Do I just not get it?

[mamacatnv]

I think she's way overprotective and maybe a little bit jealous that you may be "creating some memories" with your neices/nephews that she's not going to be a part of.

This was my thought also, she is having a hard time letting someone else be the "fun" person in their lives. To forbid you to take them somewhere is extreme IMO, if she trusts you with her kids then she should trust your judgement regardless.

If she is that worked up about it, perhaps she needs to take her kids on her vacation and you and Grandma & Grandpa can go on a little weekend getaway.

 

[MosMom]

I would tell her that she obviously doesn't trust you to watch them and you would feel more comfortable not doing it if she can't trust you. She needs to find someone else to remain housebound for a week while they have a nice vacation.

It is absurd.

 

[maxiesmom]

Ok, I feel better. I know sis tends to be overprotective. Her older kids have gone away to chruch camp, the oldest has gone on his class trip to the East Coast. But last year was the first time she let the oldest go with me overnight. And it was with our parents, to Mackinaw City, which is only a 4 hour drive from here. And he called her every day. Twice.

Sis does tend to worry when we go anywhere on vacation. She worries when we drive thru the mountains, she worries when we fly. She is worried about her California trip because they will be doing wine-tastings, and she is worried about driving thru the hills there after the driver has been sipping wine.

I really would like to do something fun with the kids, but I guess I will have to keep it close to home. Maybe a day of go-carts and mini-golf. Thanks for all of your replies. I don't feel so mean and crazy now.

 

[freckles and boo]

May is a long way off. Maybe you can offer to do a trial run weekend with the three kids before the big trip? It may ease her mind and it will let you know what you are really getting into. I haven't been to Great Wolf, but the Wilderness (Wisconsin Dells) is a madhouse and it is tough to keep track of kids sometimes. Are grandma and grandpa really going to suit and cruise down the lazy river? If so, I think she may be overreacting.

 

[java]

15,11 and 6 and she doesn't think you can handle them at GWL with grandparents along too!! I took my dd and her 4 friends to GWL and their parents had no problem with it!(I do have 4 children though so I guess they figured I knew what I was doing )
But really I would tell her if she doesn't trust me enough then find another babysitter- I agree that she is more worried that they'll have fun without her.....
Hey you can take my 4!

 

[AprilShowers]

Your sister is the crazy one! Is there any way you can gently talk her into it? Her kids will LOVE going to the indoor water park! Also, you can remind her that doing something like that will take their (the kids) minds off of the fact that their parents are gone.
I know when we go away and the kids are doing something FUN, they miss us much less. Maybe that will sway her.

BTW, you are a GREAT aunt!

 

[wheeler1]

I was just wondering, is this lodge you're referring to a water park type of place? Maybe I'm way off.... But if it is, I can understand why she is nervous.

And for the record, I think she is having some anxiety about leaving. Please dont beat her up too much about it. It is very difficult to leave the kids, even for a few days. And I dont think its a matter of being unreasonable....Some gentle understanding and a bit of humor will go along way in this situation.

 

[Minnie824]

IM NOT SAYING YOU ARE WRONG, so dont think im flaming im just asking...... but did something happen with your parents when you were young to not trust them with you own kids?

Nope. Nothing happened. overall, I do trust my parents with my kids...if they're not with DH & I, they're with grandma and grandpa. They take them out to the mall, dinner, chuck e cheese, whatever. I'm just not comfortable with my kids going out of town w/anyone but us. I'm sure once they're older and in school that may cause issues of me being overprotective. And that trait I did inherit from my parents. They were overprotective w/me as well. And its not that I dont trust them, I don't trust other people...sure anything can happen anywhere anytime, but still. I just wouldn't be comfortable with it.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Are you not supposed to take them out to dinner, to a movie, to school?

Did she say that? That they couldn't go to SCHOOL or a movie or out to dinner??

I would feel comfortable having my own sister (no kids of her own) coming to stay at my house for my kids. I would not feel comfortable having her take them anywhere not local, and therefore, I wouldn't have her come, because I'd find it difficult to tell her to stay home or in the area.

My kids are older now (18, 16, 14), so it wouldn't come up anyway. But, when they were younger, she came for a visit (she lived in CA, I'm in RI) and took them to the RI beaches. We were getting the tail end of a hurricane...high seas. She took them out on a cliff, and a big wave came over them, and luckily they only got wet, not swept away. They still mention that whenever we're in that area, and I cringe, because my DH was furious at the time it happened, and I hate to remind him MY sister brought them there. Several years later, DD's friend's father was swept away and drowned in similar circumstances.

