Divorce...need advice

[Aurora63]

I can't believe it is my turn to post this.

After nearly 9 years of marriage, my H (he's not DH anymore) are calling it quits. There are no children involved. I will not go into reasons now, but I will say I am just very angry and hurt (no other woman as far as I know, for those wondering).

I need advice on our house. We bought it last year, in November. The market has gone way south since then. He told me last night that I can keep the house. I'm not sure I want to, what with the cost of the morgage, plus it needs some work. But at the same time, if we sell, I know we will not get even what we paid for it.

If I keep it, I could try to find some roommates (it has five bedrooms.) And then just wait until a better time to sell, fix it up a bit.

We could just sell and cut our losses (provided we can find a buyer) and make a complete fresh start.

BTW, if I keep it, would I have to refinance under only my name? Or is there a way for him to legally sign it over to me?? I have not yet been to a lawyer, so I know nothing. I will be going, trust me. Just looking for some caring advice from someone who's been there, done that. My heart is just broken and I don't know what to do.

 

[Serena]

There are a lot of people that have gone through this. I've got to go but I'll try to respond more later.
I did have to refinance my house, but he was reasonable and I didn't have to do it right away.

You know you're not alone.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Normally yes, you will need to refinance the house in your name. Can you do that? He can't "sign it over" unless you guys own it outright. The bank owns that house....not you guys.

My EX-SIL had to get her parents to co-sign the mortgage with her house, because the bank wouldn't mortgage it with just her.

The market is going to be "soft" for 2 years...My advice is to sell and cut your losses, esp. if you cannot afford it alone.

Sell it and take the loss, or buy it and then rent it.
That is an idea although a big PITA idea.

Sorry about your circumstances.....

 

[kdibattista]

No advice, just

 

[Aurora63]

Normally yes, you will need to refinance the house in your name. Can you do that?

I don't think I make enough to qualify, honestly.

Sorry about your circumstances.....

Thanks, I need all the hugs I can get.

 

[AKL_Megs]

He probably WANTS you to keep it BECAUSE of the mortgage and BECAUSE it is in need of some work. If the house is in both of your names, you will probably have to buy him out as well. So that's money on top of money.

A co-worker of mine recently got divorced, and they had a house together that had a big mortgage and was in need of work. He was "nice" enough to let her have it. What she got was a mortgage to pay all by herself, a bunch of home repairs to deal with and pay for all by herself, and had to pay off her husband half of the house. Her ex got a new car, and took a really nice long vacation with the money he got for being bought out. She wishes she would have decided to sell it and split the money instead.

I'd talk to your lawyer.

Good luck!

 

[kimmikayb]

With the housing market the way it is, I think I would try to find roomates and keep it.

I've been through this exact thing. I'm not sure if things differ between states, but you can get a quick deed. Your X goes to the courthouse and signs some papers and it's yours. Of course, your bank might want you to show that you can afford it. I had/have a great bank that really worked with me until I got a roomate.

for you. This isn't easy. I wish you many happy days in your future.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I don't think I make enough to qualify, honestly.

I know I wouldn't either.
So prepare to sell and start looking for places to rent.

If your H is telling you, that YOU can buy the house, just tell him you know that you can't qualify for a loan.
Move forward from there.

 

[Aurora63]

He probably WANTS you to keep it BECAUSE of the mortgage and BECAUSE it is in need of some work. If the house is in both of your names, you will probably have to buy him out as well. So that's money on top of money.

This is what I'm afraid of...believe me, I've thought of it. Since I can't afford it, it's probably best to sell.

 

[Darcy03231]

I work for a law office in NH that specializes in divorce. In NH if you both agree, he can sign his interest over to you by Quitclaim Deed and you do not need to refinance the mortgage. The mortgage would stay there in both names and legally, you would both be responsible for it. If you don't agree the Court will make you refinance within a certain period of time (usually 60-120 days) or sell the house.

Honestly, in your situation I would cut all ties, sell the house and suck up the loss.

Make sure you see an attorney in your state that specializes in divorce. He or she will be able to guide you of the ins and outs with the laws in your state.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Honestly, in your situation I would cut all ties, sell the house and suck up the loss.

Yep...the market is going to be awful for awhile. Hanging onto the house may put you in a VERY bad position. I wouldn't do it.

