Divorced parents/ kids' sick days.

[cheermom1]

So does your DH's EX get alimony? (or whatever it is called these days) How could she not work if she is just getting CS?

It's a long story but basically dh's pays CS and her mom and her aunt pays her bills and bought her a car. In my opinion this is her choice to stay home b/c all the kids are teens and she could work even part time if she wanted but nope she says she HAS to stay home b/c her job is to raise the kids. It is a long complicated story but that is it in a nut shell. I have tried to shorten it to this for you.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

So does your DH's EX get alimony? (or whatever it is called these days) How could she not work if she is just getting CS?

That's not that unusual at all - to be able to live off just CS. DH's ex worked very briefly at a full time job and even then the CS that he paid was 81% of her household income and more than enough in her part of the country to live very comfortably on.

 

[bumbershoot]

Sounds like you have full physical custody, and there is joint legal custody.

JMHO, but

That is what you went for. While you have custody, this is your issue. When he has custody, he has to take the sick days.

You said yourself, the divorce wasnt very amicable. Seems to me youre being unfair.

She needs help. He's the girl's dad. He can certainly help.



My dad got to see me sick ONCE. And he had my mom come get me. One time in my entire life...can you imagine that? (he also never got to see me have an honest emotional reaction to his mind-bending manipulation and ridiculousness, until March while at a family reunion, and instead of him realizing just what it is that he does to his kids and wives, he called me crazy. so he's seen one honest reaction from me and one part of a night of me being sick...that's just mind-blowing to me as I think about it)


OP I'm glad he can do this for you. Obviously my dad wasn't able to.

And what makes it worse is that my brother and I would come home sick from cigarette smoke just about every time we visited, he quit quite awhile after my mom did, and she got to deal with that while he never did...

Anyway, I'm glad you can at least trust him with your ill daughter enough to send him over. Might not have been a proper husband, might not be the BEST father (not wanting custody), but at least there's that.

Hope your daughter gets well soon.

 

[dngnb8]

The divorce wasn't amicable because he cheated with a girl young enough to be our daughter, and then he moved out and left me with all of the bills, and our daughters missing their daddy. It's hard to be nice to someone who did that to you. But we're trying, because I want the girls to have a relationship with him.

He doesn't want custody, or even shared custody. I have full custody and he has visitation. It's what HE wanted. So the only time he sees them is Wednesday night when he takes them to "dinner" -- which is only 20 minutes at Burger King -- , and every other weekend when he has them overnight (one night, not both).

So you think that I'm not being FAIR??? Interesting...............

Anyway, as I said, we are TRYING to be amicable. And he did volunteer to take a day to be with her tomorrow. We both are able to use sick days as family illness days, and we both have plenty to use, and we both get paid when we're out. They are HIS KIDS TOO!!! Why shouldn't he help when they're sick??

The reason for the divorce isnt the issue. Im not saying you have no right to be bitter, angry etc

What I am saying is, if you have physical custody, this is your responsibility. If he helps, he is being helpful. It isnt his responsibility to save you sick days cause he slept in someone elses bed.

 

[dngnb8]

Yeah, you're expecting him to parent. How dare you.

He will parent, when the kids are with him. That is his responsibility. If they are with him and he expects her to take care of them in some way, I would say the exact same thing. Somehow, I think you wouldnt

 

[dngnb8]

She needs help. He's the girl's dad. He can certainly help.

Not saying he cant help. Not saying he is required to help either. Full physical custody has responsibilities.

 

[Minnie_me]

What I am saying is, if you have physical custody, this is your responsibility. If he helps, he is being helpful. It isnt his responsibility to save you sick days cause he slept in someone elses bed.

Wow, you're just plain nasty, aren't you?

I'm not asking him to help me "save sick days". I never asked him to help me at all. He volunteered to take a day to stay with her, and I was just trying to figure out the logistics of that.

So, in your book, I'm just outta luck here because my husband decided it was more fun to screw a 26 year old than to be a father? And that it's okay for him to "parent" (if that's what you call it) a mere 4 days a month, and never help out any time in between?