And it's not just this situation. Other times, it was obvious that she just wasn't on the same page that I was. Like expecting DS, then about 3, to behave flawlessly while she clothes shopped for hours. Or arguing with my DD when she was a toddler that if she wasn't going to FINISH the apple, she shouldn't have taken it (of course, I wouldn't have GIVEN her a whole apple). Or taking them to Boston when they were younger, and hearing from the kids how they waited in the store while she tried on clothes in the dressing room.

There are people I'd let take my kids places, before I'd let her (or my ILs, for similar reasons...they just did things differently...altho I'd let them stay at their house), but I do understand wanting them to be in one spot while I'm away. As a matter of fact, in April, while my oldest is in college, my 16 yr old will be in Spain, and my 14 yr old in England, and DH and I are going to WDW. But I even have an uneasiness about US being away from home, in case "something happens".

And an FYI...I wouldn't let HER take my kids to England or Spain...I'm much more comfortable with the groups they're going with. I wouldn't let just anyone whose house I'd let my kids stay at necessarily take them away somewhere. Maybe your sister doesn't trust you as much as you think. I also have an issue with my sister's driving (as does my whole family!) and still wouldn't feel comfortable with them in her car. I DO feel comfortable with my 18 yr old driving, and even my 16 yr old, who has her permit now. Both good drivers.

Well, honestly, I wouldn't expect you to stay home all weekend, but I wouldn't want my kids away from home either, as in staying somewhere other than your house or your sisters, whichever you'll be at. I have not left my kids yet (they're young still) but if my parents watched them, I would not be comfortable w/them taking the kids 3 hrs away while I'm gone. Actually anytime. Thats just me. I don't think your sister is crazy not expecting you to not go 2.5 hrs away to a resort. If she expects you to not leave the house - thats crazy.

Also, my kids don't have to be "taken somewhere" to have fun. My DH goes away on "male bonding" trips twice a year, and we'd always make a big deal about splurging on treats, or movies, or doing something special locally.

I'm always fascinated by how easily people are labelled "crazy" on the DIS.

 

[Hannathy]

Personally I think you are nuts if you cancel your plans! Take them to the lodge they will love it. I would do one of 2 things 1. call her bluff, say I'm taking them if you don't like it stay home and 2. don't tell her and take them anyway , what is she going to do fly home and save them? She should be darn grateful someone is watching her kids for a week and be thrilled with anything you want to do with them short of bungee jumping off a bridge or sky diving!
Take them and have fun.

What is she going to do when the oldest goes to college.

I have a sister and I have taken her son to Disney 3 times for a week each time and she has had my kids fly to her house for vacations also. When we have each other's kids we know that they will take care of them and don't micromanage the time or activities.

 

[Sandy V.]

Yeah sit at home all week missing mommy and daddy. I know I enjoy my vacations more when I know my kids are at home not having a good time.

Yeah, without knowing the OP's sister, I don't know if it fits her situation, but there ARE people out there who would be happier if their kids were miserable or missing them rather than having fun in their absence. Sad.

 

[shirleyb]

I think you're not crazy, and your sister is overprotective. If she doesn't trust you, she shouldn't ask you to watch them, and if she does trust you, what's the difference??

I work with a guy that said neither he nor his wife could spend the night in a hotel with their three kids alone. They could only do it as a pair. It wouldn't be safe, otherwise, and my thought was, huh? How are your three kids unsafe in a hotel with their parent? Don't single parents do this all the time? Now THAT is overprotective, IMO.

 

[Becky2005]

Is that a water park hotel? If I'm thinking correctly?

Personally, that would totally freak me out. *I* won't even take my kids to water parks. I'm too afraid they will drowned (we have had an instance of kid in our school doing that over the summer - which WAS at a waterpark hotel in WI - don't know if it was this one or not though, so just the thought of it freaks the heck out of me.) Now, if I'm afraid of it happening when I'm right there, there is no way I would be comfortable being so far away & knowing my kids were at a water park, I don't care who they were with.

If it was something say, taking them to the zoo while we were on vacation. THAT I would have no problem with or something like that but out to a hotel room would also make me uncomfortable.

