Do/did you raise your kids to say "yes ma'am" and "yes sir?"

[lemondog]

DH and I are raising our children to use "ma'am" and "sir" when addressing adults, as in "yes, ma'am" or "yes, sir." Even though we were not raised this way, it's something we feel strongly about, as too many kids nowadays have no manners.

At any rate, in conversation with some other moms at my church, I discovered that some don't care for it. In fact, even the principle of the school at our church, who is a nun, mind you, said it makes her slightly uncomfortable when a student says "yes ma'am" to her! Another mother said it makes her uncomfortable!

Needless to say I was shocked. All the people who didn't care for it were from the north, so maybe this is more of a southern thing?? But then again DH is from Massachussetts, and he is all for it. His brother thinks we're nuts -- we were up there for Christmas one year and when he heard us correct DD to use "Yes, ma'am" when addressing her great-grandmother he looked at DH and snidely commented, "What, have you become a drill sergeant at your house?" Grrr! We don't comment on the way he raises his kids, and he should not comment on how we choose to raise ours.

Just wondering if we are the only ones???

 

[auntpolly]

I think it's great - as long as you don't judge other kids for not saying it.

I wasn't raised with it (in the north) and although it doesn't make me uncomfortable, I don't think it's necessary. I liked to focus on my DD being polite in other ways, like saying please and thank you and stuff like that.

 

[Disney Ella]

Well, I'm from the north, so my opinion probably doesn't count for much. I like the way we've gotten away from everything being so structured and formal. I would feel uncomfortable with children calling me "ma'am" too. To me, it just sounds like you're (not you personally) reinforcing the idea that adults are so much more important than children and must be addressed as such. To me if you have to call someone "ma'am" or "sir", they must be a little scary.

I'm sure all of you who grew up with it feel differently, but while I'd never say anything to anyone about it, I'd prefer not to be called "ma'am" by children.

 

[Laurajean1014]

Yes. Although they mostly say, Thank you, please and May I. Ma'am and Sir - sometimes.

 

[bgirldeb]

It is totally a southern/northern thing.

I am from the north, although I moved to the south at age 9. DH is born and raised in the south. We live in the south. I was remarking how I don't like my kids being taught to say yes ma'am/sir and no ma'am/sir in their preschool, but DH insisted it’s a southern thing. I still have a problem with them HAVING to do it, and I always will. DH wasn't raised to say it, and we aren't raising our kids to say it, but he doesn't see it as a big deal. This all came out, by the way, when I was telling my son he doesn't HAVE to say it.

To me it comes across as too formal, although to people that do say it probably think that not saying it is disrespectful.

AND, I've always gotten comments on how polite my kids are, and how did I get them to say things like "thank you". They've said thank you and please since they could talk. I didn't drill it into them, just lead by example, saying "thank you" when they gave something to me, etc.

 

[WishingOnAStar]

Absolutely!! We constantly encourage respect for others - including adults and they are taught to show that respect by using "ma'am" and "sir".

My husband and I refer to anyone older than ourselves with those terms also.

 

[Auggietina]

My dd was raised saying "Please, Thank you, etc" and calling adults by Mrs, Mr, Ms and their last name.

I personally feel uncomfortable being called ma'am. I think that there is a stigma attached to it that its a term to address 'older' people (I'm from the north) And I refuse to believe that I'm there yet!!

 

[bgirldeb]

Something else that is southern that I don't/can't do is address adults as Miss/Mr. [first name]. Its just unnatural for me and something else they do in preschool.

 

[lemondog]

Something else that is southern that I don't/can't do is address adults as Miss/Mr. [first name]. Its just unnatural for me and something else they do in preschool.

DD's preschool does this too. I don't make DD call adults Mrs. "Last Name" but I don't feel comfortable with her just calling them by their first name, so we often use Miss "First Name." I guess it's just something I grew up with so it's normal to me.

 

[MagicalMom]

My kids are taught when to use sir & ma'am. Like, use it if called to the prinipal's office but dop not use it when casually speaking with Grandma (she really wouldn't like it). For us, there are times you use it & times you don't.

 

[Amy]

We've never done "ma'am" and "sir", but I DO make sure my boys call adults "Mr./Mrs. Smith" as a show of respect. Even if I call to talk to the mom of one of their friends, if the friend answers the phone, I'll say "hi, Johnny, this is Mrs. Smith, can I talk to your mom?" Most of their friends address me as "Mrs. Smith", but for the few that use my first name, it just doesn't sit well with me.

But I raise my kids the way I see fit, and others do it their way. As long as their kids aren't cussing or being disrespectful, I deal with it. There are more important things to focus on.

