Do better waitress/hostess, do better

[china mom]

My poor daughter wants to be tall so badly, It looks like she is going to top out at 4'11. We try to tell her that she will one day appreciate her youthful appearance but that message is not landing right now.

Friday night, we went to Outback for DS's birthday dinner. As we were called up fr our table, but not yet near the hostess stand, the hostess loudly asked us if we needed a children's menu. DD wasn't happy about that but shook it off.

Then Saturday night, we went out to dinner again (I know, we really should cook at home more). The hostess handed our waitress the menus and the waitress escorted us to our table and when we sat down, she handed us two menus and a folded up paper kids menu with games, coloring and two crayons. DS wanted to crawl under the table.

DD will be 19 in a few weeks.

I did not say anything because DD is very shy and would have been upset if I had made a comment to the waitress but, boy, did I want to.

My question for you is: what age ranges do you think that restaurant staff should assume that the family wants a kids menu and at what point should they ask the preference. Or should they ask at all and wait for the parents to ask?

 

[TippyThomas]

How old does she look besides the height? I think that might be more the answer here.

 

[firefly_ris]

Interesting thought. I'm 5 foot even and stopped growing when I was about 16. So I got used to all of that quite early and doesn't bother me. I was asked about kids menus well into my 20s when I would go out for dinner alone with my parents and carded for rated R movies until I was 30. My husband is also short at 5'5" so our kids don't really have a chance in the height department.

We don't go out to eat all that much, but when we do 99% of the time they don't just give kids menus, they usually say "do you need kids menus? How many?". My kids are young still -- 13, 11 and 10. But they don't always want kids menu stuff and prefer ordering something that's not chicken fingers or spaghetti. Occasionally they will just give us kids menus by default but personally I feel like that is maybe 20% of the time anymore. So maybe that is the safer route, to just always ask.

But anyway, my kids are most likely all going to be short and I tell them they just need to learn to deal and not let little things bother them. I know it's tough when they are teens and everything is mortifying, ha.

 

[Pink Partridge]

My daughter is 4'10. Very petite. 24 years old. She still gets this in restaurants

She loves it and it makes us laugh.

I don't think the hostess even looks at her face. They just literally size up the group and grab the children's menu on auto pilot.

She is tiny. She knows it. She is not offended. I think she will be sad the day it stops.

You should see the looks she gets when she enters a bar and orders a drink

 

[Smugpugmug]

I'm 5'3" and I don't wear makeup so I get this often when I go out places. I get carded every time I order a drink or buy alcohol from a liquor store and one time the person carding me thought my ID was fake because to them, there was no way I was over 21.

It doesn't bother me anymore due to how often it happens. I totally understand how your daughter feels. It's embarrassing in the moment. It's just something you have to adjust to and yeah, that is hard when you're at that age and going out with your parents. I don't think the waitress or anyone else that makes these comments mean any harm in it.

 

[Moliphino]

I got carded buying a lottery ticket on Friday. I'm 36, so literally twice as old as you need to be to buy one and I really don't think I look young enough to still be in high school.

 

[JulieBeeRN]

I was picking up my kids at school and got yelled at to get back in line bc the teacher thought that I was a 5th grader.

I was 34 years old.

 

[Bad Pink Tink 2.0]

I'm mid 40's, and 4 f 11. I only stopped getting carded since I stopped dying my hair and have let my grey come through. It is what it is. Instead of being angry that you get mistaken for younger, celebrate it and be happy that store workers are being diligent and following their training.

Even now I still look about 15 years younger than my age. I used to love being carded by young store workers and bar tenders, its great fun when I show my passport and they realize I'm probably nearer their moms age.

OP your doughter just needs to change her attitude, she is young, and this is going to happen for many years. Otherwise she will get known as THAT person with servers.

 

[aprilgail]

mine is 5'0 and 97 pounds- she is 23 and married. She still gets mistaken for a 12 year old- she laughs it off at this point. One time she was in college and she, her boyfriend and I went to a chocolate show in NYC- her boyfriend and I got blue wristbands, and she got a yellow- when we got downstairs, I asked one of the workers what the different colors meant- he said yellow was for 12 and under. Her boyfriend was like "I don't want to hold hands while you have a 12 and under band on, people will think I am some kind of pedophile." She actually told that story at her wedding in June LOL- During her wedding she was running all over in her wedding dress and it really did look like a little kid at her first communion LOL. We now just laugh- if she gets a kids menu she colors it LOL- not that big of a deal.

 

[slo]

My DD20 has a very young looking face without makeup on, so she’s always mistaken for someone younger.

To answer your question…I feel servers should ask, “Do we need any children’s menus today?” and let the customer say yes or no. This way there’s no accidental mistake with the age.

 

[tzolkin]

My 19yo has had similar experiences, but it doesn't usually bother her. From age 2 to around 12 people thought she and my son were twins (she is 2+years older) and since about middle school everyone assumes she is my youngest child. It honestly doesn't matter how many times it comes up that she is older, people always forget and get confused when I say she has graduated/moved out/etc. but that my son is still in HS. They just see an 80lb "little girl" and a 6foot tall "man" and assume he's the adult.

I'm taller than DD, but would often be mistaken for a teenager well into adulthood. Had three kids and owned a home but would still get asked if my "parents were home", for my parent's info for my health insurance, etc. Yes, it was annoying. But, I will admit that it's a bit flattering now that my kids are all basically grown (17-24), but people still think I'm in my 30s.