I'm not sure why you are so determined to make me the bad guy here.

 

[dngnb8]

Wow, you're just plain nasty, aren't you?

Not at all. In fact, I believe others have been testy with me. Im simply saying, Full Physical Custody makes this your responsibility. Can he be helpful, sure. He doesnt have to be.

So, in your book, I'm just outta luck here because my husband decided it was more fun to screw a 26 year old than to be a father?

No, youre saying that. Im saying what full physical custody entails.

And that it's okay for him to "parent" (if that's what you call it) a mere 4 days a month, and never help out any time in between?

Parent was another posters word, I merely responded to her post with her language.

He can help out, he isnt required to help out.

I'm not sure why you are so determined to make me the bad guy here.

There is no bad person here, there is only understanding what full physical custody entails.

I got the feeling from your post that there was an expectation (and implied by others with the parenting comment) to take the sick child because you already took days off. Full Physical Custody means, when the child is sick, and with that parent, they have the responsibility of caring for the child.

Nowhere did I say he shouldnt, couldnt, wouldnt.

 

[cheermom1]

Not at all. In fact, I believe others have been testy with me. Im simply saying, Full Physical Custody makes this your responsibility. Can he be helpful, sure. He doesnt have to be.



No, youre saying that. Im saying what full physical custody entails.



Parent was another posters word, I merely responded to her post with her language.

He can help out, he isnt required to help out.



There is no bad person here, there is only understanding what full physical custody entails.

I got the feeling from your post that there was an expectation (and implied by others with the parenting comment) to take the sick child because you already took days off. Full Physical Custody means, when the child is sick, and with that parent, they have the responsibility of caring for the child.

Nowhere did I say he shouldnt, couldnt, wouldnt.

While what you are saying are facts you are still a little harsh. She has never said that she is trying to get out of any of her 'duties'. She was just trying to find a good way to get her dd to her dad!!! That was all she asked.
We gave her the idea that her dd can spend the night and that is what she choose to do.

Most of the time in situations like this the dad is more then willing to help when their child is sick. My dh would if he could. The fact that she is even calling on the dad to help is a break through in itself. I mean most of the single mothers I know would call their mom to take the sick child without even giving the dad the option!

I am giving her kudoes for giving her ex that option. Most of the time for some reason most single moms seem to think that after the divorce they no longer should trust their ex with their child. If she can trust him while they are together w3hat make them think they can't after they are divorced? I am NOT throwing this up in the ops face at all, I am talking in general.

 

[Belle0101]

Not at all. In fact, I believe others have been testy with me. Im simply saying, Full Physical Custody makes this your responsibility. Can he be helpful, sure. He doesnt have to be.



No, youre saying that. Im saying what full physical custody entails.



Parent was another posters word, I merely responded to her post with her language.

He can help out, he isnt required to help out.



There is no bad person here, there is only understanding what full physical custody entails.

I got the feeling from your post that there was an expectation (and implied by others with the parenting comment) to take the sick child because you already took days off. Full Physical Custody means, when the child is sick, and with that parent, they have the responsibility of caring for the child.

Nowhere did I say he shouldnt, couldnt, wouldnt.

http://www.nolo.com/dictionary/sole-custody-term.html

sole custody
A custody arrangement under which one parent is the only one to have either legal or physical custody or both. A parent with sole physical custody has the right to live with the child, while the other parent has visitiation rights. A parent with sole legal custody has the right to make all decisions affecting the child, including decisions about education, religion, and medical care.

And really, I don't think the OP believes that she shouldn't be caring for her sick child. I think, the bigger picture, is that she's trying to positively co-parent with the father of her children. In my book, that's commendable! The courts are full of cases wherein parents, without regard to the custody arrangement, aren't able to co-parent.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Not saying he cant help. Not saying he is required to help either. Full physical custody has responsibilities.