Then again, I still haven't come to grips with us having 2 rooms while on vacation & we are a family of 6. Now, my 12 year old has been off to Girl Scout camp before on her own a couple hours away but I take her there, so know she is safe & sound before I leave.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

she is worried about driving thru the hills there after the driver has been sipping wine.

Is worrying about drinking and driving a bad thing?? If you were my sister, and you felt it was OK to drink and drive, I'd have 2nd thoughts about leaving my kids with you too. Those wine-tastings aren't always just a few sips. I remember when I was little, my brother coming home loaded from one. Perhaps there's more awareness now, and they don't "let" them get drunk? Still, I know what a few sips of wine do to me.

2. don't tell her and take them anyway

That's despicable.

 

[freckles and boo]

Personally I think you are nuts if you cancel your plans! Take them to the lodge they will love it. I would do one of 2 things 1. call her bluff, say I'm taking them if you don't like it stay home and 2. don't tell her and take them anyway , what is she going to do fly home and save them? She should be darn grateful someone is watching her kids for a week and be thrilled with anything you want to do with them short of bungee jumping off a bridge or sky diving!
Take them and have fun.

What is she going to do when the oldest goes to college.

I have a sister and I have taken her son to Disney 3 times for a week each time and she has had my kids fly to her house for vacations also. When we have each other's kids we know that they will take care of them and don't micromanage the time or activities.

If you want to ruin the relationship, this is great advice. If you want to maintain a loving relationship with your sister, I would not even consider taking her children without her permission. Even though she is probaby afraid of worst case scenarios that probably would never happen, that is her perogative. They are HER children.

 

[pospisil]

Yeah, without knowing the OP's sister, I don't know if it fits her situation, but there ARE people out there who would be happier if their kids were miserable or missing them rather than having fun in their absence. Sad.

My cousin is that way with her DD, who is 8. Her DD stays with our grandparents after school, and if they take her anywhere, like to the park, or the zoo, anything like that, my cousin gets really upset. It's not an overprotective thing with her, because she lets her DD do things that I consider borderline unsafe all the time, it's that she doesn't want anyone but herself to be the "fun" person with her DD.

 

[ariel & eric]

I have 3 kids and live in MI, too. You can take mine any day!

Seriously, I think she is overreacting. I would be thrilled if my sister took my kids somewhere while she was watching them. Makes them miss me less and willing to let me go away more without them.

 

[maxiesmom]

Is worrying about drinking and driving a bad thing?? If you were my sister, and you felt it was OK to drink and drive, I'd have 2nd thoughts about leaving my kids with you too. Those wine-tastings aren't always just a few sips. I remember when I was little, my brother coming home loaded from one. Perhaps there's more awareness now, and they don't "let" them get drunk? Still, I know what a few sips of wine do to me. That's despicable.

No, it is not a bad thing. But when offered a solution (why don't you drive then and not drink), she said that that won't work either. So she has no solution, but plans on going anyway. So that makes me despicable? Color me confused. I used that as an example of how everytime she (we)go anywhere, she finds something to worry about.

 

[pfishgirl]

I agree... Your sister is bit Crazy..
I wish I had a sibling willing to take my child so I can go on Vacation.. Nevermind 3 children...

I hope she let's go and you can all have Great Vacations..

 

[jonestavern]

Really, you don't need to have children to comprehend a sacred responsibility for their safety & welfare. You do need a great deal of common sense, awareness of childrens' needs, LOTS of love & patience.
Yes, I think your sister is unreasonable, but they are her kids & frankly, if anything untoward happens to them, no matter how small or who's fault, I would be prepared for her to take it out on you, no matter how undeserved. From that standpoint alone I would be hesitant. I know you are a loving auntie, so I'm wagering you won't be able to give up time with the children~

I think you are, probably, a generous & well meaning auntie.

As for MaryAnnDVC--sorry, your sister does not posess common sense. Lack of common sense is rife & not confined to persons w/o children. To take anyone out to a seawall during nasty weather, wow! how dangerous! Reminds me of when I lived in Hawaii & the tourists went out to the seawall to 'see the hurricane'! I am sorry your kiddos & you & yr DH had to go thru that!

I do have a child but did babysit before I had a child. Over nites begining at 5 days old--for both of my nieces. DSis trusted & trusts me completely. Both nieces are now in their 20's, DSis & DBil & I have never had a disagreement in all that time over how I've treated the girls. I took the eldest, then aged 14 months to DC to see her Grandmother for a week. I did see the ladies everyday, so was very familiar with their schedules, friends, doctors & schools.

Jean