don't know anyone who's parents did not pay for all or most of their wedding expenses.

I live in the deep south, maybe it's a regional thing?

 

[Reedi]

As I posted on the college thread, I do not intend to write my kids a blank check for anything, nor am I raising them to believe that they are entitled to anything more than our assistance. As a parent I feel obligated to help my kids and will do everything I can to do just that...help. Basically, while we could afford to shell out $10K or more on a wedding, we simply won't. I would hope that my kids would see the sense in building a strong marriage and not get blinded by the frivolity of an extravagant to-do with a $5K dress, 6 bridesmaids and the rest of that nonsense and turn into bridezillas on their special day. Make it special, yes, but don't come to me expecting a $2M Chelsea bash either. That's not all that big day is about.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

As I posted on the college thread, I do not intend to write my kids a blank check for anything, nor am I raising them to believe that they are entitled to anything more than our assistance. As a parent I feel obligated to help my kids and will do everything I can to do just that...help. Basically, while we could afford to shell out $10K or more on a wedding, we simply won't. I would hope that my kids would see the sense in building a strong marriage and not get blinded by the frivolity of an extravagant to-do with a $5K dress, 6 bridesmaids and the rest of that nonsense and turn into bridezillas on their special day. Make it special, yes, but don't come to me expecting a $2M Chelsea bash either. That's not all that big day is about.

Other than the days on which my children were born, my wedding day was the happiest day of my life. My parents "shelled out" more than $10,000.00 for my wedding and they nor I thought it was a waste of money then or now. I certainly wasn't a bridezilla and I still have people tell me that our wedding was one of the most lovely affairs they have ever been to. My mother often says she can't wait to help me plan my girls weddings

What you may deem frivolous or unimportant might seem perfectly appropriate for another family. People should definitely not go into debt, or put on a wedding they can not afford, but IF you can afford it and your daughter wants a more lavish affair, why not pay for it?

 

[Tyranius]

No way! I am getting married next year and our families' both wanted to chip in. However, I knew that my family had a lot on their plate and my fiance, while his family is a bit more wealthy then mine, didn't feel comfortable with them paying. Also it is easier to discuss (sometimes argue) over wedding finances between just he and I and we don't have to run to the family. I would rather have their input with certain matters such as vendors and know they care then have the money and have to fight over cash and other things. Takes the pressure off. Weird, I know but it works. Some family members thought that it was a waste of funny, but we made it clear that it was OUR money and we can afford it. I try to be understanding but sometimes you have to tell people to calm down and besides it wouldn't stop them from drinking the wine and dancing at the wedding. That way if we do decide on the lavish wedding, it will be from our own pockets.

 

[disykat]

What you may deem frivolous or unimportant might seem perfectly appropriate for another family. People should definitely not go into debt, or put on a wedding they can not afford, but IF you can afford it and your daughter wants a more lavish affair, why not pay for it?

Because she doesn't want to?

I have two boys and I sincerely hope they don't marry someone who wants something lavish. I prefer simple, religious ceremonies. However, I will keep my mouth shut if they do because it won't be MY decision - UNLESS they expect me to pay for it!

 

[PrincessTiffany]

Because she doesn't want to?

I have two boys and I sincerely hope they don't marry someone who wants something lavish. I prefer simple, religious ceremonies. However, I will keep my mouth shut if they do because it won't be MY decision - UNLESS they expect me to pay for it!

You can have a traditional, religious ceremony and still have a "lavish" reception. The two aren't exclusive.

Really, I don't care one way or the other if someone pays for their child's wedding or not, I'm just wondering if you do have the money why you wouldn't want to pay for it. There are a number of people who said they could pay for an expensive wedding for their child, but would not do so. I wasn't judging anyone, I was just wondering why, if you have the money, would you be against paying for a large wedding.

 

[scrapquitler]

I'm just wondering if you do have the money why you wouldn't want to pay for it. There are a number of people who said they could pay for an expensive wedding for their child, but would not do so. I wasn't judging anyone, I was just wondering why, if you have the money, would you be against paying for a large wedding.

We COULD pay for an expensive wedding for our children, but we will be choosing not to. Why? Because we think that the big party is a waste of money for one day's fun. Thousands of dollars for a dress that you only wear once? An expensive dinner for all your friends? Hundreds of dollars for party favors that noone cares about? There are many other things that mean more to us that we could use that money for. We would just choose not to pay for large wedding because we don't value it and we have different priorities.

My daughter is only 13, but we have already had lots of conversations with her about money and her future, and the possibility of a wedding has been one of those topics of discussion. DH and I have talked with her about our wedding ( a modest affair, 130 guests, 2 bridesmaids, a local wedding hall, probably cost about $10K in 1990)...it was a much bigger wedding than either DH or I really wanted, but it was what OUR parents wanted for us (and themselves), and both sets of parents split the costs. DD said to us "I would rather have the money for a down payment on a house or something else that mattered more to me, the wedding is just a party, the big thing about a wedding is the marriage, not the party" (I guess she HAS been listening to me all these years)

 

[PrincessTiffany]

We COULD pay for an expensive wedding for our children, but we will be choosing not to. Why? Because we think that the big party is a waste of money for one day's fun. Thousands of dollars for a dress that you only wear once? An expensive dinner for all your friends? Hundreds of dollars for party favors that noone cares about? There are many other things that mean more to us that we could use that money for. We would just choose not to pay for large wedding because we don't value it and we have different priorities.