Sounds as though she'd've been happy to share custody. . .what would you have this mom do, put them on the state because their dad's being an immature jerk?

Jeez louise. He's their father, he may not have certain legal responsibilities because he's absconded from them, but he most definitely does have certain moral and ethical responsibilities.

 

[Minnie_me]

I got the feeling from your post that there was an expectation (and implied by others with the parenting comment) to take the sick child because you already took days off. Full Physical Custody means, when the child is sick, and with that parent, they have the responsibility of caring for the child.

I don't know where you got the idea that I expected him to take time off. I did state that when we were together, he usually took the first day because it's so much easier for him to stay home than it is for me.

I actually don't believe your statement (your last sentence). It's not worded like that anywhere in our legal documents.I think you're just being rude.

 

[dngnb8]

I think, the bigger picture, is that she's trying to positively co-parent with the father of her children.

I get a far different opinion

Since my ex left 18 months ago, I'm the one who *always* stays home with the kids are sick. Before he left, he would usually take the first day, since he could easily work from home. I'm a teacher, and have to do extensive sub plans, and make sure there's a sub available, etc.

This statement gave me the impression that she felt she had taken enough time off and now its his turn (since he gets paid days off). Hence my response of full physical (sole) custody.

Unless it is specifically stipulated in the papers, who(m)? ever the child is with at the time of the illness, is who stays home. That is part of the responsibility of custody. Why one is divorced is not part of this.

Nowhere did I say he shouldnt, couldnt, wouldnt stay with his child. It just seems there was an expectation on the OPs part.

 

[Minnie_me]

This statement gave me the impression that she felt she had taken enough time off and now its his turn (since he gets paid days off). Hence my response of full physical (sole) custody.

You totally missed my meaning. That sentence was talking about the PAST. It explained the reason why he usually took the first sick day back when we were together. It wasn't even mentioned again when discussing the current situation. In the past 18 months, I have taken every single sick day with both of our daughters. I have not asked him to take a day, nor has he volunteered to take one. Until this time.

I guess I'm glad you're not a buddy of his, telling him NOT to do this because of legality and custody nonsense. The bottom line should NOT be the paperwork. The bottom line should be the wellbeing of our children.

 

[punkin]

You totally missed my meaning. That sentence was talking about the PAST. It explained the reason why he usually took the first sick day back when we were together. It wasn't even mentioned again when discussing the current situation. In the past 18 months, I have taken every single sick day with both of our daughters. I have not asked him to take a day, nor has he volunteered to take one. Until this time.

I guess I'm glad you're not a buddy of his, telling him NOT to do this because of legality and custody nonsense. The bottom line should NOT be the paperwork. The bottom line should be the wellbeing of our children.

You are a wonderful parent. Take the advice you think make sense and ignore everything else on the thread. It is just noise.

 

[cheermom1]

You totally missed my meaning. That sentence was talking about the PAST. It explained the reason why he usually took the first sick day back when we were together. It wasn't even mentioned again when discussing the current situation. In the past 18 months, I have taken every single sick day with both of our daughters. I have not asked him to take a day, nor has he volunteered to take one. Until this time.

I guess I'm glad you're not a buddy of his, telling him NOT to do this because of legality and custody nonsense. The bottom line should NOT be the paperwork. The bottom line should be the wellbeing of our children.

Minnie don't worry about it. you are right if your ex wants to take your dd then let him to help you out. I am a step mom and if we were in that position to take the boys while they are sick so their mom could work then we would. It is silly to not help when it is needed.

Our situation is very different from yours but I still can see where if both parents want to take turns in being with a sick kid that is their right. I did not see any where in your posts that said that you think your ex SHOULD step up but he wants too. Good for both of you for doing what needs to be done for your dd.

 

[dngnb8]

I guess I'm glad you're not a buddy of his, telling him NOT to do this because of legality and custody nonsense. The bottom line should NOT be the paperwork. The bottom line should be the wellbeing of our children.

Never said that

You totally missed my meaning.

Ironic