Do I just not get it?

[va32h]

I routinely send my children to my sister's house for at least a week in the summer. She only has the furry, barking type of children, too.

Sometimes the older ones stay for up to a month.

I never worry - my sister loves my children and would do anything to keep them safe.

My brother, on the other hand, is very different. When he had to attend his FIL's funeral and leave his two children with our other (also childless) sister, he wouldn't even allow her to drive them to the mall. (She is 44, and the most responsible, cautious person I have ever met.)

People have different levels of comfort with that sort of thing. I can understand feeling hurt - it hurts my feelings that my brother would not allow me to babysit his kids, even though I have three of my own! But ultimately you have to accept the parents' wishes.

I would probably not want to babysit children for a week, if I could not take them somewhere, not even to the mall, at some point. I would go stir-crazy! Are there any in-town amusements you could enjoy, that would make your sister more comfortable and still give you something fun to do

 

[debbi801]

I do not consider myself over protective, but I would give you the same answer your sister gave you. There is no way, when we are halfway across the country, that I could enjoy myself while i was worrying about you having my kids on a mini-vacation at the same time, especially where a water park is concerned. You're away from their pediatrician if one of them gets sick, if there is something catastrophic that happens at the water park, what happens then?

I think there is a huge difference between taking them out to dinner, a movie, etc. around home and taking them out of town while the parents are a thousand + miles away.

 

[hornedfrog]

I have younger children, so I'm not exactly in your sister's shoes yet...

But as it stands today, I wouldn't be comfortable with it and I don't know at what age I would be.

 

[BuckNaked]

Honestly, I think it is unreasonable, but I can kind of see why she feels that way. However, if I had so little trust in my sister and parents, I wouldn't be using them for sitting! I'd probably be somewhat offended if I were you.

Bingo, same here, except for the part about seeing why she feels that way. I'm the type that if I don't totally trust you with my kids, you aren't getting them. To me, having "a little trust" is like being "a little pregnant".

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

You said this will be the first time she will be away from her 6 yr old for the night. I think that's the key right there. She is obviously very protective. It sounds like having her 6 yr old away from her overnight AND on a road trip is just too much at one time. Everyone has their own comfort level with their children.


My sister's son almost drowned when he was with a babysitter. She came back to her apartment to see an ambulance, police car and flashing lights. Her son almost died. My DS almost drowned while taking swimming lessons! I was there, of course, because after my sister's experience there was no way I would leave him at a pool. I was the one who jumped up (and almost jumped in) and told the instructor. Every parent has their issues. Just give your sister some time. Maybe the next time she might feel more comfortable.

 

[MichelleVW]

I think it's really weird since the Grandparents are also going. Now if it were the in-law parents I could maybe see her concern, but your own parents???

My sister and her husband took my girls on an overnighter to the beach...yes I was a little worried, but I let them go. I trust my sister and her husband so why wouldn't I let them take the girls?

I take my best friend's daughter who is 8 with me everywhere... I took her on vacation with us last summer and I'm not even "family" and her mom was fine with it....she knows that I will take care of her wherever we are.

I really think it's over protective....it's one over night a couple of hours from home with responsible adults.

It really is weird to me that she trusts you to watch them, but not to take them anywhere....I think people worry too much.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I can see both sides.

I think it is great you are willing to watch them, and to take them to a fun place like that! As I mom I would feel better having fun, knowing they are too, (or at least very least less guilty.) That could be a big selling point. It is a generous and fun offer on your part. If you are taking the time to care for them I think you should be able to do what you want (as long as it is something the mother would approve of if she was there.)

Now the other side. Leaving kids can be hard. I can see the mom's point feeling that I would relax more if I had less to worry about. Even if she trusts you 100%, there are still factors outside of your judgment that could happen. Car accidents, encounters with strangers, kids getting sick away from home, etc... Things that could also happen if their parents are with them, but it might just add to her anxiety. There is enough that "could" go wrong on their trip be concerned about. Not having to worry about what "might" go wrong on yours might help her enjoy her vacation more. Having said that it still is a little selfish of her. Still mother's don't get to be selfish much.......

