Divorce and DisneyWorld question

[horseshowmom]

I have to echo - DO NOT DO THIS WITHOUT AN ATTORNEY. Trust me - DH and his ex "shared" an attorney and we have spent tens of thousands back in court fixing what the shared attorney did wrong.

You get what you pay for with attorneys.

Get EVERYTHING in your order that you can possibly imagine - visitation, support, when support stops, health insurance coverage, extra medical expenses like orthodontics and deductibles, etc... No detail is too minute.

Good luck. I agree with others that the ex is already starting to manipulate you. Get everything in writing ASAP.

I agree with this post. I have intimate knowledge of a couple who also shared a lawyer, and the husband lived to regret it (also spent thousands of dollars as mentioned above, but it's hard to get an order changed without a material change in circumstances). He was naive and thought they could work things out without realizing how much could go wrong in the future.

I also agree with putting as much into writing as possible (as detailed as you can, as I mentioned before). It can prevent arguments later. The less that is left to interpretation, the better off both parties and the children will be (human nature being what it is sometimes).

Also, there are definitely people who have decrees that state that one party cannot take the child(ren) out of state without the other parent giving permission. It sounds like a nightmare to me, but I know of people who have had to deal with it.

 

[disneydancemom]

i really appreciate all the replies, and i am so glad i havent gone along with the do-it-yourself deal...i was happy because custody was going to be a non-issue...but he's so uninvolved/disinterested anyway that I really dont think it will be an issue anyway. To the PP who asked...yes I am initiating it...not the most faithful fellow in the world if you know what i mean, and I have had it. He is going to be out of state in about a week, which is when I intend to officially file, so i dont have to deal with him when i actually do it (he knows its happening though, but again, he has the denial thing happening) . I am taking the advice of getting EVERYTHING in writing.

thanks all

 

[cheermom1]

You might not be divorced by then however if you are you can do this: Have it state in the papers that either parent can and have the right to take the kids on vacation and they do not need permission to do so but each parent must tell the other of their plans and contact info.

I know this as this is how it states in my dh's paper work. It doesn't give the other parent a choice to say no just that they have that right and it must be in their parenting time frame and they must give the other parent the contact info.

I know you are thinking that he may not sign it with that kind of language however if he doesn't that means you are not divorced and can still take them with out getting in trouble. Only way you could is if he signs paper work on being separated but then even then they will address that before it is finalized so you are still in the same boat to take them

Hope that helps

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

i really appreciate all the replies, and i am so glad i havent gone along with the do-it-yourself deal...i was happy because custody was going to be a non-issue...but he's so uninvolved/disinterested anyway that I really dont think it will be an issue anyway. To the PP who asked...yes I am initiating it...not the most faithful fellow in the world if you know what i mean, and I have had it. He is going to be out of state in about a week, which is when I intend to officially file, so i dont have to deal with him when i actually do it (he knows its happening though, but again, he has the denial thing happening) . I am taking the advice of getting EVERYTHING in writing.

thanks all

Just because he is uninvolved now doesn't mean he always will be. He could turn out to be your worst nightmare if he sees that he can use the kids to get back at you. Do not underestimate what someone can do - especially someone who doesn't want the divorce in the first place.

Get an attorney. A good one. Research divorce forums online and look at what others have in their decree. If you want to PM me, I can give you a list of what is in DH's now and what is in mine. My ex and I are very close friends but we still put every detail we could think of in writing so that there would be no arguing later. DH's ex is a nightmare to deal with - she has to control everything and the poor children suffer.

Good luck to you and do what you have to do to protect yourself and the children from any future manipulation.

 

[badblackpug]

Are you legally separated? If not, you will not be legally divorced in the state of NJ by July. It is a long process, 18 months from the date of separation. BTDT. Anyway, when you legally separate, you need to file for child support and custody then. It may only be temporary until the writ of divorce. If you share legal custody, you may need his permission to take the kids out of state. It will, actually, be easy to do, but you will need to schedule a court date (more attorney fees) to get permission to do so. Most judges pretty much just grant it, especially when you show up with your WDW vacation itinerary, but it is just the hassle of going through it. Just make sure, if your ex is giving you a problem about it that you make sure you file soon enough to get a court date before your final cancellation date.

 

[clh2]

I agree with everyone else. Lawyer up. Protect the interests of you and your children.

If your husband is getting snarky about 1 trip to WDW - and the kids are only 9 and 2 (hope I got that right) - limiting you to staying in New Jersey until they are 18 is an AWFUL condition. What if you wanted to go to out of state for the weekend - even to a neighboring state?

He is trying to control you. While the original post was ONLY regarding a trip to WDW - it has way deeper implications on the rest of your children's childhood years.

 

[Lorelei Lee]

I agree, lawyer up.

You're thinking short term. You ultimately need to think long term, what works now won't work when your kids are older. Mine were very young when we divorced and they are in college now, and things do change.

Make sure you actually understand the terms of your divorce agreement/order. A friend of mine went on a tear when his ex took their daughter to Pennsylvania for the weekend. His divorce judgment said she couldn't move out of NY. He thought it meant she couldn't vacation outside of NY.

Another friend had a major fight with her ex when she moved from Long Island to Westchester County. It took her ex 30 minutes to drive from his house to hers on Long Island. It took him the same 30 minutes to drive from his house to Westchester but he had to pay tolls on the Throg's Neck Bridge. He took her to court. He lost, but she had to pay a lawyer.

 

[Lorelei Lee]

Interesting reading

http://www.njlawnet.com/njlawreview/divorceoverview.html

if you go with grounds like "adultery" you don't have to wait 18 months like you do for a separation agreement.

I also see that NJ allows you to have been living in the same house and still be "separated".


In my NY divorce my ex and I agreed to a legal fiction that we were living apart in yhe same house for a year before we filed for divorce. Sped things up in court. Court was more concerned with custody, visitation, child support and the division of marital assets than with grounds for divorce.