My daughter is only 13, but we have already had lots of conversations with her about money and her future, and the possibility of a wedding has been one of those topics of discussion. DH and I have talked with her about our wedding ( a modest affair, 130 guests, 2 bridesmaids, a local wedding hall, probably cost about $10K in 1990)...it was a much bigger wedding than either DH or I really wanted, but it was what OUR parents wanted for us (and themselves), and both sets of parents split the costs. DD said to us "I would rather have the money for a down payment on a house or something else that mattered more to me, the wedding is just a party, the big thing about a wedding is the marriage, not the party" (I guess she HAS been listening to me all these years)

Again, I don't care if anyone wants to pay for their child's wedding or not. But why does there seem to be this inference that if you spend money on a large wedding and/or reception that you do not value the holy sacrament of marriage or somehow have less reverence for the importance and significance of marriage. My husband and I had a large wedding and big reception/party and we did, and still do, cherish our marriage vows.

Of course, I love a good party and celebrating life in general. We throw a big party at our home each year for Halloween and Christmas and invite all of our family and friends. I spend a fairly large sum on those parties each year and I've never felt like I was wasting money or being frivolous. It's just brings me pure joy and I have wonderful memories of these parties - and you can't put a price on that.

So, I guess to each his own!

 

[Tyranius]

Again, I don't care if anyone wants to pay for their child's wedding or not. But why does there seem to be this inference that if you spend money on a large wedding and/or reception that you do not value the holy sacrament of marriage or somehow have less reverence for the importance and significance of marriage. My husband and I had a large wedding and big reception/party and we did, and still do, cherish our marriage vows.

Of course, I love a good party and celebrating life in general. We throw a big party at our home each year for Halloween and Christmas and invite all of our family and friends. I spend a fairly large sum on those parties each year and I've never felt like I was wasting money or being frivolous. It's just brings me pure joy and I have wonderful memories of these parties - and you can't put a price on that.

So, I guess to each his own!

I have an aunt who throws great parties and while some may see those shindigs as money wasters but then again I noticed that the people who complained the loudest are the ones who partied the hardest.

 

[disykat]

But why does there seem to be this inference that if you spend money on a large wedding and/or reception that you do not value the holy sacrament of marriage or somehow have less reverence for the importance and significance of marriage. !

You keep picking up on words we use like religious and traditional, but skipping over the words like "simple" and "modest." Me saying I prefer a simple, religious ceremony does not mean you can't have a lavish, religious ceremony.

It's really easy to pick apart just pieces of people's posts and make them about you. For example, when you said something like "we like to celebrate life in general" I could get all offended and say "are you infering that I don't like to celebrate life?" But you didn't say that, you were simply describing your own preferences. That would be me jumping to conclusions.

 

[Magpie]

Not in our family!

Neither DH nor I ever asked our parents for anything. We got married in front of a justice of the peace and used the money we saved to visit some friends in the US for a weekend. His parents couldn't even make it down for the wedding (they're in another city), so they sent us a toaster instead.

DH's brother decided to do a "real" wedding, so he found a minister and got married beside the river, with maybe 20 guests in attendance. He paid for most things himself, though I think my inlaws might have rented the room at the rod and gun club for their reception.

I'm happy to make origami decorations, offer up our home for a party, and throw a couple hundred dollars at the happy couple. But beyond that I think the kids can pay for themselves.

 

[dimimi]

We have 2 boys. We plan on paying for college....I'd like to put a stipulation on that...if they don't graduate, they owe me the money back! But, as for the wedding, we plan (they are still young) on giving them a dollar amount as their gift. They can use it as they choose.

 

[Hedy]

My kids aren't getting a free wedding OR a free college education. I will pitch in what I can afford, but if they're old enough to want to ge married, they're old enough to pay for it. DD17 love watching "Say Yes to The Dress". She is as appalled as I am at these women who "have to have" that $6000 (or more!)dress. What does the average wedding cost now, about $30,000? That's more than I paid for BOTH my cars~

All I can think of during those shows is "Heck, if I have that kind of money when I get hitched,I'll get married in the dress I wore to college graduation and buy DVC".
I'm a 26 year old single female. I don't plan on having my mom pay if/when I have one.

 

[We_Love_Disney]

I believe the OP's question was: Do parents OWE their kid's a wedding?

If you can afford to, and desire to, by all means, knock your socks off.
If you can afford to, and desire not to, completely your call.
If you can't afford to, and want to go into financial ruins just to pay for it, again, by all means, knock your socks off.
If you can't afford to, and have no desire, again, completely your call.

Parents do not owe their adult children anything.

 

[Gigi22]

The subject line of this thread really takes me back. I remember being sat down by my father and told, "As your parents we will pay for your education at university and for your wedding. Both of these depend on how you behave. Legally we are not obliged to support you past the age of eighteen." I was the oldest--he may have been less forthright with my younger siblings. It was clear, and it told me exactly what was expected of me. I think more parents should have this little chat with their kids.

 

[themilesfamily]

When we got engaged, my parents gave us $2000 and my in-laws gave us $2000. That was their contribution to our wedding. Anything else, we had to pay for. I liked that setup because we had some financial help, but we had the freedom to plan and do with it what we pleased. I felt it was a very generous contribution from them.

I was 33 when I got married, and had already been out on my own for a while and was earning my own money. So I didn't really need them to foot the whole bill. But it was a nice gesture on their part and I really appreciated it!!