Like I said I see both sides.

Having said that I think that if she is willing to trust you, she should be able to on a trip too. I think it would be more fun for the kids, so in the end I would say "Yes to it."

Her kids aren't that young. 6 is in K or 1st grade now. They are becoming more independent. I think I would feel nervous if my 2 year old was going, but not my almost 6 year old.

 

[KirstenB]

I think your sister wants it both ways. She wants time away from the kids, and yet wants to dictate what you get to do with them. It sounds like she's not ready to be away from them. Just curious, does she ever take them to pools, waterparks, etc?

My sister occasionally takes our older dd for a night or 2. They live at the beach, have no kids, so she gets spoiled rotten! To me, my sister is giving her a huge gift: her complete and undivided attention. I try to gently let my parents know when they ask what dd would like for her birthday..."she would love you to take her to McDonalds and then to the park". Honestly, you don't even need to give kids material gifts, a lot of the time they just want some one on one time. You sound like a wonderful Auntie!!!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

You're away from their pediatrician if one of them gets sick, if there is something catastrophic that happens at the water park, what happens then?

Do they live in the same town for the pediatrician to even be accessible?

Something catastrophic could happen in their home...house fire, tornado, totalling the car on the way home from the grocery store that kills the whole family.

When you entrust someone with your children...you do give up an element of control. Anything can happen while you are away.

You either trust someone to keep your kids safe--or you don't. When you go away for an extended period of time--you give up some of the control on dictating the schedule.

Mom is going to be across teh country or half-way cross the country...but she won't be home. She cannot control the destiny that will take place.

Who knows--something bad could happen at home..then she'll beat herself up about..."what if I had just let them take the trip."

 

[freckles and boo]

My sister's son almost drowned when he was with a babysitter. She came back to her apartment to see an ambulance, police car and flashing lights. Her son almost died. My DS almost drowned while taking swimming lessons! I was there, of course, because after my sister's experience there was no way I would leave him at a pool. I was the one who jumped up (and almost jumped in) and told the instructor. Every parent has their issues. Just give your sister some time. Maybe the next time she might feel more comfortable.

Not to bring a downer on this conversation but unfortunately the worst case scenarios do happen. About ten years ago a colleague of mine left her three-year-old son in her parents' care. It was the first vacation she and her husband had taken in years. They had tried to conceive for years before giving up and had two adoptions fall through when they found out they were pregnant. They were very protective because they had spent so much time trying to become parents and this was thefirst time they had gone on vacation without their child. They didn't even get to their destination before their little boy was found in the bottom of the grandparents swimming pool with his tricycle. The grandparents simply underestimated how much supervision a toddler needed and their guilt was enormous. It was the most heartbreaking funeral I have ever attended. Of course these children are older, but having seen this happen first hand I recognize the danger of thinking "it couldn't happen to me".

 

[DISUNC]

Your Sis is being unreasonable!

You can take my kids anywhere!!! PM me your address I will drop them off tonight!

 

[Becky2005]

Now i know this is putting you on the spot a tad, but what do you think would happen to your kiddies in a hotel with say their grandparents? Is it just that you would worry too much? Im just curious, if we should learn to say yes even though we worry. ( not flaming just thinking outloud lol)

Actually in my scenerio it would probably be location!!! I hate going into Chicago as it is! I do it but I can get so lost (I'm taking my DS-10 in there for a mom & me day to one of the museum & I'm a bit freaked out but the "never let them see you sweat" thing comes into mind! ) Being there after dark freaks the heck out of me even more!! My parents are older now though too, so they don't move nearly as fast as my kids do! Plus, in my case 1 of my son's has ADHD & he's hard for US to keep track of because he sees something that catches his eye and boom he's off -- (he's gotten MUCH better but when he was younger! EEK!!!!!).

IF I were home & they wanted to take them some place for a vacation I don't think it would bug me as much. However, if NO ONE is at home and we are scattered, it would probably freak the heck out of me.