I don't think the hostess even looks at her face. They just literally size up the group and grab the children's menu on auto pilot.

I think this is correct. I remember once we were at an amusement park with a children's area. My aunt (4'9") climbed right in with all the kids, but when another adult went to follow they were not allowed to enter and were told that only children under a certain age were permitted. My aunt definitely looked like an adult, but I think they just didn't even notice because they weren't looking that closely.

To answer your question…I feel servers should ask, “Do we need any children’s menus today?” and let the customer say yes or no. This way there’s no accidental mistake with the age.

This is typically what I hear and I think it works best.

Here, they always ask at the end of the meal if you want one check regardless of who you are dining with. I think that's another good way to give people the option without making any assumptions about ages or how the guests are related.

 

[tazdev3225]

This is a recurrent theme in my family.

When my parents were dating my dad got away with the kids prices for the movies for my mom. She was only 4'10" when they started dating. She is 85 now and while still very short she looks about my age.

I am taller than my mom but was carded well into my 30's. People think my grandkids are my kids. I look about 15 years or so younger than I am.

My one daughter is taller than I am but still gets carded for many things and even gets questioned about customers on what age they allow tellers to be. She works in a casino and the age for hire at her job is 21. No one thinks she is old enough and she is 38.

We actually enjoy waiting to see what will happen when we go out. And as others have said I doubt the waitress even looked closely at your daughter to gauge her age. I waitressed while in college and we saw X number of people and just brought kids menus too, or asked if they were needed. Sometimes adults just wanted a smaller meal and the kid's menu worked. We also had adults that liked the kid's menu and crayons to pass the time.

 

[HopperFan]

I get there are folks in the restaurant business that shouldn't be ... but overall it's a thankless job that they are usually doing their best under individual circumstances. Honestly restaurants that have them should get rid of children's menus and put that section in the regular menu. Old days kids needed a color page and crayons ~ these days kids are lugging around iPads and playing on folks phones. No need to offer. Problem solved, money saved and no one is offended.

My DS is obviously disabled adult man and he gets offered kids meals. We don't get offended. We just answer the question. There are some places he prefers kids menu food and I'm happy they will oblige. It's just not something to get upset over because there is no ill will intended ~ and if this is going to be a lifelong issue best to just accept that one looks younger than they are.

 

[WorldWacky]

While a lot of people have mentioned that it happens to them and they can now laugh it off or it doesn’t bother them, I agree with the above poster who said the servers/host should just ask, “Do you need any children’s menus today?” It DOES bother the OP’s daughter. She’s self-conscious about it and DOESN’T take it as a compliment or find it to be funny.

My own daughter is very fair-skinned. If she gets even the slightest bit warm or has been exercising, her face is bright pink for hours. People ALWAYS feel the need to point it out. She knows. She cannot help it and commenting on it only serves to make her feel even more self-conscious. Would it bother me? No. I have a very different personality than my daughter. Would telling my daughter she should just laugh it off help HER in the moment? No.

It takes no effort at all for the staff to ask if any kid’s menus are needed. Plain and simple and eases any confusion or embarrassment for anyone involved. (Now this has me thinking about chicken fingers and fries. )

 

[SirDuff]

While a lot of people have mentioned that it happens to them and they can now laugh it off or it doesn’t bother them, I agree with the above poster who said the servers/host should just ask, “Do you need any children’s menus today?” It DOES bother the OP’s daughter. She’s self-conscious about it and DOESN’T take it as a compliment or find it to be funny.

Yes, but in the first example, that's exactly what did happen and, still, the OP's daughter was upset. I don't see how the host/servers can win here.

 

[china mom]

How old does she look besides the height? I think that might be more the answer here.

My daughter is very slim but has "developed" but in the hostess' defense, D was wearing a hoodie. I have always thought that she has a mature face but maybe not to everybody.

 

[LSUmiss]

Yes, but in the first example, that's exactly what did happen and, still, the OP's daughter was upset. I don't see how the host/servers can win here.

Right & it’s usually a minimum wage job at most chain restaurants. I don’t we can or should expect much!

 

[WorldWacky]

Yes, but in the first example, that's exactly what did happen and, still, the OP's daughter was upset. I don't see how the host/servers can win here.

You’re right. I was focusing on the second instance. I guess if it were consistently asked, no matter what, the OP’s daughter wouldn’t get as upset about it because it would just be policy that it is asked to everyone. That HAS been our experience at every restaurant we’ve been to in recent years. Not one of us looks like we’d be using a kid’s menu, but we’re always asked if any are needed. My guess would be that the first hostess was doing just that-asking out of habit. But because of instances like the second, where it was just ASSUMED, that has colored the OP’s daughters reaction to it being asked.

 

[Marrila]

Yes, but in the first example, that's exactly what did happen and, still, the OP's daughter was upset. I don't see how the host/servers can win here.

Agree.
It's easy enough to ask for the preferred menu if it's missing. Once that is provided it's time to move on.
The point of going out is to have a meal together. It's not to continue to complain about perceived slights that were rapidly corrected.

 

[china mom]

Yes, but in the first example, that's exactly what did happen and, still, the OP's daughter was upset. I don't see how the host/servers can win here.

"Upset" is too strong of a word for the first time it happened. But she for sure, wasn't amused. Day two, it did bother her a bit. She is in that self conscious phase where she doesn't want to stand out in any way and after two days in a row, she is very tired of being short.