Take the loss now and get a fresh start.

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

My sister went through something like this.

If you and your husband can stay in each other's good graces and work toward getting that property fixed to sell, I'd say keep it and have it written into the agreement. However, if you have any inkling that he won't keep up his portion of the payments, though, I say sell it at a loss right now.

Make it HIS loss, though. Not yours.

 

[Sandy V.]

I'm sorry that you're going through this. If it were me, I would sell the house and cut my losses (and financial ties to H). Especially if you don't think you would qualify to finance it on your own. It sounds like more headache than it's worth.

Additionally, if you spend $$$ to get the house ready to sell, keep your receipts and give your lawyer a copy of them. If you're the only one who spent money for repairs necessary to sell the house, you should be entitled to get that cash back in addition to your share of the sale proceeds.

Please don't try and do the divorce without an attorney. There are too many "nice" folks who try and take advantage of their spouses in this situation. Greed gets the better of them.

Best of luck, and I'm sorry.

 

[SleepyMom]

First

Second, I know a little bit about what you are dealing with. Years ago my ex and I bought a house in November and on April 1st of the following year he moved out, ironically it was the day the first house payment was due. He also took the vehicle we had paid off and left me with the one with 3 years of payments still.

Since we basically had nothing into the house (my Mom had made the down payment) yet, he said I could have it. Nice guy, huh? I had him sign a quitclaim deed and found a roommate to help me afford to continue living there. About 3 years later I sold it and he received none of the profit.

Check into this and see if it is available where you live.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

FYI, a quitclaim deed does not release you from the loan. It only releases your interests in the property. If you quitclaim the house to a spouse and he defaults on the loan, you are equally liable for the foreclosure.

That's in most states, anyway.

 

[barkley]

FYI, a quitclaim deed does not release you from the loan. It only releases your interests in the property. If you quitclaim the house to a spouse and he defaults on the loan, you are equally liable for the foreclosure.

That's in most states, anyway.

i'll second this-had a co-worker do this with her ex (traditional 30 year mortgage), 10 odd years later he files bankruptcy and the house had liens on it that exceed the value-she ended up filing also AFTER the mortgage company was able to drain tens of thousands from her savings

 

[chris1gill]

This is what I'm afraid of...believe me, I've thought of it. Since I can't afford it, it's probably best to sell.

I think you are giving yourself your best advice...

I'm sorry that you are going through this

 

[Freyja]

Just wanted to say I´m very sorry you have to go through this. Hope everything turns out well for you and that this will be the start of a new and better era in your life.

 

[Disney Doll]

I am sorry you have to go through this.

As far as the house, I think I would cut my losses now and sell. Can you sell it for what you owe on the mortgage? Maybe you won't make a profit, but could come close to breaking even???? Even if you can't, I think I'd cut my losses and sell.

Whem my brother and his first wife were getting divorced, he stayed in their apartment, she left. She was cheating. He said, in retrospect, that he wished he had left instead, because it was harder to be in the house where they "used" to live. He would look around and think "we bought that little table at the antique store when we were in Maine" or "there's the picture of us on vacation in Mexico" and so forth. He felt like not having all those reminders/memories of happier times would have made the transition easier.

In your case, a 5BR house is big for one person. If you can get people to rent rooms, then you're a landlord and what if they don't pay and do you want strangers in the house and so on and so forth.

I say cut your losses and sell. Does DH make more than you? Is the divorce his doing? Can you get alimony from him? An attorney can probably advise you best.

 

[dcforbreakfast]

Add me to the growing list of dis'ers giving you hugs. Been there, done that, trust me MUCH BETTER DAYS ARE AHEAD. I agree to sell the house and take the loss. You will not want the memories and it will get lonely in a big house by yourself. You want a FRESH start! Some place cool that reflects your new found self (which you will find in time).

In addition to the excellent advice here about DEFINITELY getting a lawyer, I would also say it would be great if you could go see a psychologist too. It really saved me from what could have been a nervous breakdown (I was married to someone who turned out to be a really awful person).

I never thought I'd be one of "those" people who needed a shrink, but it was awesome. It was wonderful having someone objective explain it all for me and help me realize the failed marriage didn't mean "I" was a failure.