This is probably stems from my personal experience though in that my uncle died in a car accident, my aunt *barely* survived and my other aunts were on a vacation that no one knew how to get in touch with them. It was a HUGE issue to try and get messages since they had no idea what route they were taking, what hotel they were staying at or anything because no one thought to let others know since it was all adults going. They knew the end destination but they hadn't gotten there yet! It was definitely a chaotic scenerio. My mom who was always a bit of a stickler for leaving notes in general just letting you know destination -- NOW after that, leaves routes of where they will be going, licenses plate numbers, etc... & even now as an almost 40 year old with my own family, when I we go on vacation, we leave them the same type of information (with hotels we plan on stopping at, etc...), then we call them when we get there. It's just made us a bit paranoid about traveling in general. Yes, we still do it but being at home when the kids aren't gives me security. My DD goes to Girl Scout camp & you bet I don't go very far during that week. I like to be completely able to just hop in the car & go to the location if needed. It's probably just my paranoid stuff but I don't like the fact that neither of us would be at the home base I guess in the situation the OP described. Either the parent should be at the home base while the kids are away OR the kids need to be in the home location while the parent is away. I have no idea if that makes sense or not but like I said, it's probably due to the situation with my uncle has a clouded view of everything like that.

 

[summerrluvv]

ITA Are you not supposed to take them out to dinner, to a movie, to school? She is being a little extreme, especially with the ages of her kids.

I quicker think she is mad because you are taking them somewhere fun and she does not want to miss it.

Personally, I want my kids to have fun when I am not around so they won't protest the next time!

Denae

I think there is a huge difference between taking the kids to the movies or dinner and taking them to a huge indoor waterpark where it's almost impossible to keep your eyes on three kids at the same time.

 

[ilovejack02]

Actually in my scenerio it would probably be location!!! I hate going into Chicago as it is! I do it but I can get so lost (I'm taking my DS-10 in there for a mom & me day to one of the museum & I'm a bit freaked out but the "never let them see you sweat" thing comes into mind! ) Being there after dark freaks the heck out of me even more!! My parents are older now though too, so they don't move nearly as fast as my kids do! Plus, in my case 1 of my son's has ADHD & he's hard for US to keep track of because he sees something that catches his eye and boom he's off -- (he's gotten MUCH better but when he was younger! EEK!!!!!).

IF I were home & they wanted to take them some place for a vacation I don't think it would bug me as much. However, if NO ONE is at home and we are scattered, it would probably freak the heck out of me.

This is probably stems from my personal experience though in that my uncle died in a car accident, my aunt *barely* survived and my other aunts were on a vacation that no one knew how to get in touch with them. It was a HUGE issue to try and get messages since they had no idea what route they were taking, what hotel they were staying at or anything because no one thought to let others know since it was all adults going. They knew the end destination but they hadn't gotten there yet! It was definitely a chaotic scenerio. My mom who was always a bit of a stickler for leaving notes in general just letting you know destination -- NOW after that, leaves routes of where they will be going, licenses plate numbers, etc... & even now as an almost 40 year old with my own family, when I we go on vacation, we leave them the same type of information (with hotels we plan on stopping at, etc...), then we call them when we get there. It's just made us a bit paranoid about traveling in general. Yes, we still do it but being at home when the kids aren't gives me security. My DD goes to Girl Scout camp & you bet I don't go very far during that week. I like to be completely able to just hop in the car & go to the location if needed. It's probably just my paranoid stuff but I don't like the fact that neither of us would be at the home base I guess in the situation the OP described. Either the parent should be at the home base while the kids are away OR the kids need to be in the home location while the parent is away. I have no idea if that makes sense or not but like I said, it's probably due to the situation with my uncle has a clouded view of everything like that.

I get it now!! I totally understand. I dont have any issues like that, and of course I still worry. Its just the mommy in us all. My parents travel all the time and I get a detailed itenerary (sp lol) for all trips.
I still dont think I could let my monkey go off right now for a swimming trip without me. I do let him go to his godmothers house for a morning of swimming without me, but not in the afternoons, because his Godfather drinks a little ( not a drunk but will have a few) and that bothers me. Ive never said anything, but I just only let him go in the mornings when I know they arent drinking.