 

[bgirldeb]

DD's preschool does this too. I don't make DD call adults Mrs. "Last Name" but I don't feel comfortable with her just calling them by their first name, so we often use Miss "First Name." I guess it's just something I grew up with so it's normal to me.

That's true- Mrs. "Last Name" would be a little too formal for adults in general aside from their teachers. (I'm thinking Leave it to Beaver). I don't have a problem them addressing their teachers as Miss "first name" because certainly their first name only would be too informal.

I get a little "put off" when an adult calls me Miss "my first name" in an adult situation such as when I am at work, but I don't have a problem with someone telling their kids to call me it.

Isn't it funny how where we were raised can affect little things like this? At least our language isn't like Vietnamese where there are different ways of saying Hello depending on the age of the person you are greeting.

 

[Southern4sure]

I guess Im old fashioned but I teach/taught my boys to say these in addition to please and thank you. I was raised to do this as was DH. It is simply a courteous and respectful thing to do whether it is southern or not. My kids call Mr. or Mrs. (first name) not last name unless someone is requiring last name and such like a teacher and etc.

 

[Crankyshank]

I was raised in the North and was taught to say "Mr or Mrs Last Name" when addressing adults unless told not to. I still call my Mother's best friend Mrs So and So. We do not say Mr, Miss, or Mrs first name and I wasn't raised to say sir or ma'am.

I'm pretty uncomfortable being called ma'am. then again if you call me Mrs last name I look for my MIL

 

[SC Minnie]

I guess Im old fashioned but I teach/taught my boys to say these in addition to please and thank you. I was raised to do this as was DH. It is simply a courteous and respectful thing to do whether it is southern or not. My kids call Mr. or Mrs. (first name) not last name unless someone is requiring last name and such like a teacher and etc.

Same here. DD is taught to say m'am, sir, please, and thank you. She also calls my friends Mr. or Ms. and their first name.

 

[jrydberg]

It is definitely a northern/southern thing. And please, let's not make it about manners. One need not say "Yes, sir" and "Yes, ma'am" to have manners -- and conversely, one can say "Yes, sir" and "Yes, ma'am" and have awful manners.

If you're in an area that does not commonly do that (MA qualifies), you should expect a few comments/strange looks. Snide comments are a bit out of line, but realistically don't expect it to go without comment. Not saying you should change anything, but don't be shocked -- kinda like when someone from the Midwest calls it "pop" and everyone smirks. Rude comments shouldn't be tolerated in either case, but comments should be expected.

Personally, it does make me uncomfortable and I have raised my daughter NOT to say it (my ex is from the south). However, my daughter has exceptional manners and is very respectful of adults. It's not about manners. I've also raised her to address adults as Mr. [Last name] and Mrs./Ms./Miss [Last name] because that's the way I was raised and it works for me.

 

[tarmand]

Emily will absolutely be taught to say yes ma'am and sir. I think it is very disrespectful for a child to answer an adult with a "yeah". I am 33 years old and I will always say yes ma'am and no ma'am to people that I deal with. They don't have to be older than I am. If I am on the phone with an account representative from my credit card and they ask me a question, I will answer with a yes ma'am or sir. I use it as a respect thing. I don't say ma'am or sir to my peers, but if I don't know you, I will usually say ma'am. It's a southern thing, I think.

 

[tarmand]

It is definitely a northern/southern thing. And please, let's not make it about manners. One need not say "Yes, sir" and "Yes, ma'am" to have manners -- and conversely, one can say "Yes, sir" and "Yes, ma'am" and have awful manners.

But in the South it is about manners. Where I come from, if you don't say ma'am or sir, you are not using good manners. But, that's not to say all Southerners feel that way; just where I come from.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

my brother and i were always told to be polite, i never really said mam and sir...my 19 year old brother has just recently, i nthe last 3 or so years, starting to say mam and sir...we live near an air force base and he has a lot of friends there.....so now he does the yes sir, yes mam..i guess since he was around it alll the time on base...

 

[KimR]

I am originally from the North although I've spent most of my life in the South and I was never taught to say 'ma'am' and 'sir'. DH was; however, I was adamant that our children not refer to us as 'ma'am' and 'sir' because it makes me extremely uncomfortable. It just seems so cold and formal to me - I'm their mother, not a 'ma'am'! They have excellent manners, and they do use ma'am and sir in certain instances (for example, when speaking to someone they do not know). There are quite a few people from the North around here so it's actually rather uncommon to hear children say 'ma'am' and 'sir'.