 

[Hannathy]

Another thing that is being forgotten is these are not babies! The only one who would need watched at the waterpark is the 6 yr old I think even if you never had kids you could handle watching one 6 yr old. Does she really think any self respecting 15 yr old is going to stand around with a 6 yr old and his/her aunt the whole time?
Our middle school takes an end of the year all day field trip to a waterpark and they don't take any parents. I guess hers would be sitting in the office all day.

I agree with the posters who say she wants it both ways- well you can't have it both ways in life.

If I was her sister and her parents I would be highly insulted and would not watch them for the week. You either trust me or you don't.

 

[ilovejack02]

Another thing that is being forgotten is these are not babies! The only one who would need watched at the waterpark is the 6 yr old I think even if you never had kids you could handle watching one 6 yr old. Does she really think any self respecting 15 yr old is going to stand around with a 6 yr old and his/her aunt the whole time?
Our middle school takes an end of the year all day field trip to a waterpark and they don't take any parents. I guess hers would be sitting in the office all day.

I agree with the posters who say she wants it both ways- well you can't have it both ways in life.

If I was her sister and her parents I would be highly insulted and would not watch them for the week. You either trust me or you don't.

Not hating on you at all!!! But do you have kids? Some folks can handle it i bet, but i know i turned into a big old worry wart once i had mine LOL.

 

[Hannathy]

Yes I have children, and took my nephew every where before and after had kids. I am wondering how old yours are. You have to let go. I am wondering what makes you think I don't have kids. You don't really think a 15 yr old is going to hang around with Mom at a waterpark do you and the same for an 11 yr old. Like I said 11 yr olds around here go for the day by themselves, including my DD who had a blast the years she went. They also go skiing by themselves to! Heck 15 yr olds in the band go to Disney by themselves and to Europe. Our boys choir went to Croatia last year and they were 11-13.You can't hover all their lives.

 

[shelly3girls]

Am I being unreasonable to want to take the kids away for a night while there parents are out of town? My parents would also go so they would have Grandma, Grandpa, and Auntie to look after them. What am I missing here? I think she is being way overprotective, she thinks I don't understand because I am not a parent. Opinions please

Crazy! I have 3 that would love to go, you name the weekend!

 

[ilovejack02]

Yes I have children, and took my nephew every where before and after had kids. I am wondering how old yours are. You have to let go. I am wondering what makes you think I don't have kids. You don't really think a 15 yr old is going to hang around with Mom at a waterpark do you and the same for an 11 yr old. Like I said 11 yr olds around here go for the day by themselves, including my DD who had a blast the years she went. They also go skiing by themselves to! Heck 15 yr olds in the band go to Disney by themselves and to Europe. Our boys choir went to Croatia last year and they were 11-13.You can't hover all their lives.

LOL i have a 17.5 yr old and a 4 yr old. My oldest goes everywhere, my youngest can go lots of places I just worry about being around water esp because he isnt a strong swimmer. My 17 yr old went to a San Antonio water park a few yrs ago and I wasnt worried much at all.
I said i wasnt hating on you , I was just curious about those who were saying sister is insane vrs those who say they understand. I think the sis is overprotective, but its her right to be that way and the sister cant change the way a mom feels.

 

[summerrluvv]

Another thing that is being forgotten is these are not babies! The only one who would need watched at the waterpark is the 6 yr old I think even if you never had kids you could handle watching one 6 yr old. Does she really think any self respecting 15 yr old is going to stand around with a 6 yr old and his/her aunt the whole time?
Our middle school takes an end of the year all day field trip to a waterpark and they don't take any parents. I guess hers would be sitting in the office all day.

I agree with the posters who say she wants it both ways- well you can't have it both ways in life.

If I was her sister and her parents I would be highly insulted and would not watch them for the week. You either trust me or you don't.

Honestly, if you were my sister and were insulted that I didn't want you to take my kids away on a mini vacation while I'm on vacation, I wouldn't want you to watch them anyway.

You can have it both ways.

And you would think that even if you never had kids anyone could handle a six year old, but that's simply not the case. My sister can barely handle watching my 8 year old son and there is no way in the world I would let her take him to a waterpark without me being present.